Polygamy

Dec 6th, 2006, in IM Posts, by

Aa Gym's polygamous marriage, and the sour reaction to it from many, has caused the government to toughen its anti-polygamy stance.

The, for many, bizarre scenes shown on television screens ad nauseum recently of Aa Gym's two wives strolling about in consort with their husband, first wife Teteh Nini (Ninih Muthmainah Muhsin) by his side, second wife Alfarini Eridani dutifully trailing behind, have seemingly been too much for some and the negative feelings aroused by them have not been ignored by the president, and his wife.

It appears that president Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono's special SMS message service was inundated with complaints from the nation's womenfolk and this, at least in part, led to Yudhoyono on the 5th to call the minister for womens' empowerment, Meutia Hatta, as well as the director general of the Islam section of the department of religion, Nazaruddin Umar, and the cabinet secretary, Sudi Silalahi, to the presidential palace to discuss the matter.

Meutia Hatta said afterwards: [1]

The president cares a lot for women and he wants society to be at ease.
(Presiden mempunyai kepedulian besar terhadap kaum perempuan dan ia menginginkan ketentraman dalam masyarakat.)

She also claimed that Yudhoyono has decided to widen the restrictions placed on polygamous marriages, which currently apply only to civil servants and serving police and military personnel. However there is, for now, some confusion in the media as to the nature of what is intended. Some reports have it that government officials, such as governors, mayors, parliamentarians, will also be forbidden from having more than one wife, except after fulfilling certain requirements, while other reports say that the restrictions will extend to all men.

Meanwhile Nazaruddin Umar said that Islam upheld the principle of monogamy. Polygamy was only permissible if men were able to be fair to their wives but this was impossible, according to the Quran. [2]


31 Comments on “Polygamy”

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  1. avatar Ronald says:
    December 6th, 2006 at 9:48 am

    If a man shares his love to other man, he has a love affair or ‘selingkuh.

  2. avatar Dangduters says:
    December 6th, 2006 at 7:11 pm

    I think polygamy is a solely solution for a male who would like to share his love in legal way. I don’t think I could live as a husband with two wives, considering our current economic situation in our country, even live with one wife and one children is need a huge cost of living, I can’t imagine how we can live with two wives and share equal treatment for them. But if we really,..really rich, I think there is no problem with that! Isn’t it? If I could, I would like to avoid sin,..and married with my cem ceman or my selingkuhan…but I’m just an ordinary man,…with only ordinary income,…I couldn’t live with two wives,…so let it be my problem. But for Polygami, I think this is a solely private matters of a man, The Government doesn’t have rights to make rules and restrictions in indiviual’s rights, it’s a human rights!…

  3. avatar Tomaculum says:
    December 7th, 2006 at 1:05 am

    Guys, polygamy means multiple marriage. We talk here about polygynie. So if this is allowed, I would vote for polyandry and maybe for polygynandry too. Wow!

  4. avatar DianDoank says:
    December 8th, 2006 at 6:53 am

    Geez…it is a serious matter these days … polygamy and so :)
    hemm well i have no trouble with polygamy as long as polyandry and other poly allowed as well :)

  5. avatar Miss Indo 07 says:
    December 8th, 2006 at 8:54 am

    polytechnic and polyclinic ?
    hehe,,*sorry if it’s not funny*

  6. avatar Janma says:
    December 8th, 2006 at 11:04 am

    The pro polygamy group say that the government has no right to interfere with peoples private lives, but most of these same people are the people who were pushing for the new APP laws against pornography, which if you consider is the same violation of peoples privacy… so they are just hypocrites using their religion to indulge their own desires.
    Management Qolbu?? Mendingan Management Syawat dong!

  7. avatar Cukurungan says:
    December 8th, 2006 at 8:43 pm

    The anti polygamy group say that the government has no right to interfere pornography action because this is peoples private lives, but most of these same people are the people who were pushing for the new laws against the polygamy, which if you consider is the same violation of peoples privacy”¦ so they are just hypocrites using their “no brain” attitude to indulge their own desires.

  8. avatar Tomaculum says:
    December 8th, 2006 at 10:54 pm

    The anti polygamy group say that the government has no right to interfere pornography action because this is peoples private lives, but most of these same people are the people who were pushing for the new laws against the polygamy, which if you consider is the same violation of peoples privacy”¦ so they are just hypocrites using their “no brain” attitude to indulge their own desires.

