Dating Indonesian Girls

Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by

Dating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.

Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.

If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.

On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.

Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.

There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.

4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”

  1. Mohammed Khafi says:


    I think Ruud is correct, there is somethig else here which is causing your husband to act in this way. It certainly should not be financial worries which are causing this if you still have sufficient money for holidays and are still able to save some in the bank.

    Don’t worry about the little details, about how he reacts when he can’t find things that he has misplaced, just let them go in one ear and out of the other, try to help him find his things but don’t get upset about it, in that case he is probably just angry at himself for being forgetful, his anger is probably not really directed at you, but you are the only one close and so it seems that you become the target.

    I am more concerned at his reaction with the money situation, especially as you say that you are able to cover your daily expences and still save. As Ruud says, I think there is something else which is not yet out in the open, Ruud’s advice is correct, just wait for a moment of calm and then try to talk to him about it, try to get to the real cause of the problem, only when this is out in the open can you have any chance of resolving the problem.

    I don’t know you, or your family, or your full situation, so cannot really comment in more detail, but generally when we men are acting in this way, we are trying to cause a conflict which will create an atmosphere in which our hidden issues can be brought into the open, unfortunately this is the worst way of dealing with these things as by the time the real issue has been brought up both parties are so high on adrenaline that they cannot think straight and a big fight ensues. If this should happen and either of you seem to be losing control, just walk away and return to it at a later point when you have both calmed down, however don’t make the mistake of just ignoring it, once you have both calmed down return to the problem and try to resolve it.

    I wish you and your family all the best and pray that God gives you the strength to resolve these issues and makes your family strong once again. Just remember that all these things are sent as a test by God, have faith, and don’t forget to be gratefull to God for what you already have.

  2. PerempuanRantau says:

    Pak Khafi:

    Well I guess I have exposed to both culture through the right manner and have met great people along the way. The experiences always made me to try see things in fairly manner. Still experiencing lots of culture shock πŸ™‚ But hey…who say being in relationship of two culture is easy things to handle … but better to be together than apart πŸ™‚

    Just like you when we have our own children, we definitely want to raise them proud to their heritage (culture and history). We believe that we will raise kids that has their own challenge in new new era and these combination of background and values should be their advantage to survive in future.

    Mbak Tini:

    Banyak berdoa, banyak sabar walaupun susah banyak bersyukur yah mbak karena dikaruniai kesehatan dan kondisi papan, pangan dan sandang yang cukup.

    There’s probably a problem in his office that made him worry but whatever is that better to discuss matter when both parties in their good sense than when they’re angry. One of my trick (well bit girlish but it works for me) when we have big fight (well newlyweds always have problem with money hehehe) is by making a letter. So when I feel really angry I usually start writing an email to my husband. But I don’t instantly send it. I just let the email there for two hours. Coz usually the first email is full with bad words (hehehe) and also usually full with accusation and self-pity. Like, it’s already good that I want to move so far here for you and blablablabla…. So the first email is usually to vent my own feelings and not for my husband eyes (otherwise we will have thirld world war)

    Later, I will adjust the email and making it more constructive. So I start with saying that I really care and love him also that I really treasure the relationship that we have. I feel that I found my bestfriend in him and I would like together solve the problem. I will then review the problem from his point of view as I understand it (in order to find a same ground) after that I explain my perspective on the problem. And then I end it with an invitation to talk πŸ™‚ Most of the time making this kind of email making me getting into the perspective so I can control my feeling. Most of the time after he read the letter, he will explain why he was angry and after he finish I will explain what I think and feel. Dunno will help mbak Tini or not but πŸ™‚ never know.

  3. rucci says:

    hey everyone.. i am 21 year old Indonesian girl and i really want to have serious relationship with caucasian. well i have some reason why i love that race. if you guys interested and dont mind that i m Moslem, please hit me to my email: u can also see my pic on my friendster in that id. thank u.

  4. François says:

    Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, it has to be said, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.

    That’s my ex, alright! But I found a more modern and western Indonesian Girl. Wish it’s the good one.

