Single Indonesian Women

May 19th, 2008, in Opinion, Society, by

Therry Therry says overseas educated Indonesian women are faced with prejudice back at home and poor choices on the men front.

SOB’s, Single Overseas Bachelorettes

Indonesia Dating

For single Indonesian women who

  • are graduates of overseas universities
  • or have spent some time overseas
  • and/or are deeply influenced by the western-ways of thinking

while we’re women who are fortunate enough to have earned an overseas degree and are able to speak in another language, people often assume we are outrageously rich and likely to be snobs, and we are left with the dilemma of finding the right kind of man.

Men

In a country like Indonesia, where everyone seems to get into a state of frenzy if they aren’t a part of a “couple”, it has become almost a sin to be walking around without your so-called other half. No matter how emancipated women have become, they still feel it’s imperative that they are to be wedded off – soon, hopefully, no later than the age of 26. As soon as they hit 30, sirens start to blare off from their ears, forbidding them to enter places like cinemas or cafes with dimmed lights – as if these places have invisible placards on top of the entrances blazing “No singles allowed” blinking on and off in garish purple neons.

At times like these, it is possible lose our belief that it is okay to be single – no it’s definitely fine spending Saturday evenings in front of the telly watching repeats of soap operas, munching on crackers and glugging wine down to the very last drop – but when it comes to the topic of “boyfriend”, we often get into a desperate state where we’d ask each other if there’s any guy – anyone? anyone at all?

But to our despair we have come to a realisation that we know – yes, we know – that it is a tough battle to find the man who could really come anywhere near our expectations – even though we don’t expect that much. Well, so long as he’s presentable, not like someone that even your dog would recoil from, and comes with a decent form of transportation and doesn’t scab money from us – won’t it be alright?

Even so, the choices aren’t great:

  • Typical Indonesian guy, whose ways of thinking repel us so much we shudder at the very thought of him. The mind games, the play-hard-to-get, the sleazy attitude, not to mention the somehow twisted attitude that they think females are only good for cooking, cleaning, bearing children, acting feminine, and being plain submissive – need we explain more?
  • Overseas-veteran bachelors with over-indulgent parents who give them with BMW’s and Mercedes Benzes and do many of the other destructive things that filthy rich people do to their kids, thus unknowingly making these potentially fine young men turn into selfish ignorant brats who suffer from what we like to call “The Little Emperor Syndrome”. Although, because they live in western countries, they are very much influenced by Western ways, they are still very much Asian – unfortunately left with the bad parts.
  • Foreign men, expats – forget it. Most of them are fat and balding with burnt red skin. Anyway, these guys go for the authentic Indonesian looks so there’s no way they’d be interested in women like me who don’t look that way.

So the question – plus the quest itself – remains the same: How on earth are we going to find the man who doesn’t have all those dreadful characteristics? The time left is getting shorter by the day and the numbers of eligible men are definitely getting smaller. I am simply clueless as to think whether we are simply left with no hope or should remain optimistic.

To hell with it. I’m just going to purchase another dog and be done with it.

Employment

Being the naive girl that I was, upon returning from my study overseas, I thought getting a job would be an easy task, because an overseas degree must have been more appealing than a local degree, right?

Wrong. It was difficult for me in finding a job. I sent out resumes after resumes only to usually receive zero response, and even if I did manage to score some interviews, they never led anywhere.

I had thought that my resume and the abundant amount of work experience I had was something that would have floored them – but it seems a lot of work experience probably meant I was not loyal enough (even though they were all mostly part-time jobs that I did during college) and carrying the title of an overseas graduate scared most people off because they probably thought I was going to ask for a huge starting salary which was equal to the salary of a person who had worked for ten years.

It was when I was almost totally fed up with all the useless interviews that I finally, finally, got a job. Unfortunately, before I even started working, someone had leaked the fact that I was (gasp!) an overseas graduate, and before I even knew it, I had my very own persona labelled onto me; the snob girl who must have had a very grand life and very loaded parents at that.

That wasn’t the first time it had happened to me. In the brief period of me working as an English teacher in a small institution in Thamrin, I had received the same treatment – the other employees were not keen to be friendly with me, and I couldn’t immediately start chit-chatting away with them for fear of being too friendly aka SKSD (Sok Kenal Sok Deket) and scared them even more; besides, the Indonesian Art of Basa-basi was not one I had mastered yet.

