Dating Indonesian Girls

Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by

Dating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.

Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There’s plenty of plus on that side of things.

If wer’e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.

On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.

Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.

There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own “Meet” section has many a lady eager for company.

4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”

  1. Michael says:

    I dated with one Indonesian girl. We broked up after a few years. Within a few months, she married to another guy. Whenever we meet after that, she said she still in love with me.

  2. chacha says:

    You go guys, we are very devoted lady not to mention we are very beautiful inside and out and we are very hot girl.

  3. Tini says:

    The majority of Indonesian women is really nice and honest, they like to be nice with any one but if they know some will try to cheat and lie to them they will fight back and is not easy to forgive that person, don’t get wrong about Indonesian girls they are people who believe in the family with a lot of respect.

    There is have different between Indonesian culture and western culture, Indonesian women they are very positive in the relationship but western men they just like to use them only for sex and keeping thet women without marrying them, western man in Indonesia they like to use innocent girls, going to party, use drugs, that’s not nice too, a lot western people talking bad about Indonesian women but they don’t look at themself if they are good person.

  4. Parvita says:

    Interesting topic…I’ve gone out both with Indonesian and expat men (western and eastern) and my lesson to learn is: expats are just for fun and not to be taken seriously.

    Most of them that comes over here, especially the westerners, are those who cannot “compete” in their country. And when they come over here, they make better living because our country pays expats waaaaaay better than nationals. Then they became like kings, thinking that they are superiors, and some girls fall into them. For instance, would you think a very successful and smart lawyer, or businessmen in England would move to a country like Indonesia? And the houses they live in Kemang, when they go back to their countries, say, Italy, they will just live in a one bedroom apartment (or a studio) with no driver and a really small car, commuting to the city? The place I live and the car I drive currently is much much better than what they have.

    I deal with lots of western expats, some of them are my friends. They told me that when they are here, they are handsome. In their countries, they are invisible. There you go, a confession from an Australian.

    Some expats are even so obnoxious, having to live in the states for long, I know they are the loser kind but when they are here, they are surrounded by women and think that they are God’s gift to women.

    When a smart, rich, independant Indonesian women dates an expat here, that expat must be a really damn good one!

  5. Tini says:

    I totally agree with Parvita saying but about the salary. I think they get same money like what they get in they own country but the difference is if they work in overseas (like asia) they get benefit from the company where they work, the benefit is like house, food, transfortation, some companies give the car or money for them to spend on transportation (all this benefit is standard benefit), some company, they pay for school for ther children if they have family which is they didn’t get all this benefit when they work in they country, they have to pay everything with their own money.

    And about dating Indonesian girls I don’t really blame westerners 100% because the Indonesian girl as well, a lot of them they approach themselves to westerners because they think by marrying with white people they will have a better llife, but the worst thing about some western people is they take adventage of it so they just play with them without marriage of course. And if they feel it’s enough they just finish the relationship and who gets hurt – the girl because they weren’t careful in who they dating with. Actually talking about Indonesian girls, some of them don’t have hate, they know that man is married and have children but they still try to get him. How silly is it? Any way not all western people are like that, some of them are serious with their partner.

    That’s why girls have to have boundaries, if not we are the ones who lose and are hurt, we have to know what we have to do and don’t make them special, just treat them as normal people like what you treat other Indonesian man or women. I can say this because I live in many countries before and now I am in Thailand and Thai people have their boundaries, not the local people chasing white people but the western people are the ones who want them and Thai people have the right to say to western people, so between local people and western people local people is the strong one.

    Michael, the girl you dated with, she say that she still loves you, how about you? Do you still love her, what happen if she break up with her husband if she try to get together again with you, what you going to do, are you going to accept her again? Sorry to ask you that because I would like to know what western thinking about relationship like what your’e having because my husband is a westerner but many times we have arguments and some time I think I want to leave him but I am not the kind of selfish women who just thinks of myself, I got children 5 year old and she need her mummy and daddy. Many time I refuse that kind thinking but how about my feeling, I am hurt and lonely because my husband likes to go night clubs and I am at home with the kid. Do you think it’s fair for me? The reason why he did that because he work hard, how about me, I am working hard too, I am working to make money. Some time I bring money home more than what he bring and I have to look after house and children and cook food and I always want my family always together and happy. I would like to know what is your thinking about this matter, any one you can give comment, thank you.