  5. amanda says:

    Umm well…:)

    I was looking for a chicken recipe and ended up here.. I think the same thing happened to another guy here..hehe.. I read some of this page because being who I am, caucasian/Indonesian relationships, ideas about stuff is really interesting to me and I always love to meet new people who are interested in indo life. (unfortuantely I’ve never been to indo hikss, no thanks to my Aus mum= (but that story’s for another day heheh) I just feel like saying something here.

    I live in Australia and my mum is Aussie (I live with her) and my dads Indo (I’m 17 so I cant advise you guys heheh…)

    Anyway I noticed that the filipina women here are much more gold digging than the indo girls. The filipinas around my town get upset and disappointed when the aus man’s money runs out, then she leaves the kids with the man and shoots through to god knows where, probably to another rich daddy.. hehe.. My adult indo friends send their hubby’s broke on the phone bill and plane tickets, but they’re really nice people.

    One advice from my 33yr old frend who is married with a 51yr old bule guy, is that, for the guys: stay away from Manado girls, she says they’re easy as kupu2 malam and don’t hesitate to cheat if the hubby’s away on a business trip/working in the mines etc.. I would have no idea, but I’ve been told that by a lot of people about Manado. I’ve only met a handful of Manado people but they really all behaved like that.. so I wonder if it’s true?

    My parents divorced like when I was a baby. The only indo/aus marriages that are still together in the area I live in are the indo girl/aus guy combination. All the Indo guys here had bule gf’s and japanese tourist gf’s, even though they were already married to an aus lady with a couple of kids. I don’t mean to sound negative…sorry guys! heheh..

    My adult Indo friends say that they and their husbands have fights and shout, sometimes they cry and want to go back to Indo with their baby, but they eventually work it out because they accept the cultural difference. And they take separate holidays to have time to relax alone or just with their child, away from the hubby. Don’t get me wrong, they’r good girls, they dont take these holidays to “visit” another guy. They just go back to Indo, one girl said it was like recharging her batteries.. hehehe.. she didn’t feel so stressed after her 2 months away from here. her toddler is gorgeous, they live here and dads a bule yet she cant speak eng. hehe.

    To tini, hope everything gets better, I’ll remember you in my prayers. It’s rare but some of my friends went through things like that, here in a foreign country where they didn’t have any family or frends to turn to. So I can imagine it all… best wishes for you and your family’s life. Amin:)

    Harry, my frend said to me that her hubby in her opinion, is not not not cute by bule standard but he’s really loving and fun and positive about himself and her, they are not well off financially, but he is supportive of her and the kids.. he is quite a bit older. In fact, most of the aus guys in my area who married with an indo/filipina are quite older and erm.. they’re great frends because I’m frends with their wives, but no, they are not cute, just outgoing and caring.

    Sorry if I’m always saying “my frends this that blah blah–” heheh but that’s just my experience with these issues. I dunno if I’ve made a contribution to this discussion or just let out what I thought… but hey, you read so far, you guys all rock!! Have a great day everybody. ^_^V


  6. Stella says:

    Im new in this but I think its an interesting open discussion. My opinion are :

    Not all Indonesian girls are after you money. Some of them who come from middle class family, not well educated might end up as gold digger. But its sound so normal, classic economic background. How about Indoensian girls with good background? Come from a rich family, well educated even sometimes from abroad university choosing ‘bule’ as good partner with the same way of thinking, open minded personality?

    I know some of Indonesian girls could be so traditional or so modern and practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm like Francois said. Merci Monsieur…..

    We could also find a manipulated, full of crap, sex-addict bule’s everywhere. They surely take granted over the girls, not into commitment, live only for lust as long as they could get laid. Why they want Indo girls? Because its well-known among they bule’s that Indo girl are easy n cheap.

    But of course not all bule’s are like that, some of them have a good moral, even a bit traditional who like to have a family and kids.

