Ninih Muthmainnah Muhsin

December 9th, 2006, in News, by Patung

Aa Gym’s first wife Ninih Muthmainnah Muhsin discusses her situation.

Ninih Muthmainnah Muhsin, the head of the Muslimah Center at the Yayasan Daarut Tauhid in Bandung, and normally called Teteh Ninih, said in Batam on the 6th that being a madu, or co-wife, was not a sad thing but beautiful, because she was able to look at things from more than just the physical side.

Ninih Muthmainnah Muhsin.

Then she recalled how she felt upon the prospect of meeting her husband’s new bride, Alfarini Eridani, for the first time. Not knowing what to say she just smiled, and, she told her audience, she did not punch her, this last comment being greeted with laughter.

Seeing her husband leave her for his other home was not pleasant:

It hurts when Aa goes there [to his other wife].
(Rasanya panas, kalau Aa lagi di sana. Huhh)

Stoically however she said feeling jealous was just a natural form of love for one’s husband and noted the example of Aisyah, who was one of Muhammad’s numerous wives, and who always felt such a feeling when Muhammad was off with another member of his harem. [1]

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Tags: Celebrities, Religion

63 Comments on “Ninih Muthmainnah Muhsin”

Rockstar Says:
December 9th, 2006 at 5:00 am
said in Batam on the 6th that being a madu, or co-wife, was not a sad thing but beautiful

we certainly live in a sick world
CA94 Says:
December 9th, 2006 at 9:53 am
Good for you Teh Ninih, I hope that’s true (for you)
Ismail Says:
December 9th, 2006 at 10:46 am
Well mohammed and his god are wrong, that means polygamy is alway wrong under any situation, either in the time of war or peace, widows (orphans) can be looked after in other ways, other than “Muslims marrying them to protect them”, how lame!

Islam is a perfect way to disobey the God of the bible and still feel like you are serving god. It’s really a sick world.
bill Says:
December 9th, 2006 at 12:52 pm
I don’t think that both Jesus Christ and Prophet Muhammad taught their followers to attack other people’s religion. So whoever attack other people’s religions, they must be not the follower of Jesus nor Prophet Muhammad. If you people are followers of these two great men, then proof it and behave like them!!!

What are you trying to get by attacking each other? It shows that those who attack other people religion are bunch of uneducated people, selfish and losers. They do not even deserve to live on this earth.

Whether Aa Gym wants to have 2,3 or 4 wives, it is his life. It won’t effect your freaking life. As for Teteh Ninih…either she loves her husband so much and she is willing to sacrifice but how can you know her heart…it is unknown to mankind about this heart feeling.

It seems that Indonesian people like to argue a simple thing that will not have any benefit at all! No wonder your country and specially your government never solve the corruption cases which the rest of the world think is more important. Polygamy or prostitution is an old subject that has been happening for a long time ago…n no point to discuss it…Wake up dudes!!! Get a life!!!
Anonymous Says:
December 9th, 2006 at 1:08 pm
classic.
people of different religions fighting because they believe in different ‘gods’.
why can someone be so sure that the god that he/she believes in is the right and the only one.
what good are religions if they only make people attack each other.
I was taught at school that god is ‘maha penyayang’, ‘maha pengasih’, ‘maha pemaaf’, etc, etc, etc… all good attributes.
I direct this question to everybody: do you believe that your god is well described by those attributes?
I believe my god is. And I know for sure that I don’t have to hurt anyone who doesn’t have the same belief as mine.

before somebody asks,
Am I an atheist? No, I believe that god exists.
Which god exactly? Nothing specific. Does it even matter?
Rockstar Says:
December 9th, 2006 at 1:53 pm
Whether Aa Gym wants to have 2,3 or 4 wives, it is his life. It won’t effect your freaking life.

hehehe ya, well it won’t effect my friggin life bill, but certainly I’m alergy to hypocrite.. it’s better if he’s just be a normal regular people and not telling people how to live their life
as i say this again and again, this has nothing to do with being Moslem or Christian, i just hate that kind of people.

but cmon bill, it’s not just Indonesian, I don’t know where you are from but I don’t believe that you -in your life- never argue about a small thing.. just admit it.. we all do.

for example today, my co-worker argued about why he wasn’t invited in today’s lunch.. hehehe wasn’t that crazy bill?
Ismail Says:
December 9th, 2006 at 3:51 pm
bill, i mean no disrespect, but you are a mixed up fellow and i am sure you know nothing about Jesus. Jesus won’t let evil like polygamy go without talking about it please read, Matt 19…., offcourse religious people who implied that it was ok to marry a couple of times, he told them to there face that they were wrong. and please go study the two personalities, however, mohammed attacked Christians and Jews, he twisted bible character and made them in his own image, he insulted our fundamental Christian principle and made Christ look inferior to himself, inspite of his imperfections and flaws. he was vile, immoral and wicked. Jesus was perfect in life,death and resurections. wow

stop lumping them together, cause they so different(mohammed and Jesus), its simply black and white, evil and good. darkness and light.