  6. Idris Mansor says:

    Hi, I’m looking forward to meet Rich Indonesian Ladies.

  7. Harry says:

    Dating and even finding girls that are interested is extremely difficult for me. I’m a white guy and I came to Indonesia in 1995. I speak fluent Indonesian and am not tall. The lack of height is the main reason for their uninterest, but also the fact that I speak Indonesian makes them suspicious. This bule speaks Indonesian so he must have been long time in Indonesia and therefore must have had many gals, are thoughts.

    Pretty frustrating because I know it is not like that at all. Obviously the fact that I’m not as young as I was in 1995 also makes it harder.

    I now just work here and enjoy the cheap food and friendly and laidback atmosphere and nice views (not in jkt). I don’t even look for an Indonesian girlfriend anymore.

  8. Tini says:

    Oh poor Harry, some day your hope will happen, just be patient now maybe not the right time yet, I am sure there is many indo girl out there who wanted to marry white man but they don’t show up yet, maybe because they are shy as well to talk about relationship, so best think when you meet some one your type and you really like her to be your girlfriend or wife you have to slowly get her hate until she like you than that the best time for you to ask about relationship.

    I only can give you tip, good luck finding your future girlfriend to be your wife.

  9. Harry says:

    No I think it would not happen. Did you know that Indonesian girls are the choosiest girls in Asia? There are reasons for that. Most multinationals that send out their expats to Indonesia have a minimum height requirement for those expats and most expats are single. Mimimum height for an expat is about 182 cm or 6 ft. There are about 175.000 expats in Jakarta alone so you can figure that Indonesian girls are used to seeing tall bule. Most of these expats are also good looking and young so that is another characteristic that is linked to the bule. This means that Indonesian girls are used to seeing tall and handsome bule and they think all bule look like that. If they see a short but who is not too handsome the shock will be great and that guy will be avoided by every and all Indonesian girls.

  10. Tini says:

    Oh Harry please I am really sad to hear that, I think you are a nice man and I hope that some girl/lady will see you in a different way, not just see on the physical side like what you say. By the way where you from Harry? Just for you to know I am an Indonesian girl as well and I am married to an Italian man, he is not tall and he is 38 years old now, and we have been married for 6 years and we have beautiful and smart daughter and we are happy. You see I didn’t look at my husband in physical way but I look at him that he is a good man who is responsible for the family. Yes sometimes he is going out with friends for drinks but I think it’s ok, maybe he just wants to have boy talk. So Harry I think not all women look at the man in a physical way, they will look at something nice/interesting from inside that man. Please have positive thinking!

  11. Nenrot Gana says:

    I really think Indonesian girls are kool cos I have an Indonesian girl friend who is communicating sense to me and by that I feel she most be a great girl which represent a great woman of Indonesia.

    Because of how she is relating to me though we’ve never seen before but only share pictures is motivating me to come there to meet her which I promise myself to do so.

    I am an up-coming music artist from Jos, Nigeria presently planning just to come and see that great queen in Indonesia so I think nobody should say that Indonesian girls are cheap, they are not. They are beautifull ladise with full of promises and I believe in that, just because of how my friend have been communicating to me she is really an Ambassador representing her country.

    In every country you go you most see some ladies coming around so if the Indonesian girls come around shouldnt be taking for granted cos is a general thing that is happening all over the world rather you hold them especially the one that brings you there cos she is a blessing to you.

    Indonesian girls are great angels, they are the blessings that flows from above so men over there should appreaciate them and me that am planning to come even before reaching there am appreciating my queen over there.




  12. Polar Bear says:

    Indonesian girls have many pitfalls. They seem to assume all Bules are stupid, and think they can openly tell outright lies, and then are offended when they are caught out. They parade Bules like trophies, and most are more interested in PR/Green Card and bank accounts than in the guy himself.

