Achmad appreciates Australian popular culture, in this case the songs of Kevin Bloody Wilson.
As a gesture of goodwill in this fasting month, I'd like to help build bridges.. There have been some harsh words thrown on this forum, so I'd like to help heal and unite IM readers by throwing light on other cultures.
As a Ramadan gift, I present to you the first in a series of Appreciating Australia.
Australians are a simple and fun-loving folk. It's true, the subtleties of Indonesian humour such as Dono, Kasino, Indro, or Tukul, are probably lost on them. But as a more sophisticated civilization, we Javanese have a duty, especially in Ramadan, to understand our crude brothers and sisters down south. (We will, of course, be ruling them one day).
Here we profile a quintessential Australian comedian, the great, the one and only...
Kevin Bloody Wilson
The 61-year old Kevin Bloody Wilson has been strumming his guitar in pubs in the English-speaking world, since bursting onto the underground music scene in Kalgoorlie, Western Australia, 1984. Two decades of songs about farting, rootin' (having sex), and drinking beer have won him a global following, which he claims includes Prince Charles.
Kevin Bloody Wilson
Kev represents the essence of Australian humour. What Aussie can forget classics such as:
Sure, the cultural attaché at the Embassy in Jakarta, might rattle off names of Australian comedians like Dame Edna Everage, and Clive James. But those two snobs left Australia in the 1960s. Let's not forget the greatest cultural attaché Australia has ever had: Sir Les Patterson, himself a great fan of Kev.
To many, Kev is primarily a great entertainer. Repeated themes include farting and matters of the anus, (Festival of Farts, Mick the Master Farter, Chucka Browneye), masturbation, (I Gave Up Wanking, Grandad's Got A Stiffy), and sexual intercourse, (Rootin' in the Back of the Ute, Do Ya F--k on First Dates?- aka Kev's Courtin' Song), and female genitalia, (Absolute C-nt of a Day, You Can't Say C-nt in Canada).
Songs about Australian identity have always been important to Kev. In "The Shane Warne Song", Kevin exhorts a famous cricketer to focus on his training, whilst volunteering to take on Mr. Warne’s duties to "Do the Rootin' For Australia". Elsewhere, Kev calls on listeners to "Chucka Browneye for Australia", encouraging them to lower their trousers or outer garments and display their anus as a tribute to their nation.
But a closer listen to Kev's lyrics and songs reveals a serious exploration of the human condition. As such, Kev reveals a philosophical heart (or fart) to the ubiquitous, beer-gutted Australian man (and woman).
"Grandad's Got A Stiffy".
Consider, "Grandad's Got A Stiffy". In "Grandad", Kev explores the ravages of age, of loss, but the importance of facing mortality with optimism and hope. Grandad tells the story of an elderly man committed to a nursing home who burst his colostomy (bag), whilst masturbating.
The old bastard laid sprawled on the nursing home floor,
He'd been wanking and fell out of his chair,
As he fell on his guts, his colostomy bust,
Splattering muck and guck and sh--t everywhere,
Despite emptying the contents of the bag all over the wall and his nurse, Grandad maintained a positive attitude, and indeed refused to cease his favourite hobby!
But he wouldn't stop wanking,
So we chucked on a blanket,
So the women and kids couldn't see,
his battered banana hangin out his pyjamas and the cum stain an shit on his sheets
...but that filthy old bastard sat cackling laughing, just waving his slug in the air
Nor has Kev been afraid to court controversy. In "Living Next Door To Alan", Kev takes on the thorny issue of race relations. This song lampoons a group of Australian Aboriginals who use their welfare payments to compete with Australia's wealthiest man (in the 1980s), now-failed entrepreneur Alan Bond. "Living" alleges that the aboriginals used welfare payments to purchase luxury cars, houses, and even rent a warship from the Australian navy. Critics claim such welfare payments were inadequate to buy such goods.
Kev maintained he was the people's poet, telling Brisbane's Courier Mail: 
I'm just voicing the sort of thing people want to hear. I don't want to sound as if I am on a crusade, but I just write what most of us are thinking. It involves lampooning everyone in the process.
Dismissing critics, Kev proved his commitment to appreciating cultural diversity with "the Bali Belly Song". Kev's account of his trip to the Hindu island consisted of several verses describing his time on "the throne" with diarrhea and intestinal problems.
