Muslim Dating & Courting Rituals

Sep 18th, 2008, in Girls, IM Posts, by

TaarufIslamic rituals of courting and romance, how to woo your Muslim bride the taaruf way.

Semi Arranged Marriages

In the wildly popular Indonesian film Ayat Ayat Cinta (Verses of Love) the main character, handsome Fahri, more or less skips the "dating" phase of courtship, aka pacaran, and gets straight to the point by proposing marriage to the character of Aisha.


Sorry fellas, no going steady!

In the beginning Fahri only becomes aware of Aisha after being introduced to her by an Egyptian cleric, Sheikh Ustman Abdul Fattah, who is Aisha's teacher, with the Sheikh having the clear intention that the two youngsters would make a good couple. After being introduced Fahri and Aisha meet a few times, that is, carry out taaruf or getting-to-know-you, and then decide to marry.

A real life example of this form of courtship - politician Hidayat Nurwahid of the PKS, after having just become a widower, was introduced by a friend to divorcee Diana Abbas Thalib, again with the clear intention on the introducer's part that the two would make a good couple.

Diana Abbas Thalib
How it's done.

Hidayat and Diana met each other three times over a period of three weeks, before deciding to marry. Diana said, just before getting married:

Maybe we'll get to know each other better when we're married.


Taaruf, online version.

Majelis Ulama Indonesia (MUI) leader Amidhan suggests the way that Hidayat and Diana became known to each other and thereafter married is a good example of the Islamic way of courting and marriage. In Islam, he says, there is no such thing as dating or going steady, and by following the taaruf method couples keep away from sin. detik


13 Comments on “Muslim Dating & Courting Rituals”

  1. avatar Yalun says:

    Hidayat and Diana met each other three times over a period of three weeks, before deciding to marry. Diana said, just before getting married:

    Maybe we’ll get to know each other better when we’re married

    What if it is not getting better? Divorce? How many times divorce is permitted in Islam?

    Majelis Ulama Indonesia (MUI) leader Amidhan suggests the way that Hidayat and Diana became known to each other and thereafter married is a good example of the Islamic way of courting and marriage. In Islam, he says, there is no such thing as dating or going steady, and by following the taaruf method couples keep away from sin.

    I don’t know if the majority of the Moslem really agree with this statement. It makes human just like robots.

  2. avatar timdog says:

    Hmmm…

    Hidayat and Diana met each other three times over a period of three weeks, before deciding to marry. Diana said, just before getting married:

    Maybe we’ll get to know each other better when we’re married.

    Isn’t that kind of what a lot of the bule sexual refugees do with the Indonesian girls they “meet” wihout having ever been to the country?
    Less certain about the “keeping away from sin” bit though…

  3. avatar Geordie says:

    Maybe we’ll get to know each other better when we’re married.

    Thus grief still treads upon the heels of pleasure:
    Married in haste, we may repent at leisure.

    The Old Batchelour by William Congreve

  4. avatar PrimaryDrive says:

    If people are happy with this way of life, I see no reason why we have to be cynical about it. Everyone is entitled to a bit excetrism. You’re welcome to tell us yours too 😀

  5. avatar Purba Negoro says:

    Good point.
    To each their own, as long as they’re not forcing it on others.

  6. avatar Rob says:

    Why is it that we are more concerned with what others are doing than we are with what we are doing ourselves?

    This is simply a case of different strokes for different folks. If it works, good. If it doesn’t then strike that one up to experience and move on.

  7. avatar Geordie says:

    I see no reason why we have to be cynical about it.

    Can’t help it, and anyway, cynicism is my most endearing quality.

    Everyone is entitled to a bit excetrism.

    If you tell me what exctrism is I might tell you about mine assuming I have it/some.

    Why is it that we are more concerned with what others are doing than we are with what we are doing ourselves?

    Couldn’t agree more but seeing as the MUI are holding this up (if not actually mandating it) as preferred behaviour then I think it’s reasonable to challenge that.

  8. avatar PrimaryDrive says:

    I think I mean “Eccentricity” …. 😀

    Sorry for my english pasar….

  9. avatar Geordie says:

    Sorry for my english pasar….

    Please don’t apologise, your English outstrips my Indonesian by orders of magnitude, therefore, it is I who should apologise to you. As for eccentricities, I don’t think I have any, indeed I believe I’m the only person at work to have ever failed the personality test.

  10. avatar Purba Negoro says:

    Geordie you are English.

    I believe you can only fail Personality test if you are German.
    A very unpleasant sort of person.

    Rob- yes true- everyone is very busy minding everyone elses’ business but their own.
    What are you doing this instant, Mr Rob?

  11. avatar glenda says:

    I don’t think is a good idea to meet the person for 3 months then get merried.

  12. avatar Ivy says:

    If two people love eachother, why should they have to wait to get married? Some times when you meet a person, you just know they are right for you. What’s wrong with that?

  13. avatar geo says:

    love is stronger than anything! an it can happen in just a second! but i think they should know eachother at least 6months- 1 year . it,s only my opinion.ciao .ps: i,m looking for an indonesian girlfriend 30-to-35 yrs 5.0 ft -to 5.5 ft tall please keep in touch if you are interested,i live in the usa

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