    Remember Parvita, that small apartment in Italy comes with hospitals, ambulances, fire engines, and a reasonably honest and efficient police. The roads are not massive potholed junkyards. The air is fresh and clean. The cities don’t flood evert time it rains.

    If Westerners stopped paying taxes (as do most Indonesians) they could afford big houses – but all of the above amenities would be gone.

  13. Tini says:

    Dear Polar Bear, I am agree with some thing you say, not all. And if you go to another Country the most of the girl they like that too, so is not just Indonesian girl, by the way your name is very familair to me can I guess? I think you are Italian Mix Australian. Please dont get mad if I am wrong.

    And I think you get wrong think about indo girl we never think that bules are stupid special me I never think like that, I think bule are smart they like to explore and try something different that’s way they have lot experiment. But the most make me dissapointed is some bule like to take advantage with asian women and hurt them. I really do not know what is the reason.

  14. Polar Bear says:

    Tini, I am actually English Australian….

    If you know me, email me on

    A lot of Indo girls (and indeed Asian girls) do treat Bules as if they are stupid. In fact many Bules ARE stupid, but not all.

    The Bules dont care if the girls lie to them, becuase they generally are getting what they want – cheep or free sex. So long as the girl provides that, the guy doesnt care if the girl says she is 20, single with no kids, when in fact she is 35, married with 5 kids and has a different BF each day of the week. The Bule knows she is lying, but he isnt going to argue, because if he does the sex ends.

    The girl therfore thinks that Bules believe any old rubbish.

    You are correct. Many Bules take advantage of local girls, and hurt them. Local girls take advantage of Bules. The girls always seen to have money problems, cellfones that get lost and need replacing, sick mothers who need money, rent that needs paying.

  15. Harry says:

    Well indo girls are not really easy to get. They are really choosy, believe me they only and without exception only go for the tall and/or handsome bule. Most only go for young and tall and handsome bule. Luckily there is no shortage of these bule in Jkt or even other parts of Indonesia. Also the internet has made it goddamn easy for the indo girls to only choose the goodlooking bule.

    If an older and average looking/ugly and short bule walks around in no matter which location (mall/cinema/carrefour etc etc) he will not be looked at, not get flirted with not receive smiles and certainly not find any girl who is attracted to him. The only way for him to (maybe) get a girl is in a ayam bar where also only the ugly and older girls will accept his money.

  16. Parvita says:

    Yeah, well, good luck with hunting good quality bule’s and good educated Indonesian chicks, everyone. And yes, Harry, being short is a minus, not only for Indonesians but for most women, sorry to say. You just have to dig into yourself and improve the other quality of yourself. There are tons of short guys but smart and fun to be around with. If you only concentrate on your physical appearance, guarantee you’ll end up having to pay for company. And there are a lot here, so don’t worry!

  17. Harry says:

    I have a great job in Jakarta. I love my job and together with my job package comes a house, a leased car and other benefits. And I’m not even an expat in true sense because I was locally hired. My salary is paid in euros (I could choose between USD RP or EUR) and I make about EUR 5400 before tax per month. End-year bonus is 8% of my yearly salary and I also get an annual holiday payment of 8%.

    I try to be a hardworking and honest guy, who likes to do the best for other people. I’m always polite and friendly and I give and help whenever I can. I would never take advantage of a girl. If I would sleep with somebody it would be only if I was sure I could really love her, I would never intentionally hurt a girl.

    And guess what?????? I cannot get an Indonesian girlfriend even if my life depended on it. I could live for 500 years in Indonesia and go to every public place every day to search for a girl or even through dating sites on internet, etc. I would NEVER manage to make an Indonesian girl interested in me.

    Indonesian girls are always complaining about the bule being playboys and breaking their hearts. Well…………….it is exactly what you deserve so I don’t feel the tiniest bit of pity for you girls. Not because I don’t care but because you are the ones to blame for that. You are the ones who only go for the looks and never look beyond the package. You only take what is good looking and nice from the outside but you don’t care about the inside. No wonder you always end up with the playboys, the guys that f*ck different Indonesian chicks every day. Believe me these guys will never care for you never fall for you, they just use you for their own fun.

