CIA & FBI Conspiracy Theories

Feb 6th, 2009, in Opinion, by

Achmad wonders what is behind Indonesia's trail of natural disasters.

Achmad Sudarsono

The CIA and FBI are behind Indonesia's Natural Disasters

Halo All My Seksi Friend,

As I was strumming Koes Ploes songs on my Ukulele in the rice fields this evening, I found the time to reflect on the recent natural disasters that have hit Indonesia.

There have been tsunamis, earthquakes, landslides, global warming, floods, and the threat of volcanic eruptions.

I wondered, as my fingers picked out the tunes to Koes Ploes classics, why all of sudden do we face such woes? Then, as I slammed back my 10th Teh Poci and 3rd packet of Gudang Garam kreteks, I realized.

The CIA and the FBI engineered them all to prevent Indonesia's rise to the greatness of the Mojopahit Empire.

Sure, I wouldn't be surprised if the MI-6 and other agencies were in on the act as well. After all, none of the world's superpowers want Indonesia to reverse engineer all the U.F.O. technology we have buried in our ancient temples and ruins. They want it for themselves.

So, friend, there is simply no other rational explanation behind phenomenon such as the 2004 tsunami or 2006 earthquake in Central Java.

Consider this:

* Who else has the technology ?

* Why did the USS Abraham Lincoln, the U.S. naval aircraft carrier, arrive in Banda Aceh in 2004 so quickly? They didn't come to pose for foto-fotoan at tourism objects, (obyek wisata)! I am sure they sent all their engineers and demolitions experts to ensure that the work had been properly completed. The same for all the other natural disasters.

So, as I asked when Engelbert Humperdinck sold his Harley Davidson in 2005, why God, why?

Seksi Friend,

Indonesia is gradually, quietly on its way to becoming a global superpower, and in, fact, the world's greatest cultural force. Think of it -- now we have shows like "Extravaganza", "Termehek-Mehek," and "Suami-Suami Takut Istri" ? Why were none of these shows nominated at the Golden Globes?

Suami-Suami Takut Istri
Snubbed at the Globes

Our movies, especially of the horror variety put all of Hollywood, and even America's Indy scene to shame? What American film could ever match recent classics such as "Pintu Terlarang," or "Hantu Ambulans," not to mention the "Suster Ngesot" series, possibly the zenith of Asian cinema since Akira Kurosawa.

Hollywood, as we all know, has controlled the White House since Ronald Reagan was elected. Look at all the entertainers who endorsed Barack Obama! Look at the Governor of California, Pak Arnolds Schwarzeneggers.

Of course, I am just a humble poet and many IM matters are more learned than I am. But sometimes, it is we Rakyat, ordinary people, who see things clearly. I take another drag on my 60th kretek for the day. Now I sip my final Teh Poci and look forward to my nightly Jamu as I listen to the Tokek lizards cheep-cheeping away looking at the sun set over the sawah.


206 Comments on “CIA & FBI Conspiracy Theories”

  1. avatar Astrajingga says:

    According some religious story, once upon time God was offering the brain and the freewill to earth, sun, cow and to other His creature but none of them accept those offering except the human,

    According to a not so religious story I heard, they didn’t actually refuse those offering, they replied “Hmpphhh pluwthhh”, “Shhhssshhs schwaackkssshhh”, and “Mooo, mooo….” God then took it as “No.”

    therefore, you cannot blame God anymore for the killing and disaster because God already gave human everything (brain and freewill) to lead and manage the earth in responsible manner and earthquake likely will not kill human if the human does not make home from the cement.

    True, God gives human brain and freewill, but God doesn’t give the power enough to make human really in control of his life, like to know the exact future. Or to know his/her own destiny. To know whether s/he is destined to live the afterlife in hell or heaven. It’s like what Mandela got: A state but not the power. A key to the house, but the combination to the safe. Not a very good analogy, but well…. I’m not a philosopher nor prophet, but I think we’re talking about Epicurus’ questions here.

