Celebrity DeathMatch
Apr 14th, 2010, in Opinion, by Dikkiman Sujengkol
Celebrities & politicians settle their differences in the ring, for democracy.
Heh Friend,
One night tapping my Bongo drums, I ever had an idea for a Celebrity Deathmatch ala Indonesia.
Friend, in those late hours, when all is quiet in the Kampung, the hypnotic rhythm of the bongos make me think of the MTV skit where plasticine models of famous people are pitted against each other in a pro-wrestling ring with a big crowd.
Friend, they ever have some Seksi episodes. They ever had Monika Lewinsky vs Hilary Clinton, Bruce Willis and Demi Moore vs Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, Beavis vs Butthead, Charles Manson vs Marilyn Manson, and, among many more, Madonna vs Michael Jackson:
Celebrity Deathmatch – Madonna vs Michael Jackson
It’s true. Sometimes, Celebrity Deathmatch is not in line with Pancasila, our famous five national values. Each session usually ends with death, impalement, head getting ripped off, limbs dismembered. But it is good for Demokrasi because it ever let people release their upset.
So why can’t we have Celebrity Deathmatch Indonesia (CDI) ? Please, Friend, send in your ideas. Here are some of mine.
Aburizal Bakrie vs Sri Mulyani Indrawati:
This tug-of-war has been derailing the government ever since the gung-ho former UI economist ‘Ani’ (Sri Mulyani) went after Indonesia’s most infamous robber-baron, aka Ical (Bakrie). Bakrie’s a poster-boy for the enduring power of the New Order and pragmatic palm-greasing ways of the Pribumi business elite, (even though he’s of Arab descent). Ani is the hard-charging leader of cabinet’s brains trust and living proof that it’s often the women who really run the show in Indonesia. Finally in CDI these two could thrash it out, without all the smoke-filled rooms and behind-the-scenes intrigue you need to have gone to school with Wiranto’s niece’s fiance in the late ’80s to hear. My vote is for Ani, though Ical can get mean !
Ayu Utami vs Djenar Maesa Ayu:
Who will be Indonesia’s supreme Sastrawangi (fragrant author)? Both of them sultry and pouting icons of the sexual revolution in Indonesian literature, but only one woman can rule the ring. Ayu was heavy on sensuous symbolism; Djenar’s more explicit talking about blowing her Dad and stuff like that. Promises to be a good fight.
Ade Rai vs Barry Prima:
Brute bodybuilding strength vs exquisite Silat technique. Ade Rai, Indonesia’s answer to Arnold Schwarzenegger, has biceps bigger than the Malacca Straits, but Pendekar Barry Prima gots da slick martial arts moves. Is it the size of the waves or the motion of the Indian Ocean? Watch CDI to find out.
Inul Daratista vs Julia Perez (Jupe):
It’s Inul’s hip gyrating goyang vs Jupe’s sheer hutzpah. Inul’s pelvic dexterity got Indonesia’s clerics steamier than Yogya’s Gunung Merapi volcano, but only Julia Perez aka Jupe had guts to hand out condoms with her albums. Will she use them to strangle Inul, becoming queen of the ring and of Dangdut ?
Yenny Wahid vs Puan Maharani:
What would an Asian democracy be without dynastic politics? Yenny, who can actually see, has a better chance than her Dad, former president Abdurrahman “Gus Dur” Wahid, ever did in CDI. The jilbab-clad Yenny got there the hard way, having Daddy appoint her as one of the nation’s most powerful political advisors from 2001-2002. In true dynastic fashion, Puan Maharani, daughter of another former president, Megawati Sukarnoputri, is blazing a trail through her Mum’s party the PDI-P. But after 11 years of Demo-crazy, we’re all sick of the macet and even Facebook protests: let ’em duke it out in the ring!
Over to you, IM readers.
87 Comments on “Celebrity DeathMatch”
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Oigal says:
Damn and now my comments have been rejected as spam..gee when did IM go PC.
As I said in my previous spam comments, nicely set-up in that one but seriously..