    I know many Indonesian girls don’t care about it and know it, they are forgiven, many indo girls just want sex with as many good looking bule as possible so I cannot blame them for only taking the best ones.


    “¦”¦.. Parvita stated it very well”¦Most Indonesian girls are just not interested in short westerners. Only the really fat and ugly and desperate (always fat and ugly) Indonesian girls are interested, and they just happen not to be my type. Ha..If Indonesian girls can be choosy why can I not be?

    You can easily get gorgeous and sexy indo girls and that makes you think all western guys can get them. Just because your experience is that all the indo girls you have met have (without one exception) fallen for you makes you think all expats must have similar experiences, or that all bule are attractive for ind ogirls.

    “¦..Indonesian girls are just as choosy as all other girls in the world, no matter if they are ayam or middle class girls or high class or daughter of the president or whatever. Did you ever wonder why there are so few short and ugly white guy in Jakarta (especially in Jakarta all the white guys seem to be tall and handsome). They are not a representative lot for the average bule because even in Holland there are many short white guys.

    These white guys never seem to make it to Indonesian, maybe as tourists but not as expats in Jakarta. Most short expats would not last a year because it really kills you to see all the gals going with your expat friends meanwhile treating you as if you are invisible.

    I’m strong and have a great job so for me there are reasons to stay in Indonesia even I will not get laid, no matter what I do or how hard I try. I wouldn’t even take a guy if i got offered a million dollars. For the love of God I cannot understand why there are guys who go with other guys, I would vomit even thinking about it. Even the sexiest trannies hold no appeal for me whatsoever, even once i made the mistake to kiss one in Tanamour (many years ago) because I was drunk and didn’t realize I was kissing a bencong. He could have taken advantage of the situation but was kind and honest enough to tell me he was not a she.

  18. Boeboe says:

    Alrighty. First of all, NOT all indo girls go for looks, wallet size, and other skin deep thing-y. My husband is not “tall” by westerner standard, but he got a Big heart, and has a sweet smile. Well, he is rather handsome, and never had a problem dating models, actresses or any “Good indo girls” before because of his height. It’s just a proof, what’s inside that really counts.
    I dated tall handsome “bules” before. “Before” here means waaaay before the “Bule FEVER” that just getting out right CRAZY. It was when women look at us walking by, and gave me a “dirty” look; look down upon me, as “ngga laku sama laki2 indo” comments and stuff. It was never really bothering me, as I could care less of what those idiotes said or think. Now look whose get “desperate to get white guys “attention” with dress like tramps and tarts, and pose in a “gross” picture to at least get to “sleep” with “bules”????
    I’m not a model or anything fancy, came from educated family, where education and Manner is what’s important, as it’s an investment you will never run out of. And when I dated white guys, was never a “quickie” type of relationships. So, not even a handful of that in my list.
    I think when your attitude towards others in based on how many stupid girls I can “score” with or how many stupid “bule” guys I can parade around with, disappointment is what you’ll get.
    In short, am SICK with all the whining from guys who can’t get a date with indo girls, and even SICKER with all the Indo girls’ whines about “bules” are playboy and “commitment F–wits, while both parties busy counting. Ones with the number of how many “bird” they sacked, and the others with the number of how many “trophies” they could put in their curriculum vitae.

  19. Karlira Kanakahuko says:

    That bad situation about Indonesian women makes Indonesian men/boys force to have girlfriend(s) and marries any women of non-Indonesian nationalities. More and more Indonesian men/boys who have multi-national girlfriends and wives. More and more children whose biological fathers are the pure Malay-race Indonesians and their biological mothers are of several non-Indonesian nationalities, like Miss Hutagalung, were her dad is Balinese Indonesian, while her mom is Aussie.

  20. Daniel says:

    Well, I have an Indonesian GF. we’re living together for more than 10 months now.
    We had really good moments but now we spend most of our time fighting for stupid reasons. I’m not saying she’s the only one to blame, and I still love her that’s for sure. But sometimes, the cultural gap is just too wide I guess.

