Dating Indonesian Girls
Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by PatungDating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.
Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.
If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.
On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.
Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.
There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.
4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”
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Hassan says:
James, I think that love deserve a chance, if you get my drift.
But be very very careful, because internet based relations can be quite deceptive. Things might not be as they seemed.
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Travelling Oz says:
James
One thing you must learn is that Indonesian ladies are actually very clever although they may seem nieve to most bule. Most of the ladies you meet in the clubs and bars of Indonesia could be considered business contacts. They are there with a product to sell and you are the prospective client.
It is, however a very tough markeplace. There are wives, daughters, mothers, single mums, etc, etc., all trying to feed themselves and usually numerous other mouths. Picture girls anywhere from 16 years of age to ladies 40 years of age, all trying to get the attention of a foreigner. In most cases I’ve found that they are very good at conversation, although some will come right out and pop the question to you.
In western culture (I’m from Australia) if a relationship goes sour usually both parties go their own way and move on. In Asia, and Indonesia more so, when a lady falls in love she really gives 200%. Therefore if a relationship breaks up, these ladies hearts really break. It just a matter of separating the business relationships and the emotional relationships.
I first started going to Indonesia about 8 years ago as an importer of timber products. At this time I was already married with 3 children. The first few trips I learnt quickly that ladies met were basically trying to offer their services at a price. I could not go to karaoke, discoteque, bars or even restaurants without being offered a phone number or being told that I was handsome.
I managed to avoid the attention and even laughed it off. That was until I was introduced to a model in Jakarta. She was the most beautiful lady I had ever set my eyes upon. We were at a dinner as a group of friends and business associates when the suggestion was made to go and watch some live music. It sounded like a great idea and we all went. Half way through the night she asked me if I was married and I told her yes. She then asked me if I had children and I told her that I had 3 beautiful children and showed her pictures. The night went on and the conversation was enthralling to say the least. She then said to me that she had about 5 years of her career at peak and then when she reached she would have to get married. That seemed ok to me. Then she told me that she would try for the next 5 years to convince me to leave my wife, this blew me away, if in 5 years she couldn’t she said she would have had the time of her life and would find a another guy to marry. I was obviously at a weak point and caved in to her. We had a fantastic few years together, I was in Indonesia every 6 – 8 weeks, and then she started talking children. I kept reminding her of my wife and children and that I could not make her any commitments. Then I realised that her lust had turned to love and that whilst I was very attached to her, I was not doing the right thing by keeping things going.
Since then I have still kept in contact and helped her whenever she needed my help. I still go to Indonesia regularly and love meeting up with friends and visiting the numerous night spots around Indonesia. The last visit, I stayed at the Le Meridien which is home to the famous Tiga Pulu Bar. Each night I had at least 20 + ladies come up to me and ask if I needed company, but I just thanked them and enjoyed myself. The D.J. and even the bar staff befriended me and kept asking me why I am always sitting by myself. I was just there to enjoy the music and relax.
I think some western women need to take a look at eastern ladies and see the lengths that they will go to for the benefit of family and just to give themselves a better life.
I will be back there next week and will probably make another group of friends that will remain with me for life.
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Stella says:
James, I think you have to clear your mind. She has lied to you or cover something from the truth. When will it last until the truth reveal and you get hurt? My advice is, visit her and get to know her in real world and find out why she has lied to you many times. Do not rush into something that you might regret later, you are so in love so you can’t see the reality. Ask yourself again are you in love or in lust? All the best for you….
Harry, what is wrong with you man??!!
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sgn says:
James wrote:
I feel really in love with her ….
I have asked allah to help me and find the right path for me and still I keep coming back to her, she feels like the angel I have been looking for…That means James has made the decision. He just wanted to share his feeling with us. Any advice from us might not be taken. 😉
Am I right, James?
Good luck.
sgn -
Ihaknt says:
Travelling Oz
In western culture (I’m from Australia) if a relationship goes sour usually both parties go their own way and move on. In Asia, and Indonesia more so, when a lady falls in love she really gives 200%. Therefore if a relationship breaks up, these ladies hearts really break. It just a matter of separating the business relationships and the emotional relationships.
