Mr P & Miss V: Sex Advice

Sep 9th, 2009, in Internet, by

SeksTales of Mr P and Miss V, the frank and explicit sexual advice on news websites.

The news website Liputan6's Health section has recently run a series of sex advice columns, like the "Six Mistakes Men Make During Sex", the mistakes being: l6

  1. Over enthusiasm, being too randy and skipping foreplay
  2. Penetrating too deep
  3. Thrusting from the waist area instead of moving the hips
  4. Eating too much goat meat
  5. Forcing themselves when they are not fit
  6. Withdrawing too quickly and then rudely going to sleep

While another piece titled "How to Make Love in a Car Comfortably" is a translated version of an AskMen.com article in the United States, and recommends the following areas for vehicular love making:

  • front passenger seat
  • back seat
  • outside, like on the bonnet/hood
  • while driving

Rose, a commentator on the Liputan6 article, warns that this kind of advice is not suitable for Indonesians or in accordance with eastern values, while another commenter advises l6

Get a room!

Other articles in the series include a comprehensive 12 point guide to orally pleasuring one's wife, discussion of one night stands, masturbatory issues, and instructions on how to measure a penis correctly. l6

In the latter piece, "Self Confidence & Measuring Your Mr P" those who are ready to get out a ruler are told to measure from the upper side of the shaft, not the lower, which is cheating.

It is said that average penis length when erect, as reported by an American website, is 13 to 15cm. More than that, and you can be pretty happy with yourself. However these 'average' numbers are based on American studies, and there is no mention of whether Indonesian men are likely to measure up.


21 Comments on “Mr P & Miss V: Sex Advice”

  1. avatar Chris says:

    Gotta love the “Related Stories” link:

    Jusuf Kalla’s Ambitions

  2. avatar rayner says:

    I found your post most interesting. Eastern values, what exactly do you mean? The East has such a different range of values that it entirely depends on which country you are in. I don’t know too much about Indonesian values at all. Learning as I go along. The article below was written to try to warn my Government that we in the West are going to pay far to high a price for oil, not to mention the death and destruction that we are wreaking on the inhabitants of Afghanistan. We do really need to put our own house in order before we try to keep asserting our way of life as if it is better. We are no longer an Imperialist power thank goodness.

    Why we can never win the war in Afghanistan.
    Most Taliban warriors are very sexually frustrated. In common with most Muslim men, they are unable to have what we in the West would regard as normal sexual relationships with women, until they can afford to get married. While they may be happy with that, there are hidden consequences.
    There is no such thing as the normal dating relationships that most adolescents experience in the West. Neither are there alternative means of satisfying these desires. There is no prostitution or homosexuality permitted in such communities.
    A man must serve his time as a warrior with such temptations such as alcohol and women forbidden to him. Marriage is a far off option as he has little likelihood of being able to earn enough money to marry until he is in his thirties or much older.
    So thus it becomes quite clear why Afghanistan has always defeated the West and Russia in war. As they will again. A fighting force who faces death willingly, and a keen desire to experience the delights of rivers of wine, ample food, and the sexual delights of 74 virgins for all eternity, is almost invincible. Such a belief is a very powerful motivator for ensuring a constant supply of willing recruits, who face death with equanimity.
    Even those who learn from Inmans in Europe have been taught by men who absorbed such beliefs in Muslim countries, and are fanatical for passing on such ideas. No wonder most families of suicide bombers rejoice in the martyrdom of their beloved sons.

  3. avatar Brother Mouzone says:

    In common with most Muslim men, they are unable to have what we in the West would regard as normal sexual relationships with women, until they can afford to get married.

    Hehe… not sure that one is true of Indonesian Muslims. There is a phenomenal amount of premarital nooky going on here… In fact, I have always been surprised by just how open about sex Indonesians are in general.

    Working in an office with plenty of married Indonesian lasses, I am frequently taken aback by just how often the conversation turns to hide-the-sausage stories and jokes that would get them in trouble back in the UK.

    Even those who learn from Inmans in Europe

    Is that Inmans as in the family of the late John Inman of “Are you Being Served” and pantomime fame? I heard that they were secretly a bunch of radical islamists. Thanks for confirming this.

  4. avatar Andre P. Siregar says:

    While I could care less about these “advice” columns, its placement between serious news really creates a negative impact on the credibility of the news site. These advice columns — especially those with raunchy titles — are not journalism. Can you imagine the front page of The New York Times or The Wall Street Journal adorned with sex advices?