finally polygamy is adultery and there sin, it disrespect to our wives, it distroy society, offcourse its Aa’s choice, his disregarding new wife and his living-in-denial old wife. but the truth must be told simple.

mohammed and Allah are wrong about polygamy being right, cause its not, its a sin before the God of the bible and his Christ.
Josh Says:
December 9th, 2006 at 4:25 pm
Stoically however she said feeling jealous was just a natural form of love for one’s husband and noted the example of Aisyah, who was one of Muhammad’s numerous wives, and who always felt such a feeling when Muhammad was off with another member of his harem.

Jealousy has been clinically and medically proven to be a form of ANGER and unhealthy to the physical being.

What AA Gym has done is a disgrace to all, a disgrace tro his profession and a disgrace to his “ORIGINAL” wife.

He is supposed to be a religous leader. His 2 wives situation is a joke.

But….alas…. he claims that the Quran allows this.

I DARE ANYONE TO FIND THIS IN THE QURAN, THE BIBLE, THE TORAH or any other book of god.

Did he give the family of the new wife 14 camels too as a token of his wealth?
Ismail Says:
December 9th, 2006 at 5:57 pm
josh, Christians are told to follow the words of Christ and he told us to marry just one wife, and he said divorce is not acceptable. but the prophet of Islam married more than 10 wives and he his allowed to also have sex with slave girls.

the verses you requested for,

Qur’an 4:3 “If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with orphans, marry women of your choice who seem good to you, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to do justice (to so many), then only one, or (a slave) that you possess, that will be more suitable. And give the women their dower as a free gift; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, eat it with enjoyment, take it with right good cheer and absorb it (in your wealth).”

Qur’an 33:50 “O Prophet! We have made lawful to you all the wives to whom you have paid dowers; and those whom your hands possess out of the prisoners of war spoils whom Allah has assigned to you; and daughters of your paternal uncles and aunts, and daughters of your uncles and aunts, who migrated with you; and any believing woman if the Prophet wishes her; this is a privilege for you only, and not for the rest of the Believers; We know what We have appointed for them as to their wives and the captives whom they possess; in order that there should be no difficulty for you and that you should be free from blame.”

since the prophet is the ideal example for Muslims to follow. i guess it follows to copy every bit of his life. including his polygamy.

but let me state again that, Jesus Christ called it adultery, therefore a sin.
Mohammed Khafi Says:
December 9th, 2006 at 9:46 pm
Ismail,

I see you have been delving into the Muslim haters translation of Al Quran again!

In 4:3, What your translation calls “a slave” in Al Quran is actually the term “ma malakat aymanukum” which means “what you rightfully possess” or “what you [already] have”.

In 33:52, the Prophet is forbidden to marry any more women in spite of their beauty except to MARRY only the slave girls or prisoners of war referred in 60:10, to make them part of the family and give them status. This was an exeption given only to The Prophet as he has been the only person deemed fit by Allah to treat his wives justly and fairly.

If anybody wishes to read more on this subject please see The Quranic Teachings
bill Says:
December 10th, 2006 at 12:39 am
How can you just a person from reading his comment at this site ? before judging a person, you should know the whole damn thing, then you say whatever you want to say. Is there anything in Bibles saying that if you are a Christian, you can attack Muslims and Jews without knowing what their teachings are ? Also if you are a Muslim, is there anything in Quran or Hadiths saying that you can attack other non Islamic followers ? Also if you are a Jew, is there anyting about attacking other religion in Torah ? If someone says that one religion did that and this this person should back his/her statement with some references. Just dont accuse based on your opinion without any facts !

Did anybody here who are not Muslims ever learn or read about the whole Islamic teachings ? Also the same thing for those who are Muslims, did all of you know about other religions teachings ? or just knowing the world polygamy and make a comments on it based on your prejudice and ignorance. or it is because Jesus never get marry and Prophet Muhammad has several wives..and the argument based on this without knowing the circustances and knowldege from sides ?

Shouldn’t be if you are Christians, Muslims or Jews to preach your own religions ? If all religions are attacking each other, do people need religion then ?
CA94 Says:
December 10th, 2006 at 8:18 am
Teh Ninih, you don’t try to encourage women to accept polygamy, do you? Please don’t. Even if you’re happy in it, I believe polygamy is wrong and nobody should get involved.
Bradlymail Says:
December 10th, 2006 at 3:33 pm
Teh Ninih the way you expressed yourself, you feel unhappy with polygamy, you feel hurt and heart-broken. Please don’t deny it!

