Indonesia Matters Insult-a-Thon: Round 2
There once was a Bule called Ross,
Whose writing was very pompous,
He wasted his words, the ultimate Nerd,
Whilst setting himself up for a loss, (At my hands, of course).
Predictably, Ross has claimed I am mad, cracked, heinous, and mendacious. Seksi Friends, these are not insults, but facts !
How hard can it be to insult a ukulele-playing, cabaret-singing pencak silat teacher who constantly claims to be Seksi ?
But as Ross is not up to it (just ask his wife!), and that he stayed up all night looking up words in the dictionary for his little rhyme, I shall oblige him.
R is for Ross, so repressed, and daft,
O is for odd, stuck in the past,
S
S “S.S”, is in “U.S.S.R.”, which he hates,
Oh, Rossy-poo, it’s not 1948 !
Ross’s postings, (guaranteed to cure insomnia), boil down to:
• Communists are bad.
• Islam is bad.
• Gays, Indonesian civil servants, liberals, (anyone to the left of Genghis Kahn): bad
• Ross: good.
Overall, Ross seems to be the result of a bad experiment to genetically cross Ayn Rand, Basil Fawlty, and randomly scraped DNA from a Blok M bar floor, along with nearby bacteria.
As we all agree, Ross’s tabloid prejudices masquerading as commentary aren’t worth anything more. So, Seksi Friend, now the fun part, a journey through Western history, scouring the best-fitting insults.
The Insults
Scanning Shakespeare, Ross is not worthy of the tragedies, but the comedies offer many insights into his timeless character flaws:
Ross’s character:
“Drunkenness is his best virtue, for he will be swine drunk, and in his sleep he does little harm, save to his bedclothes about him,”
(Alls Well That Ends Well),
“There’s many a man hath more hair than wit,”
(Comedy of Errors).
Ross’s posts:
“This is the silliest stuff that I ever heard”
(A Midsummer Night’s Dream).
“A fellow of the strangest mind in the world”
(Twelfth Night).
“His intellect is not replenished, he is only an animal, only sensible in the duller parts,”
(Love’s Labor Lost).
Comprehensive Ross insights:
“Observe him, for the love of mockery,” and, “Leave thy vain bibble-babble,” not leaving out, “As ass head and a coxcomb and a knave, a thin faced knave and gull!”
(Twelfth Night).
Tomorrow: More Timeless Political Scholarship on Rossisms. A taster:
Winston Churchill on Austin Chamberlain (may as well be Ross):
He always played the game, and he always lost it
On Neville Chamberlain, (or Ross):
He looked at foreign affairs through the wrong end of a municipal drainpipe
Seksi Friend, Ross, as usual, has offered you cliches, I have offered you poetry, Shakespeare and The Truth. Tomorrow, we shall conclude our devastation.
Indonesia Matters Insult-a-Thon: Round 3
Comrade Ross, the Paper Tiger of IM, I rest my case.
Ross (head stuck under the bed looking for reds), can't distinguish between "insult," and "mildly negative job performance review." "Lacks acuity," (oh dear!), "lacking content," (don't hurt me!), "endless verbosity,”; and, worst of all, “eschews evaluation,” (now that’s really below the belt).
Elsewhere, "perversion," "makes normal skin crawl," "minatory jibes," thanks Ross, I do my best, but again, stating the obvious. If the Cold War had been left to you, the East would be Red, (but not well read).
In contrast, I, seksi Achmad, have insulted Ross on average once a sentence, starting with his weird views, and above, even insulted his insults.
A new expression in the English language: To Ross, meaning to waffle inanely about stuffy topics no-one is interested in on the internet, to patronize (when in no position to do so), to be cowardly. “To Ross” is a flexible term.
I call on all IM readers to use the new phrase, as in, “don’t worry, he’s just Rossing again.” In its adjective form: Megawati gave a long Rossy speech today.
Historical Rossisms
Writings from Ancient Greece and Rome are rich on insights into Rossism. “It is easy to be brave from a safe distance” said wise storyteller Aesop, a principle that clearly refers to Ross’s postings. On Ross’s silly retorts here, “One more such victory and we are lost,” said Phyrrhus, on beating the Romans at the Battle of the Asculum.