“boozed-up washed-up Blok M bule barflies of Jakarta”
doesn’t anyone have a better line..its so…. predictable.
I could have a lot fun with this but in the interests of better taste…
On personal note, I must try and get out for a drink for often in the interests of abusive accuracy.
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Seeing how I am the designated Dr Evil for the day/week/month, I may as well continue to piss off Patung as well..
Plagiarism is not the same as copyright infringement. While both terms may apply to a particular act, they are different transgressions. Copyright infringement is a violation of the rights of a copyright holder, when material protected by copyright is used without consent. On the other hand, plagiarism is concerned with the unearned increment to the plagiarizing author’s reputation that is achieved through false claims of authorship.
Although your point of personal dislike of someone is if anything understated and therefore valid.
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You asked
I wonder what the penalties for plagiarism is in Indonesia, particularly online?
Answer then is ‘none’ I guess. Dikki assures me he hadn’t seen the globe article, personally I’m not bothered either way.
….I recovered the spam, the filter goes haywire sometimes , currently every single comment from Chris goes into spam for eg.
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Works for me..although I think we are underestimating Dikki/Peter/Assmad to accept his assurances. It was rather a well thought out piece of trolling if a bit mean to involve ..shall we say innocents.
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ET says:
Ashlee Betteridge says
I’m a strong feminist.
A PhD too?
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deta says:
ET,
👿
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Mbak Deta,
What u have PhD in. Don’t think feminism is the problem. It’s wearing it on your sleeve, or using it as a nuclear bomb to end a debate. I mean, like suddenly sniffing and calling someone a misogynist and thinking that settles everything. It’s a pretty serious accusation.
I don’t think my Bulwom article was misognynist at all. At the heart of it was a serious question: why don’t more Western women in Jakarta date Indonesian men when in Yogya they seem to ? It’s 2010 for Mohammad’ssakes. Bra-burning rage is like, so 1968, darling.
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@ Achmad/Dikki/Peter/What’s next?
Did you direct this comment to me or Ashlee? Well, since you’re already on Ashlee’s blacklist 🙂 , I’ll share what I think about this.
Don’t think feminism is the problem. It’s wearing it on your sleeve, or using it as a nuclear bomb to end a debate. I mean, like suddenly sniffing and calling someone a misogynist and thinking that settles everything. It’s a pretty serious accusation.
Can’t entirely blame her for doing this. I believe that to various degrees every woman has a feminism side in her. It is only the matter of how far you’re able and willing to express that. Some women like to express their feminism intensely, including calling you a misogynist (good on her 😉 ), while some others probably wouldn’t go further than standing up for women to get their basic rights (food, health, education), and many others are just too busy to fulfill their basic needs for surviving to even think of it.
I don’t think my Bulwom article was misognynist at all. At the heart of it was a serious question: why don’t more Western women in Jakarta date Indonesian men when in Yogya they seem to ?
Yes, not being a bulwom, I actually find that your article was funny and far from being misogynist. But If I had put myself in her shoes I probably would’ve had the same reaction. About the dating, all I can say is Yogya men are generally more humble and understanding than the Jakarta hunks (with exotic accent as well), so they could be more attractive for bulwom. But I don’t think I have the right to talk about this on behalf of BulwomJak or BulwomYog. Sorry, ask them yourself… if you dare. 🙂
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Deta,
It’s like being in the U.S. and talking to, say, an indigenous American or an African American who calls someone a racist whenever they feel like it. Like this:
Deta: “ekonomi kerakyatan is just a codeword for tariff protectionism,”
Person #2: “you’re just a racist.”i call it anglo saxon revenge feminism. Now the article is either misogynist or it’s not. You didn’t find it misogynist, (which means a person who ‘hates women.’). IMHO Western feminists who use that word are often invoking a fake legitimacy to shut off debate or control the conversation. Anyway, today the topic of the day is ‘basiness.’