Which was why it was funny that when we finally got to know each other, they were surprised that I wasn’t at all what they thought. As a matter of fact, I was just like everybody else.

I went to work using public transport, instead of a hand-me-down BMW and a personal chauffeur.

I bought my clothes at places like Matahari and sometimes Mangga Dua, not from Guess or Mango. Although if I had a lot of money I probably would gone to the expensive stores, but clothes have never been an important thing for me – I’d rather spend my money on books, to be completely honest.

I cut my hair at the local Johnny Andrean and experienced bad hair days because it was the wrong style, instead of colouring and rebonding it at LuVaze – I’m not freaking Agnes Monica, for God’s sake. I wasn’t at all as glamorous and snobbish as others assumed by default.

Perhaps it is common to label supposedly rich people as snobs – because they are wealthy, then they are assumed to be arrogant. So it must be weird to see a rich person not being smug about their richness, because many of them are like that.

I remember what this other colleague said about this Javanese girl in the R&D department who drove to work using a Suzuki Katana and just recently changed her car to a Toyota Soluna, (bear in mind we’re talking about Japanese cars as opposed to European);

“Even though she’s rich, she’s a very friendly person.”

Wow. That “even though” bit really got me. As if being wealthy – or living an abundant and sufficient life – was a weakness, something to condemn to, and an excuse to make sense of their judgement.

Which is why whenever I met new people, I dread the very question of,

“Where did you graduate from?”

I’d contemplate lying, but I have never been a very good liar, and if I do lie, it will all just get out of hand in which they probably go,

“Oh, you went to so-and-so university! What year did you graduate? Perhaps you know my friend Budi, he was the manager of the student lounge?”

See? Not a very good idea. So now you would have understood my dilemma – if I’m being honest, I’m definitely going to be judged as a snob as to what has happened before, and if I do lie, I’ll just get myself into more trouble. And all because I spent a few years of my life being overseas.

Hardly a big deal – but not to some people.


145 Comments on “Single Indonesian Women”

  1. Marisa says:

    Yawns.

    Yes well, why should we bother on others’ personal lives anyways? Happiness, intellectuality, love, it’s a core quality in life. It’s too personal and individual to be standardized according this and that. And those who do, are simply too shallow to perceive life, most likely because they themselves lack the complexity, substance, and depth in their own lives.

    Mind me for saying, but the married ones aren’t any less f*cked up than the single ones anyways. Funny how people seemed to forgot the fact that spoilt little brats could also grow up to become spoilt little adults.

  2. Farah says:

    love the article… 🙂

    Been living in small town and (used) to speak 2 other language else than bahasa.. guys in here made their own “perspective” about me. Even working in one international company wont help me with local guys… 🙁 since the salary comparison is different than the PNS wich is more than 60 percent of population in here… obviously some of them even say it directly that i intimidate them.

    But i guess.. thats the price for a woman living in small city.. in sumatra deep jungle..

    Go for high educated woman ! go girls, get what you want! hehehe 🙂 🙂

  3. LavanyaLea says:

    in fact, you may be better off pursuing your career in the western country and enjoy a better standard of living anyway (except getting a maid, driver and cook may be more expensive).

    @ Bule Harga: I think this is exactly the kind of Indonesian mentality that Therry is complaining here, the “how could you live with a maid? a driver?? who’s gonna do the cooking, and the dishes, and the laundry????” *SHOCKINGGGGGGG*

    kuddos to Marisa, we need more critically-minded people like you!!

  4. dewaratugedeanom says:

    Well, so long as he’s presentable, not like someone that even your dog would recoil from, and comes with a decent form of transportation and doesn’t scab money from us – won’t it be alright?

    Decent form of transportation? Will a Kamakiri be good enough?