    Brilliant “logical” view!! :)

  9. avatar AnakAllah says:
    December 9th, 2006 at 4:55 am

    So people finally realized that Aa Gym is not what he teaches & preaches. He is his own “God”, justifying his own acts. Whatever he does is God’s will & God’s law.
    I heard the crowd, para ibu rumah tangga, who realized the truth, are turning away from him, the number is significantly less than before. Kasihan juga loh.
    Let us all keep on praying for his good health & stamina to be able to to takecare of his 2 wives and maybe even more to come. After all his our role model.

  10. avatar buruh migran says:
    December 9th, 2006 at 8:09 pm

    The anti polygamy group say that the government has no right to interfere pornography action because this is peoples private lives, but most of these same people are the people who were pushing for the new laws against the polygamy, which if you consider is the same violation of peoples privacy”¦ so they are just hypocrites using their “no brain” attitude to indulge their own desires.

    And also vice versa, the pro polygamy group is also the group who is supporting the anti-pornography laws.

    Don’t you see the root problem here? This is typical of patriarchy culture and Indonesia is having a very strong one. Women were placed as lower rank than man. In many developed countries, none of their civils laws allowing a person is having more than one wives/husbands. No wonder that Indonesia is never move forwards to become one of the developed countries. Look out the mentality of these men..even the famous Aa Gym is a backward head person by committing a polygamy that was practised hundred years ago!

  11. avatar Janma says:
    December 10th, 2006 at 1:58 pm

    Oh it’s a hard thing to have religion isn’t it? Isn’t religion supposed to be about becoming a better person, learning to communicate with your higher self or with God? All the lofty ideals of religion are so often forgotton, instead people use their religion to gratify their own desires and ego or to maintain superiority over others. So much attention to the kulit, dalamnya atau batin nya kok di cuekin! Enak banget! Mending jadi khafir tapi orang baik yang bisa hormati orang lain daripada sok suci ngatur orang tapi munafik. You really want to use religion to spread hate and intolerance? The Christians already tried that, it didn’t get them very far down the road Jesus wanted them to walk did it…? Musuh Islam sebetulnya kebodohan! bukan orang2 kafir!

  12. avatar Santi says:
    December 11th, 2006 at 11:07 pm

    Aa gym is bullsh*t, arifin ilham’s much better.

  13. avatar J4K4 says:
    December 14th, 2006 at 8:06 pm

    And if arifin ilham marry another woman and take his second wife then who’s better, santi? Uje?

    You sure judge the quality of a person by his marital status.

    An open question to everyone, which is better for a man who needs love from more than one woman, polygamy or adultery?

  14. avatar Santi says:
    December 14th, 2006 at 8:44 pm

    Let’s hope that arifin ilham’s wife won’t suffer the same fate as Teh Ninih. Face it, a horny person with more than one wife isn’t quite fit to be an ustadz

    ~What a man (who needs love from more than one woman) needs is the infamous Lorena Bobbitt’s knife~

  15. avatar Mohammed Khafi says:
    December 15th, 2006 at 7:41 pm

    J4K4 said:

    An open question to everyone, which is better for a man who needs love from more than one woman, polygamy or adultery?

    As the Quranic pre-conditions for polygamy cannot be met by any man living today and taking into account the 1974 Marriage Law, it would be far better if adultery was practiced, that way only the man and the mistress would be commiting sins or breaking laws.

    Polygamous marriage involves the consent of the first wife in the decision, as the conditions in Al Quran cannot be met that first wife is then either ignoring Allah’s law or taking a source of law other than Allah, thereby commiting a sin.

    Adultery, 2 sinners, 2 lawbreakers.
    Polygamy, 3 sinners, 2 lawbreakers.

    Adultery is a clear winner in my book!

  16. avatar Ihaknt says:
    December 15th, 2006 at 8:13 pm

    To Santi

    Knife??? She bit the thing…ouch. That wouldn’t have been a clean cut. Also, wasnt it Loretta? well, doesnt matter.

    But anyway…
    No one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. As much as I do think that these so-called ustadz are munafik, none of us fully knows the real stories. But yeah, if they are muna then they should not preach.

  17. avatar Mohammed Khafi says:
    December 15th, 2006 at 8:42 pm

    She bit the thing”¦ouch. That wouldn’t have been a clean cut.

    There are unconfirmed reports circulating that ME tried to do the same with YZ, but luckily for YZ it slipped between the gap in ME’s teeth, and fell free! ;-)

  18. avatar sgn says:
    December 18th, 2006 at 11:30 pm

    AnakAllah Says:

    December 9th, 2006 at 4:55 am
    Let us all keep on praying for his good health & stamina to be able to to takecare of his 2 wives and maybe even more to come.