Listen to "Bali Belly".
Love, however, could be the most enduring of Kev's themes, with his many ditties perhaps rivaling Shakespeare. In "Rootin' in the Back of the Ute", Kev celebrates a time-honoured Australian mating practice. "Da Ya F--ck On First Dates", is Kev's demonstration of a chivalry rarely attributed to him.
Since his smash-hit 1984 album, "Your Average Australian Yobbo", Kev has proven his fair-dinkumness (authenticity) as a true Australian by refusing to bow to the warriors of political correctness.
Kev has defied the self-appointed custodians of Australian literature and music by focusing on themes that obsess ordinary Australians everywhere, drinking beer, rootin', farting, and amusing themselves by stringing together obscene words.
Some of the more famous songs include:
To his critics, Kev would probably simply quote the signature he offers fans at his various gigs, "F---k You! Kev!".
Many Asians who have not been to Ostraya visualize a land of immense beauty with great cultured people like Europe and America. The moment the plane landed, you will be sprayed with insecticide; non-White person would be asked to step aside and interrogated and fill in intimidating forms. Once you step into the cbd (Brisbane, Perth), chances are that someone will yell out, “what is this? Asians? You know what White Power?! White Power!” beating his chest.
Geez Assmad..Is Kevin still alive nothing like being current..yawn..
Gotta say I have never seen any Australian in the CBD beating their chest and yelling white power as Asians walked past.
The next time I am back in Australia I plan to make a point of hanging out in various parts of the CBD so that I can catch a glimpse of what you talk about. Hopefully, I can photograph and video it and then put it in my blog.
Perhaps you should ask around and find out what the bule experience is when they land in this fair land? Filling in forms correctly and then reaching immigration to find out that the forms have been filled in incorrectly but that this can be rectified with a cash payment as opposed to amending the form or filling in a new one.
Perhaps you might also want to take a trip to the HI round-a-bout some time and see some of the chest beating death to the infidels chants that ring out during lunch time.
Each and every country has its problems. Racism exists everywhere, but thankfully it is in the minority in Australia, as it is in Indonesia. You, AAB, are part of this minority that focuses on race as the primary issue and demonizes whole groups based on their race, such as Anglo-Celts.
Australia has a history of mistreatment of our indigenous brothers and sisters, it is a history that we cannot hide from, but it is a history that we as a community in Australia have started to recognize and deal with. We still have a long way to go.
As I have said before, AAB you are a one-trick pony and perhaps it is time to learn a new trick!
Building bridges. Looks more like taking the piss to me!
Oh. My intent was to help Indonesians understand Australia. Was I mistake in my interpretation of “Chucka Browneye for Australia” ?
By taking the piss, right?
Perhaps you could introduce Indonesians to Australian music through Gondwanaland or Midnight Oil, or myriad of other Australian bands as alternatives to Kev?
Cold Chisel perhaps?
Do they chuck browneyes ?
You know that they don’t and that is my point big fella.
Your Kev post is deliberately deceptive in its portrayal of “Australian Music” and “Australian culture” in general. Hence my earlier comment about taking the piss!
I know that you understand this and that you understand my point.
Yes agree Rob, my wife just happens to be …well…..asian and has never encountered any racism here unlike back in her HOME country where she was abused for being chinese. Not to mention the local thugs with their tiresome ‘hello misters’ and ‘hey bule give me money’ directed at me. Didn’t even concern them if I was out with my family. Wonder if any white power advocate ever asked AAB for any money.
On the lighter topic though because I assume assmad wanted this to be a fun topic I gotta say, probably to noone’s surprise that I love the man KBW…I saw him at the Old Lion pub in Adelaide back in 1987. Good, but not the greatest that title goes to Rodney Rude. He had such classics like ‘Well hung ploughboy’.
Thank you, Andy and Rob !
Andy — could you elaborate on your love for Kev ? Did you, Andy, ever “chucka browneye for Australia”?
Do you think it could ever take on in Indonesia ?
Well perhaps love is the wrong word…admiration, appreciation would sum it up better.
Yes I have in my younger days ‘chucked the odd browneye’. Always been heavily inebriated when done. It is not unique to Australia though, probably occurs in any country with a taste for alcohol. In America they call this ‘mooning’.