    So its all back to your integrity and dignity, which type you are, what are you looking for in a relationship and do not rush into marriage, learn and know about your partener and how you guys could treasure your relationship and the answer is right in your heart.

    Happy Holiday everyone!!


    Harry, I think you should see a shrink. I know a guy like you and he’s end up as an emotional, aggresive, judgemental lonely man!

    Daniel, you’re GF is a spoil brat. I think you should show her ‘a real world’. She lives in a princess dream. Bon chance mon ami…..

    Rucci, you’re still young…..Have many male friends from different race, you should not put caucasian race are better than the other. In a relationship with bule you should have a big heart, courage and self dignity. Do not rush into relationship!

  7. Christy says:

    Hi friends, I am single doing retail and distribution, I live in Yogyakarta, small town and its difficult for me to meet expat living here. Anybody from overseas who wants to have relation with nice, honest and warm Indonesian? if yes, pls contact me I am waiting, take care and enjoy your day there. Cheers

  8. Tony says:

    I have been an expat in Indonesia for ten years. I have always had good luck with women, in my own country of Canada as well as Indonesia. For all the bules that are wasting their time with the “Bule Hunters” of south Jakarta I recommend that you discover Kota. Most of my friends and business partners are Chinese–they have taught me the finer ways of women in Jakarta.

    I have girlfriends that are chinese and pribumi alike. Stop wasting time listening to trash like Parvita–she is probably nearing her expiration date at D’s Place and just got dumped after being some German’s sex toy for the past year.

    Stop looking at your life in Indonesia as us and them–Indonesians want the same thing as every canadian, american & Singaporean–a goood life–that’s it.

    Indonesians are naturally horny like the Chinese–remember their populations grew organically not from immigration–that means a whole lot of sex to produce 225 million people!!

    There are places like Indramayu–that have been producing concubines (istri simpanan) for hundreds of years.

    Like I said, get to know the Chinese of Indonesia, they learned how to conquer this place decades ago–they also run with the best Indonesian women. If you can’t get laid every night in Jakarta then you are either gay or you have mental probelms.

    See you at Sands–the pleasure palace of mangga dua square!!

    Have Fun!!

  9. Tomaculum says:

    Indonesians are naturally horny like the Chinese-remember their populations grew organically not from immigration-that means a whole lot of sex to produce 225 million people!!

    And naturally as horny as Tony, hm?

    If you can’t get laid every night in Jakarta then you are either gay or you have mental probelms.

    Maybe there are some expats who still have respect to women? And doesn’t see them just as sex objects?

  10. Anna says:

    I like to answer to TINI and PARVITA

    Girls, it is not that all men are that bad, Indonesian, western or european. They are human just like us, they deserve a second chance. Please don’t judge them so harshly, it’s not a place for us to judge people. Is is between them and The Man up there.

    Maybe I can understand you, one day you got hurt by them.
    After that, you think they are all like that. You think they are just using all Indonesian woman for their own thing(sex). That’s not all true. There are some western men that are good, responsible, loving and caring to Indonesian women. And there is a Good quality “Bule” in town, if you ask me.

    Look, they just like women too. They have a feeling, when they get hurt they will fight back, so if you girls find a good man, you better hold on to him, don’t let him go, love him as-well, as he will love you. And I’m sure he will love you as much as you love him.
    And if you aver get marriage, we are supposedly taking care of each other. The man take care of the women and it should work the same thing, the woman take care of the man.


    I like to answer for TINI”Β¦.

    Well, I don’t think that’s wise to ask MICHAEL about his previous girl friend. And MICHAEL I think if that girl say she still loved you she would not leave you for another man. And then every time she meet you she’ll say “I still love you” I think that’s Bull Shit.
    And if she ever brake up with her husband, and want get back together with you, me personally, I’ll say go to hell.

    Tini, if your husband really love you, he should not go out every night to go to Night Club. And just because you got marriage and have a child does not mean you and your husband can not having fun go out together. You leaving in Indonesia you can a ford to pay a babysitter.
    So, talk it offer with your husband what is bothering you, and if he is a good man he will listen to you. and just hope for the best.
    Good Luck Girl.