Temple fragments highlight the comparison between Achmad and Ross: “Immortal Gods! How much does one man excel another. What a difference there is between a wise man [Achmad] and a fool [Ross],” (Terence, Eunuchus). As an aside, on me: “There is no great genius without some touch of madness,” (Seneca, Moral Essays).
Finally, few of these insults are fair to Ross, but I’ll quote Harper’s Weekly on Abraham Lincoln, anyway: “Filthy Story-Teller, Despot, Liar, Thief, Braggart, Buffoon, Usurper, Monster, Ignoramus Abe, Old Scoundrel, Perjurer, Robher, Swindler, Tyrant, Field-Butcher, Land-Pirate.”
Seksi Friend, I could go on, but there is no need. Ross has been showered with insults, laid bare (a horrible thought, I know). He responded with odd little verses, but “nothing is more confident than a bad poet,” (Martial, c AD 102, Epigrams Book I).
Back to Shakespeare and I end with Puck’s apology from a Midsummer Night’s Dream, who said, “If we shadows have offended,” (that was the idea, Ross), and “Give me your hands, if we be friends,”
And then Achmad shall do it all again.
Seksi Ibu Fullmoonflower Yth.,
What’s yr FB address ?
Pak Diego Yth.,
It’s not just about content, in your case. It’s about what’s right. Even if I lose this bout, I’m on your side, brother.
x o.
I almost voted for Ross–who knew he was a closet rapper!
But Achmad won, in my book, for the “Ayn Rand, Basil Fawlty and randomly scraped DNA from a Blok M bar floor, along with nearby bacteria” line.
Ya, Achmad has BALLS! And seems far better educated than Ross. Can I vote more than once?
@All,
Just wanted to congratulate Ross on a job well done. We don’t agree on most things, but even in an insult-a-thon, a sporting spirit can prevail.
@ Astrajingga, Ultratupai,
Many thanks.
@ diego
Somehow you remind me of a commentatore who posted here in IM under the nickname ‘El Gran Combo Puertorico’.
Am I right?
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Indonesia Matters Insult-a-Thon: Round 1
Seksi Friend, kindly, but foolishly, Ross has done my work for me. Part-Thatcherite, part-derelict Jaksa Bule, and all nutcase, he insults himself every time he touches the keyboard.
I, Achmad Sudarsono, Indonesia’s leading and Seksiest poet, ukulele player, cabaret singer and pencak silat master, will thoroughly insult Ross in these coming posts, as a tribute to Indonesia Matters, The Truth, and Art of the Insult.
At first, I will make a half-hearted attempt to ridicule Ross’s warped ideas. His anti-communism, 20 years after the fall of the Berlin wall, and 18 years after the end of the Soviet Union, is too good to resist.
I will then abandon all pretense at logic or fair debate and like the Achmad you know well, descend into a juvenile barrage of cheap jibes gleaned from the internet.
To introduce my foe, Ross McKay lurks at Jalan Jaksa, the mecca for Bule Kere and Bule Gembel, dredging his thoughts up from the stale bottom of a Bir Bintang. His grip on reality is shaky, thinking that communism is a threat, even as the Russian and Chinese governments salivate for foreign capitalism investment.
Freud would tell us Ross’s delusions spring from deep sexual inadequacies, probably due the repressed urges of a British childhood. He compensates for his barfly Jaksa status by affecting Tory views, this time at least 30 years out of date.
Ross’s pet peeves bespeak of deep seated and unfulfilled desires. He rails in lurid detail against homosexuality, bans on corporal punishment of children, and whip-wielding Sharia police in Aceh.
Ross, Kawan, there are legal, subscription-based websites for such urges now !
In response, Ross will no doubt try his usual sordid tricks. He will probably question my Indonesianness, my Seksiness, and my investigative revelations, such as the Rise of Mojopahit and involvement of U.F.O. visitors in Indonesian history.
But not to worry, Seksi Friend, we can rely on Ross for one thing: to insult himself.