Mate, you’re delusional. Anyone regardless the race can fall in love and give 200%. And anyone regardless the race can also take the sour path to move on.
By the way…are you having a good holiday? Sounds like it.
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Dimp says:
Travelling Oz, Ihaknt
Mate, you’re delusional. Anyone regardless the race can fall in love and give 200%.
I think we have a word for this, “psycho”.
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Oh I forgot to add, those 200% girls sometimes can turn into ‘stalkers’, scary: (Actually the sour ones can too, damn if you do damn if you don’t).
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James says:
I want to say thanks to Travelling Oz for you advice, I have a question for you, I hope you don’t mind, – are you still married to your wife? I hope so, I hate to see families torn apart, the children are the ones that really suffer. I hope things worked out for you. What do you think of what I am doing?
I have three children to also consider in this, I raise them on my own, we went through a really really bad divorce battle, so I don’t want them to get hurt anymore either. But, they seem to love her also, they really want her to come here. And also I want to say to “sgn “thanks, that was what I was trying to say, but! I do like to hear the advice good or bad, I appreciate it all, so thank you to everyone that has helped me on this.
I also have one other question to ask of you guys, something that she has told me that really bothers me. She also told me the other day when she was telling me the things I wanted to know that she has never been involved with a man sexually, now most men would eat this up, but, I am having a problem with it. I don’t mind if she has been with other men, but to not have been with other men, makes me feel a little weird about it. All most guilty, what if she really hasn’t had sex before? And I take that from her and then things, like you guys said things could go wrong and not work out, then she will have lost something very special to her, if she indeed has waited 33yrs to do this. I will feel like the worst man in the world for have taking that from her. That is my worry, and I just like to have some input on this on what you guys or girls think about this? Thanks a lot and god bless all of you.
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James
All I can say mate is follow your heart. At the end of the day, she may be the right one for you and she may not, there is only one way to find out. I am of European descent, born Muslim, grew up in Australia and attended Catholic school, Now that Im 38 years of age I find the Buddhist way of life to be the most ideallic. I have travelled extensively throughout Asia and Europe and dated many ladies all over the world before settling down. I still believe that the Indonesian ladies have a lot to offer and you could not find any one more comitted and devoted to their partner or family.
Since that period of infidelity, my relationship with my wife has taken an upward step. i dont know why but I feel more relaxed and am less demanding on her.
Ihaknt
Mate, Delusional, I think not. Seen the light, yes. In Australia, you break up with your girlfriend, what happens in most cases ? She’s out next week at a night club trying to make you jealous by sleeping with someone else. I have been married for 13 years so i have not had to deal with this but I have friends splitting up on a monthly basis and time and time again, both parties move on without the bed even getting cold. I most of my friends cases, its the ladies moving on for greener pastures.
Harry
I disagree with what you say about bule in Indonesia. I’m over 90kg, 38 years of age and not the fittest or the fattest person youve seen. Yet, I can talk to anyone, anywhere in Idonesia. Most ladies in Indonesia are really easy going and as long as you treat them with kindness there are keen to talk. I have travelled extensively through Jakarata, Charita, Punjak, Bandung, Jogja and Surabaya and everywhereis the same.
I do business with Singapore, Malaysia and China and also travel to those places every 2 months but cannot say the same about people that I meet in those countries.
I love Indonesia, the people, the food and in general, the culture. It has nothing to do with not being able to get the same in Australia as I have a nice house, sportscars, a boat, jetskis and a great business. If I was not married, or ever got divorced, I would consider Indonesia as a place to live.
Good luck James and I hope everything works out for you. een if she has not been totally truthfull with you give her the benefit of the doubt. The stories that most of these girls tell are only due to their conditions and their stuation.
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Grace and Mercy says:
TOz, your statement (I quote)
In Australia, you break up with your girlfriend, what happens in most cases ? She’s out next week at a night club trying to make you jealous by sleeping with someone else.
contradicts your previous statement (I quote)
In western culture (I’m from Australia) if a relationship goes sour usually both parties go their own way and move on.
