So, a traditional western proposal might be offering the engagement ring on bended knee.
What would you expect to see in Bali or Lombok?
A bit of info...
Javanese lady, 29 years old, divorced with 6 year old girl. No parental permissions needed. Family is bule friendly.
Let's hear your method if you are married or alternately, how you would like to see for yourself.
15:34 Dec 23
Patung
Admin
posts 278
2
I'm disappointed none of the ladies here answered this.....but I'd say just do your thing, I'm sure she's already seen it on tv or cinema screen so it won't be unfamiliar. Have you bought her underwear yet? That's one thing you're supposed to do when getting engaged, buy her a set of underwear....
Have you bought her underwear yet? That's one thing you're supposed to do when getting engaged, buy her a set of underwear....
ROFL!that's so funny.but that's true!
i never get married yet, but i knew the underwear thing is a must!
years ago, i came to my cousin's wedding and looked at the "serah-serah-an" i shocked there was a pretty basket of bra and panty in it.hahahhahahha....
so mr road king, u have to consider about that "serah2an"....
21:54 Dec 23
RoadKing3
Abangan
posts 8
4
Never heard of it. I guess I missed that quirky story in the forums and guide books. And my lady hasn't mentioned that one. I could casually ask about her sister's recent wedding and types of gifts. And I am really bad at women's sizes too. Sigh.
How about it ladies, will any of you take a crack at my original question?
22:46 Dec 23
oztrack
Santri
posts 15
5
I'm not one of the ladies, but thought you might like to know how I did it....she's from W.Kalimantan, but studying in China and I'm in Australia, so it was on Skype. didnt go on bended knee! Fortunately she said yes.
I hadn't heard about the underwear gift, but under the circumstances, it would have been difficult.
8:46 Dec 24
Farah
Santri
posts 48
6
Roadking3, first i would say congratulation. You made up your mind
In every province there are different ways to propose traditionally. In Sumatra as it have Malay influence we did that traditionally, still.
The guy ask the parent first, request to go/move on to more serious relationship. You shall said you want to marry the girl and said reason why you want her, and so on. Usually you have to bring something to the parent house as sign of good intention. When my brother in law come to propose my sister, he and his parent brought "songket" a beautiful traditional sarong. It could be any other gift, or sometimes its just betel leaves and the whole package with betel nuts, etc as gift, to show your good intention.
The girl parent will ask the girl then if she want to accept you or not. The girl wont be sitting in front of you, usually she will be at her room, waiting. Traditionally the father will ask like 3 times to make it sure that's whats she want.
Sometimes you got your answer instantly, sometimes the family request time like 3 days and you shall return for your answer.
If its a yes, then you and the rest of family shall talk about the dates, and how do you want the wedding to be done. This is the most frustrating things.
Maybe its bit unusual for you, but here in indonesia, parent play important role for their children relationship, you will need their blessing first.
But anyway, this is the proper traditional way of requesting a girl to marry you.
13:34 Dec 24
Burung Koel
Santri
posts 23
7
I remember going to traditional Sasak weddings in Lombok, and there is quite a bit of gift exchanging involved. Also, if the marriage has not been arranged, it was traditional for the groom and his friends to kidnap the bride and hold her until the families had negotaited a bride price.
Speaking of which, a friend was working for the Peace Corps in East Timor and was getting married to a local woman. Each district of East Timor has a different way of calculating the bride price, so he was asking around for advice. The (Timorese) finance manager at the Peace Corps office asked him to get three quotes!
22:10 Dec 24
RoadKing3
Abangan
posts 8
8
Good stuff all, thanks!
I can see where this is going to get complicated. Her father lives way out in the boonies from Surabaya and her mother has passed away. Her closest sister and brother-in-law lives in Bali. A step Father also in Bali. She lives on Lombok. From what I hear, the families are supposed to do the negotiations, but mine live in the different parts of the U.S. Traditions are hitting modern life barriers. I will just have to play it by ear I guess.
An interesting side note, I am coming there for most of January, then she is flying back with me for a visit to my home in the US. When she arrives, I will have to get her a complete winter outfit or two. Does thermal underwear count, I wonder? LOL
Now my main worry for the moment is getting the U.S. Visa for that upcoming visit.
Please note that the Consular Section will not accept supporting documentation for visa applicants received through the mail or via e-mail or fax. Please send any supporting documentation directly to the visa applicant, who can then submit the information at the time of his or her interview.
Thanks for the links. We already have a appointment in Surabaya scheduled on Jan 13 in the morning. We will either fly in that morning from her sister's house in Bali or maybe the night before.
Your information on the supporting documentation is useful, thanks. I have read the instructions for the I-134 Affidavit of Support and they are a bit circular in logic. Under "Where to File" it says to
"...see the instructions provided with the corresponding application for detailed information on where
to submit this affidavit of support."
Uh, hello, this is the corresponding document. Sigh.
I did email the consulate for clarification, but you are quicker. Thanks again for your help!
14:35 Dec 26
Endy
Abangan
posts 3
11
Thermal underwear? I dont think so..it would be similar to stuff you get in VS store .. how bad the winter is going to be? Why winter? To test the thin tropical blood and see how it will stand the blizzards and the cabin fever??
22:28 Dec 26
RoadKing3
Abangan
posts 8
12
I was joking about the thermal underwear part. Yes winters are a bit on the cool side here, but there is not too much snow, a couple of inches at a time at most. I adapted from Southern California weather, so it's doable. And she wants to see some snow.
Yes, we'll test that tropical blood a bit, but with a proper jacket, gloves, etc. to make it easier.
15:44 Jan 3
AdamVW1958
Santri
posts 11
13
Underwear? Holy crap, I have a lot to learn don't I. Well that could be fun anyway when the time arrives. haha
11:15 Jan 31
RoadKing3
Abangan
posts 8
14
Just to finish this one up. I asked, she said yes
ok she made me sweat for a day, but the little smiles were giving it away anyway.
13:30 Feb 1
Burung Koel
Santri
posts 23
15
Congratulations. Hope it all goes well (the visas, that is, I'm sure you two kids will get along just fine).
19:50 Feb 3
lialita
Abangan
posts 3
16
UNDERWEAR ?? No way...( i know you were joking ..rite ?) but engagement ring and bended knee.. YESS.. ( with flowers of course,, at the beach,,,) parental permissions YES.. coz we'r living in indonesia and have to appreciate our culture.
Indonesia Matters Forums
.. how bad the winter is going to be? Why winter? To test the thin tropical blood and see how it will stand the blizzards and the cabin fever??