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Okay, fair enough. But don’t you think that the term ‘feminism’ is also often used to control the conversation? Like:
Deta: “Economy is a matter of choice and there will always be a trade off regardless of the economic system you choose to be applied for your country.”
Dikki: “You’re just a feminist”
😀
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Deta,
Well, that’s an illogical, dishonest arguing trick which would only work amongst, well, people with a grudge against feminism.
That’s the problem with ‘isms’: they mean different things to different people. Someone somewhere wrote an essay called, “feminism’s not a dirty word.”
Your statement: “Economy is a matter of choice and there will always be a trade off regardless of the economic system you choose to be applied for your country,” doesn’t, on the face of it, have anything to do with feminism. (You can argue about including childcare done by women in the national accounts etc.).
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Dikki,
Your statement: “Economy is a matter of choice and there will always be a trade off regardless of the economic system you choose to be applied for your country,” doesn’t, on the face of it, have anything to do with feminism.
Exactly. As much as the statement “ekonomi kerakyatan is just a codeword for tariff protectionism” has nothing to do with racism, and the statement “why don’t more Western women in Jakarta date Indonesian men when in Yogya they seem to?” has nothing to do with misogyny. I made an illogical/exaggerated statement as a respond to some illogical examples.
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Ashlee says:
Look, I’m currently in Aceh after spending two days in the jungle. I’m on the last stretch of my time in Indonesia and am trying to spend as much time as possible on the road seeing the country as well as getting organized for my departure instead of dealing with online scraps that I never asked to be a part of.
Please refrain from commenting on my blog about this topic or trying to debate things that I have said with me because I don’t have the time. What part of this can people not comprehend? I haven’t dropped feminism as some kind of ‘bomb to end debate’… I don’t have TIME to debate. I did not ask to be engaged in an online debate. I did not ask for some light entertainment piece I wrote for the Globe six months ago to eat up my time like this now and to then have sledges about me appear on the internet for something I did not do while I am squished on some local bus trying to sever my connection with this nonsense via the terrible signal on my BlackBerry.
This is why I am annoyed.
And seriously, as a woman traveling solo through this country for the last 2.5 months, having worked here for more than 1.5 years… it is like 1968 when it comes to gender relations in some parts of this country, especially where I sit right now in Banda Aceh or even in rural Java or (quelle horreur!) rural Bali. If you can’t see that, then you should try life without a penis sometime to see what I mean.
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Ashlee,
So you think Indonesia is more backward than Australia ?
Do Indonesian women need Australians to liberate them ?
You’ve got time for a 3 paragraph rant, but not to clarify accusations you’ve made. This is what an Indonesian woman says about my Bulwom piece:
“why don’t more Western women in Jakarta date Indonesian men when in Yogya they seem to?” has nothing to do with misogyny.
The reality is behind all this feminism is a sneering assumption of superiority.
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Dikki, I know you’re excited to have Ashlee here. But please, these questions:
So you think Indonesia is more backward than Australia ?
Do Indonesian women need Australians to liberate them ?
Only good for laugh. 😀
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Oh, you mean regarding the gender disparity…. Okay, then.
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deta
I believe that to various degrees every woman has a feminism side in her. It is only the matter of how far you’re able and willing to express that.
Like many -isms the notion of feminism too began to appear when self-evident legitimate goals like emancipation, equal rights etc. started living a life of their own and degraded into power-hunger, compulsive and biased attempts to command and control, and the desire to prove oneself at any cost. Not to mention a lack of humour, of self-criticism and of sense of perspective. In other words, became obnoxious.
How far you are able and willing to express it is also a matter of semantics. But if someone, especially a contemporary western woman states
I’m a strong feminist
you can bet on it that she has other things on her mind than what Kartini ever dreamt of.
Just like the term PhD can either mean ‘Philosophae Doctor or ‘Penis hating Dyke’ the notion of feminism has been prone to various interpretations and valuations, but IMHO it will nowadays be situated in the higher regions of the Dikkiman basiness scale.