Bill I agreed with your comment earlier:

I don’t think that both Jesus Christ and Prophet Muhammad taught their followers to attack other people’s religion. Ismail I think you are too much already and please mind your words”¦
Mohammed Khafi Says:
December 10th, 2006 at 7:12 pm
Bill said:

I don’t think that both Jesus Christ and Prophet Muhammad taught their followers to attack other people’s religion.

Quite correct Bill, Al Quran says:

“Surely those who believe, those who are Jews, and the Christians, and the Sabians, whoever believes in God and the Last day and does good, they shall have their reward from their Lord, and there is no fear for them, nor shall they grieve.” 2:62

Unfortunately mainstream Muslims are taught that only their religious practices lead to heaven, despite these clear words from Allah.

Allah confirms that this is the case when he is talking about the places within which he is worshipped:

“Those who have been expelled from their homes without a just cause except that they say: Our Lord is God. And had there not been God’s repelling some people by others, certainly there would have been pulled down cloisters and churches and synagogues and mosques in which Allah’s name is much remembered; and surely Allah will help him who helps His cause; most surely Allah is Strong, Mighty.” 22:40

When I see mainstream Muslims tearing down churches, it saddens me that they are not aware of their own lords words.

Anybody who wants to see how The Prophet behaved towards those of other faiths only needs to read the text of a charter of freedom to the monks of St. Catherine Monastery in Mt. Sinai which he sent in 628 CE. The document purported to be signed by The Prophet himself survives to this day.

This document consisted of several clauses covering all aspects of human rights, including such topics as the protection of Christians living under Islamic rule, freedom of worship and movement, freedom to appoint their own judges and to own and maintain their property, exemption from military service, and the right to protection in war.

Here is the letter written to the monks. This letter was written at a time when no one was talking about freedom of religion, pluralism or protection of human life.

“This is a message from Muhammad ibn Abdullah, as a covenant to those who adopt Christianity, near and far, we are with them. Verily I, the servants, the helpers, and my followers defend them, because Christians are my citizens; and by Allah! I hold out against anything that displeases them.

No compulsion is to be on them. Neither are their judges to be removed from their jobs nor their monks from their monasteries.

No one is to destroy a house of their religion, to damage it, or to carry anything from it to the Muslims’ houses. Should anyone take any of these, he would spoil God’s covenant and disobey His Prophet. Verily, they are my allies and have my secure charter against all that they hate.

No one is to force them to travel or to oblige them to fight. The Muslims are to fight for them. If a female Christian is married to a Muslim, it is not to take place without her approval. She is not to be prevented from visiting her church to pray.

Their churches are to be respected. They are neither to be prevented from repairing them nor the sacredness of their covenants. No one of the nation (Muslims) is to disobey the covenant till the Last Day (end of the world).”

This document is historical evidence of the character of The Prophet, it is not the nonsensical heresay of Sunnah and Hadith which have corrupted the true character of Islam and which the haters of Islam use as a weapon against it.

True Islam is about pluralism, tolerance, and the renunciation of violence and compulsion in religion.
lili Says:
December 10th, 2006 at 9:15 pm
Only God knows what teh Ninih truly feels. I’ll only pray for the best.
Yes people, let us all not attack each others’ religion as doing so will not make one’s life any better and I believe we all wanted peace. Ultimately, everyone will face death alone and only him/her will know what is there to greet them in the after world. The best one can give to the other fellow humankind is their prayer and best wishes.
God bless us all.
Rockstar Says:
December 11th, 2006 at 12:17 am
bill, i agree with you but I don’t see you understand the whole point.. we -at least me and a few others- are not bashing AA because of his religion.. it’s the whole damn hypocrisy thing.. and i just can’t stand of it.

i believe in diversity however.
Dimp Says:
December 11th, 2006 at 7:55 am
“being a madu, or co-wife, was not a sad thing but beautiful…. It hurts when Aa goes there [to his other wife].”

If it is a beautiful thing, then you should not feel hurtful….
Ihaknt Says:
December 11th, 2006 at 10:41 am
if i post my comment will you delete it?

i just wanna say that teh nini must be in a very difficult situation.stand up for yourself honey…you will be ok if you divorce him.
Dimp Says:
December 11th, 2006 at 11:27 am
Hi Ihaknt,

I think she is in a difficult situation because she is painting herself into the corner here, now if she wants to get a divorce she will contradict herself saying that a wife has to follow her husband to get into Heaven.