    I was born yesterday
    When they brought my Kamakiri
    When they handed me the keys
    It’s a steam power 10
    The frame is out of Glasgow
    The tech is Balinese

    It’s not a freeway bullet
    Or a bug with monster wheels
    It’s a total biosphere
    The farm in the back is hydroponic
    Good, fresh things
    Every day of the year
    With all screens and functions
    In sync lock with Tripstar
    This cool rolling bubble
    Is all set to samba
    This route could be trouble

    (from Kamakiriad by Donald Fagen)

    For the techno-savvy: a Kamakiri is a custom-tooled dream-car built for the new century, steam-driven, with a self-contained vegetable garden and a radio link with the Tripstar routing satellite. And most important, full reclining seats.

  5. indahs says:

    Bilitone – you have great photos at your blog. You have a talent. Congrats!

    You said:

    I’d say there are also many Indonesian guys, who doesn’t think that females are only good for cooking, cleaning, bearing children, acting feminine, and being plain submissive.

    That is true. There are plenty of them and I appreciated that since I am not fancy cooking nor cleaning. Mostly I dated Indonesian guys like that until the moment they forced me to change my religion or made rude comments about certain ethnic group in which belongs to my mother.

    ———
    Education has been a status symbol in Indonesia for so long. Classification based on universities, major, degree, and (even) the scholarships you received are, in fact, matters for some people to value a person and companies to sort out their recruitment. I remember when I studied sociology in university, my relatives and some of my parents’ friends thought that I would had no future in careerwise (I thank my parents who have faith in me despite of many discouraging comments). Who could predict that after 4 years studying, I worked at international affairs organisation and studied overseas because of my sociology degree? What worries me, it seemed that people has tendency for not appreciating others who chose options or have opportunity that is not common to majority. Perhaps they have seen some cases when those who think they were so special for having such opportunities than majority became snobbish and generalise the rest would be similar. And of course being an overseas graduate is not common for majority Indonesians especially if she is single and more than 25 years old.

    I think the main issue is education opportunities gap. Current expenses on education are relatively high and not friendly to majority. Indonesia needs to improve her education system that could be enjoyed by all despite of economic status and gender. It is important as well that opportunities to (good quality) higher education to be affordable for all. I know that some scholarship foundations focused to finance more Indonesians who live in the eastern part than from Java island, and I think that is a positive beginning.

  6. Donna says:

    I think you are too much. In term of ‘to find soulmate’ maybe you are choosy, that’s why a bit difficult for you to find the right one.
    Some more, my own friend got her graduate from US and now she’s working in Jakarta with an unbelievable pay Rp 25jt, of course if you compare with other country it’s a small amount probably, but it’s indonesia not other country.
    And about your collegue, sorry … maybe you are also make a gap, because you think that you are overseas graduated.
    Sorry if my point of view about you too sarcastic. I wish you can change the way you face it with maturity and outside d box. As I’ve been living in 3 different countries, I still admit that Indonesian people is more friendly and helpfull, especially kampung people.

  7. lampu says:

    i did go to school abroad and yes it took time to readapt, especially because i was gone for 6 years and never came home for a visit. so it was quite a shock coming back.
    but after a while it was ok and everything was back to normal again.

    the reason you feel that way is probably because you see your self as better than the others, that you are afraid to be honest with them because you feel that if you do say the truth, it may make them envy you or dislike you.

    well, i think you are overacting, honey. This is 2008 when it is so common no awadays that people go to school abroad. if you dont alienate yourself, they wont alienate you.

    when people ask me “where did you go to school” i tell them the truth. when they are coming from the upper class, normally it doesnt shock them. when i was asked by common indonesians who may be a bit surprised and think that it was a great thing to do, i tell them the truth too.
    you may add comment like.. “but im glad to be back…” and they usually ask about things oversea and i just share my experience. they normally like it and ask me a bunch of questions about what it is like there.

    it all depends on how you carry yourself. from what you write, i can sense that it is you who think that you are special and somewhat better than other indonesians who go to local college and because of that, you are afraid to share your specialty.

    chill out.

    as for the problem with your dream man, whether you are overseas graduate or and local grad, it is dificult to find descent man to be with. there is none. us woman just have to settle with one that we think we can put up with for a somewhat bearable length of time. thats the reason why we are the patient and long lasting one.

    you will find one.

    as for now why dont you try to forget those wonderful days abroad and see your self as a normal being, stop bragging about your education, relax and open your heart. you will find someone for you.

    goodluck.

    Lampu is 26 and has been married 3 times and planning on the 4th.