  5. avatar RobinHood says:

    “Most Taliban warriors are very sexually frustrated.” I wonder where did he (rayner) get this crooked idea. I’d sailed the internet for years already and what I found out so far is that the people who always complain about their inedequacies in sexual relationship are the western people themselves especially the non-muslims. They even have their own columns, their own pages and even their own doctors and advisers. Do we have such problems in Muslim societies be they are in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Indonesia or Malaysia? No, we don’t have that problems at all. We are taught sex education since we are very young. Our religions classes always include sex education. So, there is no problem for Muslim couples to have safe, enjoyable, desirable and profitable sex (they produce many children eg. Indonesia). So, what is the fuss all about?
    I pity at the western non-muslim people. They always have problem with their sex lives. But they try to cover it up with their way of life; eg. they thrive on free sex. Why? So that they can try out, to experiment so to say, all the ideas that they have concocted in their heads, what they think is the best way to enjoy sex. But almost all of them are nonsense. And the ones that they finally manage to attain as the best sex is actually what Muslims have been doing all this while! Pity… Pity…
    And the end result of their experiments, always the same conclusion: Their beautiful girls and pretty women are always the victims! When these ladies were young, they were exploited and made to believe that they are progressive and modern if they indulge in free sex. The men always think of new ways to make these girls drop down their skirts and panties: Through movies, advertisements, songs, singers, actresses, books, magazines etc. And drugs! Yes, don’t ever forget the evil effect of drugs. Including alcohol. Nowadays, their methods are getting easier because of the availability of internet. It has become very easy now to go into their victims’ rooms, bypassing their parents control and coerce these young victims to make themselves available to the monsters who are ever hungry for their next young victim! Now the victims are the ones who rebels against their parents, after reading and oogling at all the photos and videos coming through the internet. And they use the freedom of this and the freedom of that to help them escape from the clutch of their loving parents. What parents want to see the destruction of their adorable children? Even parents with no religion inclination also don’t want their children to become preys of the monsters. But what can modern parents do to protect their children from the sadistic monsters? If they try to counter the advancement of the monsters onto their daughters, they’ll be labelled with all the nastiest and cruellest things that they’ll find themselves faced with. The monsters will even get a court order to prevent the parents from protecting their daughters. Can you believe that; in the name of modernity, progress and all the bullshit!
    What happened to the girls. After the monsters have had their desire and lust fulfilled, they’ll just discard the girls. So the girls go and look for another branch to hang from so to speak. And this will go on and on until there is no one to turn to and finally the girls support themselves by becoming a whore!!!
    Well, I concede that not all of them become so low like that. But for the fortunate ones, they too don’t have much to show off. Their futures were destroyed while they were still young by the monsters, aided by such people as rayner who were disillusioned by the tactics used by the monsters. “Sexually frustrated!!!” You must be dreaming rayner!
    I’ll tell you what rayner, why don’t you go learn Islam for 6 to 8 or 9 years like what the Muslim boys went through. Yes rayner, Muslim boys and girls have to go to religion classes in the morning or afternoon and some go at night, 5-6 hours everyday, to learn everything about the religion. Yes, to learn everything. Unlike our Christian brothers who learn their religion only 1 hour on Sundays; and only for a page or two from the bibble. What can you learn from your bible once a week? You can never equate the way muslim children and adults learn their religion with the way Christians learn their religion. You take learning your religion a trivial thing while muslims take the responsibility of learning the religion a very serious one. That is why muslims never take it lightly when people like you rayner make fun of Islam! You can belittle your god and Jesus Christ. Muslim will never do it because no matter how strong, wealthy, healthy and determined you are, one day you are going to die. And where do you go from there? All muslims know that they’ll have to face the Almighty. They cannot run away, no way to escape his court. What are you going to say to The Mighty Lord? Are you going to laugh and make fun of Him infront of His face? Don’t be brash, even on this world you can’t make fun of the judge at the court with impunity, what can you do to God then? You think you can smart talk Him? You think God is stupid? Don’t. He’ll bring out all the files of you that recorded everthing you did, from when you are born until the second (not the minute or the hour – God is very particular) that you died. All are there. You’ll be speechless, I tell you. No one can help you. You’ll be judged for everything you have done while you are alive in the world; all the good deeds and the bad ones too. Nothing will be left out. And then the good Lord will sentence you. To The Heaven… or to The Hell, it is only for Him to say. Do you think you are good enough to deserve His Heaven? I doubt it.
    After that, you come back and tell us all about the sexually frustrated Taliban warriors that you are fond to talk about.