    May be YOU can not blame God anymore, but I WILL. So if, someday on judgement day, I meet God–if God exists– I’ll ask Her, “As a God, You must have known before I was even born that I will be sent to hell in my afterlife, right? Why did You create me? Let me live my life the way I live it? To have fun, giggling while watching me do all the sin, knowing that it is punishable in hell? You have written all the scenario, right? And no one can runaway from it, can’t they?”

    Humanlove, when it’s too late, this is what I think will happen. I mean if THE God is a Just God.

    God, I guess, will go, in a heavy echoey tone, “I have given you freewill, conscience, and brain to think what is good and what is bad.” I will reply, “Yes, You have given me the brain etc, thank You, but haven’t You known that the brain & conscience you’ve installed in me would tell me to do whatever I have done, even if it was a sin?”

    God probably will sigh and go, “All right, all right. What exactly do you want?” That’s what I want to hear, so I’ll quickly reply, “If I have to go to hell, please let me take You with me. You’re responsible for any sin all human being did on earth. You have to go to hell first because You’re the first cause of all sin, and since you’re so big–mind your diet–I think the hell will be full with you. So let anything and anyone else lives in heaven. Including, and most importantly, Elvis.”

    By the way, Humanlove, why do you keep calling God Him? The image of God, since I was a very young boy, according to my limited imagination, is that God looks like my grandmother, wearing her colorful kerudung (not jilbab), a very strong woman, sometimes angry, but most of the time loving, hovering on a cloud over the moon, reciting Quran. Everytime I imagine God, I have that picture in my mind.

    But, probably since somewhere in my university years, everytime I have that image, I will call it, “My grandmother hovering on a cloud over the moon, reciting Quran.” Nothing less nothing more.

    My point is, God is a woman, if She ever exists.

    A man is a kind of human being that cook on a pan, and eat from it. The earth, the whole universe won’t be this beautiful if God is a man. Trust me.

  2. avatar Astrajingga says:

    It is like your mother make a cake, it is her own right whether she eat the cake or throw it to the garbage bin.

    That she’s a bad mother. Surely she has her own right to eat all the cake, but doesn’t she think about her children? Is she creative enough to fix the burnt cake to make something out of it, rather than just wasting it in the garbage bin?

    I don’t think we should pray to nor believe in a selfish God.

  3. avatar Astrajingga says:

    You are a natural born comedian my friend…he haaAA haaa

    Thanks Stupid, but no.

    I mean it.

    😉

  4. avatar Lairedion says:

    Odinius,

    Well could be. Don’t believe Achmad had that in mind. He’s often off the mark, even when it’s all standard information widely available on the net.

    Astrajingga,

    Enjoyed your comment.

  5. avatar Odinius says:

    Yeah, I’m just being pedantic 🙁

  6. avatar Lairedion says:

    Never mind Odinius, it’s alright.

  7. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Hey Lairedion,

    Yes, I’m sure a post on the internet called, “CIA and FBI conspiracy theories,” coming from someone who thinks Buddhist monuments were put there by aliens will do irreparable damage to the historiography : P

    Lordy, Lairedy, get a sense of humor, man !

  8. avatar Cukurungan says:

    True, God gives human brain and freewill, but God doesn’t give the power enough to make human really in control of his life, like to know the exact future. Or to know his/her own destiny. To know whether s/he is destined to live the afterlife in hell or heaven. It’s like what Mandela got: A state but not the power. A key to the house, but the combination to the safe. Not a very good analogy, but well…. I’m not a philosopher nor prophet, but I think we’re talking about Epicurus’ questions here.

    God already reminded you that He does not owe you anything and He can make you in the shape whatever His wish and not your wish. God will never be questioned by anyone but you will be questioned by God. God could even put all human on hell and no one has right to questioning Him because [112:001] He is God, the One and Only;[112:002] God, the Eternal, Absolute;[112:003] He begetteth not, nor is He begotten;[112:004] And there is none like unto Him.

    May be YOU can not blame God anymore, but I WILL. So if, someday on judgement day, I meet God–if God exists– I’ll ask Her, “As a God, You must have known before I was even born that I will be sent to hell in my afterlife, right? Why did You create me? Let me live my life the way I live it? To have fun, giggling while watching me do all the sin, knowing that it is punishable in hell? You have written all the scenario, right? And no one can runaway from it, can’t they?”