  8. Mets says:

    Therry,

    Whilst the title certainly grabbed my attention, I really could not grasp what exactly you are describing, that is so specific to Indonesian guys….

    The male stereotypes that you identified is no different than the British male chauvanistic attitudes that I have come across whilst studying and now living and working in London…

    Also, you are now engaged, so, is this article not an oxymoron?

    Surely the basis of your article would be the challenges faced by a well educated independent single woman in finding a partner…

    Quoting Lampu (very wise words);

    ‘it all depends on how you carry yourself. from what you write, i can sense that it is you who think that you are special and somewhat better than other indonesians who go to local college’

    I am inclined to agree with Lampu’s viewpoint on this….

    I am pretty sure if we were to ‘find and replace’ the phrase ‘Indonesian guys’ to other nationalities and place this article on facebook, I am certain that many well educated single women from across the world would agree or disagree with some of your views….

    Mets
    (Single Overseas Bachelorette in London)

  9. Jen says:

    I teach an advocacy class and one of the sessions deals with our prejudices and biases, specifically in recognizing them.

    Rob,

    Can I join your class?

  10. MbakAditya says:

    lampu Says:

    May 26th, 2008 at 9:01 pm

    as for the problem with your dream man, whether you are overseas graduate or and local grad, it is dificult to find descent man to be with. there is none. us woman just have to settle with one that we think we can put up with for a somewhat bearable length of time. thats the reason why we are the patient and long lasting one.

    you will find one.

    as for now why dont you try to forget those wonderful days abroad and see your self as a normal being, stop bragging about your education, relax and open your heart. you will find someone for you.

    goodluck.

    Lampu is 26 and has been married 3 times and planning on the 4th.

    May I suggest that the problem might well be with your attitude?

    Married 3 times and planning a fourth at 26? I bet you old loebang is like a clowns pocket.

  11. rima says:

    If I am not mistaken, this article was a summary of two of Therry’s blog posts, written at a different time, one might be when she was still single.

    But I do know her and I know her enough to say that this girl is not the kind of person who thinks she is better than anyone else. To the contrary, sometimes she is shy, and that is perhaps why she had had some troubling experiences as written in her story above.

    Lampu, you should be glad you haven’t had any nasty experiences, but there are people who had, and it had nothing to do with what you presume – of them feeling better than others, sometimes sh*t just happens to the nicest most normal people, and good things happen to the snobbiest, arrogant bitch. c’est la vie.

    But nonetheless, both Therry and lampu have a point, as overseas graduates we must be able to keep ourselves humble if people’s unfriendly attitude towards us is bothersome. For people like me who don’t really care what other people think, that’s ok too. each to his/her own.

  12. Rob says:

    I don’t know Therry!

    My understanding is similar to Rima’s. This opinion piece is the combination of a couple of pieces written on her own blog. I know Therry’s blog well and visit often!

    Look if Therry has finally found the man, then perhaps a post-script is warranted (sans all the juicy details) about how the issues in this opinion piece were overcome in pursuit of getting a good man!

    All of the points are valid and interesting but truth be told an overseas education doesn’t maketh the woman or the man! It is how you use it that counts. There is no need to gloat and there is no need to be embarrassed by an overseas education, it is what it is! There are a few Indonesian politicians with overseas degrees which were bought and paid for through PO Boxes so if you have a real overseas degree then I would not be too worried about that.

    Maybe the attitude adjustments that people are offering up as a solution here could be applied all round. Education is important but it is not the be all to end all. Bill Gates did OK after dropping out of Harvard!

    I am not surprised that MbakAditya injected the sexual references that she did but ‘Dit…mau nanya…in this sense is a clown’s pocket something that is loose and floppy with a pretty frill around it but deep, dark, and dank once you get inside or does your reference infer a place where the clown stores all manner of gadgets to thrill the waiting crowds? I am a little bit confused at what you are trying to infer?

    Nevertheless, I am wondering why Lampu is up to marriage number four? Perhaps you are not picky enough? If you keep on going at this rate some one might suggest that you add Merah to your pen name!

    By the way you get a red light in competitions when you fail to complete the task, right?