    See, I was raised in France, where most of women claim for their independance, want to have a career, say they’re equal to men… and my GF has really another conception of woman’s status. For her, woman is like some kind of treasure that man has to protect, supply, respect…

    I’m not saying I don’t agree with part of this vision (at least for protect and respect) but why should I be financially responsible for her? we’re not even married.

    She reproach me my lack of attention, she says I don’t “apreciate” her enought, but helloooo! who said that only the guy should show attention?

    I brought her to France on vacation lately, and I paid for everything, buying gifts, clothes, being careful of always hold her hand… but since we’re back to jkta she always reproach me the same things as before. She’s always asking for more and giving me less and less.

    Her parents are rich Indonesians so she has money, her mother never really had to work, she never worked either. Each time I try to convince her that she’s been too much spoiled by her parents, and that’s why she’s so capricious, she answers me it’s because I’m really not taking care of her enough, that it is not only Indonesian culture, that it is like this everywhere : the guy has to pay everything for his girl, and has to like it.

    So my question is : is it really how a relationship has to be in Indonesian culture? or is it, as I think, that she’s a cute but lazzy spoiled girl doing whim?

    Any opinion?

  21. Harry says:

    be lucky you can get such a beautiful rich girl. I could not even get a way past the shelf date old and ugly ayam! The reason she is rich and could always get what she wants makes her think her bf/husband should do the same. But if you tell her to fcuk off she will change 180 degrees. Then she will probably take care of you for the rest of your life also financially.

    Just change the way you treat her and she will be your provider.

  22. Minority says:

    Interesting debate…always wanted to visit Indonesia, you guys sound hilarious over there.

  23. Daniel says:

    Hey Harry, who said I wanted her to provide me? No way! I like my job, and I don’t wanna be some kind of European gigolo…

    Actually, I was more asking advices from Indonesian girls…

    And one last thing, you’re the first to put physical criteria about girls, so don’t be surprised if they do the same for you.

    Minority : I’m glad my relationship issues make you laugh… you should come over here and try some fun…

  24. joe says:

    I’m looking for a nice girl.

  25. meher says:

    Hello people,

    I just search google and find out this site and go through it. You know why, I am in love with a Indonesian girl and after 11 months of relationship I simply understand her. We have too many nice memories and still I look for some site which can tell me about Indonesian girls so that I can make my girl happy or I can convince her to get married with me. She says she is Muslim and she lives with a Hindu Indian boy. I am also Muslim. After a few months of dating I simply fall in love with her, maybe because the way she talks, or maybe the way she thinks about me. Time passes and I found she was actualy looking for a secured life (still I think so) so I tried to give her a secured life, but still now she loves to make love and have a nice time with me. She doesn’t want money, the Hindu Indian (she is living with) told her straight that he cannot marry her. Sometimes if she goes out her normal life (like went to movie and came back 12am at night) the man bits her mercilessly, and she becomes good girl one more time. She doesn’t want money, she doesn’t want to stay with me, and she doesn’t believe that I want to marry her. Isn’t it pretty confusing?

    This question goes to Parvita. I never told you about me cause I think if I give you an idea about me maybe your way of thinking will be manipulated. In the next comment I will give you an idea about me.

  26. Tini says:

    Dear Daniel

    I really understand how is your feeling, becouse I been through to that situation before, me and my husband we been marriage for 6 years but we know each other for almost 8 years, yes at beggining always nice because love everything is ok even your partner doing something you don’t like, until certain time you feel that very annoying and that where you will start to fight, but we do have solution, and the solution is I ask my husband to write down on the paper something he like about me and something he don’t like about me, same as me I have to write down what I like and what I don’t like about him and when we ready we talk about it together and come out with agreement and commitment to each other and finally this is really work for us. Maybe you can try my tip probably work for you too. good luck!

    Polar Bear

    I never hear from you any more after you make me PO but I am ok now.


    me I correct your name “hutagalung” is not balinese but Batak (sumatra) so her dad is not balinese but batak.

  27. Avi says:


    I am an expat living in Jakarta and somehow found this site on a search for sate ayam recipes. I guess it was the word ayam that brought me here but I was curious nevertheless and read a little bit.