    Friend you measure your self too high …ha ha ha… how come you can blame God if you could not blame and punish even only the late Bapak Soeharto…could you tell me fate of Pak Soeharto after his die according to your common sense….. Has Pak Soeharto just gone and got nothing on after life because God does not exist.

    Btw, do not worry because God already promised that His Ultimate Court will be justice and fair, God will only judge your deeds based upon the fact and the evidence only not the assumption. According religious story, in the judgment day, there will be a person who only doing little good deed but God order him to enter His paradise just only because before he dying, this person make wish to his son to burn his body and dump his ash to the sea so God could not find him and make trial upon Him. In the end, God rewards this person with heaven as reward of this person fear upon Him.

    That she’s a bad mother. Surely she has her own right to eat all the cake, but doesn’t she think about her children? Is she creative enough to fix the burnt cake to make something out of it, rather than just wasting it in the garbage bin?

    She is a smart mother, why she should wasting time and spend more cost on fixing it, if she can make another cake cheaper and faster than fixing the burnt cake.

  9. avatar Stupid Bule says:

    Achmad,

    Disaster relief is a nice gig

    I can’t help but to be totally bemused by your disgusting, unintelligent comments that seem to effortlessly spew without any regard to facts. If you yourself were ordered to be deployed into a disaster relief situation, I doubt very much after your deployment you would refer to it as “a nice gig”.

    Having to pick up pieces of children, and console their surviving family members does not constitute as “a nice gig”. Sifting through bodies of ‘real’ people, bodies that were once alive and well does not in the remotest sense constitute as, “a nice gig”.

    Take heed Achmad, you are out of your depth. Stick to your usual rhetoric of trying to make yourself appear important. Leave the honourable task of helping those in need to the rest of us.

    As for your comment;

    The Truth will prevail. Soon I will announce a bold plan that will make the Bules tremble.

    I can only hope that this “plan” involves a continual psychiatric evaluation that would help you see, and correct your clumsy sociopathic tendencies.

    Yours again, and again,
    Stupid Bule
    Conspirator
    Womaniser
    Alcoholic
    Rapist

  10. avatar Astrajingga says:

    God will never be questioned by anyone but you will be questioned by God.

    Human being, along history, actually, has questioned God, the problem is that God doesn’t answer in a clear way to everyone, so everyone has to find the answer with their own interpretation. With the brain and conscience God has installed in everyone. And with so many variety of interpretations, look what we have today?

    Well, She ‘wrote’ some books as guidance, but then again, each book says different things with the other.

    A man once even heard God whispering right to his ear for an answer, and without much thinking he was going to slaughter his own son. We now knows that God saved the man from police and children protection commission by replacing his son with a goat (it was long before animal right activism founded). But a miracle like that seldom happens anymore since science renaissance. So every time God whispers to your ear, be careful, She once saved Abraham, but She may not be there to save you, even from animal right activists.

    Friend you measure your self too high …ha ha ha… how come you can blame God if you could not blame and punish even only the late Bapak Soeharto…

    How come I can’t blame God? I just did.

    I blame Soeharto too, but I, together with other Indonesians, have failed to take him to court and punish him. For this failure, I can’t stop blaming myself either. I blame myself more than I blame God. I think that’s fair enough for Her.

    I can blame God, I can challenge Her, but you’re right, I couldn’t punish Her. I can’t punish thing that is not exist.

    Has Pak Soeharto just gone and got nothing on after life because God does not exist.

    Yes. Soeharto’s body is eaten by worm. He did not check-in the hell (and share the torture cell with Marilyn Monroe as some peoples may believe). I have to accept that, and that always reminds me that we must try human rights abuser. We must never, again, let mass murderers, kidnappers, human rights abusers slip away with impunity. And because we once let them slip away, we should write those dark-pages in our history text books. May our grandchildren will learn something and do better than what we have done.

    Btw, do not worry because God already promised that His Ultimate Court will be justice and fair

    Yes, that’s Her promise. But the risk is just too high to let God deal with all the mass-murderers on the judgement day, base only on a promise. Even today God still lets human right abuser to run for VP. Can’t She make all the mass-murderers, corruptors, tyrannic dictators, student kidnappers dies in traffic accident, food poisoning, diarrhea or pig (Mexican) flu? God even set that it was Munir who had to have the arsenic fried noodle and let the mastermind of the killing go scot-free.

