CIA & FBI Conspiracy Theories

Feb 6th, 2009, in Opinion, by

Achmad wonders what is behind Indonesia’s trail of natural disasters.

Achmad Sudarsono

The CIA and FBI are behind Indonesia’s Natural Disasters

Halo All My Seksi Friend,

As I was strumming Koes Ploes songs on my Ukulele in the rice fields this evening, I found the time to reflect on the recent natural disasters that have hit Indonesia.

There have been tsunamis, earthquakes, landslides, global warming, floods, and the threat of volcanic eruptions.

I wondered, as my fingers picked out the tunes to Koes Ploes classics, why all of sudden do we face such woes? Then, as I slammed back my 10th Teh Poci and 3rd packet of Gudang Garam kreteks, I realized.

The CIA and the FBI engineered them all to prevent Indonesia’s rise to the greatness of the Mojopahit Empire.

Sure, I wouldn’t be surprised if the MI-6 and other agencies were in on the act as well. After all, none of the world’s superpowers want Indonesia to reverse engineer all the U.F.O. technology we have buried in our ancient temples and ruins. They want it for themselves.

So, friend, there is simply no other rational explanation behind phenomenon such as the 2004 tsunami or 2006 earthquake in Central Java.

Consider this:

* Who else has the technology ?

* Why did the USS Abraham Lincoln, the U.S. naval aircraft carrier, arrive in Banda Aceh in 2004 so quickly? They didn’t come to pose for foto-fotoan at tourism objects, (obyek wisata)! I am sure they sent all their engineers and demolitions experts to ensure that the work had been properly completed. The same for all the other natural disasters.

So, as I asked when Engelbert Humperdinck sold his Harley Davidson in 2005, why God, why?

Seksi Friend,

Indonesia is gradually, quietly on its way to becoming a global superpower, and in, fact, the world’s greatest cultural force. Think of it — now we have shows like “Extravaganza”, “Termehek-Mehek,” and “Suami-Suami Takut Istri” ? Why were none of these shows nominated at the Golden Globes?

Suami-Suami Takut Istri
Snubbed at the Globes

Our movies, especially of the horror variety put all of Hollywood, and even America’s Indy scene to shame? What American film could ever match recent classics such as “Pintu Terlarang,” or “Hantu Ambulans,” not to mention the “Suster Ngesot” series, possibly the zenith of Asian cinema since Akira Kurosawa.

Hollywood, as we all know, has controlled the White House since Ronald Reagan was elected. Look at all the entertainers who endorsed Barack Obama! Look at the Governor of California, Pak Arnolds Schwarzeneggers.

Of course, I am just a humble poet and many IM matters are more learned than I am. But sometimes, it is we Rakyat, ordinary people, who see things clearly. I take another drag on my 60th kretek for the day. Now I sip my final Teh Poci and look forward to my nightly Jamu as I listen to the Tokek lizards cheep-cheeping away looking at the sun set over the sawah.

206 Comments on “CIA & FBI Conspiracy Theories”

  1. G says:

    I think you might be on to something.

    Actually Pintu Terlarang wasn’t half bad…

  2. schmerly says:

    AS.. Do you honestly believe the CIA and FBI could engineer such huge disasters as the ones your talking about, if so how could they have possibly done it?? or do you just write this stuff to invite controversy?
    If you sincerely believe what you have written, you should check in to a psychiatric clinic and get an assessment of your sanity.

  3. schmerly says:

    AS.. I’ve just read your opening words “Achmad wonders what is behind Indonesia’s trail of natural disasters” well if their “natural” how can they be man made by the CIA or FBI??

  4. Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Pak Schmerly Yth (or Ibu),

    I ever had a suspicion of the CIA and FBI for many years. But you are right. We musn’t get carried away with conspiracy theories. Some people think the National Geographic channel were behind the disasters so they had programming all year.

    I call it the “Schlokam’s Razor” theory — if there is a chance the U.S. government is behind it, they are !

    Va Va Voom !

    Merdeka !

  5. schmerly says:

    AS.. don’t think I’m a fan of the CIA or the FBI, they do a lot of things that I don’t agree with.

  6. Achmad Sudarsono says:

    So you agree !



    Schmerly, I knew you’d come around !

    What else did the CIA and FBI do ?

  7. schmerly says:

    AS.. I have NOT!! come around I was simply stating my opinion, however that doesn’t alter the fact that these “natural” disasters are not cooked up by the CIA or the FBI.

  8. Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Pak Schmerling Yth,

    Whilst I respect your (Bule) opinion, I would appreciate it if you could address the arguments I’ve laid out, rather than just dismiss them.