I wanted to ‘chuck a browneye for Indonesia’ on the way to the airport the day we left the country to thank Indonesia one last time. My wife though put a stop to that and my pants stayed on.
lucua lan hebat bwanget nih. Wong dhegloh iki sanes suka katanya… buset .. hihihi…
As any transvestite from Blok M will happily tell you: Aussies love to give it- but can’t take it like a man, if at all.
We’re referring to the Ocker and the Yobbo- two Australian troglodytic demi-human subspecies, who may appear superficially to have the characteristics of Homo Sapiens, but once thin hide is scratched- the characteristic red-neck and lobster complexion is revealed.
Often will be in characteristic clothing- an Austrlian flag wrapped around singlet-vest, short ill-fitting hotpants and a hat with cork bobbles.
Their breeding seas appears to be at its’ zentih during the infamous Bachelor & Bachelorettes and Desperate & Dateless HIgh Culture Events.
A humourous oxymoron.
Churlish convicts’ pride
There once was am from Ostraya
Who’d swear it so good it ne’er fail ya
But we saw through it all
Were Shocked and appall’d
At their pride in their foul churlish behaviya
Of course there is a tiny minority of cultured, educated non racial supremacists, free of their psychotic delusions of White Man’s Burden and duty to the Noble Savage.
But unfortunately such noble souls are being plagued by the rapidly breeding smug petty bourgeoisie: the latte lamentatos, the chattering chardonnay cosmopolitans, merlot Marxists, armchair revolutionaries, moral onanists, flagellating bleeding hearts brigades and other such Lumpenproles.
Traps for controlling the parasitic bottom-feeders are currently being developed. One promising model uses Amnesty International leaflets, Big Issue, Socialist Workers Party and others such penny-dreadfuls and pulp fictions as bait.
Once Lumpenprole enters the cage, it immediately fervently masturbating in an orgy of self-indulgent ineffectual yet ego inflating loud vocal public lamentations, wailing, pulling of hair and gnashing of teeth.
The dim Yobbo remains an elusive yet pervasive pest. Currently it is best repelled by high culture and classical Western art-music.
Unfortunately the species has fled their native Alcatraz le Grande.
They are currently breeding rapidly in the slums of Wembley, and may be found in bars throughout the UK, cunningly disguising themselves as marginally able bar workers.
If unprovoked their crude barely comprehensible pidgeon English grunts are usually harmless, albeit offensive.
However when provoked or cornered, the Ocker will foam at the mouth or attempt a game of bluff by puffing itself up, beating its’ chest, and blowing hard and perhaps offer some token wild clumsy swings of flabby forearms.
Small taps on the nose has been found to disable it as it forces said creature to compulsively wet its trousers.
I dedicate this literary effort with deepest love and respect to my dear friend the highly cultured, intelligent, articulate and xenophile Andy (Capp).
You could probably fill a whole Qantas window on the way out, with a few other browneye-ees, even mount a broadside !
For all you anti-Australian ungrateful inbreds from Indonesia (one of the poorest, most corrupt countries on the planet) have a read of our great generosity to your poor souls
Now what do your people ever do for us except abuse us or try and blow us up in bars, embassies etc. Places you only wish you could afford to enter.
PS when you can use a knife and fork correctly and not spit in the street I will treat you as my equal.
Well lads no-one could accuse our likely of being orginal.. all have to agree with the having “just the one trick” although I think Rob is over estimating our recents drongoes if he thinks they are capable of learning new tricks.. can’t teach old dogs n pasty office johnnys…
In fact ASSMAD haven’t already done the KBW tirade elsewhere? oh well, limited resources I guess
So will you be treating your beloved Choy-neeyeez with their love of eating with twigs as equals?
You’ll have a very nasty shock when you meet some non-Westernised Chinese.
AUS AID- no strings attached. Just like USAID.
As our Hero Sukarno said- “Go to Hell with your ‘AId’”.
We neither want nor need it. It’s rude to refuse a gift- however pathetique it may be.
I believe AusAid is a euphemism for “tribute”- or is it annual rentals due?
And, Oigal, what are your views on browneyes ?
