CIA & FBI Conspiracy Theories

Feb 6th, 2009, in Opinion, by

Achmad wonders what is behind Indonesia's trail of natural disasters.

Achmad Sudarsono

The CIA and FBI are behind Indonesia's Natural Disasters

Halo All My Seksi Friend,

As I was strumming Koes Ploes songs on my Ukulele in the rice fields this evening, I found the time to reflect on the recent natural disasters that have hit Indonesia.

There have been tsunamis, earthquakes, landslides, global warming, floods, and the threat of volcanic eruptions.

I wondered, as my fingers picked out the tunes to Koes Ploes classics, why all of sudden do we face such woes? Then, as I slammed back my 10th Teh Poci and 3rd packet of Gudang Garam kreteks, I realized.

The CIA and the FBI engineered them all to prevent Indonesia's rise to the greatness of the Mojopahit Empire.

Sure, I wouldn't be surprised if the MI-6 and other agencies were in on the act as well. After all, none of the world's superpowers want Indonesia to reverse engineer all the U.F.O. technology we have buried in our ancient temples and ruins. They want it for themselves.

So, friend, there is simply no other rational explanation behind phenomenon such as the 2004 tsunami or 2006 earthquake in Central Java.

Consider this:

* Who else has the technology ?

* Why did the USS Abraham Lincoln, the U.S. naval aircraft carrier, arrive in Banda Aceh in 2004 so quickly? They didn't come to pose for foto-fotoan at tourism objects, (obyek wisata)! I am sure they sent all their engineers and demolitions experts to ensure that the work had been properly completed. The same for all the other natural disasters.

So, as I asked when Engelbert Humperdinck sold his Harley Davidson in 2005, why God, why?

Seksi Friend,

Indonesia is gradually, quietly on its way to becoming a global superpower, and in, fact, the world's greatest cultural force. Think of it -- now we have shows like "Extravaganza", "Termehek-Mehek," and "Suami-Suami Takut Istri" ? Why were none of these shows nominated at the Golden Globes?

Suami-Suami Takut Istri
Snubbed at the Globes

Our movies, especially of the horror variety put all of Hollywood, and even America's Indy scene to shame? What American film could ever match recent classics such as "Pintu Terlarang," or "Hantu Ambulans," not to mention the "Suster Ngesot" series, possibly the zenith of Asian cinema since Akira Kurosawa.

Hollywood, as we all know, has controlled the White House since Ronald Reagan was elected. Look at all the entertainers who endorsed Barack Obama! Look at the Governor of California, Pak Arnolds Schwarzeneggers.

Of course, I am just a humble poet and many IM matters are more learned than I am. But sometimes, it is we Rakyat, ordinary people, who see things clearly. I take another drag on my 60th kretek for the day. Now I sip my final Teh Poci and look forward to my nightly Jamu as I listen to the Tokek lizards cheep-cheeping away looking at the sun set over the sawah.


206 Comments on “CIA & FBI Conspiracy Theories”

  1. avatar Oigal says:

    ASSMAD

    I can understand why you wouldn’t want to reveal your alternate identity,

    I would but it is so confusing, according to Ross (where is he? did the Reds under the bed finally get him?) I am a left wing, communist with dubious sexual gender preferences living in Bandung, according to the sarong poetry set I am a ageing miner with a pot belly throwing up in Blok M chasing sweet innocent girls, According to others I am a Facist and Nazi and yet others a free thinker..and the biggest shock of all, I am Lairedion in another guise (which is probably a bigger shock to Lairedion) than anyone else.

    Oh for the simplicty of being simple sarong wearing pretend Indonesian just awaiting the onset of maturity to turn learning into knowledge like yourself.

  2. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    No, True Blue, you’re an ex-Aussie soldier with mild hardening of the categories.

    Problems in Aboriginal communities: send in the military

    Problems on the wharfs: send in the military.

    Problems with would-be refugees: send in the military (maybe even chuck a couple of those Tampa queue jumpers overboard just to be sure).

    Security for APEC — shut down Sydney (make the police look like the military).

    If you’re a hammer, every problems a nail ?

    Wrap it all up in a semblance of concerned conservatism. Grab what you can of white-picket fence of Australia. Half mumble-some cliches about a cold nasty world out there. Throw in a few references to Indonesian “bastards” and Aussie footy heroism.

    Go for Gold, Australia.

  3. avatar schmerly says:

    I wonder who writes crazy Assmad’s script’s for him? his friend the local paranormal? at least he gives us a good laugh, all clowns are funny.

  4. avatar Oigal says:

    Tsk Tsk… Assmad in a tantrum..I think we can all strum along to that. Sorry dropped my little rednecked banjo..laughing too hard

    A truely inspiring, self righteous rant worthy of best of the loons that tend to haunt IM (Ross is that you??) and all because you got called on a silly little assertion.