  6. avatar Brother Mouzone says:

    @Robin Hood

    To The Heaven… or to The Hell, it is only for Him to say. Do you think you are good enough to deserve His Heaven? I doubt it.
    After that, you come back and tell us all about the sexually frustrated Taliban warriors that you are fond to talk about…

    Ah… but does hell have decent broadband access? Otherwise how could he come back and answer? Couldn’t be any worse down there than Speedy anyway…

  7. avatar David says:

    And the ones that they finally manage to attain as the best sex is actually what Muslims have been doing all this while!

    Reminds of those t-shirts that say like “Greeks do it better”

    Don’t think there’s a t-shirt with “Muslims do it better” though.

    There is no prostitution or homosexuality permitted in such communities.

    But Rayner, we had a bit of discussion on this here – plenty of man on man nookie going on in Muslim countries as well.

  8. avatar ET says:

    We have just been served a classic khotbah from the nearest mosque by imam RobinHood about the evil West and the o so good and moral umma . Pathetic.

    Need there be more?

  9. avatar rayner says:

    “That is why muslims never take it lightly when people like you rayner make fun of Islam!”

    It was not a joke. In all my articles I never make fun of religion. I am an animist, and believe God is everywhere.

  10. avatar rayner says:

    “There is no prostitution or homosexuality permitted in such communities.

    But Rayner, we had a bit of discussion on this here – plenty of man on man nookie going on in Muslim countries as well.”

    Yes, I know, but it is generally known as illegal and in some cultures if found out the repercussions will be extreme. What I am trying to convey is how men in Islam cultures turn out to be so violent. Just like the British or any other culture that uses religion as a tool to oppress.

    Thanks for sending me the link, I found that site fascinating.

  11. avatar fanglong says:

    Thank you Patung for the Liputan link : now I know that goat meat is bad for my prostate. I was just wondering…

  12. avatar rayner says:

    Thank you for that link Patung. It was really sad looking at those guys with their little dancing boys.

    So Muslims get sex education at an early age. Is that when they are five years of age and have to marry a much older man. He is often over 60. Then they get pregnant when just before their menses would have started, and then if their bodies are not fully formed they get a fistula and are often thrown out of their home.

    Some sex education. Why do these guys do this. We usually call it paedophilia. If they are so sexually satisfied why do they marry little girls who haven’t had their menses yet?

  13. avatar Oigal says:

    finally the girls support themselves by becoming a whore!!!

    Do we have such problems in Muslim societies be they are in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Indonesia or Malaysia? No, we don’t have that problems at all.

    Poor Robin,, The real world has some surprises for you! Don’t know about Afghanistan but the other three places has more than its share of working girls. Really not clever to compare the west and east along with the qty and dare I say qaulity of the working girls.

    As for judgement day, I am working on the theory if against the odds there is a God, she will be so busy with the sexually insecure from those places you mentioned…(You know the ones, 1000 honour killings a year, disfiguring children becasue they were female and dared to go to school, or wear pants ..you know the drill), by the time she gets around to me my sins will have paled into insignificance.

  14. avatar rayner says:

    Not to mention the ones who practice genital mutilation. Here in Britain we had no idea that this was going on, until a teacher noticed one or two of her young girls in the classroom, who had come back from a holiday in Pakistan. They had become very depressed and seemed very uncomfortable sitting for long periods. Her questions brought no satisfactory answer until one day one of her young girls collapsed in a pool of blood.

    She was rushed to hospital and nearly died, her stitches had burst under the pressure of an infection. Then the police arrived with a team of female doctors, the parents of the girls were called in to the school and were told that these girls needed to have an examination.

    As these girls were minors, the parents were told that of they did not agree to an examination their children would be taken from them, and would be put into protective custody. A huge great row erupted, the Inmans from the Muslim mosques complained, the parents complained, but the kids were silent.

    We couldn’t comprehend at first that parents would be willing to take their children back to Pakistan, and allow someone to cut off their clitoris and outer labia! We could not comprehend how people could be so callous and sadistic. No wonder Muslim women do as they are told! This was not just a prick with a pin on the labia, thoug I leave it to the Freudians to guess why they do this, but full scale excision.

