Reasons for Divorce
Jul 16th, 2008, in News, by Patung
Too many elections might be pushing up the divorce rate, with women leading the way.
The Director General of the Islam section of the Department of Religion, Nasarudin Umar, held a press conference on 15th July to discuss the problem of divorce in Indonesia, which he said was getting much worse.
Umar worried that the divorce rate had doubled in recent times, and:
…for every 100 marriages there are 10 divorces, and usually divorces occur in young families.
In the six major cities in Indonesia he said the data showed that women initiated divorce proceedings in 60-75% of cases, depending on the city. Women took the lead these days, he said, because they felt they had the same rights as men, and because of the effects of globalization. He said the Muslim community needed to have a think about whether women were going over the top in this area, or not.
While the Quran clearly teaches that divorce is halal, or permitted, it is actually most hated by God, he said, and 80% of verses in the Quran deal with family harmony issues, while, for example, comparatively few deal with matters of state or the broader society, because state and society cannot be ordered properly unless families are stable and happy.
Umar’s data on cases, and causes of divorce, with the reasons given for separation as
- incompatibility (because of adultery) – 54000 cases
- disharmony – 46000
- economic hardship – 24000
- interference by relatives – 9000
- family crisis – 4700
- forced marriage – 1700
- domestic violence – 900
- polygamy – 879
- biological defect (like infertility) – 580
- underage marriage – 284
- imprisonment – 150
Although only 157 cases were put down to “political differences” Umar worried at some length that with all the provincial elections going on now, and in the run up to the 2009 national election, differences in political views threatened to tear apart many more families. detik
We have to watch this, it could put the nation’s future at risk.
50 Comments on “Reasons for Divorce”
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Wow, that many? do people doesn’t respect marriage anymore?
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bukakelambu says:
The article makes divorce sounds like something bad, which is the exact opposite. Divorce is one of the many ways of solving marriage problems. I think people would rather see a couple divorce than seeing the wive got beaten in a domestic violence case or whatever.
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Mach Jabber says:
@ bukakelambu
Well aside of the kids, I don’t see much problems in two adults resolving to end their relationship.
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Take a lesson from the Polynesians, do not posses a partner, respect either her or his desires. Do not attach yourself to the outer form, that is not what one loves. Most spiritual practices teach non-attachment. The Polynesians did it in a very constructive and enjoyable way. After the big celebrations which involved hours of the Hula dancing there ensued a massive orgy so that the islanders did not become attached.
Rayner
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…for every 100 marriages there are 10 divorces, and usually divorces occur in young families.
Quite surprising. How many samples did he take? Sounds like it’s over the top a little bit.
In the six major cities in Indonesia he said the data showed that women initiated divorce proceedings in 60-75% of cases, depending on the city.
Apparrently, this number came from the cities, where women are more educated and have more exposure to informations. When I got my divorce at Pengadilan Negri Jakarta Selatan, there are more women filing for divorce than men.
Women took the lead these days, he said, because they felt they had the same rights as men, and because of the effects of globalization. He said the Muslim community needed to have a think about whether women were going over the top in this area, or not.
What? Does this mean that we have to go back to the stone age; just accept if the marriage is not working?
I think he is overreacting saying that difference in political view is a cause of divorce. The fact is, more women dare to face the title ‘janda’ if the marriage is not working or she is not happy. I think he shouldn’t worry about this and find something better to do.
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djoko says:
Women took the lead these days, he said, because they felt they had the same rights as men, and because of the effects of globalization. He said the Muslim community needed to have a think about whether women were going over the top in this area, or not.
I think the Muslim community needs to think about the number of men who are demanding their rights as husbands without carrying out their obligations as husbands and fathers. There’s a lot of talking and whinging going on about rights (from both husbands and wives) in marriages, and in all the mess people (and to be perfectly honest, more often men than women) are paying absolutely no attention to what their obligations are in this type of relationship.
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Aluang Anak Bayang says:
Mas Toma,
Underage marriage is halal if you are a moslem, but not for Bule who took advantage and gave them STD. We are a Islam majority nation.
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tomaculum says:
Aluang,
and halal is for you always right and good? What about if your 12 – 13 years old daughter were married to a 60 years old man? -
Mas Toma, I am dumbfounded by your ignorance. Javanese don’t shag little children unlike Arabs (Middle Eastern) and Bules (Caucasian). Like the Chinese and Indians, we belonged to the great Asian race.
These 2 perverted groups are tearing each other apart. One doing it for Allah, the other for Satan. We just sit and watch.
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Lairedion says:
Mas Aluang said:
Like the Chinese and Indians, we belonged to the great Asian race.