Sleeping with another man trying to make you jealous is NOT a sign of a person (in this case the lady) moving on. On the contrary it is a sign that she still have hang-ups towards you.
Hang-ups is not equal to moving on my friend.
So what you said
if a relationship breaks up, these ladies hearts really break.
is true of any culture (and any gender for that matter).
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harry says:
In Indonesia it is all about looks. A good body is not important. I really have a good body, am fit but will not get a look from any girl. I know many overweight but TALL bule who cannot go anywhere without getting jumped at by shoals and hordes of horny young and gorgeous girls.
This led me to believe that a handsome face and especially a tall physique are the main if not the only attractions for Indonesian girls.
It is quite funny in this respect to tell you about a recent experience. I went out with a 68 yo tall bule guy (i’m 174 he is 191 cm) He is more then 30 years older then me yet wherever we went he was the center of attention of all the girls. He could have easily have chosen and taken 20+ models with him had he wanted. Unluckily for the girls he is a nice and faithfull happily married guy who doesn’t give in easily so he went home alone. I was not even looked at by girls whenever and whereever i went with him:0
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Grace and Mercy
It really is a matter of how you care to interpret and / or play on words. If either party is out there trying to make someone jealous, it is not always because of hangups. It could be revenge, sheer anger, jealousy or just to prove a point. It doesnt always come with tears or sorrow.
Of the few instances that I have seen in Indonesia, the ladies are truly hurt. There appears to be no malice, no revengeful thoughts just straight out tears and broken hearts. It is like their lives have just come to an end. Dont get me wrong, I’m not saying that all women in western countries are like that, I am just saying that to me it appears that, in general, ladies in Indonesia, almost worship their partners and family comes first. Moreso than in western countries.
Also “MY FRIEND” hang ups can equate to moving on. One can have hangups about a relationship gone sour, which is fueled by anger and not by emotions.
The above were just my views expressed based on my experiences directed at James. He and anyone else on this thread is not in any way obliged to agree with me.
So what you said
if a relationship breaks up, these ladies hearts really break.
is true of any culture (and any gender for that matter).
I agree to disagree with you on this matter. Based on my life experiences and those around me, sorrow based on western and eastern culture is not anywhere near alike. In your world maybe everyone is the same and loves the same and reacts the same and hates the same. Not in my end of town.
Harry
Forget looks. Are you an outgoing sort of guy or do you prefer to just sit back and make the girls do the yards to get your attention. I mainly travel with locals whilst in Indonesia, but I found that they seem to prefer extroverts moreseo than introverts.
Im sure that your age, looks or height are not the barrier. Just your negativity. Next time you go out be positive and confident. if you think you can conquer the world you will whereas if youv’e given up before you have even started there is no chance.
This is something that I have experienced all around the world not just in Indonesia.
You sound like a great guy Harry, if you believe in yourself, Im sure so will others.
Next week when I’m in jakarta, I will try out the short theory just in case. I will make a point of going out with someone short just to see if it really does make a difference. hey, maybe I will bump into you somewhere along the way. By the way, I’m only 178cm myself.
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Oz
In Australia, you break up with your girlfriend, what happens in most cases ? She’s out next week at a night club trying to make you jealous by sleeping with someone else. I have been married for 13 years so i have not had to deal with this but I have friends splitting up on a monthly basis and time and time again, both parties move on without the bed even getting cold. I most of my friends cases, its the ladies moving on for greener pastures.
Heheheheh 😀 sounds like we know the same people…Good on them I’d say!! Or maybe they have a very good electric blanket? But Oz, guys do the same thing too you know. Break up then go out and pick up. See it’s not restricted by gender. If one is willing to bounce back, one will.
Mmmm, you’re probably one of my mate’s friend. -
TOz
You have made yourself clear. Again my opinion is:
Of the few instances that I have seen in Indonesia, the ladies are truly hurt. There appears to be no malice, no revengeful thoughts just straight out tears and broken hearts.
