Expat men in Indonesia and their love affairs with lower class women, opposites attract.
The Friend,
Late one night as my Kampung friends and I were guarding our neighbourhood, the age-old question came up: why does the Bule Man (Bulman), like the Pembantu (maid) face ? We contemplate many such questions as I tap on my Bongo drums and my friends sip their Kratingdaeng, staring out from our little pos jaga (guard post) at the corner of the street under the Jambu tree.
Indeed, it is like Yin and Yang: white (or pink), tall, educated, from the city, versus dark, short, from the village. For me, the Bulman’s taste is his own business; that is how our Indonesian system of Bhinekka Tunggal Ika, or Unity in Diversity works. But many big-haired society Matrons, funky university hipsters, and ordinary Indonesian people alike wonder about the strange attraction of the White Man for his maid.
At our guard post, we try to help the country, so for you, my Indonesia Matters friends, I return to this burning question.
Many writers ever addressed the Bule-Pembantu phenomenon before. The prominent columnist and thinker Thang D. Nguyen ever wrote about Westerners and maids, putting the attraction down to the law of relativity. Mr. Thang defines Pembantu characteristics as,
a dark complexion, buck teeth, and a high forehead typically found among remote mountain villagers in Java
adding that his Indonesian friend finds such features,
not beautiful.
But, Mr. Thang says:
Beauty, like many things in life, is bound by the rule of relativity. In other words, what one man considers beautiful is ugly in the eyes of another.
Elsewhere in the Blogosphere and Chatosphere, Java Jive, and Unspun, and Detik, have all discussed the Yin and Yang syndrome.
The Detik chat is an online version of thoughts going through the minds of many Indonesians as they see a fifty-ish Om-Om, or even a debonair well-dressed Bulman mas mas (young man), with someone who looks like a rejected audition from the 1970s classic film Si Inem Pelayan Seksi (“Inem the Seksi Server”). Si Inem was like an Indonesian Cinderella, or the 1990s Julia Roberts film ‘Pretty Woman’, where the poor girl gets the prince. (Personally I want to see Julia Perez do a Dangdut version of Pretty Woman – Astaga and Aduhai !)
Here are the thoughts of my neighborhood watch group and hang-out friends.
The Bule cannot find it in his own country.
Ever since Bule Belanda (Bulbel) came to the Spice Islands to trade nutmeg, Bule has ever come to my country to find something he doesn’t have. In his country, the woman is tall, White, likes to argue and not follow what he says. She threaten him with divorce and instead of being allowed to perform manly night-guard duties, like us, he must do housework while she watches “Desperate Housewives”. Maybe for Bule with his maid it is different.
Opposites Attract
I ever read that primates seek to make up for shortcomings in their genetic makeup by finding a mate with different DNA characteristics: thus opposites attract. Maybe the maid wants to improve her bloodline (memperbaiki keturunan). Bule subconsciously does likewise. Just like Bhinekka Tunggal Ika teaches us, there is unity in diversity.
Beer Goggles (Alcohol Induced Judgement Lapse)
Friend, we Betawi warriors don’t drink much more than the occasional shot of Arak in our Kratingdaeng, so we are not experts in beer drinking. But for hundreds of years, Bule has soaked himself in gin, rum, or recently beer. In fact, friend according to Mike Dash, author of the history ‘Batavia’s Graveyard‘, there was one tavern for every seven Dutchmen in Batavia in the 1770s. Drunken opponents – as well as Silat – was one reason the Betawi hero Si Pitoeng was so easily able to defeat Tuan Scott (see clip below).
At the popular Bule meeting places like Jl. Felatehan Blok M, Bule crashes into everything – the walls, the Preman, and, yes, the one who looks like Maid. Sometimes true love can blossom and he will marry her. Then the relationship becomes more like one and two above.
A Call For Discussion
Remember, that not all Bule are alike. There are short, tall, and even vagrant and poor – known locally as ‘Bule Jaksa’. In turn, some Bule marry the Cinetron star, big-hair high society matron, or local aristocrat, be it from Bali or Java or whereever. Friend, that is the beauty of Bhinekka Tunggal Ika.
There are many mystery in Indonesia. Why wasn’t a single member of Dono, Kasino Indro given a cabinet post ? Does Wiranto, Hanura chairman and retired general, wear a toupe ? Why is Ulfa so annoying ?
Friend, our late-night guard post Bongo session was an open discussion. I now call on You, Indonesia Matters reader to share your own insights and thoughts on the Yin-Yang phenomena.