Was that a typo? If not, then you’re right. The Javanese lost the connection the moment they started to embrace the Middle Eastern imports to the full and ditched kebatinan and kejawen. They get horny on Arab names and mannerisms and following your theory they are increasingly imposing a danger to our own children because shagging little children is a halal Arab treat.
The Chinese and Indians at least stay faithful to their own traditions of Confucianism, Taoism, Buddhism, Jainism and Hinduism.
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trane says:
Perhaps one more reason should be added to Umar’s list: Corrupt spouse.
Following his logic, you should get rid of the Corruption Eradication Commission:
See: http://www.thejakartapost.com/news/2008/07/15/graft-body-names-pkb-lawmaker-a-suspect.html
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“The Chinese and Indians at least stay faithful to their own traditions of Confucianism, Taoism, Buddhism, Jainism and Hinduism.”
And in these cultures you can find temple whores, humiliation of women, killing of female babys, the caste system, repression of other citizens (Tibet) etc, etc.
I myself prefer not to be compared with these so great Asian races and cultures. We, Javanese, have our own specialities. 🙂Aluang,
you’re right. We just sit and wait until our culture at last is infiltrated and then mutates. We are “nerimo”.
If someone put his foot on our head, we will beg that he allow us to wash his feet. 🙂
Monggo, mas .. -
Mas toma,
Nobody’s perfect but I’m tempted by the existence of temple whores…
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Oh, temple whores are aesthetically tempting. Fantastic for plot devices in fictions. Can you envision the awesomeness?
And what’s with this “Great Asian Race” thing? I am content of being a member of the Great Human Race.
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I supposed wether divorce is good or bad is depends on the stories behind it. There’s always more than one side of a story.
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sputjam says:
Just look at university intake worldwide. women are becoming the dominant species, while men just sit around and dream of becoming a superstar soccer player or a rock musician.
Times, they are a changing.
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indahs says:
If I were Nasarudin Umar’s wife, I will divorce him before one year anniversary…
oh NO WAY, I won’t even bother dating with such short-minded man at first place! 😉Most important factor to be concerned in any divorce cases is the fundamental rights of children involved within the marriage were guaranteed and well protected.
First of all, it is not positive home environment for children as if their parents were having argument and fighting on daily basis or seeing their mother beaten by their father so by then divorce is an ultimate solution. And also it is wise to divorce before having children if a couple is already facing such domestic tragedy.
Secondly, we’ve seen enough cases that causing children suffered due to unfair divorce, like ex-husband doesn’t want to support his children after divorce or ex-husband doesn’t let his kid to be visited by ex-wife who is a biological mother to the kid. Majority Indonesian parents think that children were belongs to them and treated them just like their belongings instead of putting what is best for their children as according to the children’s needs (not to what parents’ needs). Therefore law enforcement after divorcing should be guaranteed and well protected to ensure that children involved get their rights as what is best for them.
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diyu says:
Underage marriage is halal if you are a moslem, but not for Bule who took advantage and gave them STD. We are a Islam majority nation.
This bloke has a problem. Reading his posts they seem to all stem around underage sex and pedophilia.
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dewaratugedeanom says:
Aluang said
Javanese don’t shag little children unlike Arabs (Middle Eastern) and Bules (Caucasian).
That may be right. But some of them sell their little children to be shagged by Arabs and Bules.
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Imut says:
Men and women are tied in rules of marriage, it is realized by them when they are put by the destiny in that “day”. So, when they feel they are not comfortable with the rules they have to rearrange the rule or just avoid the rule.
Men and women choose to divorce because many factors. But no one can judge if the one who should be blamed is the husband or the wife. If women want to divorce it doesn’t mean she wants it, may be it is caused by the men who cannot satisfy her in many things, so vice versa.
Yes right, the children should be the prior thing before parents do everything deals with their marriage.
Do the best for our children because they are ‘amanah’ from God. -
It does not matter where you live If you do not understand your partner it will lead to separation.It is something that everybody must understand. Nobody can teach you how to understand your partner. Love, caring and affection are important for a good relationship but most important thing is the respect. You have to respect your partner. It is the cornerstone of a good relationship.
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Purba Negoro says:
The premise of this argument is fundamentally flawed.
It erroneously assumes, in obvious ignorance, Indonesian law is non-secular and derived from Islamic jurisprudence.This is not at all true.
Indonesian law as per the writtem word is secularised by Law and is essentially Roman-French.
The identification of strong Judeo-Christian foundations is quite true- but one should bear in mind that these principles are very similar to existing Javanese etc adat- much like many others’ cultures.Furthermore all marriages to be fully recognised by the State require dual registration- one by Civic authority/celebrant, the other by relevant religious authority.
Many Muslim marriages forego the requisite civil registration- partly out of financial concerns, occasionally ignorance of Law and often due to the opinion that the marriage will be truly permanent.