Come on all Moslem sisters wake up!!!
Ihaknt Says:
December 11th, 2006 at 11:44 am
i think there should be more to it to go to heaven than just being obedient to a husband…wotif u obey ur husband but slander other people, commit murders, and actually mendendam inside…this is rhetorical question, not directed to teh nini. i mean, to go to heaven is not enough just to accomplish your kewajiban right? you also have to be a good person. khafi can you answer me, please?
Dede Says:
December 11th, 2006 at 2:42 pm
I have no comment for all the argument above…
I am a Muslim too but hey… let people open their mouth as they wish… what matter is your believe and leave the rest in peace…

Teh Ninih is trying her best so far and let’s wait and see what will happen to them… i think they will do good… trust me!

Me…? no please no poligamy! that hurts!!!
Mohammed Khafi Says:
December 11th, 2006 at 3:20 pm
Ihaknt said:

i mean, to go to heaven is not enough just to accomplish your kewajiban right?

According to the Hadith it is enough!:
“Um Salma said the messenger of God said; “If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise”

God never said in the Quran that obeying your husband is a criterion to enter paradise. Obeying your husband comes from the mutual respect and love that God talked about in the Quran. If going to Heaven means cooking the favorite food of your husband, massaging his feet, wash his clothes and allow him to take a second or third wife, this could be an easy way out of all your religious duties. That is what Satan wants to put in the minds of those who do not want to follow the Quran.
MAS MACHMOOD Says:
December 12th, 2006 at 3:50 am
Dear Mdm Ninih Muthmainnah Muhsin,

Chill lady. Here’s something to ponder in your confusion.

Never rely on men! When things are not going well, there is always something you can count on - your fingers.

Wishing you the best of luck. All the best.
Dimp Says:
December 12th, 2006 at 5:35 am
Hi Khafi,

True that obeying your husband comes from mutual respect, one question when Aa Gym said that he wants to marry another woman, does this mean that he no longer respect Teh Ninih, and with that he forfeits his demand for his self-respect as well?

Thanks.
Ihaknt Says:
December 12th, 2006 at 7:48 am
PHEW!!! So I have a chance to enter paradise!!! Thanks Khafi….because I always stand up for myself if my husband starts to get annoying. I think apart from religion as a guidance in life, one must also use what God almighty himself gave us…BRAIN hence common sense! Hands up if you agree!
Josh Says:
December 12th, 2006 at 10:07 am
Again….the most intelligent comments seem to come from a woman. Bless ya’ girl.

COMMON SENSE. Both my hands are up. Common sense is always the predominate factor. God did give us all a brain.

As for all these “who will” and “who won’t” enter paradise, has God gone on vacation and given this duty to someone on http://www.Indonesiamatters.com?

Is all the wisdom of God summed up into one book?

Or…..

Did God recognize in his wisdom that man could never be able to accurately pass down His true words and meanings so God gave us all brains to sort out the difference?

COMMON SENSE. This is why I enjoy women more. They actually have some.
Ihaknt Says:
December 12th, 2006 at 10:49 am
Intelligent women are sexier…maybe that’s why aa took a second wife…maybe Teh Nini is too obedient so no more challenge…but I don’t know…no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. Whatever it is hope Teh Nini will come to her senses and whoop aa’s sorry behind!
Dimp Says:
December 12th, 2006 at 11:36 am
Hi Ihaknt,

Sorry to have to tell you this, but I think “common sense” was killed, I think the perpetrator is “politically correct” that have gone mad.
Mohammed Khafi Says:
December 12th, 2006 at 1:40 pm
Ihaknt,

Thank you for putting it so clearly!

Common sense, reasoning and understanding are many times mentioned in Al Quran, unfortunately few Mainstream Islamic teachers will tell people this, as they don’t want people to think, they just want people to blindly follow what they say.

O man), follow not that whereof thou hast no knowledge. Lo! the hearing and the sight and the heart - of each of these it will be asked. 17:36

“It is He Who brought you forth from the wombs of your mothers when ye knew nothing; and He gave you hearing and sight and intelligence and affections: that ye may give thanks.”. 16:78

It is He Who has created for you (the faculties of) hearing, sight, feeling and understanding: little thanks it is ye give! 23:78

—–

Dimp said:

True that obeying your husband comes from mutual respect, one question when Aa Gym said that he wants to marry another woman, does this mean that he no longer respect Teh Ninih, and with that he forfeits his demand for his self-respect as well?

I don’t think any of us can see into somebody else’s heart unless we are married to them or they are our offspring, and even then sometimes we can deceive ourselves, perhaps he still does respect Teh Ninih in some way.

Regarding his self respect, again who knows apart from Aa Gym himself, it depends totally on his own view of himself.

He has certainly lost my respect, although I have never been a great fan of his “pop culture style” and his use of religion for capitalist purposes, he did at least project a new dynamism into Islam in this country, he preached religious and family values in a way that the ordinary people could understand and relate to.