Is more “moving-on”. One accepted the messed up situation they were in, and moved on.
revenge, sheer anger, jealousy or just to prove a point
clearly is not a sign of moving on. Obviously if a person behave like this proves that they haven’t moved on. That’s running in circles. Now after that what happens with the guy she’s trying to make jealous? French kiss his date in front of her? The circle continues. The plot of the Drama (with a capital “D”) becomes thicker.
If one moved on, then one would have made peace with whatever past cirucumstance one were in prior. No matter what culture. West, East, North or South one came from.
Acceptance, making peace with prior circumstance = moving on
All that malice would just add up to the mess not yet cleaned up.
In your world maybe everyone is the same and loves the same and reacts the same and hates the same. Not in my end of town.
I wasn’t talking about the reaction. I am talking about a hurt is a hurt. Read again my quote of your quote.
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Ihaknt
I agree both genders can have broken hearts and can move on but this is not a thread on dating Indonesian guys. Haha. Maybe we will save that discussion for Dating Aussie Men. Now that would be a heated debate.
Grace and Mercy
I give in. I’m not going to requote your quote on my quote. This isnt a discussion on Pschology or relationship matters. Its about Dating Indonesian Girls and my advise to James is that and Indonesian girl puts in (in most cases) 200% and usually if there is a few lies told it is because they care so much and dont want to lose the loved one over it. Yes this is probably the case in most races, genders, religions etc but this a topic based on Indonesia.
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Places I should visit while I am there, anyone want to tell me some great places to go while I am in Indonesia? and maybe some places I don’t want to visit. Grace and Mercy I just want to say that you sound like a very solid, and educated, strong minded woman. That’s a compliment from me, I think it’s great that a woman can stand on her two feet. My new wife to be seems to be the same way. I think that’s great, I would love to meet all of you one day, to tell you thanks for helping me with this, it was a big, VERY big decision to make. So thank you guys and ladies. Anyway where should I go, my first stop is Jakarta.
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TOz
I give in.
That’s big of you! You da’ man!
James Says
Grace and Mercy I just want to say that you sound like a very solid, and educated, strong minded woman. That’s a compliment from me
Thanks for the comp. However, I am man.
Interesting discussions gentlemen. 😀
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James, about 2 hours drive from jakarta is a place called Puncak. It is a town that runs through a moutainside. There are tea plantations all over the mountain and you can take your partner and go hangliding over the plantations. On top of the hill there is a resort, I cannot remember the name of it but it is maginificent. The room has its own pool that is on the side of the cliff. When you look out of your room you see the pool that drops off the side of the cliff and into the valley below.
About 3 1/2 hours scenic drive is Charita beach. Like the locals own version of Bali. You can even get the locals to cook up a feed of seafood including prawns that go about two to the kilo and brought to the seaside. they then clear up the dishes and take them away for a very modest price.
The other place I loved was the site of Borobudur. You will have to fly to Jogjakarta which in itself is a beautiful city. Then negotiate with a local driver to take you to the Buddhist shrine. I am not sure whether it is open yet as it was damaged in last octobers Earthquake. Its a real experience walking up through one of the oldest Buddhist temples in the world.
There really are too many places around Indonesia worth seeing. I’m sure that your ladyfriend has many plaxces of interest that she can take you. If you need any more info let me know and I can give you email contact.
Grace and Mercy
I am surprised as well. i thought you must have been a white feminist. Lol.
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TOz
I absolutely adore my wife and daughter, so in that sense I am a feminist, but more of the “yellow” kind. 😀
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SORRY! I just thought you were a woman the way you used some words, I guess I am not to good at guessing. :D. Thank you for the tips on some places to go and visit. I will try my best to see as many as I can while I am there, again man I am sorry for thinking you were a woman.
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Achmad Sudarsono says:
Friend,
I think White Feminist is sometimes narrow minded. I am never get a date, and they are always ignore me, because I am a Muslim and Indonesian and have a moustache.