    Now find that I must respond to Parvita:

    Expats, my dear, are not people who can’t make it in their own country and end up in Indonesia. Rather, they are people willing to take on challenges; whether a fresh graduate looking for overseas experience and so jumps on a plane from the UK to teach English and learn to surf at the same time, or an engineer whose expertise in deep sea geology makes him a prime candidate for any one of the plethora of oil exploration companies here. Expats are individuals looking for adventure and learning, and if Indonesian women find what many would consider to be a pasty zitty whiteboy attractive, then who are you to judge.

    Further, we have a large number of expats posted here to run and manage multinational companies as well as expats who have strated their own businesses in Indonesia. These are intelligent men and women who understand markets, trade and value. Some of whom, in lieu of your earlier comment, are successful lawyers from London. So yes dear, there are sharp expats living and working here, asshole lawyers and otherwise. I’m not sure of the gene pool of expats you hang around, but I would say that it is perhaps reflective of yourself- I have come to learn in my short time on this planet that people generally find that they are surrounded by the people who match them intellectually, morally and even in terms of looks. But I suppose that this is all a very seperate issue.

    Anyway, the manner in which vice president Kalla has recently been running around looking for foreign investment is perhaps indicative, if he is successful in his search, of increased foreign investment and therefore foreign managers in Indonesia-people who have a more experience than many Indonesians in competing globablly. So you’re going to have to get used to it…else Indonesia can try and pull a xenophobic perrogative – as you suggest in your ramble-
    me…I’d be curious to see how Indonesia survives as a country in the face of an anti-globalist sentiment brewed locally. Indonesia is a huge country and their islands keep getting swiped by countries such as Malaysia and Singapore (in the case of Singapore they simply dug up an island in the Riau archipelago and added to their own shores). This is reflective of Indonesia’s weakness in the region – economically and politically.

    Indonesia and Indonesians should focus on getting Indonesia competitive on a global scale rather than wasting their time wondering why ugly white guys pick up chicks here. Face facts, Indonesians love bules. They love ’em and they want to be them, and since they can’t be them, they’d like to make babies with them.

    Alas Parvita, your bitterness, poor little rich Indonesian girl that you may be, almost sounds like the bent up pride of someone jilted by a lanky, perhaps even slightly homely (can one use the term homely in reference to a man/boy?) bule.

    Get thee to a Jl. Faletehan again lady and go find yourself another, or perhaps…just go looking for love and it may find you, bule or otherwise.

  28. meher says:

    privita…..i think there is a relationship between love an sex……and i think I had the experience about it with a Indonesian girl…….and i told you my story……i know my country girls…….and i know how extent they will carry on about a relationship…….so is it possible that you give me a idea about a general indon girl….and her desire…….cause i hope by genetic or by race the way of thinking changes……and after 10 months of experience still I want and i am desperate to get it……

  29. biko says:

    The relationship between a bule and woman from Asia is complicated. But so are relationships between every other multi cultural couples.
    I’ve been travelling around the world a lot, and a lot of the comments i heard are true. Expat looks for sex, or some for a serious relationship, girls want the better life and and consider expats as atm machines.
    The difficulty is how to separate what is real and what is fake.
    I am working now in Indonesia for 2 years, have a serious relationship with a sweet and beautiful girl from Java (1year) and i am really thinking of marrying her.
    The difficulty i find that everything she does is so sweet, i really feel good with her but….. maannnn she is lazy. She hangs around the tv al the time and showing initiative to do anything hell noooo.
    Just hope that it is gonna be ok, i love her but still have lot’s of doubts to commit.
    So yes we are unmarried we live together and i know that this is difficult in the Indonesian culture, but comitting to eachother is a big step.
    Getting a divorce sometimes seems so easy but to me that is not the way to go

    Just wanna make a comment to harry; self pitty is not the way to change your situation, probably it is written all over your face. If you really enjoy your life style that much than it has to show in your appearences. That is it what will work for you!
    No offence!

  30. David says:

    I like to date ayam for one night only, cost is cheap, only .3 Juta, they are the best.

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