    … and 10 children (up to now).

  19. avatar Hassan says:
    December 20th, 2006 at 11:17 pm

    Wow, Muhammad khafi, are you imlplicitly encouraging people to commit adultery?? Well, let’s fornicate everyone, because khafI said it’s ok! Better commit adultery and give birth to out-of-marriage sons and daughters rather than lawfully marry another woman!

    I told you to be careful with your ijtihad, khafi. Ignorant people might actually follow what you said. What you have deduced from the Quran should only be applied to yourself, and not spread around, unless you have appropriate authorization.

    Imagine if everyone in the world do what you did, use their own thinking to deduce the Quran and then ‘teach’ those ‘laws’ to other people. How many version of Islam and the Quran would there be, as everyone will have their own interpretations of the Quran?

    Are you 100% sure that your interpretations are the correct one, and the interpretations of the mainstream ulamas are the wrong one?

    Muslims may drink alcohol?
    Adultery is better than polygamy?
    Welcome to the al-khafi sect.

    I’m not blaming your rationale, I’m saying that your interpretations are wrong. You won’t happen to have a degree in Quranic translation, would you?

  20. avatar Mohammed Khafi says:
    December 21st, 2006 at 12:42 am

    Hassan,

    Please do not try to twist my words Hassan, I did not say that Adultery was a good thing, clearly both Adultery and Polygamy from my view are bad. But what I said is that Adultery is the lesser of the two evils, 2 sinners versus 3.

    I can find no justification for general acceptance of Polygamy in Al Quran and I challenge you to if you want. Unless certain conditions are met, and they are time of war, being unable to deal fairly with the orphans who are a result of that war and being fair to more than one wife. Allah clearly states that no matter how hard you try you cannot be fair. Game over!

    I never force anybody to accept my views, unlike you and your colleagues, religious matter are between the person involved and God.

    I don’t remember debating the issue of Alcohol with you we can debate that at a later date I feel sure it will come up as a topic one day!

  21. avatar Hassan says:
    December 21st, 2006 at 1:46 am

    Brother Khafi:

    Who’s “my colleagues”?

    And when did i ever forced anyone to believe what i believed. I think ‘debating’ is different from ‘forcing’, don’t you think?

    You said:

    “I can find no justification for general acceptance of Polygamy in Al Quran and I challenge you to if you want.”

    Well that will revert us back to the argument of how you translate the Quran and it’s meanings, and whether you believe in the sunnah and hadith. On that topic we had agreed to disagree.

    Anyway, I said whatever you think and believe is fine, as long as you don’t ‘spread’ it around if you are not the authority on those issues. You won’t happen to have a degree in Quranic translation, would you?

    If everyone in the world do what you did, use their own thinking to deduce the Quran and then ‘teach’ those ‘laws’ to other people. How many version of Islam and the Quran would there be, as everyone will have their own interpretations of the Quran? :)

    BTW, was it better commit adultery and give birth to out-of-marriage sons and daughters than lawfully marry another woman?

  22. avatar Mohammed Khafi says:
    December 21st, 2006 at 7:21 am

    Hassan,

    The verses related to Polygamy in Al Quran are very clear, even I think you have to admit that! Therefore marrying another woman in normal circumstances and for a normal man is unlawfull, unless you are a follower of Hadith.

    In which case you are taking a source of law other than Allah, this also involves the first wife giving permission for you to follow a source other than Allah, which means that she has also commited a sin a total of 3 sinners.

    Adultery involves just 2 sinners, using common sense and logic 2 sinners is better than 3 sinners therefore Adultery is the better course of action! If you are unable to control your lust.

    Although hopefully a moderately educated man with common sense and moral understanding, and just a little self control would be able to control that.

    I don’t think opening peoples eyes to a more modern interpretation of the Islamic faith could be considered “spreading it around” as you know I am a great believer in people reading Al Quran for themselves and making their own decisions. That is after all why Allah gave us intelligence and reasoning, so that we could ponder on His Book.

  23. avatar Hassan says:
    December 21st, 2006 at 10:17 pm

    Mohammed Khafi: i think this is the focus of our debate, “Therefore marrying another woman in normal circumstances and for a normal man is unlawfull, unless you are a follower of Hadith.”