  13. rima says:

    oh rob.. lampu merah indeed. lol.. and then the last paragraph.. double lol..
    you are one funny dude..

    mbakaditya.. a clown’s pocket? that’s a new one.. certainly better than Borat’s version. lol

  14. therry says:

    It is true what Donna says – I am particularly choosy when it comes to men, and I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. He’s the person that you’d want to spend the rest of your life with. Perhaps “choosy” or “picky” as some might say, are not the correct terms to describe it, but I am simply looking for the best – we all are, and I don’t want to settle just because he is someone I can put up with for a certain amount of time.

    It is also true that I think of myself better, but not totally better than everyone. Because of my degree and English skill I honestly thought they would increase my chance of getting a job because having skilled in that language alone has been a requirement for every major companies in Jakarta (otherwise there would be no language institutions like EF or Wall Street Institute opening so many branches and enrolling so many students from all age).

    But I quite like Lampu’s suggestion on saying “But I’m glad to be back …” I’ve practiced this too and people do like to ask all sorts of questions regarding my experiences overseas, usually the same stapled questions, “Did you like it there?” or “Was it different from our country? (when answering this one I tried not to roll my eyes) and the inevitable “So why didn’t you choose to settle there? I would.”

    As for me thinking that I am special – my… surely everyone should? It’s dangerous for anyone to think that they are the opposite! Everyone is special in their own ways, and everyone has a knack or talent that they are good at. I happen to be a good drawer, so yes, I am special. But it has nothing to do with my education, rather, it’s the knowledge that I’ve learnt something and that I’m continuing to learn each day. Whether overseas or locally graduated, it doesn’t matter. I know university tuition such as Pelita Harapan cost just as much as an overseas one, if not more, and it even required their students to own laptops – I didn’t have one until I started working!

    @Rob, yes I read that Bill Gates was a DO, and I instantly regretted taking a bachelor degree because I could have just taken a Diploma overseas, came back home and work straight away – I actually learnt a lot more through work experiences!

    On warranting a post-script of my personal man pursuit (that sounds weird), I am thinking of creating an article on how I found my man but looking at the way people respond I’m afraid it might be too outrageous and too good to be true. How’s about it Rima, you know the story cuz I told you – do you think I should? lol

    Nice responses people, thanks for sharing!

  15. rima says:

    @therry: sure thing girl, just let me know first, and i will censor all the juicy stuff to keep in PG 13. 😉

  16. therry says:

    @Rima:

    girl, you just wanted to keep all the juicy dirty details to yourself – admit it! lol

    hey… how did you know that I am a shy person? What you described was 100% true! I’m a very shy person and when meeting strangers I normally don’t say anything untill they say something to me first. I’m working on trying to be more talkative though.

    I am so shy that people often mistake me for being arrogant! When in truth I’m simply tongue-tied and have nothing to say, let alone know any, and I’m so not into the whole Indonesian Art of Basa-Basi thing. I know it’s probably a pre-requisite of being an Indonesian but I cannot bring myself to it.

    And yet I seem to always get involved into interesting discussions with taxi-cab drivers. I guess it’s the whole thing of “only the two of us in the car and not speaking to each other” that is kinda weirding me out which finally pushes me to say something lol

  17. rima says:

    @therry

    Like you, I get into discussions with taxi drivers too. I usually ask about their families and kids and lives, and when their stories touch my heart, i will leave them a good tip.

    But unlike you, I am not shy at all and I do seem arrogant to many people. I really don’t care though, because usually when people take the time to get to know me, they will like me. For those who will not take the time to know me, and label me or stay at a distance, it’s ok too, I have too many friends to bother with that kind of thing. see how arrogant i can be? lol

  18. Selly says:

    Well done and well written.
    I’m living abroad and i’m amazed what indonesian or perhaps metropolitan teens behaves. They are more western then western people.

  19. therry says:

    You and I seem to have the same kind of thinking… we’re definitely kindred spirits 😀

  20. CountNomis says:

    Although I sympathize, I am also amused at her hypocrisy. She objects to the stereotyping of a) rich people and b) intelligent, overseas educated women. Then, at the same breath, she stereotypes foreigners/bules/expats. What a hypocrite. Me, I’m a foreigner and if there is one thing that I find overwhelmingly sexy is a highly intelligent woman.

    As long as she is not a hypocrite.