    I agree of what you said, most of The Jakarta girl like to date with white man, rich and good looking. I think that’s pathetic, sad, cruel.

    But I also believe that God always have someone for everyone. And I think you just waiting for the right woman, right? I know it’s hard, but hang in there.



    I am Indonesian girl,
    I think you are right, she is spoiled little brat, that need a really good lesson about life and hard work. Everything can not always be given.
    You have to work hard for it. This girl have no respect on you, so I say why should you, you already give her all she wants, but yet she still want more. I think in the relationship there is 2 way, which mean 2 people having good communications, love each other respect each other, just be each other.

    If I were you I agree of what harry said F# of.



    It’s hard this day where you can find a good quality indo girl.
    it seem all of them turning into materialistic girl, everything is change.
    you just have to be at right place and the right time.
    Well, if you are looking for a GF in Jakarta that’s gonna be hard, this girls, only know about good looking man and think wallet, with a loaded benefit.
    And like I said just need to be in the right place and the right time.

    Good Luck.



    You are not too extreme. That is standard, and yes do not pick up a girl from a bar or night club, God knows how that’s work out.

  11. Peter says:


    I think its hard to find a good girl anywhere these days.. especially in the U.S.. Oh well, I have plenty of school work to do, so I don’t have to worry about that anytime soon. There are many pretty girls around, but most of them have little substance.

    I want to visit Indonesia sometime in the future. I want to see Yogyakarta, and also Jakarta and Bali & Lombok. I don’t want to be a tourist, though. Recommend any places to visit? I think I want to go hiking also.


  12. Parvita says:

    Can’t believe this forum is still on!

    Where is D’s? Is it a cafe? If that’s where Tony hangs out, I definetely would avoid the place!

    Just want to share something. I was watching a movie called ‘Take a Lead’ (not a very good plot but some lines were worth thinking about). It is about a man who tries to teach ballroom dancing to kids who are problem teenage kids and spend time in detention. The kids listen to very explicit songs that uses the words “Shake my butt”, “wiggle my ass”, “pump it up” etc. While the dance teacher listens to those good ol’ romantic songs like “Fly me to the moon” etc.

    If you listen to Indonesian songs, the male bands, e.g. Peter Pan, Dewa, ADA band, Ungu, Chrisye, Radja, Iwan Fals, etc, even some of them call themselves a rock band, their lyrics are…romantic (or sometimes cheesy, in my opinion). When you listen to some of the western songs, they are more explicit. Lets see, Justin Timberlake, some hip hops (dunno the singer, but you hear it once in a while in VH-1 or MTV). I cannot recall male bands here singing explicit songs. Yes, they are boys bands, but one line that I remember is, “I’ll make love to you…like you want me to…”.

    And what’s surprising is, that there are lots of my male Indonesian friends listen to western love songs (of course I often make fun of them).

    The relation?

    Maybe that is why Indonesian guys have different ideas when it comes to woman compared to the westerners. And maybe not only the guys, also the women have different understanding of love. What you listen and what you sing will reflect yourself. I wonder if there has been any study about this.


    Anna: How do you know its the “MAN” up there, instead of a “WOMAN”? Just kidding.

    Yup, I have good, respectful expat friends here and and I also have them spill their guts out about Indonesian girls and about their other western male friends and what they think about.

    About my love life, that is not anything to discuss in here, but yes, people has been hurt by me and I have also experienced heartbreaks both by westerners and easterners. That is life.

    You seem like a nice girl Anna. May things work out well with you.

  13. Anna says:


    I don’t mean anything here, we just talking about this issue,
    about some Indonesian girl that just taking advantage of white man “Bule”, and also the other way around. Myself is Indonesian and I really sad if the indo girl treat other people that way and other people especially man treat the woman such a harsh way, that is not a gentlemen.

    And yes my dear I have been there got hurt, heart breaking, but we learn something from it. Not punishing of what happened, what’ already done is done, we can’t change the past (I wish we could, but that’s not how it work).