I am not sure that Kev, as in bloody Wilson rather than Rudd, gives the proverbial rat’s arse about AusAID, USAID, tied aid, tribute, or anything else.
Achmad’s post by my reckoning is not about aid either. It is an attempt to take the piss and to portray Kev as the poster boy for Australian culture. It is also an opportunity to talk about arses and the perceived penchant for chucking the odd brown eye (which is probably a little bit more wide-spread than just an Australian phenomenon).
I wonder Achmad, what are your views on the time-honoured tradition of the brown eye?
More to the point, have you ever chucked one? and if so, why?
Seski Rob !
To be “anus” (honest) as we say in Indonesia, I have never chucked one. But I would like to learn. Will you teach me ?
Va Va Voom !
I would like Oigal to teach me how to chuck a brown eye.
We neither want nor need it. It’s rude to refuse a gift- however pathetique it may be.
Fidel Castro of Cuba has refused America’s money for use of Guantanamo bay since he has been in office. Has never banked the checks. Now he puts his money where his mouth is.
Indonesia has one true faith…the almighty bule dollar
IM- now degenerated into talk about exposing one’s anus
How old are we all?
Or is this the root of British toilet humour-culture
Hi Aluang Anak Bumyam and Achmad,
Here is some Australian for you –
You are both f*ck heads.
Daniel don’t forget Purba.
DXP never feels intimidated when landed in aussie. I can give all of you testimonials that Sydney – Hurstville district let the 80% chinese population erected the Dragon as the district’s main gate symbol, a respectful country who promote diversity in unity … DXP respect to Aussie … if they would hv been nasty to china man/women there, DXP will hv massive influx problems for those chinese huakiaw asking me to go back home … we hv 1.6 B population, we dont mind to donate a few million population to aussie land indeed … good to see that
It really is something that does not require a lesson. It is more of a case of practice makes perfect.
Your post and subsequent comments indicate that you have the basic mechanics worked out. All you need to do now is start dropping the strides to the ankles, bend over, spread the old arse cheeks, and say hello to the world.
Besides, I am sure that in your comprehensive research on Kev you would have come across a video or two of the old brown eye in action.
Nice one. Very witty. Ha Ha Ha.
BTW — that’s Kev’s fave signature !
Achmad, sorry to disappoint you, my fellow country man, but I have to agree with Rob. It doesn’t help Indonesians to understand Australians & their culture today by picking KBW as portrayal of Aussie blokes.
Many has changed since I came here more than a decade ago. More & more Australians embrace multiculturalism & are happy to befriend the international students and migrants who adopt Ostraiya as their new country.
Of course, there are still some nasty racists out there who blame the migrants for their miserable life. They are the ones who:
(1) never seen foreigners coz for most of their life they live in the bloody whoopwhoop (rural / backward areas where gourmet food is fried dimsim from the fish & chips shop, you got the idea!)
(2) are drunken yobbos / losers living on dole
(3) John Howard
(4) Alexander Downer
Thank god, howard & downer have gone. Now, they’ve got Kevin Rudd who speaks fluent Mandarin and shows more respect to their asian neighboring countries).
Sadly, the media (indonesian & australian) often pit us against each other & frequently presents people in both countries with distorted facts.
True, that my hubby & I have been racially abused here. Hubby was called wog among other derogatory comments by his anglo classmates – but that’s a long time ago. Now, they teach their children at school not to call their non-anglo friends any belittling names.
Someone shouted “Go back to your country!” at me when I went to visit Monash Clayton campus a decade ago and a man abused me with his “You, asians are thieves! stop stealing our land, job, yaddayadda, yaddayadda..” tirade on the tram a few years ago.
Having said that, I’ve seen racists in my own country as well. Hubby got racially abused at Mal Ambasador simply bcoz he tried to haggle over the price of some DVDs (thanks to his wife’s advice!) & in Bali coz he didn’t want to buy their ‘asongan’.
My hubby & I have encountered racists in many places but we’ve learnt that those racists do not represent the true picture of the people in those countries. So, we don’t hold grudge against them.
Also, things have changed for the better here. Clayton is more like Klaten now & some Oz mates would stand up for migrants who were treated discriminately or harassed.
So, I’d say: out with the KBW & hi to Vanessa Amorosi!