  21. RossM says:

    Foreign men, expats – forget it. Most of them are fat and balding with burnt red skin. Anyway, these guys go for the authentic Indonesian looks so there’s no way they’d be interested in women like me who don’t look that way.

    Well I’ll own up to the thinning-hair bit, but I’m quite fit thanks very much! lol

    Just for the record, not all of us foreign men go for the Indonesian look, authentic or otherwise. I want a woman I actually have something in common with like age, education, life experience, those sorts of things.

    So I will continue to date those gorgeous, elusive bule women whenever the opportunity arises.

  22. bule_boy69 says:

    Hey Therry….

    never mind how u lot get a man in indo/Jakarta….

    How do I get a nice educated (reasonably) attractive cewek indo here in Australia?

    The place is crawling with them but I never really meet any.

    Ok now we are all having a generalise here goes….

    Must say…it seems to me that most do fit into the anak manja category 🙂

    type 1: Asian princess who hangs out (shopping/ngopi/makan) with gaggle of similar girls of same social status and if she wants a boyfriend, she’s looking for a little Asian prince.

    type 2: She’s bule-friendly but unattractive.

    type 3: She likes the white guys but now she can be picky and is looking for a high quality product (combination of looks and good job).

    Kasihan ya 🙁

  23. Bas says:

    Well, when I read that, in a way I am happy you are still single.
    And why most expats are looking for what you arrogantly call “authentic Indonesian looks” (a look I am sure you also have by the way. Hey, wake up, you are Indonesian!).

    It’s “funny” how Indonesians girls are spitting on others appearance. Nor being aware they just look the same. Maybe just a little brighter skinned because of their way of life. The clothes, the style may be a little bit different. But basically you look just the same.
    But if it can please you… Ok deh.. you are a town girl, you studied abroad.. so you’r not a kampung girl anymore (so funny!).

    Introspection is what you need. Don’t put the fault only on men. OK 90% of men in Indonesia really are far under any acceptable standard (but hey, you too are very low in many men ratings). And there are still many very high quality singles (like me) in the country).

    Please, stop thinking you now are modern and different from your neighbours because you have spent a few years abroad. You only did college abroad. It’s ages too late. Everything in your article is 100% cap Indonesian way of thinking. It doesn’t smell good. And by the way, where was that? an australian, an US city? What’s the difference with Jakarta? Basically the same culture if you are under 30. You got the bad from both culture. Hebat benar…

    Well, In my eyes (and that’s only based on what I read), from what you said you just look like any other arrogant, “kebarat-baratan” girls who feel more valuable than those who never left Indonesia and will never admit it, probably will never be aware of it.
    “The Indonesian Art of Basa-basi was not one I had mastered yet”.. Let me laugh. Oh my good.. so disgusting. You must be proud of you foreign accent, aren’t you? Sorry. Not attractive at all.

    The “I live like any other Indonesian middle class girl”, “I buy my clothes at matahari and, sometimes…, EVEN at Mangga Dua (wahhh I am truly impressed!)” and so on doesn’t work with me (but it seems to work well with other readers. Congrats. You got what you want).

    We will probably never be good friends Mbak “bachelorette”. 😉

    Anyway, what about finding a nice guy outside Indonesia. A normal guy who have never been contaminated by Indonesia? It’s easy to find now with the Internet (if you are not too fat or ugly wich I think you’r not). A one who does not know Indonesia. He won’t even be aware of your discusting and “ORBAstic” mentality. That’s the solution for you. Good luck! Peace. 🙂

  24. Purba Negoro says:

    Indonesian women:
    beautiful, intelligent, cultured, divine.
    a conundrum wrapped in a paradox with such unfounded poor self-esteem.

    Good article. The sad truth is most of the stereotypes you mention are very accurate.

  25. lampu says:

    i dont understand why people has to say such harsh words to others when they disagree with their opinions.