    Assmad in a tantrum..I think we can all strum along to that.

    Ok now Calm down diddums, with the coming of maturity comes the knowledge that not everyone will think you are the little, cute little kid anymore and the centre of attention. It hurts a bit but its part of growing up.

    Now we have spoken before about mispresenting people, it a little bit naughty and demonstates the failing of your own position. Now take a deep breath and relax..not everybody thinks you are spoilt little brat..you have not met everbody yet.

  5. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    No tantrums, Ogle.

    Just calmly Telling It Like It Is.

    What was it, the Army can give the aboriginal communities some “breathing space” ? Ironically, it was your friend Suharto who had the idea in the 1960s of turning the army into a civilian police force.

    You wouldn’t send Oxfam on a special forces mission. The right tool for the right job.

    As for the aid budget — just coz u say it so, doesn’t mean it’s so. Same goes for Burung Koel.

    Sorry Ogle, I thought fair play was a least one Australian virtue.

  6. avatar schmerly says:

    “Soon I will announce a bold plan that will make the Bules tremble” could we have a date, time, venue for this “bold plan” then I can start building my nuclear fallout shelter.

  7. avatar Oigal says:

    Ssshhh…diddums do try and stay on topic..you are like a baby who hasn’t had his nap lashing out here there and everywhere.

    As for the aid budget — just coz u say it so, doesn’t mean it’s so. Same goes for Burung Koel.

    That would normally be a valid point ..but tricky bit is ..it is so..so too bad so sad..

    Oh and to be careful terminology…”I thought” is a contradiction in terms in this case.

    Suharto my friend..I think you have me confused with PM Keating now (never much of a labor man myself but bit before your time I think).

    Now take a Bex and have nice little lie down and think about your contribution to the world before trying to belittle others..perhaps reflect upon difference between knowing something and being knowledgable.

  8. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    it is so..so too bad so sad..

    ??

    Don’t get the above quote, Oigsy.

    Point is, neither one of us are going to dredge up the sources to continue the above debate.

    Much better to just admit I’m right (as usual).

    Ok. Suharto not your friend. But John Howard has followed his example in using the military for civilian law and order.

    As militaries usually secure the state against external enemies — what does that say about using the army in aboriginal territories ? Are they the enemies of Australia ? Or just aboriginal males ?

    But you’re right, we digress from the topic of the CIA and the FBI.

    Oh, yes, and Oigal, “diddums” just isn’t that insulting.

    Expect more from you, True Blue.

  9. avatar schmerly says:

    @ assmad.. “Much better to just admit I’m right (as usual)” yea same as the CIA and FBI causing NATURAL disasters, I think you’ve been drinking to much Alien Ale! and it’s making you delusional.

  10. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Mr. Schmerlys Yth,

    I think it’s better if you first study our national ideology The Pancasila.

  11. avatar Oigal says:

    Relevence is not strong point from start to finish for you and this post is it Diddums

    Psst..John Howard is not the Prime Minister anymore, you really are having trouble keeping up with a whole range of issues at the moment. Is this a passing phase or a life reflection perhaps?

    It has been been fun watching you lose your composure as you have been weighed, measured and found wanting. And as I bid you fare thee well on this now sad little discourse, you may want to keep in mind the Roman Legionaire who said as he retreated from Britain “We have taken such a flogging lately that even my sons wear a Celts Jumpers to the weekly football competition”

  12. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Oh Dear, Ogle.

    You really didn’t learn much in the military, did you ?

    Maybe you’re just having more and more senior moments.

    Fine with me if you want to duck, weave, evade, and dodge the points.

    More important things call than helping you plug the gaps in your white-picket fence outlook on the world.

    Like helping save Jaipong.

  13. avatar schmerly says:

    @ AS.. why is it you always go off on a tangent, what on earth has Pancasila got to do with the CIA, FBI or Aliens? your weird, stop drinking that Alien Ale.

  14. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    The Pancasila will help focus your scattered mind.

  15. avatar schmerly says:

    @ AS.. Talking of scattered minds, you’ve definitely lost the plot try a bit of introspection.

  16. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Schmerly !

    How many people, how many , can play the Ukulele, write poetry, teach pencak silat, sing cabaret, and do exposes of alien intervention at the same time ??

    Not many, Seksi Friend !

  17. avatar ET says:

    Is this thread something reserved for personal vendettas or Australian politics insiders? It has become just as cryptic as some of the threads that degenerated into koranic and hadith interpretations.

  18. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Pak/Ibu ET Yth.,

    Of course not…

    Pitch in. Join. Enjoy.