It’s still there for me ET, very good quality picture.
http://www.cowboysinparadise.com/
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Ugh, it’s disgusting and degrading. Now I can feel what Justme feels everytime she goes to Bali with her husband.
Bule->maid = damsel in distress complex
@ ET hahaha pmsl
Isn’t it about time the feminists come to the cowboys rescue?
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Hahah, I actually was happy when reading this news yesterday. Finally, finally they targeted the males. Usually they always chasing the female prostitutes. Isn’t it good to see this? Females are no more the main source of sins, male too. Yayy…..!
As long as it doesn’t invite the same interpretation, deta. They refuse to consider it as prostitution. Male sex trade is not the same as male prostitution, and cowboys is not the same as gigolos. So, it is a completely new species.
I have to put a western opinion on this blog… because of what I see is soooo strange when it comes to the color of one’s skin. In the USA, “white skin” people actually prefer darker or tan asian and in most cases “white” women…its why so many tanning booths are doing a good business. I know in most asian culture, the whiter the skin, the most attractive..but not true in america. unless of course…your racist…ha.
apparently according to this i’m already going to be stereotyped as a pathetic woman on the dating scene i guess, but i was really looking forward to going to indonesia as a young (22) year old to spend some time abroad and teach as well. i don’t care if a guy has a ton of money, trust me, i just don’t want him to ask me for money. are my prospects really this low? i’m not even interested in getting into a relationship but i keep reading this theme on every blog that bule women are miserable or something and… well i’m not but i can’t speak for everybody. should i prepare myself for the worst? and also i am getting the impression that indonesian women are incredibly smart. maybe i’ll become a lesbian. lol
so i’m leaving for jakarta next month, what are my prospects? should i maybe just completely focus on work. it kind of sounds like a lot of the bule men in here just like to trash on western women.
i do notice something that indonesian women do seem very very smart, i’m sorry that so many 40+ year old men failures here showed up in indonesia and expected to be treated like kings by you ladies. i think the women deserve better. and before you judge me, i’m 22 and just want to travel and work and have fun + i do not give a crap about money right now.
Don’t worry. There are plenty of * seksi * specimens of Melayu manhood like me who use secret pencak silat techniques to develop our mojo to give woman – Western or Asian the sexual experience of a lifetime !
Va Va Voom !
Haha…brilliant comment! Eh, the original article, while being admittedly a bit narrow, is rather amusing. If it’s your opinion then by all means share. However, I think this comes down to sheer jealousy. When a foreigner comes to another country and takes up with the women, the men get jealous. While it can be racist, I find it to be more jealousy. I have a phenomenally beautiful girl from Sulawesi and when I’m with her, people (read: men) just stare. I don’t get offendned. Personally, I find it complementing. She’s gorgeous and when I first saw her, I stared as well.
It’s the same in the states. I grew up there (sadly) and when a black guy would shag a white girl, it was just jealousy. Sure, every racist and derogatory term you can think of would get thrown around, but the bottom line was jealousy. He was fcking her and the other guys weren’t. Plain and simple.
Speaking of the maids, I used to live in front of a house that had two. One of them was absolutely beautiful. Sure, she might not have been educated and have much money, but that changes nothing. I’m sure that one day she will make someone a fantastic wife and whomever he is (Indonesian or foreigner) will be extremely pleased with his choice and won’t give a damn about her background.
thank you all for the responses! trust me ET i’m really not judging the women, i know they’re just trying to make better lives for themselves. and i shouldn’t have been so snappy with the way i worded the thing about older western men. some totally have valid reasons and make meaningful relationships. but there’s a balance between liking a woman for her feminine qualities and liking a girl because you can boss her around.
and what you’re saying about feminism is true, i live in the US, i know lots of couples where the wife nags and bullies the husband all day and that’s not healthy either i know. i do believe in feminism when
i was just concerned that there’s a dead dating scene for white women. seems that there’s not. terima kasih 🙂 back to my indonesian lessons i go…
*oops
i do believe in feminism in the sense that men and women should be as equal as they want to be.
@A. Sudarsono
Ahh….finally the player’s school I always wonders how to maintain that excess mojo
once awakened by bir bintang , jamu or pijat refleksi plus.
But Dorce and Ivan Gunawan both took your course too and look how they turned out to be?
Pak Achmad you are armed and dangerous!
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It’s still there for me ET, very good quality picture.
http://www.cowboysinparadise.com/