    As a remainder, God also says that we also have to try as hard as possible to create human justice on earth. I mean, God gave us the brain, conscience, and somewhat limited power to do our own home works. It is for us–human being–to do the biggest part of the home works on this messy earth. God will only deal with some detail, things that we cannot do with our limited power. I mean if you believe in God, and we’re talking about the same God here.

    God will never be questioned by anyone but you will be questioned by God.

    Human being, along history, actually, has questioned God, the problem is that God doesn’t answer in a clear way to everyone, so everyone has to find the answer with their own interpretation. With the brain and conscience God has installed in everyone. And with so many variety of interpretations, look what we have today?

    Well, She ‘wrote’ some books as guidance, but then again, each book says different things with the other.

    A man once even heard God whispering right to his ear for an answer, and without much thinking he was going to slaughter his own son. We now knows that God saved the man from police and children protection commission by replacing his son with a goat (it was long before animal right activism founded). But a miracle like that seldom happens anymore since science renaissance. So every time God whispers to your ear, be careful, She once saved Abraham, but She may not be there to save you, even from animal right activists.

    Friend you measure your self too high …ha ha ha… how come you can blame God if you could not blame and punish even only the late Bapak Soeharto…

    How come I can’t blame God? I just did.

    I blame Soeharto too, but I, together with other Indonesians, have failed to take him to court and punish him. For this failure, I can’t stop blaming myself either. I blame myself more than I blame God. I think that’s fair enough for Her.

    I can blame God, I can challenge Her, but you’re right, I couldn’t punish Her. I can’t punish thing that is not exist.

    Has Pak Soeharto just gone and got nothing on after life because God does not exist.

    Yes. Soeharto’s body is eaten by worm. He did not check-in the hell (and share the torture cell with Marilyn Monroe as some peoples may believe). I have to accept that, and that always reminds me that we must try human rights abuser. We must never, again, let mass murderers, kidnappers, human rights abusers slip away with impunity. And because we once let them slip away, we should write those dark-pages in our history text books. May our grandchildren will learn something and do better than what we have done.

    Btw, do not worry because God already promised that His Ultimate Court will be justice and fair

    Yes, that’s Her promise. But the risk is just too high to let God deal with all the mass-murderers on the judgement day, base only on a promise. Even today God still lets human right abuser to run for VP. Can’t She make all the mass-murderers, corruptors, tyrannic dictators, student kidnappers dies in traffic accident, food poisoning, diarrhea or pig (Mexican) flu? God even set that it was Munir who had to have the arsenic fried noodle and let the mastermind of the killing go scot-free.

    As a remainder, God also says that we also have to try as hard as possible to create human justice on earth. I mean, God gave us the brain, conscience, and somewhat limited power to do our own home works. It is for us–human being–to do the biggest part of the home works on this messy earth. God will only deal with some detail, things that we cannot do with our limited power. I mean if you believe in God, and we’re talking about the same God here.

    She is a smart mother, why she should wasting time and spend more cost on fixing it, if she can make another cake cheaper and faster than fixing the burnt cake.

    Hey, I won’t pray to a God who can’t well bake cake either.

    Anyway, the whole point in talking about God here is in its relation to CIA & FBI conspiracy.

    Here what I’m trying to say.

    Siti Fadhilah Supari says that pig flu is probably human-made.

    Achmad Sudarsono says that disaster in Indonesia is probably made by CIA & FBI.

    Other says that all the disaster were made by God.

    I go with Stupid bule that the disaster is actually natural. Is it probable CIA & FBI made them? Yes, more probable than God made them all. We should appreciate what Achmad trying to say here. Probably God whispers to him that he should tell everyone about CIA & FBI conspiracy. Or it was my grandmother?

    Enjoyed your comment.

    Thanks Lair.

  11. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Stupid Bule,

    Don’t be a stupid (self-righteous) bule.

    That’s first wave disaster relief.