    The thread is supposed to be about Indonesia…

    🙂

  19. avatar indonesiabraveheart says:

    Lol banget … too much staring at the sawah must’ve made you a little bit productive in your words but less creative in your sense.

    Even if all that you’ve said is accidentally true … can’t stop laughing about the perfect way you told us here.

  20. avatar schmerly says:

    @Assmad… “How many people, how many , can play the Ukulele, write poetry, teach pencak silat, sing cabaret, and do exposes of alien intervention at the same time ??2

    I don’t think many people would want to do the above, for fear of being branded a complete and utter self delusional eccentric.

  21. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Seksi Mr. Schmerlys,

    I don’t think you understand just how…

    Seksi

    The Ukulele can be.

    I don’t think you realise, just how urgent and “dahsyat” the issue of

    Aliens

    Is.

    Va Va Voom ! Merdeka !

  22. avatar Aluang Anak Bayang says:

    schmerly schmerly, the ignorant urktar of Or,

    … what on earth has Pancasila got to do with the CIA, FBI or Aliens?….

    Metal ships that sail through the air, charoits that go without horses, yellow man with short legs from the north, amongst others. These were foretold some 800 years ago. Where others can only dream or imagine, Javanese see. We are light years ahead.

    One can only sit back, shake his head and smile at schmerly. Yes, we are different.

  23. avatar schmerly says:

    @ AAB…”Metal ships that sail through the air, charoits that go without horses, yellow man with short legs from the north” so where is all this is written in the five principles of the Pancasila ideology? You may not know but throughout history other people have predicted the same sort of thing, i.e. Leonardo di Vinci, Mother Shipton Etc,. so your not unique just self delusional like your little chum AS, maybe you’ve been drinking that Alien Ale as well.
    If as you say your light years ahead why is Indonesia so backward and not some superpower? just one more question do you play the Ukulele and write poetry like your little eccentric friend? and yes you are different, as the Dutch said a nation of coolies.

  24. avatar Aluang Anak Bayang says:

    schmerly friend,

    First you have to read the Pancasila, then everything will fall in place.

  25. avatar schmerly says:

    @AAB.. I have read it, and it looks like you’ve interpreted it wrong, I think your interpretation is more to suit your own agenda, either that or you’ve been brainwashed yet again.
    I noticed you didn’t answer any of my questions, but I that’s to be expected when you don’t have any, I’m afraid you’ll just have to wallow in your own ignorance.

  26. avatar schmerly says:

    @ Assmad…”I don’t think you understand just how…

    Seksi

    The Ukulele can be”

    George Formby would have liked you, he was a comedian to.

  27. avatar Oigal says:

    Ah Schmerly,

    Assmad is but something to keep one amused during the day..A human Slinky, if you will (You remember them, coiled lightweight springs, no value but made you smile if one tumbled down the stairs). Not to be taken seriously and not of any real use in world.

    Of course, like any attention seeking little one with limited life experience, feed it at your own risk. It does tend to follow you home and soil most things in which it comes in contact.

    Personally, I like to chuck it the odd bone and watch it bluster for awhile, its that or go burn the wings off flys, equally productive pastimes. However do save any real discussion for someone who has at least achieved a measure of self worth and value in their own personal lives

  28. avatar Burung Koel says:

    First you have to read the Pancasila, then everything will fall in place.

    I have read it, and it looks like you’ve interpreted it wrong, I think your interpretation is more to suit your own agenda, either that or you’ve been brainwashed yet again.

    You mean it’s not like one of those Magic Eye pictures? Damn. And I’ve been staring at it for years.

  29. avatar schmerly says:

    @ Oigal.. yea your right Assmad is entertaining, but what he doesn’t realise is people are laughing at him not with him, that’s why he plays Ukulele and writes poetry, it’s attention seeking just like any other spoilt brat.

    @ BK..Like Assmad and AAB suggest, you have to study the Pancasila and then you will see THE LIGHT!! WOW!! give me another one of those Alien Ales.

  30. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    @ All,

    Many thanks.

    For future reference:


    Oigal’s guide to Debate
    :

    1. Affect a wiser-than-thou, world weary tone, unjustified for someone whose life experience is marching up and down barking and taking orders.

    2. Throw out a few 1950s-type pseudo insults, like “diddums”

    3. If lucky, inject a couple of blue-rinse conservative right-wing cliches.

    Oigalonomics

    1. Blame single mothers, dole bludgers, and welfare recipients for corporate economic problems.

    2. Accuse the government of being socialist.

    3. Make a half-baked case the economy rests on “true-blue,” honest, salt-of-the earth businesspeople, when the biggest chunk of GDP is generated by corporations.

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