    We both know that Gymnastiar is a follower of hadith, and so do i. Any other argument beyond that is quite useless, i think.

    And khafi, “opening peoples eyes to a more modern interpretation” and even just to make a more modern interpretation of the Quran for your own self can only be correctfully done if you’re an expert in the field of ‘tafsir Al Quran’. Otherwise, you will be prone to humanly mistakes.

  24. avatar Mohammed Khafi says:
    December 22nd, 2006 at 12:21 am

    Hassan,

    We agree completely that he has used Hadith to justify his actions, but quite clearly by Allah’s Laws in Al Quran he has not met the conditions to take a second wife, he has taken a source of law other than Allah, he has held up some manmade innovation to supercede Allah’s words and by doing so he has commited Shirk has he not? Holding up others besides Allah?

    Is Shirk a sin Hassan? Yes of course it is, the worst!

    Is this the sort of man that you want to teach others about Islam? Do you want somebody who ignores Allah’s Laws to satisy his own desires to teach Islamic Values.

    Just remember Hassan that Islam means submission to Allah, not to our own base instincts.

  25. avatar JKS says:
    December 23rd, 2006 at 4:38 am

    Khafi, if you are a man then you knew the difficulty to control of their birds as the nests lie freely every where without proper guard and seal, many with ‘welcome’ carpet in front of the doors, even AAgym lured to stop by.

    None of the religions can control those wild ‘garuda’ birds, it spread the wings widely in all nations, regardless what their religions are.

  26. avatar Mohammed Khafi says:
    December 23rd, 2006 at 12:34 pm

    Self control is one of the things which elevates humans above the other animals JKS, it is one of the things which sets us apart from them!

    It is not religions job to control those instincts, but it is religions job to teach us the moral strength to be able to resist them personally.

    God knows that we are not perfect, we are his creation after all, perhaps this is just another of Gods’s tests?

  27. avatar Hassan says:
    January 9th, 2007 at 3:29 pm

    Mohammed Khafi: You said, “Do you want somebody who ignores Allah’s Laws to satisy his own desires”

    Do we know that for sure, that his motivation is pure blind lust? If that’s not the case, wouldn’t that be slander? And slandering fellow Muslims is a good thing?

    I prefer to let Allah SWT be the judge and end this endless polemic about polygamy. Prior to the Adam Air incident, our country had been discussing about Aa Gym’s polygamy for weeks. Is that how we want to channel our resources? Gossips?

  28. avatar Anonymous says:
    November 7th, 2007 at 12:32 pm

    I am not sure if you are aware of this but Polygamy was a belief brought by Mohammad when he first became a Muslim. I’m sure you know about that but do you know his goals? And why he created Polygamy!?
    It’s because his ultimate goal was to conquer the whole world. But how can you do that? By creating many soldiers for the Muslim religion which is why he created what’s now known as Polygamy.
    I am not saying I don’t respect the belief and the religion, but I think that now it’s used in a different way. A way it wasn’t used thousands of years ago when Mohammad first created it. Now Muslims don’t even uphold the Muslim values in Polygamy.. So what’s the point of polygamy!?

  29. avatar Mohammed Khafi says:
    November 7th, 2007 at 3:55 pm

    Anonymous,

    Polygamy was around thousands of years before The Prophet.
    The Prophet used polygamous marriage as a safety net for orphans and widows, the result of the various wars which were fought in those times. This is clearly explained in Al Quran.

    On your last comments you are surely correct, the allowances for polygamy are abused for mens own lusts and greed.

    Peace

  30. avatar Tuan says:
    November 8th, 2007 at 12:47 am

    Polygamy was around thousands of years before The Prophet.
    The Prophet used polygamous marriage as a safety net for orphans and widows, the result of the various wars which were fought in those times. This is clearly explained in Al Quran.

    On your last comments you are surely correct, the allowances for polygamy are abused for mens own lusts and greed.

    That’s true. The Bible also has accounts of polygamous relationships.

    I also like to add that is not only the “conservative” Muslims who are into polygamy but Muslims of all walks of life. Take for example, R&B singer Akon who is reported to be married to three women (Akon is Muslim btw). While his music and his lifestyle and his on-stage antics (explicit dancing with a underage girl at a club and throwing a fan off the stage) are in conflict with things in the Quran, he nevertheless one of several examples of those who follows what we wants (and that is his choice “â„¢”), like polygamy, and disregards the rest (and that is his choice “â„¢”).

    ~Tuan Indonesian-American Muslim

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