    A new law was quickly passed prohibiting the taking of these young girls back to Pakistan and other countries that practiced this revolting and crippling procedure. We also prosecuted a few Muslim surgeons who were found to be practicing this very lucrative trade.

    One would have thought that these girls mothers would have wanted to protect them from this revolting practice. But no, I suspect that they are too cowed to protest to their brutes of men.

  15. avatar rayner says:

    One of the reasons why women are oppressed in Muslim countries is that the men are extremely sexually frustrated, unless of course they have inherited wealth.

    Until a Muslim man can afford to marry, sexual gratification is totally denied to him. I am talking about gratification here, not a sleazy, groped, temporary relief with another man or boy.

    Not for a Muslim is the orgasmic release experienced by most Pacific Islanders, the constant sensuality given off by their women who have been allowed, even encouraged to be a full women in every sense.

    No adolescent touchings, whisperings, the first kiss with one’s beloved, all these glorious happenings common to most Western men is denied under pain of death!

    No homosexuality or prostitution permitted under the threat of the most hideous and barbaric punishments.
    Is it any wonder that the Muslim men seek to control their women by cladding them in non-revealing clothes.

    One has to ask, what are they afraid of? That which has been denied to them from infancy. No wonder they wish to control, rape and subject women to the most hideous of punishments if they transgress their barbaric laws.

    No wonder that we will never win any wars in Afghanistan where there are men who long for the rivers of fine wines, rich food and 74 virgins who will slake their lust for all eternity, are seeking death with honor.

    Such a population of frustrated men are invincible. Willing, nay even eager to die in the name of their God. Could you imagine a sexually satisfied Pacific Islander willing to sacrifice his life when he is almost living in a Paradise right now!

  16. avatar fanglong says:

    So, now we know all of that : is there any kind of examination for all of us, human beings, that will show who — which individual, group, village or nation — is the best, or the least bad, or the worthiest, or the saddest, the most pitiful, etc. ? Our opinions wan’t change anything. Each individual case is an infinite abyss of contradictions. Verbiage and “bons sentiments” are a significant part of the great lie. Sorry, I feel a little nihilistic tonight, hopelessly.

  17. avatar mingo says:

    I’ll tell you what rayner, why don’t you go learn Islam for 6 to 8 or 9 years like what the Muslim boys went through. Yes rayner, Muslim boys and girls have to go to religion classes in the morning or afternoon and some go at night, 5-6 hours everyday, to learn everything about the religion.

    Note the words HAVE TO GO, The children are forced to believe and are not given the opertunity to have a normal chilhood, Grow up and decide for themselves

  18. avatar fanglong says:

    Hi Mingo ! As a boy, I’ve been forced to go to mass, morning & evening prayer, and believe in God, angels, Virgin Mary, etc. etc. until I was fourteen, when my mother could see that, instead of going to church I was enjoying a cheap cigarette in the precincts of the church… My grandmother told me then : “You don’t want to practice anymore because you want to commit sins without remorse.” I laughed, but now I’m nearly 60, & I think she was kind of right. And now I’m that old, I don’t believe in God, only do I believe in the necessity of (religious, thinking, f*ing, etc.) freedom for others. So, Muslim clerks are just like Christian ones. I concede, though, we hear much today of religious crimes in the Muslim area, but I think this is part of the general Western anti-Muslim propaganda : the Christians, Jews & other superior pale-arsed Westerners will never end their campain of abasement against the genial Saracen invaders. But as I suggested in my previous com, we should calm down with our one-sided certainties, & with the conviction we’re right — even a little bit…

  19. avatar Brother Mouzone says:

    @Rayner

    No adolescent touchings, whisperings, the first kiss with one’s beloved, all these glorious happenings common to most Western men is denied under pain of death!

    No homosexuality or prostitution permitted under the threat of the most hideous and barbaric punishments.

    It’s fairly obvious from your random presumptions you have never resided in any Islamic country, let alone Indonesia. Perhaps you might give it a try instead of allowing the Daily Mail to spoon feed your opinions to you…

  20. avatar Brother Mouzone says:

    @Rayner

    Could you imagine a sexually satisfied Pacific Islander willing to sacrifice his life when he is almost living in a Paradise right now!

    Erm… the Pacific islands are famous for having some of the highest suicide rates in the world.

    But I suspect you knew that already…

  21. avatar stevo says:

    4.Eating too much goat meat

    Ahhhhhhhhh thats where I have been going wrong !

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