    Most other people cruise in ‘n’ cash in on the benefits.

    If you’d done any real work, you’d know what I was talking about.

  12. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Hey Stupid Bule,

    What’s a disaster ?

    Something that gets saturation media coverage and digital animations from national geographic ?

    Or the more complex disasters of everyday life, like…dirty water and mosquitos.

    How much money has been spent on:

    Counter terrorism

    Vs. malaria prevention, dengue fever prevention, and even building of drains in developing countries ?

    Or how much attention given to the alleged “global pandemic” of swine flu, when we already have global pandemics, like dengue fever….

    Perhaps because dengue fever and malaria and other things mostly happen to poor (brown) people…

  13. avatar Stupid Bule says:

    dearest Achmad,

    What’s a disaster ?

    Your moustache

    Something that gets saturation media coverage and digital animations from national geographic ?

    Uh let me think….Moronic brain dead wannabe terrorists blowing themselves, and innocent women and children, up over some misinterpreted bubblegum ideology.?? Am I warm…?

    Or the more complex disasters of everyday life, like…dirty water and mosquitos.

    Or your lack of willingness to actually do anything about them.

    How much money has been spent on:

    Counter terrorism

    Vs. malaria prevention, dengue fever prevention, and even building of drains in developing countries ?

    Approximately about the same amount of money that has been spent on the development of the internet. The same internet on which you seem content in embarrassing yourself.

    Or how much attention given to the alleged “global pandemic” of swine flu, when we already have global pandemics, like dengue fever….

    I spoke with Master Zorg from the planet Tripton yesterday. He is currently examining Grargarian Klatuions in the Andromina GzW12 sector. He will give me his results via intergalactic telepathy on Tuesday next week. I should have an answer for you then.

    Perhaps because dengue fever and malaria and other things mostly happen to poor (brown) people…

    Well, I’ve never been accused of being an academic… As far as I’m aware, Dengue Fever and Malaria are neither racist nor colour-blind diseases.

  14. avatar Stupid BUle says:

    Dear Astrajingga,

    Even today God still lets human right abuser to run for VP. Can’t She make all the mass-murderers, corruptors, tyrannic dictators, student kidnappers dies in traffic accident, food poisoning, diarrhea or pig (Mexican) flu? God even set that it was Munir who had to have the arsenic fried noodle and let the mastermind of the killing go scot-free.

    Could you please ask God where are all my missing socks? I have “5” socks that are missing their partners…I’m beginning to become a little worried…

  15. avatar Odinius says:

    Stupid Bule said:

    I spoke with Master Zorg from the planet Tripton yesterday. He is currently examining Grargarian Klatuions in the Andromina GzW12 sector. He will give me his results via intergalactic telepathy on Tuesday next week. I should have an answer for you then.

    Don’t get your hopes up, Zorgy is kinda unreliable. You’re better off talking to Qxar.

  16. avatar Stupid Bule says:

    Odinius,

    Don’t get your hopes up, Zorgy is kinda unreliable. You’re better off talking to Qxar.

    I’ve never spoken with Qxar, but I’ve heard about him from Xenabudoo. Xenabudoo is from Safrometor, it’s a distant Quasian Pixar in a Micro-Galaxy-376RBt-671 to be exact. Interestingly enough, Xenabudoo tells me that Qxar shares many of the same grievances as Achmad when it comes to the evil empire of Bules and there devious treachery, so you can imagine my anticipation to speak with him…

  17. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Pak Stupid Bule Yth.,

    I thank you for your…Seksi observations.

    Please share more on inter-planetary diplomacy. As for Bule-relations, I’ve handed that over to the (Seksi) Mssrs Cukurungan and AAB.

  18. avatar Oigal says:

    God could even put all human on hell and no one has right to questioning Him because [112:001] He is God, the One and Only;[112:002] God, the Eternal, Absolute;[112:003] He begetteth not, nor is He begotten;[112:004] And there is none like unto Him.

    You sure that wasn’t the guy out of “The Highlander” ? ”

    There can be only one!”

  19. avatar Astrajingga says:

    Could you please ask God where are all my missing socks? I have “5? socks that are missing their partners…I’m beginning to become a little worried…

    I have asked, but God stops talking to me. I think She’s really angry.