In my own experience, my wife and I were ignorant of the requisite civil registration and had to undergo lengthy procedure so that she had equal, legally recognised property rights- out of hedging against my untimley death. Fortunately I am a mean prejudiced bastard- so I will most likely outlive these omnipresent Left wing backdoor burglars.
The issue of Islamic influence and Islamic jurisprudence is therefore moot.
The stereotype of Islamic wife-beaters is not only highly offensive to Muslim men- but also women. As indicated by the data, not accounting for under-reportage which is conjecture- physical abuse is thankfully bvery low.
The stories of underage marriage are blatant Western islamophobia. Indeed, it occurs- somewhere way out in the mud and mangroves- but is of such low incidence to be negligible.
Exactly like in the West with marriage between first cousins, Mormon poligamy and pro-Pedophiila political lobby groups- the practitioners and or supporters are a blight, but such a tiny minority- they may as well not exist.
We must also consider the relationship of economic hardship to physical abuse. Sadly, even the best marriages are strained enormously whe finances are severe.
Unfortunately some men resort to the immature physical/emotional abuse of their wives and family- sadly this is a universal human flaw and hardly the monopoly of one society.
Interestingly (or somewhat unsurprising to me) infidelity is the prime cause. It would be more interesting if the data detailed the number of infidelities before divorce was initiated.
It is an Asian cultural trait, and we see frequent analogues in the West, that as some men become successful- he accumulates women and conquests as a status marker.
Remembered, that civil society and the vast majority of Indonesians are very romantic- exactly like Westerners. We have tales and legends of romantic love exactly like the West.
Arranged marriage is rare, we Indonesians are incurable sentimental romantics to the point of frequent spectator nausea (look at the pop charts- I dare you find one song not about love) but we cherish and value our spouses and children as our greatest treasure. Far above religion.Indonesians unequivocally and unanimously consider such awful flaws of humanity like infidelity and abuse to be beneath contempt.
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justin et says:
I think it’s awesome that these women aren’t taking crap from men and expecting that they be treated properly. That’s what self-respecting, self-sufficient women do. And then they find real men. I can honestly say, having parents who divorced when I was 8, that divorce is not so bad. I’m glad my parents got on with their lives and found happiness instead of settling for anything less. And I have a stepmom I love who makes my dad happy, and my mom doesn’t have to put up with anything from anyone. Obviously, my mom makes money and my stepmom does not. My stepmom might make a good wife, but my self-sufficient mom makes a better mother. But I love them both.
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Farina says:
Can someone guide me how to divorce if my husband keep my marriage cert
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Farina…
A few more details would help!
Like where the divorce is going to take place (Indonesia or elsewhere)? If it is in Indonesia then there are a number of women’s organizations that provide assistance to women who are unsure of their rights and how to claim those rights.
Generally, though, just because your husband holds the original marriage certificate does not automatically expunge the right to divorce.
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Rob.
In Jakarta…. How I start ???
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Farina, just start to talk about it with your family or your friend or whoever you trust. if your husband is living with you, discuss it. if he still doesn’t wanna do it, ask police to help you.
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Imut …
I not living with him but some time he bring gal home . I ‘m staying with my ma for few month and i have enough of him. Can i just go to file a divorce in court.
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Farina-
you must hire a divorce lawyer.
If you file privately (by yourself) – it will not be as strong as a lawyer petitionIf you were married in an Islam ceremony- the lawyer will petition Religious Court.
For divorce applciation to be valid:
“sufficient reasons” must be provem:adultery, is an alcoholic, is addicted to drugs, is a gambler or other vices which are difficult to cure;
left the other spouse for two consecutive years, without consent and without legitimate reasons or the absence of reasons beyond his control;
has been sentenced to imprisonment for five years or a longer period;
has resorted to cruelty or severe ill-treatment, endangering the life of the other spouse;
has developed a disability or disease, preventing from fulfilling the duties of husband or wife; or
irreconcilable differences.
Divorce only after the Court has tried unsuccessfully to reconcile the parties.
divorce by “talak”
divorce by judgement of the court of law.Talak is applicable only to Muslim marriage, court of law overide all religious laws/conventions- meaning an unsuccessful Islam court divorce can be overturned by a court of law.
Conclusion- get a lawyer.
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The message is pretty clear: women belongs to kitchen, bett and delivery room.
“incompatibility (because of adultery) – 54000 cases”
Who commits the adultery? In 53999 cases the women?
“domestic violence – 900”
The wife beats the man?
“biological defect (like infertility) – 580”
Off course the women are infertile. A man cannot be infertile per definitionem, can they?
So such women are useless and the man can throw her away, can’t they? Its all regulated, isn’t it????
“underage marriage – 284”
And there is no phedophila in Indonesia? (a claim of a blogger in one of IM’s topic).
🙂 🙂 🙂