    MbakAditya:

    Married 3 times and planning a fourth at 26? I bet you old loebang is like a clowns pocket.

    i cant laugh at it though.. since it is not funny enough. and since i am actually not a woman (I may sound like a woman when i was writing from a woman’s point of view)
    sounds like it is coming from a jealous mouth. people mock others when they are envious but they cant top the others with intelligence or achievements. we meet many people like that everyday.

    what is wrong with getting married again and again anyway? what is wrong with never being married? i dont see this as something that anyone should make fun of or be ashame of.

    tolerance is what we all need, my dear…

    and by the way, we have been married for 3 times with the same person. we just happen to love getting married and having wedding parties. more rings, more wishes, more food, more gifts, more wine…

    we try to change the type of guests that we invite. its really fun. maybe on our fifth we will invite indonesia matters contributors. but not the bitchy ones.

    one more thing, i dont see the connection with being married many times to having a bigger vagina.

    alright then, good luck in finding a loved one. it shouldnt be an very difficult task if you open your heart and tolerate others. my partner and i dont actually say ‘I love you” anymore.. we normally ay “i tolerate you, honey…”

    MERDEKA!

  26. MbakAditya says:

    I don’t worry, there is only one wedding that matters, and that is THE wedding, you wedding consequently means nothing.

    What’s wrong with getting married again and again? well, you obviously don’t take your vows with any conviction.

    As for jealousy, you can count that out for a start.

    one more thing, i dont see the connection with being married many times to having a bigger vagina.

    There is a direct correlation between the size and quantity of dinkle and the size of the old fun pot.

    Trust me on this, I’ve carried out a survey.

  27. lampu says:

    Oh… so you mean that when you are only married once that means you only have sex once? …therefore you have a tighter pussy… i see…

    man.. you are one sad mbak…

    maybe you should have married me instead…

    this discussion is pretty lame… pick a better topic or a more interesting reply, please.

    MERDEKA!

  28. uwie says:

    @bule boy …

    type 1: Asian princess who hangs out (shopping/ngopi/makan) with gaggle of similar girls of same social status and if she wants a boyfriend, she’s looking for a little Asian prince.

    type 2: She’s bule-friendly but unattractive.

    type 3: She likes the white guys but now she can be picky and is looking for a high quality product (combination of looks and good job).

    Kasihan ya 🙁

    iya kamu kasihan … hehehehe …

    but not all like that … hehehe … maybe you just can meet 3 girls with that kind of criteria

    smangatzz!!!!

  29. parvita says:

    I became depressed reading this whole thing. So women who are single, educated abroad with master’s degree, have managerial position, drives BMW, likes expensive activities, likes to spoil themselves with good quality bags and shoes (unfortunately most of them are branded) are dead meat? Tough, if guys feel intimidated by this type, then they are not worth it anyways.

    It’s true what Rob said, “Good things come to those who wait”!

    Yes, it’s a matter of time, exactly.

    Maybe I should store my eggs in the fridge and invest on Growth Hormone. 🙂

    Tabik, good to see lots interesting postings in IM, haven’t been here for a while!

  30. Nia says:

    Hi All
    I really enjoy all this banter. I feel this is the right forum to spill my beans, so here goes.

    I’m an Indonesian girl, and I am not single. Sorry if this is the wrong thread. However, my situation is related to perceptions of an Indonesian woman and the expat man.

    I’m working in the US, and was offered a great job in Indonesia starting next month. My husband is not Indonesian, but is willing to give up his job to come with me. He knows this is my dream. So guess what, girls? I will be supporting my sweet dear bule husband, who doesn’t mind being the house hubby for a while. I’m really happy with that. He’s also excited about living in Indonesia, away from our uninteresting life in the US.

    Unfortunately, I have this vision I can’t shake off. Strangers thinking I’m the gold digger, lavishing in his wealth, when in fact it’s rather the opposite at that point. I know, I shouldn’t mind. But I HATE seeing my fellow Indonesians put me down when I’m walking with a bule, especially while I’m being the bread winner in the family. I’d feel pretty pissed if people treat me like that, but I DON’T want to emasculate my husband or act snobby just so people don’t put me in second class.

    If any of you have felt this before, please give me concrete instructions on how to get over it. Is there something my husband should do? And please don’t give me vague advice like ‘be confident in yourself’, because …umm…that probably means you never went through it before.

    Oh, and if you know anyone from Eastern Europe living in Jakarta/Bogor, let me know! He’s from Eastern Europe.

Comment on “Single Indonesian Women”.

RSS
RSS feed
Email

Copyright Indonesia Matters 2006-2023
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Contact