I think they should be more open-minded and give me and Asian brothers a chance, donks. I send out hundreds of messages with foto on myspace and never get any reply !! Sometimes they tell me: “go away creep’!!
Sometimes they tell me I am stalker !!
That is unfair, because when I look at the sexy websites – I don’t tell them,.
But they should be more fair.
Thank,
Achmad.
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Anna says:
Hi Guys,
All I can say from all the comments, that maybe we need to go through all the wrong girls or guys just to find the right one, and maybe we need to go through all the break heart just to find to full heart.
It is gonna take time, to find the right person in life, and every mistake is a lesson for us. And we just have to take a closer look to find the person. -
PerempuanRantau says:
Achmad Sudarsono, please pretty please with sugar on top, don’t make yourself a reverse copy of Harry. You might be sexy but again, sexy is relative from the eye of beholder. so probably what you think as sexy it was not whatsoever sexy in any women’s eye regardless her skin color.
James, have fun during your coming to Indonesia. If your future bride’s story about her background is true then I think it is good for you to prepare yourself for any possible culture shock. As far from your email it seems you are sincere in your love and your intention. Be open-minded about what you see and hear when you meet her and her family. A tip from my own experience; learn a bit of simple Indonesia language always bring a joy and nice surprise for your future in-laws. All the best!!
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Hi Anna,
All I can say from all the comments, that maybe we need to go through all the wrong girls or guys just to find the right one, and maybe we need to go through all the break heart just to find to full heart.
It is gonna take time, to find the right person in life, and every mistake is a lesson for us. And we just have to take a closer look to find the person.Something that is worth having never comes easy.
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Thanks for the advice Perempuan Rantau.
Guys. I have been reading what you have been saying about women, I don’t mean to butt in, but here in amercia if you want to find a good woman, (which is almost rare) you have to find yourself first. I know this sounds weird, but look at yourself and who you really are on the inside, it took me along time to see this, and figure out that I was setting a standard that was not meant for me. Now I get asked out all the time, I am very confident in who I am, and where I am going in life, places you go and things you do should cue you in on the type of woman you really are seeking down deep inside.
Here in America if you hang out at a bar, club, to meet women, your going to get what your looking for, women that are only after a good time and thats it, nothing serious, not long term and usually only a one night stand and then she is back at it again the next weekend with someone else. This is true for the men as well. Know yourself and the right woman will fall right into your lap. A lot of men don’t want to really know what’s in their hearts. I realized that I am not a player, I can’t treat women like they are a piece of meat and use them for only sex and move on, I was really wanting marriage, someone good, loyal and honest, so I changed my ways, the places I was going just because my friends were, I was meeting all the wrong women.
Know things have really changed for me and I am much happier for it. Give it a try and I think you will see a difference, don’t follow your friends try going out on your own but to somewhere you really would like to go, someplace that gives you pleasure and interests you. The right woman will be there, might take sometime, but you will see, give it a try.
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Dimp
Hi,
I know, very much, but everything is always takes time. We just have to be passionate, and there is not just one fish in the sea. We can always catch the best one, at least if we try.
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Hi Anna
everything is always take a time.
we just have to be passion, And is not just one fish in the sea.
we can always catch the best one, at least we try.Yes, everything takes time, thus we need to be patient.
Regarding fishing, time and definitely skills are required.
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1ndra says:
If you wanna catch girls, don’t be a bothering and boring person, Achmad.
But if you really wanna hook up for a serious relationship, improve your quality, ‘dunia dan untuk akhirat’ quality, Insya Allah, you’ll get a good Muslimah. -
Hi Dimp.
You can say that again. 🙂 🙂 🙂
Regarding fishing, time and definitely skills are required.Indeed.
Are you Indo man?
Comment on “Dating Indonesian Girls”.
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you.
It’s not money that is evil. It is the love of money that is the root of all evil.
If we can master money then it will serve us for a good purpose. Getting our kids through school, helping a needy friend, assist the poort etc.
If we let money become our master then it will control our lives, with greed, lust and many other things that in the end will just make us miserable.
Anyhow, best of luck to you in your pursuit of your dream girl.