    And yes that is part of our life, we lived, we love,we care. And don’t blame on anyone because of the mistake we have make. Like I said we learn from our mistake, and on the future try not to let that happen again.

    If you want someone to respect you, you have to begin to respect your self, respect other people. And yes things are really work out well for me, thanks.

    Stay Cool.



    Indeed peter, it is hard to find a good girl everywhere, not just in US. Like I said hemm just about everywhere. It seem you can not trust this species anymore,the world has change.

    About your first visit to Indonesia, Yogyakarta, that’s really good. But I’m not sure, because recently they just had earthquake, but that was last year, I heard they still try to rebuild.
    But I don’t guess that’s gonna effect the tourist.

    And yes Perempuan is right, visit Borobudur temple, well Prambanan is got damage by the quake, but you can visit one of the beach in yogyakarta though. Not Parangtritis beach, there’s some beach located in wonosari, and they have a resort as-well, so I think that would be nice to visit.

    I hope you’ll have fun.


    Peter, from the comment of dec 4

    Hi peter, I just got this website by accident, actually I was looking for PB Indonesian, anyway, you asking is indo girl like facial hair? Well, me personally no!, But it’s depend of the girl itself.
    If they raised by rich parents and always get what she wants then yes, the girl like facial hair, (god I don’t even know what is facial hair, norak) like fancy things, but not all girl that way, some rich indo girl have respect just hard to find that’s all.

    Peter, not indo girl, they want to get married as soon as possible, and me personally yes 2 child it’s enough, my husband is not Muslim, and when he marry me he became Muslim, and I don’t asking him to do that is his own choice, because he want to marry me, and after that I said it don’t matter you Muslim or not.

    So, when you find the right girl, just do what’s right to you, someone who know about double religion and double country marriage. For your safety.

    stay peace

  14. Peter says:

    anyway, you asking is indo girl like facial hair?
    well, me personally no!, but it’s depend of the girl it self.

    Ha ha. That was a funny question to ask. I was only half-serious.

    Thanks for the advice. πŸ™‚

  15. Parvita says:

    Anna: I’m cool, you are such a sweetheart!

  16. Anna says:

    Hi Parvita.

    So how is Jakarta this days??

  17. David says:

    Some of the last comments on this page have been moved to

  18. James says:

    My name is james and I live in the United States. I am coming to Indonesia soon!! To get married to a woman I meet on the internet. “I know crazy” everyone here seems to think I am stupid! I am a single father of three children I am rasing on my own. I have fallen in love with this woman, she the same age as I am 33 yrs old and no children and never been married.

    She lives in Jakarta and works there, she has a maid, but never will talk about her, or where she lives. When I come there to get married to her I am to stay in hotel and after we are married we stay with her mother in Java. Never does she talk about her place there in Jakarta. She was with an Italian man and told me she dumped him to be with me. I have alittle worried about somethings, she has lied to me online a couple of times and wont talk about her place in Jakarta, or her maid.

    I think she is living with someone else and is waiting until I am there to break it off with this guy. She wants to make sure I am coming there to really get married to her. What do you think about this? I really love her and my children have grown to really love her also from seeing her on our webcam and talking to her for several months now. Can someone out there help me with some advice please.


  19. Achmad Sudarsono says:


    Imagine I’m a wise old bartender at your local pub, serving you a quiet one of whatever, silver-pepper at the temples, eye wrinkles from decades of giving advice:

    You could easily be getting reamed big time. Guys such as yourself get screwed, (sometimes before they’ve been screwed,) all the time.

    It’s just impossible to tell.

    Indonesian women, hell ,women in general, can be very calculating about marriage. In Jakarta, the sheer 24/7 pressure of the city (traffic jams, mass poverty) plus social pressure on a 30-something woman to get hitched adds a whole new dimension of desperation.

    On the other hand, she could be the sweetest thing since Judy Garland.

    You just don’t know. Maybe ease off for a while, and take a few steps back until you do.