As far as I am concerned he turned that all on its head when he took a second wife, he has clearly taken sources other than Al Quran for guidance and on top of that he has broken the 1974 Marriage Law. Not content with that he has tried to cover his mistakes behind a mask of religion.
Ihaknt Says:
December 12th, 2006 at 6:03 pm
MK said (can i abbreviate your name?)

Common sense, reasoning and understanding are many times mentioned in Al Quran, unfortunately few Mainstream Islamic teachers will tell people this, as they don’t want people to think, they just want people to blindly follow what they say.

cant agree with you more…look at taliban. it really saddens me when i read books about how great some Middle Eastern countries used to be. Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, etc. I could not even believe the fotos. so advanced, so beautiful, but now…just literally war-torn countries. surely, Allah himself DOES NOT like this, nor want this for any of His creatures…
or could it be He makes them fight with each other because He wants to show the rest of the world that if you take religion (or anything for that matter) too fanatically, and not use any common sense then you just become that…a shell with useless brain and just fight with each other. im not even talking about different religions, just different branches of Islam…

sigh…people…brain is such a great organ, use it appropriately! if it’s kambing’s brain then eat it…its yummy!
VIA Says:
December 12th, 2006 at 6:03 pm
Whatever decision you made Teh Ninih, you must feel comfortable with it and enjoy it. If you dont, you let yourself to be abused by your husband. That abuse will never be healthy for your relationship. So you can always try that decision, lets see what happen for the next of couple of weeks or months or years. Once you try it and you dnt feel comfortable anymore, please don’t be afraid to get out from that decision. At anytime you have the right to get out from that decision. You can always change your mind at anytime. Dont be scared to say “NO” after you said “YES”. You must remember that its better alone rather than sick with your partner. Getting divorce isnt the end of the world. You can always find happiness after sadness. You can always find a better partner or husband in the future if you are willing to find one. I’m sure you are going to be fine once you change your mind in the future to get out from that relationship once you feel that you cnt handle it anymore. Ok good luck! All the best.
malaika Says:
December 13th, 2006 at 8:00 pm
Aa Gym was someone I respected. Now no more.

How pathetic it is that a man who should have known better, managed to convince the wife that her reward of letting him cheat, will be given by God Himself.

How would he know that?! And his claim that he doesn’t recommend polygamy to people because many men might not be able to be fair, so he’s implying that he’s better than us mortals?

Aa Gym, your God will judge you eventually.. that, is a fact.
Parvita Says:
December 13th, 2006 at 9:26 pm
Taking care of seven children, and with all her life being around Aa Gym, I don’t think she will file for divorce. Takes a lot of bravery to file for divorce. Only strong women can do this here in Indonesia. I’ve met lots of married women who are not happy but yet they stay in the marriage either because they are too lazy to go through it, because of the kids, financially dependant, or plain scared to live alone where being divorced is still a big stigma in this country.

So, Teh Ninih, if you decide to be the first wife, be a smart one. Make sure all the accounts, cars, properties are on your name..

When a man can take a second wife, I believe that he is also capable of taking 3, 4, etc…
Ihaknt Says:
December 14th, 2006 at 8:52 am
Parvita,

I like the way you think…Mmmmmmm, you got me thinking now! Thanks girl!

Make sure all the accounts, cars, properties are on your name.
Dimp Says:
December 14th, 2006 at 9:42 am
Hey Ihaknt,

There is such thing as pre-nuptial agreement.

Not sure if this thing exist in Indo though, as you know anything can be twisted there.

Wonder what the rule for Teh Ninih if she actually opt to divorce Aa Gym, will she get anything, I think she prefers the safest option, to be mocked as a weak woman who got forced to accepth the decision by Aa Gym, rather than choosing the uncertainty of single life, as you know, being a “janda” is not easy in Indonesia.
Ihaknt Says:
December 14th, 2006 at 10:19 am
Too late for me, Dimp.

Me already married. As you said “pre-nup”, so it shouldv’e been done BEFORE I got married, sigh it’s ok lah, life goes on. I hope teh nini will be ok. I am sure she has many women to care for her if she needs to cry her eyes out, while aa gym is ‘gyming’ with wife no.2.
Parvita Says:
December 14th, 2006 at 10:49 am
I guess being a first wife doesn’t mean that you have to be weak. Look at Etty Djodi, Setiawan Djodi’s first wife. To me she is strong and smart, smarter than Djodi himself. At the end of the day, the second wife was the one that became berserk. Believe me, there are some smart women that I know out there, where the husband has no choice except to stick with her. How many women are there who knows the husband is fooling around but they don’t file for divorce? Tons of them. A lot of them has powerful husbands. When all the intangible is gone, at least don’t lose the tangible part.

Not everybody is like Dewi Yul or Tri Utami. For them, they don’t want to share husbands. They take the divorce path. First wives can be strong if they can play it right. Though I am speaking as a middle class person, maybe in the lower strata it is different. But we are talking about the middle class and up people, right?

