The types of Bulwom in Indonesia, bule women, and how they fare in attracting local men.
The Friend,
I ever hear the Bule woman in Jakarta complaining about a date. Cannot get, cannot get she says. As a student of Achmad Sudarsono‘s techniques of Seksiness, I let the Bule Woman’s (Bulwom) lamentations just pass by, like one of those silly human rights reports criticising our national heroes.
But Friend, just like the question of what colour exactly is Guruh Soekarnoputra’s hair, there is a mystery and conundrums.
Why does the student Bulwom in Yogya and Bali get more traffic than Jl. Thamrin at sunset when the Bulwom in Jakarta goes without lovin’, or as we Betawis say, ‘jablai’ (jarang dibelai or rarely touched)?
The Bulwom comes from countries like Australia, America or Belanda, to schools and university in Yogyakarta to study the gamelan or write thesis about things no one is interested in like, ‘Jamu and Gender: Post-Modern Discourse of the Indonesian Mushroom Drink.’ (Lazy but Seksi Friends, can find a post-modern essay generator here. http://www.elsewhere.org/pomo/). Then the Bulwom teaches generation of other students to write things no one is interested in.
But, Astaga and Aduhai ! Bulwom gets more action – if it is possible – than Achmad Sudarsono after an unplugged Ukulele session at Jl. Blora.
Amidst the long-haired self stroking bohemians of the Art School, Bulwom is bigger than Samantha Fox (so to speak). Bulwom chills into the rythym of Yogya, riding on the back of the motorbike, basking in the adoration and envy of the other long-haired would-be painters and art-stars.
She casts scornful glances at other suitors, knowing her desirability. Inevitably, though, most Bulwom abandon their local beau, when the question of marriage comes up. He turns into a brooding, psychotic stalker, not having been exposed to the Seksiness lessons of Pendekar/Guru Achmad. (Pak Achmad is said to be preparing a series of e-lessons, on how to be Seksi ™).
The Bali Bulwom is a bit of a different story. Whilst I salute the resourcefulness of the Kuta Cowboys, going from amateur to pro is a big step, perhaps one for Guru Achmad to cover in the future.
Why then does the Jakarta Bulwom not swim in the local pond, like a mutated Ikan mas (gold fish) in the Ciliwung river ? As a humble Betawi bongo player, I am bemused. Bulwom Jakarte is often stressed and cranky, the seductive secrets of our kampungs eluding her as she sits in an air-conditioned fortress. Does she know of the Ondel-Ondel ? Yet she is always complain, complain, complain.
But Bulwom, there are tens of thousands of able-bodied descendants of Si Pitong and other Betawi heroes ready to tend to your needs. Why don’t you follow your Yogya sisters who take the lesehan (sit down outdoor cafe) and sup on local fare ?
A lot of bules who go to Jogja are looking for a “cultural experience.” This usually involves a local paramour, whether of the male or female persuasion.
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I think I need a lie down.