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5:17 am
March 3, 2009
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YellowDaisy
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Post edited 10:25 pm – March 2, 2009 by tri
I knew an indonesian lady from a forum. She's been married to an american guy for 4 years, but only recently she's able to joined her husband in the US. The husband is rather a peculiar guy, he didn't make any effort to have her join him in the US. They were away from each other for almost 3 years from the day they got married. When finally she joined him, she found out that he's an alcoholic and not very normal in many ways. She's devout muslim and the husband is supposed to be a catholic.
He was reluctant to apply a Green Card and SSN for her, she ended up just staying home and takes care of his elderly mother. She has no friends, can't work, and can't drive. After a year, she got tired of him and wanted to go back to her parents in Indonesia. And off she went back home, but he promised her that he's going to change. She was sold out and went back to US with him. Now, she's planning to leave him for good because she doesn't see any changes in him.
I wonder if she should divorce him before leaving him? What would be the best route for her? What would be the legal step for her? I wish only the best for her.
Peace
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1:23 pm
March 3, 2009
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TidakMasalah
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| Santri | posts 23 | |
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Getting a divorce in the US is not very difficult. The worst thing, is that there is usually a 90 day waiting period. After that, if there are not kids involved and no disputes over property, then things go pretty quickly.
Your friend should seek the advice of an attorney. That's going to cost money, but so long as she is married she is entitled to use her husband's money to pay the attorney.
I am not sure what getting a divorce in Indonesia involves, but I am worried that maybe the man has a bit more power and he may be able to block her or make things difficult for her.
I wish only the best for her too. If she wants to find a good Muslim man but is also attracted to Western men, there are plenty of Muslim Bule in America and Canada. Many of them were born and raised in the West and have Western attitudes toward women (both good and bad) but will not require "changing" in order to be Muslim and raise Muslim children.
Peace, to your friend, and to you for helping her.
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11:01 pm
March 3, 2009
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YellowDaisy
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Thanks TidakMasalah for your feedback. I have talked to her about getting hold of her husband's attorney, but she didn't think it was possible. She thinks it would make thing much harder for her. She's a bit terrified of getting into trouble with her husband, since he's already gave her a permission to leave. I haven't heard from her since….
I am not sure about the divorce procedure in Indonesia. I would think it would be more complicated especially for mix marriage couples. I think it would simpler if she gets it done in the US. They have no children and no property involved. As you said, it would quick procedure.
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1:18 am
March 4, 2009
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TidakMasalah
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| Santri | posts 23 | |
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She should not talk to her husband's attorney. She should get her own. Her husband's attorney serves her husband's interests, not hers.
If the divorce is simple, the attorney will only cost a few hundred dollars. She can make an appointment with an attorney and discuss her situation for FREE. The attorney will only bill once he has accepted to take her on as a client. The first consultation is usually free.
I understand her difficult situation. She relies on her soon-to-be ex husband's good faith. But a divorce is a divorce. It does not have to be nasty. I got a divorce when I was younger and it was quite simple, no fighting, sign here, sign there, and we went our separate ways. It cost me $800.
Do you know what state she lives in?
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7:38 am
March 4, 2009
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embryofields
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| Santri | posts 12 | |
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how will a divorce, or separation, affect her immigration status within the US ?
does she plan on moving back to indonesia to be with her parents ?
it's a shame how many people can be sucked into marriages and situations like this. what's worse is that it happens all the time, all over asia.
at least the one good thing is that there are no children involved. still, it must be really hard for her to have to deal with this situation by herself in a strange land.
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1:39 am
March 5, 2009
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YellowDaisy
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TidakMasalah said:
She should not talk to her husband's attorney. She should get her own. Her husband's attorney serves her husband's interests, not hers.
Hey TidakMasalah, i've talked to her today. She's called some attornies while her hubby was out. She found out some informations at least, the attorney told her that the process would be very simple and should be paid by the husband.
The husband has been treating her nice, like cooking meals for her, buy things for her and threw out his boosts in the dust bin. He said that he will change and wants her to stay for a while till her Green Card is issued as he's in the process of applying for her (it should have been done a long time ago). I am not sure how long the GC will take, since he hasn't paid the fees for the form. I am assuming it is still sitting at the attorney's office till the fee is paid.
For now, she's still going wait and see. Eventhough she wants to go home really bad at times, which understandable.
TidakMasalah, i don't think think i could tell you which states she lives just for her privacy reason. Btw why do you ask about the state, if you don't mind telling me.
Thanks for your feedback again.
Peace
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1:43 am
March 5, 2009
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YellowDaisy
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embryofields said:
how will a divorce, or separation, affect her immigration status within the US ?
does she plan on moving back to indonesia to be with her parents ?
it's a shame how many people can be sucked into marriages and situations like this. what's worse is that it happens all the time, all over asia.
at least the one good thing is that there are no children involved. still, it must be really hard for her to have to deal with this situation by herself in a strange land.
Yeah, it is a pity. I think it is all over the world, embryofields. I am not sure with her immigration status till things are decided. Yeah, she plans to return to her parents in Indonesia.
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2:51 am
March 5, 2009
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TidakMasalah
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| Santri | posts 23 | |
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tri, the reason I asked which state is that family law is different from state to state. Depending on which state she lives in, it could be more or less complicated. (For example, not every state requires the 90 day "cooling off" period.) Some states require marriage counselling and some don't. etc.
I'm glad to hear she has spoken to some attorneys. Applying for a green cards takes a LONG time. If she is just now submitting the forms for adjustment of status, she is still at LEAST 1.5-2 years away from a green card, and several hundred dollars away as well.
Sounds to me like the husband is going to use the green card to string her along. He has something she wants and will use it to get what he wants. Life is too short to waste it on people who only take, when there are so many out there with so much to give.
Please tell your friend that she's in my thoughts and that I hope she finds the courage to face the difficult choices that are in front of her.
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10:05 am
March 7, 2009
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YellowDaisy
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Sounds to me like the husband is going to use the green card to string her along. He has something she wants and will use it to get what he wants. Life is too short to waste it on people who only take, when there are so many out there with so much to give.
Please tell your friend that she's in my thoughts and that I hope she finds the courage to face the difficult choices that are in front of her.
Thanks again TidakMasalah, i will convey your thoughts to her. I didn't know that GC will take that long. Anyway, my friend is rather unsure at this point of time. I can't help much but to listen. I hope she will make the right decision. Peace!
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10:25 am
May 2, 2009
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YellowDaisy
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It's been a while since i posted this thread. I have got an update from my lady friend yesterday. She's going to sneak out and leave her husband with the help of her family from Indonesia. She has nothing with her, so the family has to send some cash to get her home.
Her hubby have treated her not too well recently since he found out that she really wants out, he doesn't physically abused her but the verbal abuse is hard enough for her.
The reason why i posted this is to remind all Indonesian girls out there who consider of marrying someone from different country, please get to know them before hand. Communication is a big part of getting to know someone. With limited english makes it hard for couples to convey their heart feeling and just basically to communicate things that will help to strengthened their marriage.
For the last couple months, i have heard 4 marriages have failed from a circle of online friends that i know. All of them are mix marriages. It is sad when children are involved, but good thing this lady that i talked about hasn't got any kid yet.
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3:10 pm
May 2, 2009
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TidakMasalah
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| Santri | posts 23 | |
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Thanks for the update, YellowDaisy. I had wondered what had become of your friend. I hope everything works out for her.
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7:27 pm
December 16, 2009
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devilkitty
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| Santri | posts 19 | |
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Divorce him Instantly. Sounds like a guy doesnt worth to be kept too long. She deserves better. Leave him.
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