    What other rational explanation could there possibly be about the tsunami and natural disasters ?

    They were all clearly CIA and FBI-driven events !

  9. schmerly says:

    AS.. Just dream on, I cant be bothered with this, it’s just getting to ridiculous to comment on.

  10. Lairedion says:

    schmerly, what are your motives to participate here on IM since all is ridiculous and you don’t give a damn about other opinions?

  11. Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Do you see, Shmerly Yth ?

    Lairedion sees !

  12. theimp98 says:

    lol lol, the CIA could not keep a secret to save there life.(or mine for that matter)
    i think you should look into the russian and there research.

  13. joao says:

    Sum…er…, I mean Mr Achmad sir, you’re simply too seksi for IM! ;-p

  14. Abudabi says:

    Thank you, Pak Achmad, for speaking the truth. You are a brave man. It’s about time somebody broke these undeniable truths to the ignorant masses. The American imperialists, globalists, and infidels do everything to keep the largest and greatest Moslem nation from taking its rightful place. How is it possible that in all these years Indonesia has made so little progress? Few people have the courage to ask this hard question. And even fewer dare to answer it. Indonesia has it all: rich, fertile land and sea, natural rsources, a rich culture, honest and hard working people. So why is there no progress? Who has an interest in keeping this wonderful country down? Who has the means to do it? The people from Rwanda, Liechtenstein or the Maori? Nope. It’s the Americans of course. It’s only logical that they use the CIA, the FBI, the Peace Corps and Rotary Club to sabotage the economy, infuse hatred and yes – let the truth be told -to create tsunamis, earthquakes, floods, mood flows and vulcano eruptions. Now they even create global warming to flood these island nation with melted glacier water. They also bring malaria, rabies, nudity, tuberculosis and other sicknesses. And that’s not the end of it: Did you ever think why the rain forest disappears? Why there is less and less fish? Why the prices rise? Why there is so much corruption? Why the rivers are polluted? Why there is no salak year around? And why there is so much poverty? It’s obvious that secret programs are behind all of these. And that proves it beyond any doubt.

  15. Oigal says:


    One day late maturity or something will happen and perhaps you grasp why some people find it so distasteful that you seem to think other people\’s suffering and pain is grist for your attempts and trolling to provoke others.

    Trolling is not a difficult as there is always someone to take the bait (as have I many times) but to continually trade on other peoples grief is sad and pathetic. Are you that desperate for attention and feedback on your self worth?

  16. Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Oh Oigsy,

    Drop all the self-righteousness. You wouldn’t know a natural disaster zone if you tripped over one.

    Besides, your response to the Australian Military cashing in on the ’04 tsunami was:

    So what.

    For everyone else: militaries deliver services for 2-3 x times what other agencies can. Granted, they can operate in the early stages, but they tend to stay much, much, longer than needed, because of the pay benefits. Bottom line: the Australian military cashed in on the tsunami and then pitched themselves as saviours.

    Oigster will probably deliver standard speech about “profession of arms” (hey True Blue, don’t say you’re gone…), but the reality is all soldiers at all levels, especially in Australia, milk the system for all they can, workers’ compo etc, you name it.

    If they can help a few tsunami victims, get filmed doing it, get a warm fuzzy back home, then fine, but it’s the overtime that’ s the real issue. Same can be said for most of the aid agencies.

  17. schmerly says:

    Abudabi.. “How is it possible that in all these years Indonesia has made so little progress? Look in the mirror.
    “honest and hard working people” ?????
    “It’s only logical that they use the CIA, the FBI, the Peace Corps and Rotary Club to sabotage the economy, infuse hatred and yes – let the truth be told -to create tsunamis, earthquakes, floods, mood flows and volcano eruptions” join AS at the psychiatric clinic.
    “Now they even create global warming to flood these island nation with melted glacier water” nothing to do with the deforestation in Indonesia I suppose?? “Did you ever think why the rain forest disappears” Ditto.
    They also bring malaria, rabies, nudity, tuberculosis and other sicknesses. I think you’ll find malaria comes mostly from tropical climates, nudity! I’ve never heard that classed as a disease.
    And there was me thinking that Allah ran the show, not the CIA, FBI, USA Etc., so why are you blaming them?