    Increase Da Peace
    Sava Da Flava

  20. James says:

    Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. I am going to marry her, not because I am a man that can’t get a woman in the United States some people seem to have that idea. I am considered to be a very good looking man here (and no I am not all about myself), but american women never apprectiate the finer things in life. I want a woman that will like the little things in life, like taking walks in the rain, or sitting in the grass and looking at the stars together on a clear night, I am a romantic that has not found the right woman to appreciate it until now, she seems to have every thing I have ever wanted in a woman, she is educated, funny, morals, and a good heart, not to mention she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and the qualities that she has just makes her even more beautiful.

    I am converting to Muslim for her, and I want to respect everything about her, I want to know her wants and dreams and help her in fulling them here in America, and here she will have that chance to do all of the things she has ever wanted to do. I have never been so in love in all of my life. I want the entire world to know how much I love her. So thanks for your advice I really do appreciate it. I am looking forward to coming to Indonesia and being apart of her world, and being with her. I will feel like I am in heaven.

  21. Tomaculum says:

    My advice to you James:
    before you two definitely decide to marry, take her to your country and show her the life she would live up there. Show her the environment and the neighborhood of your home and how you live in it, introduce her your culture.
    Because many Indonesian women don’t know anything about such thing and those, who have the fortune to visit your country, just live in a very limited “US-world” and she doesn’t realise that there are still many other things behind this limited world.
    And frequently the women imagine things about your and other western country and these imaginations end frequently in a bad awakening.
    Good luck.

  22. sgn says:

    Hi James,

    I am looking forward to coming to Indonesia and being apart of her world, and being with her.

    Yes, don’t forget that you will need to ‘marry’ her family, too.

    Once, I told my mother that I was interested to marry an Indian girl. My mother replied if I was ready to blend with her family. Later, I realized that most Indian have a very strong smell (maybe because of their meals). πŸ˜‰

    God luck.


  23. Grace and Mercy says:

    Later, I realized that most Indian have a very strong smell (maybe because of their meals).

    I sometimes wonder how we smell to people of other cultures? A pungent offensive odor for some could be a pleasing aroma to some. πŸ˜€


    James buddy:

    She lives in Jakarta and works there, she has a maid, but never will talk about her, or where she lives. When I come there to get married to her I am to stay in hotel and after we are married we stay with her mother in Java. Never does she talk about her place there in Jakarta.

    I really believe that honesty and openess is the gateway to a healthy marriage. If you say that there are things that she does not want to talk about, it seems to me that there are things about her that you don’t know at this time. Should this not serve as a “flag being raised” (warning signals)?

    I think she is living with someone else and is waiting until I am there to break it off with this guy. She wants to make sure I am coming there to really get married to her. What do you think about this?

    Again, I think this is another “flag raising” signal bro. Starting a marriage comes from trust, and if she’s waiting to break off with the person she’s living with until she is sure that you are coming as her “knight in shining armor” to pick her up and marry her, seems to me like she’s holding an insurance policy.

    I have alittle worried about somethings, she has lied to me online a couple of times and wont talk about her place in Jakarta, or her maid.

    Lying also should serve as a huge warning signal bro.

    Honesty. Openess. That’s the key to a healthy marriage, no matter what culture you are coming from.

  24. Harry says:

    Some people here think i’m an ugly, short, old, smelly and fat bule guy with bad breath. Let me put some things straight.

    Ugly = Yes. In my opinion and compared to the other white guys in jkt i will probably qualify as rather ugly.

    short = Yes. I’m only 174 cm and by all means that is considered short, even compared to Indonesian guys but surely compared to bule guys who are averagely about 185 cm.

    old = Yes. I’m over 34 yo and that is considered over the top in any culture, whether it be Indonesian or caucasian.

    Smelly = No. I really do every thing to stay clean, i shower at least 3 times per day and change clothes at least every day, often twice per day, fresly washed and ironed.