So, it is up to Teh Ninih, be smart, or cry a river. Love is an important factor in a marriage, but having 7 kids, she shouldn’t have time to feel depressed, especially with that level of spirituality. I believe she’ll do just fine, just need to get used to it.
Dimp Says:
December 14th, 2006 at 12:27 pm
Hi Parvita,

I think it’s the perception as being “janda” in Indonesia need to be changed, it seems that being a “janda” can be perceived as a negative thing.
Rudy Hendra Says:
December 14th, 2006 at 1:17 pm
Hey,
Why don’t Teh Ninih, also marry another man, so she have 2 husband?

Hahaha…
That will be more fair for AA Gym.
VIA Says:
December 14th, 2006 at 5:08 pm
Hi “Dimp”, how can “janda” perception in Indonesia can be changed? how long does it take? how do we change it? pls elaborate it! Thanks.
Dimp Says:
December 14th, 2006 at 5:42 pm
Hi Via,

The only way to change this perception is through education, and as we know it the education system in Indonesia is so influenced with hidden agendas. And as long as Indonesians still try to relate everything to religion, I don’t think this can change any time soon.

I don’t mean religion is bad, religion is good to some extent.

Too many Indonesians have been brainwashed with so called morality, I think these people need to open their eyes, start viewing things from different perspectives, try to reach for higher learning, seek the thruth from every angle possible.
Zanni Says:
December 15th, 2006 at 10:44 am
If polygamy is still allowed in some circumstances (and presuming that Indonesia is the country with the largest Islamic population in the world as opposed to being the largest Islamic country in the world) then there is nothing to stop the Government to revise the marriage law to redress the balance and allow women to take extra husbands. After all isn’t Indonesia meant to be striving towards fair rights for women.

With this in mind, I agree with Rudy Hendra that Teh Ninih take a second husband - preferably a “rumput muda” to give Aa Gym a run for his money. There are plenty of unemployed young Indonesian men who would love to have a wife the calibre of Teh Ninih.

As to the concept of Janda, what is the equivalent title given to divorced Indonesian men? I suggest the term goblok!

And what do we call Ah Gym now? How about munafik!
srikandi Says:
December 18th, 2006 at 9:43 am
Romance ends when Marriage begins: (well usually), to those who believe that keeping one marriage / relationship balanced and in harmony an easy thing, please post your advise, cause frankly, keeping a marriage work is HARD WORK!!! And boy, I can certainly use your advice. Between raising children, keeping a career, and a household, who’s got the time & energy to even have an outside romance?

Oh I forgot, this is Indonesia where you can actually hire help to do everything for you, unlike if one is living in the West. (conclusion -x-tra time can lead to x-tra marital activity..hehe)

Relationship vs Sex?: is this discussion really about religion? Frankly before we get into the spiritual realm, lets discuss the practical stuff.

Can I assume that It seems to me that most men who believe in Polygamy (i hope I am totally wrong) seem to think it is about validation of keeping more than one sexual partners according to their religious beliefs. Have they really thought about actually having a relationship with this other person ? actually really getting to know them emotionally/physically and tons of other responsibilities (imagine the extra inlaws/extra family dramas/extra yucky stuff that we have to put up with when we are joining another family) that is a nightmare in itself !!!!
However I can imagine if S***T hits the fan in one family, its convenient to run and spend it w/ the other family… isn’t that so ?

Being Monogamous (sexually) its not Natural : for those of you who believe its not natural to sleep w/ one partner for the rest of your life say Aiiiyyyy!!!

I believe its totally natural to want and do it w/ multiple partners.

So this is not about battle of the sexes or religious prejudice, its merely a game of …:

“Oooh I really feel like sleeping w/ other people than my partner but my cultural norms totally prohibits me to do so.. so I’ll go find a loop hole in the book of the laws to see how much I can get away with it !”

hehehe comical…!!!!!

(Married, in love w/ 2 men and has done absolutely nothing about it.)
sgn Says:
December 19th, 2006 at 12:07 am
1.
To all girls who are anti-polygamy, may I propose the following?

Before you married, ask your candidate if he is pro-polygamy.
If his answer “yes”, don’t marry him.
If his answered unclear, don’t marry him.

2.
Believe me, it is not easy to be a single (janda) with 7 children. I think Teh Ninih has chosen the safest way. Asking for divorce will be worsen the situation. Worse for her husband’s reputation, worse for her Yayasan, worse for her religion, worse for her parent and worse for her. Poor woman.

Perhaps this kind of situation happened to Aisah (sorry to say).

sgn
Zanni Says:
December 19th, 2006 at 3:38 am
Dear SGN

Why should the responsibility lie with Teh Ninih.