  18. schmerly says:

    Oi Assmad Sudarsono… get your facts strait Mr, the whole world pitched in when Indonesia had that tsunami, billions of dollars of aid came from all over the world, and the bulk of it came from western country’s, and millions of dollars got ripped off by Indonesian corruption, and that’s a fact as I know an aid worker who had to go through twenty! checkpoints with his convoy from the docks in Jakarta to Aceh, paying a fees at every stop to the local police, army, RT, and RW so get it strait the Australian military did not “cash in” on the tsunami but certain Indonesians did.
    And as far as “If they can help a few tsunami victims” thousands is not a few so don’t try and belittle the tremendous effort a lot of people put in to help the tsunami victims, what did you do to help? sit on your ass playing the Ukulele and reciting poetry? or perhaps you were waiting for your alien friends to come down and pitch in?

  19. Achmad Sudarsono says:


    Say it better, or don’t say it. Sorry. Standards and all that.

  20. schmerly says:

    @AS.. As usual no sensible answer, never mind.

  21. Lairedion says:

    Achmad the US bule, I don’t wanna see it. Have to agree with Oigal here.

    Your article could be the thought of the average PDI-P or PKS politician. Normally I can appreciate some sense of humor and absurdism but this particular thread is a failed attempt to try to be funny at the expense of the many deaths and victims of various natural disasters.

    Perhaps I should tell you about the grief and devastation I saw on a person’s face (my sister-in-law’s husband) who just heard half his family died in a collapsed house in Sleman during the 2006 Yogya earthquake.

  22. Oigal says:

    You wouldn’t know a natural disaster zone if you tripped over one.

    You sad smug little man (?), you could not be more wrong

  23. Achmad Sudarsono says:


    Sorry, pal, are you gonna trump out the “hey true blue” line again ? (Hey True Blue… don’t say you’re gone….). Heroic Aussie battlers ? Go fight a bushfire.


    Condolences and sympathies to those who lost.

    But there were two sets of natural disasters…

    The real one (which affect the people you’re talking about).

    The “cyber” tsunami, the one that was reported…

    The latter drew all sorts of characters, including

    – Abu Bakar Bashir
    – The Australian Military (who charged 2-3 times what NGOs would’ve charged, with the “heroic” diggers pocketing the rest, “hey true blue”).
    – The Indonesian National TV stations — Metro TV & the tsunami.
    – National NGOs
    – International NGOs — the Scientologists had a “massage” tent in Banda Aceh…

    I’m talking about the latter…

  24. Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Besides, Lairedy, what did you do in 2006, apart from the clackey-clack of the keyboard ?

  25. Aluang Anak Bayang says:

    @ Lairedion

    Achmad the US bule, ..

    Aussie. Don’t ask me how I know 🙂

  26. Lairedion says:

    Matur nuwun, Mas Aluang and I won’t ask. 🙂 I was guessing he’s either American or Aussie.

    OK mr. Achmad the Aussie bule. Rather predictable I helped my sister-in-law’s husband and my relatives affected by the earthquake because, unlike you, I have Javanese ancestry, and a connection with the area around Gunung Merapi (Kedu plain) and beyond (my paternal grandmother is a Magelang native). Of course to do this was easy from my position, I will be the first to admit that.

    Besides this, in Bandung I have a long running project supporting poor children to go to elementary school. Relatives of my wife are overseeing this project. I also own a couple of small houses in Bandung which are leased to students and young couples and I have people working there to maintain those houses. And oh, I forgot, inspired by Muhammad Yunus I’m also into microcredit lately, again in Bandung.

    Now comes the best part. This is all possible because I do a lot of clackey-clack with my keyboard as I happen to be a freelance IT-consultant earning a reasonable amount of money.

  27. Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Hi Laired,

    Well that’s pretty cool, a nice story infact.

    Anyway, the piece was really about how people think of the natural disasters.

    After all Mbah Marijan is now an advertising icon and the most number of Google hits the word “Indonesia” had last time I checked was immediately after the 2004 tsunami.

    But my apologies if you thought I was making fun of the pain involved with those disasters. But there were alot of ridiculous explanations floating round on the ground, as you must remember.

    I like the Grameen Bank, but some argue the best microfinance institution was our very own BRI.

    Good luck with it all.

  28. Arai says:

    hey take it easy y’all. somehow I think this site was designed only for those who wants to learn english. hahahaha.

    and where’s fullmoonflower? i miss her so much.

  29. Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Arai Yth.,

    I think she’s getting ready to move. But yes, I miss her too.

    Also, Lairde, I just wanted to say wishing the best for your family in Yogya and the old man you mentioned. Hope things are moving forward for him.

  30. Lairedion says:

    Thanks for your compassion but I never mentioned an old man. If you talk about my sister-in-law’s husband he just turned 30 at that time.

    Sorry, I don’t buy your explanation… won’t comment anymore. Try to do better with your next post.

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