    But my grandma says, try under the cupboard, or inside the shoes, look inside your rarely-used shoes. And, next time buy at least two pairs of socks with same color/pattern. If you miss one or even two of their partners, you still have a pair of socks. No wonder my grandpa’s socks are two pairs black, 3 beige socks (one is missing), two pairs grey, and two pairs white-sport socks.

    I think my grandma should write her own Good-Book/Kitab Suci.

  20. avatar Stupid Bule says:

    Thanx Astrajingga, I hope God “will” start talking to you again soon…

    Your Grandma is a wise woman, give her my best.

  21. avatar Astrajingga says:

    Anytime, Stupid Bule. My Grandma is now praying so God may help you find those missing socks.

    By the way, my grandpa lost his beige sock when he used it to cover his nose so his nose can function as intergalactic telepathic antenna when he was communicating with Safrometorian. I think the strength of the carrier waves has vaporized the sock and transformed it into pure energy.

  22. avatar Stupid Bule says:

    By the way, my grandpa lost his beige sock when he used it to cover his nose so his nose can function as intergalactic telepathic antenna when he was communicating with Safrometorian. I think the strength of the carrier waves has vaporized the sock and transformed it into pure energy.

    HA haaaaHaa!! Thanx for the feed back. I’ll cherish those images of your Grandpa with his sock over his nose…:)

    Oh and Commander Qxar unfortunately since his last transmission to your Grandpa recieved I.G.H.F (Interstellar Graviton Hyperbolar Feedback) and was obliterated along with his subordinates, just a couple of Achmadianons from the Crapular Nebula. Sorry to be the barer of bad news.

  23. avatar Bule in Bali says:

    Heh heh heh. Here I am a Bule in Bali googling Peace Corp and Indonesia and CIA and come across this thread. My hat is off to Pak Achmad for managing to stir up so many serious people with so little sarcastic effort.

  24. avatar Sykox says:

    Of all the conspiracy theories I have EVER read, this post beast them all by a measure far greater than the damage caused by the named disasters.

    Tsunami: Explain the trace evidence of actual lava and magma found where the earthquake that caused the tsunami. No? Ok, so the CIA and and the FBI were not behind any tsunami.

    Earthquakes: Right, because man, as a whole and an entity of this planet, actually have the power to cause continents to move? See what I did there? It’s called sarcasm. Guess what, we DON’T have the powers to create an earthquake.

    Landslides: Who’s to say it wasn’t terrorists? Hell even I could cause those landslides, all it takes is time. But if you look at the forensic examinations of any landslide in Indonesia, you’ll find that NO explosives or the likes was found, and it was caused by water. DISPROVED.

    Global Warming: You’re blaming this on agencies like the CIA and FBI? You realize we’re probably not even talking 100.000 people, right? I don’t see your logic… like… at all. Do better.

    Floods: Yep! You caught them, skippy! They’ve secretly been forging dispensable floods… *sigh*.

    Volcanic eruption threat: Let me put it this way: CIA and FBI are more likely to be causing your erection, than a volcano’s eruption. I wonder what you’re even basing this accusation on?

    Also, to your question, who else has the technology: Possibly aliens and I think even in court you’d have a bigger chance of winning, accusing aliens rather than an agency for those disasters. You provide no proof AT ALL, no extensive analytical theory and no investigative material.

    “…but the reality is all soldiers at all levels, especially in Australia, milk the system for all they can, workers’ compo etc, you name it.” – Proof?

    Now don’t say I’m just waving your opinions away, I’m adressing them for what they are: Bullshit 🙂
    Also, Indonesia raising to be a superpower? You said it yourself… who else, but the CIA and FBI, has the power to create the disasters? The way you’re putting it, definitely not Indonesia. So on what grounds are you basing, that Indonesia was rising up?

  25. avatar Ketut says:

    The USA is the ones to blame hehehehehe, they pay me to help and be there eyes and ears in Bali.

  26. avatar evets says:

    what’s this all about? this is the dumbest things i’ve ever read! you talk about CIA & FBI, and even alien, ckckk…that’s so odd! get real man! wake up!

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