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Odinius says:
Ashlee said:
I did not ask for some light entertainment piece I wrote for the Globe six months ago to eat up my time like this now and to then have sledges about me appear on the internet for something I did not do while I am squished on some local bus trying to sever my connection with this nonsense via the terrible signal on my BlackBerry.
You can always ignore it.
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I guess things were cool until ‘O’ made a reference to ‘wideback’.
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Inge says:
Why don’t you just leave this girl alone? You say she should ignore all this… I read her blog and saw the words you posted there. What type of jobs you have that give you time for this? She said she is not dikman. I think also you would not bully so if she was not a woman and say thing like ‘dyke’ trying to make insult of it… you act like sexism is finish while being sexist. I never read this blogs but I want to visit indonesia so I was reading the betty blog for some travel idea then I see all the strange comment and come to look.
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Assmad
If you can’t see that, then you should try life without a penis sometime to see what I mean.
She’s got you pegged..perhaps a short story on your life is called for.
Problem is of course, it’s a bit smug and pretentious to respond to someone as a beer swilling, hooker using, Blok M vomiting caveman and then beg off saying I have not got time to debate this :-).
To throw things out like this
it is like 1968 when it comes to gender relations in some parts of this country, especially where I sit right now in Banda Aceh or even in rural Java or (quelle horreur!) rural Bali.
In a forum such as this and once again beg off further debate, is just well…silly.
Shame really, it has a lot of potential as a topic. Although if you want to see a “feminist” turn inside out just ask them should the burqa and fgm be banned even if the woman wishes it so.I think also you would not bully so if she was not a woman and say thing like ‘dyke’ trying to make insult of it
Actually Inge, probably not Dyke (who said that anyway) but woman has nothing to with being bullied or insulted pretty much everyone gets a chance from bed wetting liberals, gay Mexican hat dancers, vomiting Bule, over -zealous cross carriers, nutcase Muslims and a personal favorite simpering white lapdogs (labpoodles).
Most of the time a sense of humour would help unless you just wish to live the stereotype.
I guess things were cool until ‘O’ made a reference to ‘wideback’.
Hey, how did this all get to be my fault? I write a fairly generic piece of mindless nonsense stereotyping not different from the drunk bule, lazy indonesian, pembantu lover, corrupt thieves pieces that appear here every week. Since when did the Losman Loiters of the fairer (?) sex get a special pass.
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ET,
Like many -isms the notion of feminism too began to appear when self-evident legitimate goals like emancipation, equal rights etc. started living a life of their own and degraded into power-hunger, compulsive and biased attempts to command and control, and the desire to prove oneself at any cost.
Agreed. Without a clear vision, this can eventually manifest in the form of self-focused overwhelming feminism.
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partyusa says:
And this post is ironic due to the clear sexism in it, even though you hypocritically say sexism or accusing someone of being a misogynist is a scapegoat implying it is not serious. You know what? In most parts of the world, women have lower education and rights purely based on gender. We need extreme feminists to try and balance the scale where men and women have equal opportunity and rights. It’s like how certain ethnic people had to be extreme to help stop discrimination based on skin colour or religion. Gays/lesbians and bis had to had to have a strong stand to try and get rights. So if we had no people strongly passionate about the issues, they would never be resolved.
Most of your comments/posts reek with the mentioning of female with some kind of superiority complex. You also drag in totally unrelated slander (mostly directed at the fact someone is female or young or whatever) because you have NO VALID point for your actual argument (or lack of). So why don’t you stop your trolling now and get off your soapbox.
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I think we’d be better off without extreme anything.
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Oigal
Although if you want to see a “feminist” turn inside out just ask them should the burqa and fgm be banned even if the woman wishes it so.
Don’t jump into conclusions. I already had the occasion to witness a debate on tv about these issues and – believe me or not – according to some hardcore feminist participants it seemed that a woman’s wishes should have precedence over anything, even the most basic common sense.
Comment on “Celebrity DeathMatch”.
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Ouch…Gee I don’t think I will sleep tonight..:-)
Actually I think I credit where credit is due..Nicely set up on this one…