Aa Gym has already created a situation which has impacted upon his own reputation, upon Teh Ninih’s Yayasan, her own standing, her religion (yes as many people are angry with Ae Gym and have lost respect for him), upon her Teh Ninih’s parents (who must be very sad their daughter has been treated with such lack of respect).

The only reason divorced women in Indonesia have a hard time is that the law does not sufficiently protect them. As a divorced woman, Teh Ninih by rights should be able to claim maintenance payments from Aa Gym as well as a large chunk of any estate he owns. This is her due - she has spent many years supporting her husband, who doubtless would not be where he is without that support. Then there would be no problem and she could live her life happily without her hypocritical duplicitous husband.
Parvita Says:
December 19th, 2006 at 8:16 am
Has anybody ever thought that Teh Ninih loves Aa Gym? She loves him so much, and has been partners for years, and it’s better for her to be able to love him despite of Aa now divide his attention? Love does strange things.

Dimp: I think the paradigm of ‘janda cerai’ has changed these days in Indonesia (I’m speaking as a middle class citizen living in Jakarta). Divorced women that I met are more open to admit that they are janda, that they left their husbands. Divorce is also mentally dragging, the second most cause of depression is divorce (the first is death). Takes a courage and support from families and friends to make this decision.

Two husbands? I guess us women are smarter than men.
sgn Says:
December 19th, 2006 at 8:31 am
Zanni Says:

December 19th, 2006 at 3:38 am
Dear SGN

Why should the responsibility lie with Teh Ninih.

Aa Gym has already created a situation which has impacted upon his own reputation, upon Teh Ninihï¿½s Yayasan, her own standing, her religion (yes as many people are angry with Ae Gym and have lost respect for him), upon her Teh Ninihï¿½s parents (who must be very sad their daughter has been treated with such lack of respect).

The only reason divorced women in Indonesia have a hard time is that the law does not sufficiently protect them. As a divorced woman, Teh Ninih by rights should be able to claim maintenance payments from Aa Gym as well as a large chunk of any estate he owns. This is her due - she has spent many years supporting her husband, who doubtless would not be where he is without that support. Then there would be no problem and she could live her life happily without her hypocritical duplicitous husband.

Dear Zanni, God bless you.

I agree with you. In this case, the responsibility should not lie with the wife.

I should write:
… I think Teh Ninih has chosen the safest way. She might think that asking for divorce will be worsen the situation….

sgn (who loves his wife very much)

——–

Parvita Says:

December 19th, 2006 at 8:16 am

Has anybody ever thought that Teh Ninih loves Aa Gym? She loves him so much, and has been partners for years, and it’s better for her to be able to love him despite of Aa now divide his attention? Love does strange things.

If that the case, we could differentiate the meaning of “love” between Teh Ninih and his husband. The husband also said “I married to second wife, because I loves Teh Ninih so much”.

God bless Parvita.
Ihaknt Says:
December 19th, 2006 at 8:46 am
Love? or terpaksa? they are two different things. The unknown creates fear. Plus that she is aware that she ia a public figure in some ways. And the majority of people are judgemental. Either way people will talk about her. Yes it could be love, it could also be because she is comfortable in her own familiarity and to make such dramatic move, it does take courage and a lot of support. Friends would normally give support but in her case, maybe the family is also giving pressure and all sort of ‘nasehat’ not to leave him. In my view not getting support from family is harder than initiatin the separation itself.
Dimp Says:
December 19th, 2006 at 9:20 am
Hi Parvita,

The term “janda cerai’ (jc) has certainly eveolved from the old days, but there are still people who look down to jc. The more education people get I think the more people understand that jc does not constitute to negativity.

I cannot say what went accross Teh Ninih mind when Aa Gym said “Hey, I’m gonna get a second wife”, but judging from her comment saying that she is accepting this to get to heaven…. then I am thinking she probably chose to be in this condition because she doesn’t want to be one of the jc.

Hi SGN,

The husband also said “I married to second wife, because I loves Teh Ninih so much”.

Just because someone is saying that she loves his wife doesn’t justify his betrayal of his love. This doesn’t make any sense, if this does make any sense that means people who only have one wife means that he doesn’t love their wives.
Zanni Says:
December 19th, 2006 at 10:25 am
Dear SGN

I am glad to hear you love your wife very much. So is the case with many of my Indonesian friends who are devoted to their respective spouses. I do agree with you that it is difficult for Teh Ninih to ask for a divorce given her social circumstances and background. But one positive thing - she would certainly be aware of the groundswell of support for her.

Also I would like to say that this is a very pleasant forum discussing a potentially inflammatory topic. The posters are serious and respectful of each other and the at times differing opinions. Opinions can be expressed with humour and the forum is mercifully free of the nasty potshots and idiotic comments that clog up so many other forums.