    Fat = No. My weight is 68 kilo and i workout every day, on top of that i jog every morning before breakfast and train my abs (rigorously) every day. I have a lean and muscular physique with a sixpack. An advantage? NOpe in my opinion Indonesian girls mostly fall for overweight guys (more sexy)

    bad breath = No. I do everything to keep my breath clean, i brush my teeth (and tongue) 3 tiems per day and use fisherman friend to keep my breath clean after meals.

  25. Grace and Mercy says:

    Some people here think i’m an ugly, short, old, smelly and fat bule guy with bad breath.

    Don’t mind what other people think Harry! Especially after I read your desription about yourself.

  26. PerempuanRantau says:

    Hoi James,

    I agree with Tomaculum. If you have times better not instantly bind yourself legally in marriage bond with her. Again Achmad is right, you never know what you get…but if both of you choose to live in US might be better to introduce her once to your culture. In addition to that, it makes her feel secured that you are not playing around with her. Which in that way might make her trust you to share her past.

    I myself never had internet relationship before however I think either you got to know her from club or from internet or from work; one thing always essential which is honesty. Being honest about the past in order to build future I think is really important. So again if I were you, I will make sure to know the main reason why she feel the needs not to share the past with you. As much I believe you let her know about your own past.

    All the best for you James.

  27. Mohammed Khafi says:

    Hi James,

    I agree with Grace and Mercy that honesty and openness are the key to a healthy marriage because from these come trust.

    This girl has lied to you and kept things hidden from you, please wait until you meet her and get to know her a little better before you make any decisions as to your future. Lies and deception are not a good foundation for a strong relationship.


  28. Grace and Mercy says:


    My Brother MK said this regarding your question about where to meet girls and how come Indonesian girls (and boys) would consider marrying quicker than say that of their counterparts in the US.

    This is not purely an Islamic thing.

    Yes, he’s right. I know many people in the US who are Christians (real) who marry quite young for the normal US society standard. They marry when they are 22, 23, 25 etc and they are still happilly married.

    My answer to your question on where to meet girls:

    Know yourself, then you will know what you want and what to look for.

    You want to meet good Muslim girls like MK said go to a Uni. Quran Recital night. Same with wanting to meet a good Christian girl you would start your search in a church. There are a few English speaking church here in JKT where most of the congregation are Indos

    You want to meet a poetry fan, go to a poetry reading.
    You want a fling then yo go hit the bars.

    Etc, etc..

  29. sgn says:

    A pungent offensive odor for some could be a pleasing aroma to some.

    That’s true πŸ˜‰


  30. James says:

    I asked her again about her past. She finally confessed with me about somethings, first she said she is living with someone, her uncle and his family and that she has a very small room to herself and thats why she says that I wasnt allowed to come there, its not hers and there are no room, she said that she was embarrased to tell me that she lived with her uncle and family. That’s why she lied to me about some other things she didnt want me to think ugly of her because she is poor.

    I would never think down on someone because they have a lack of money. Money is an evil thing in the world, but we need it to survive. I wanted to bring her here first and she declined and wanted me to come there instead and meet her family and get married right away, she said that her biological clock was ticking and she wanted a baby, but had waited far too long for the right man to come along that had everything she wanted.

    She says that I am that man, I dont know if I really am or not. Like you guys said I really dont know her in a real world sense. I only have seen her thru the webcam at her job and talking online for about 5 months now. I feel really in love with her, with what I know so far of her. I am willing to give it a try with her, I would cherish her in everyway and take very good care of her here in the united states. I know there will be things here she is not use to, there are so many things that are different.

    It will be a very big culture shock to her to live here, and she says that she is ready for it, to have a life with me and my three children that I raise on my own, which my children seem to really like her also they talk all the time with her too. I have asked allah to help me and find the right path for me and still I keep coming back to her, she feels like the angel I have been looking for, so thanks, all of you that have replied I really appreciate it with all my heart, its nice to see that people can still help one another in the world no matter where we are. I wish each of you the best and god bless each and everyone of you. I will stay on here to chat with you from time to time hope you guys don’t mind that, thanks.

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