So thank and may the forth coming year bring you all peace and prosperity.

PS saya minta maaf dari orang orang Indonesia yang ikut forum ini. Bahasa Indonesia saya kurang jadi saya harus menulis dalam Bahasa Inggris.
Bradlymail Says:
December 20th, 2006 at 8:02 am
If you love your wife, don’t twice! Forget about polygamy!
sgn Says:
December 20th, 2006 at 10:37 am
Bradlymail Says:

December 20th, 2006 at 8:02 am
If you love your wife, don’t twice! Forget about polygamy!

Agree!!!
For myself, I would never do polygamy.
I love my wife, my children and my parent.

sgn
Eva Says:
December 21st, 2006 at 9:04 pm
Walah!!!
Who’s the lucky lady married with you sgn..
How many of you guys has the same mentality like sgn.. not after what Aa ’s done to his wife… soon, many of you will copy the same…

Good that i am not married and will never be…

Sick of it
JKS Says:
December 25th, 2006 at 4:22 am
I bet most of Muslim ladies want to be AA wife if not concubine, so beat it man, you have another two more to go.

Dont complain ladies, you worship a boss with four wives, it is your free choice though your head equipped with some brain.

If my Lord Jesus allows me to have six wives, I will go for it.

Unfortunately His command only one wife, and I successfully obey His rule untill now and forever.

Yes, love will conquer your animal lust, learn to control it folks.
sgn Says:
December 26th, 2006 at 10:30 pm
JKS Says:

December 25th, 2006 at 4:22 am
I bet most of Muslim ladies want to be AA wife if not concubine, so beat it man, you have another two more to go.
….
If my Lord Jesus allows me to have six wives, I will go for it.

Unfortunately His command only one wife, and I successfully obey His rule untill now and forever.

Sorry, I’m not convinced you are Jesus follower.

sgn
Hassan Says:
January 2nd, 2007 at 1:09 pm
I’m not going to go into the ‘allowed vs not allowed by religion’ region, but it quite apparent that some of us (if not most) had been indoctrinated to the notion that “love” is equal to “monogamy” in a man-woman relationship. I wonder from which religion’s dogma (values) that notion came from?

Please, let’s not push the dogmas (values) of a certain religion and then declare it as a ‘universal’ value that everyone should comply to.

A’a Gym is not a follower of the religion with that dogma (value) - “love” is equal to “monogamy” - so please, end the polemic. We do not have the right to judge other people’s marital status.

I think that Indonesians had watched to much of those infotaintment garbage and had been ‘brainwashed’ to think that it’s our right to gossip about and even slander other people’s marriage.
Parvita Says:
January 2nd, 2007 at 1:20 pm
Yes, Hassan, I agree.
I think it is possible to love two women equally.

I had a married man said that he loved me but he also loved his wife and would not divorce her. Yet he complained about his relationship with his wife.

Indecisive Jerk
Hassan Says:
January 4th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
Parvita: that sounds bad. C’est la vie

I was just curious, hypothetically speaking, personally IF you had the power to determine what the guy should do, which one would you have him done:

a. divorce his wive and marry you.

b. not divorce his wive and things will continue like it was before.
Parvita Says:
January 5th, 2007 at 7:48 am
Hahaha, Hassan, this should go to private discussion!
Hassan Says:
January 9th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
sgn Says:
January 10th, 2007 at 7:18 pm
Parvita Says:

January 5th, 2007 at 7:48 am
Hahaha, Hassan, this should go to private discussion!

sent to this address Hassan.m@hotmail.com

hahahahaaa….. believe it or not.
Chintya Says:
January 18th, 2007 at 1:31 am
Hi Bill,

You wrote on your Dec 10 comments

before judging a person, you should know the whole damn thing, then you say whatever you want to say.

You are right about that but you are doing exactly the same thing, do not judge the Indonesian for the corroption unless you know the complication of the situation. I am Indonesian spends half of my time abroad and work in Indonesian environment closely with expats from all over the countries.

You seems to think yourself smart in making all those comments, maybe you are I do not know but becareful in maing comments, not only religion can make people fights. I also can tell you all about the non Indonesian but well we should not start a war in this already full of hatred world.
Gini Says:
September 29th, 2007 at 9:19 am
Definetely, we live in the sick world, how come you Ninih feel good when your husband abused you emotionally. If I were you, I left him! It is a pity most indonesian women are very submissive with their husband’s authority. Hey women you have choice you have power to do what you want. Don’t be silly such Ninih did. I am sure she is hurt so much, but she pretend to hide it because she confused who will feed her if she divorce from her bad husband, shame on you ninih and gym! I am worry with the future of their children, I am sure they will be affected, probably not now, because they are too young but let’s see the next 10 years, something horrible might happen with that weird family