Dating Indonesian Girls

Apr 4th, 2006, in Girls, IM Posts, Opinion, Top, by

Dating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.

Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There's plenty of plus on that side of things.

If wer'e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.

On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.

Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.

There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own "Meet" section has many a lady eager for company.

4,897 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”

  1. avatar Lavasgo says:

    Hi all,

    Just came back from Business Trip. Looks like I have miss out alot of things over the last 2 weeks. have not really read thru all the postings, but will do so over the next few days. Hope to ba able to participate soon.

  2. avatar parvita says:

    Alhumdullilah .. 29 pages later and our resident love scalper is still around.

    I was just browsing and this looks like a venting out session out of subject.

    @Oki: salute for your honest opinion.

  3. avatar oki says:

    Hi Farah… thanks for remind me. πŸ™‚

    talk about wench and the countries i think all same in the world, just depend on the individual.
    but if talk about girls (especialy Indonesian girl) who like to be with Bules so i think if they are must be stay in a big town (no matter wherever they are come from) with many thing can be happen. my wrote is not for girls who have mix parentage.

    i used to lived in Jakarta but that time was still very young (no had been get sex). and i remember when i seen a girl with bule walk out together, i would say and thought “wow great” she have boyfriend or maybe husband is bule !. :))
    but now my sounds is “hmmm” when i seen the young asian girl with Bule.

    in Indonesia the girls who wants met Bules have to be high class. but not in some other country they are just be a brave enough.
    but if still many girls like Bules all its their choice even already to know what risk will they have. as long as can be have a good life its ok lah.

    @Parvita: thanks for your salute. πŸ™‚

  4. avatar Aluang Anak Bayang says:

    parvita Says:

    July 22nd, 2008 at 4:07 pm
    Alhumdullilah .. 29 pages later and our resident love scalper is still around.

    I was just browsing and this looks like a venting out session out of subject.

    Mbak parvita,

    We present comments for the topic; personal chitchats and small talks are better served in private forums or chat rooms. Our resident love scalper is reducing the quality of of Indonesia Matters to Indonesia Cupids. Or I could be wrong, Patung is running a dating site.

  5. avatar Aluang Anak Bayang says:

    Mbak Oki,

    in Indonesia the girls who wants met Bules have to be high class.

    It is interesting to know your definition of high class; because I honestly thought it is the other way round.

  6. avatar Cukurungan says:

    It is interesting to know your definition of high class; because I honestly thought it is the other way round.

    You are 100% correct because Bule do not want to spent more money to get the high class girls while Bule just can get the same kind of pussy at lower cost from a street girls and plus extra cost for penicillin just in case.

  7. avatar oki says:

    Mas Aluang,
    i think all people will think same with me about the high class people. they are must be looking good, dress well, shopiscated and always be stay arround the good place or elite.

    i never had have met any Bule for any activity in Jakarta so i never know wich place can met them. and i also don’t know how the Indonesian girls do approach them. only they are being naughty girl can catch them on the street or in the mall. but i really sorry if 99% girls are like be with Bule is closed or ready to having sex before married ( its including me… πŸ™‚ ), whatever she’s job (manager, dirrector, artis, student ect) and wherever they are meet ( on the street, in club, from website or chat room).
    i just want to make girls who like to find Bule for marriage will open eyes. and don’t ever hope if he do sex only with you even he don’t have travel for business. only naughty gilrs don’t care about that.

    i have true story maybe can compare it. i had know one Bule 55 years old, he is a teacher of science and always got travel to some countries in asia. he told me has marry a young Philipino girl 30 years old after divorce many years. and she was work as housemaid in Singapore.
    my wondering is when and where they are met? when she is got holiday on sunday? but where she going to on sunday? but i won’t ask him about this. and i was thought is there in Indonesia a housemaid got relationship with Bule? of course is not possible!

    and other story i was met one young Bule 35 years old. he told me if his father 60 years old marry a very young Philipino girl,more young than him. he told about it without expression, but i thought is funny when he must called her “hey mom”.

    and in the end i have info so many Bules get marriage with the low profiles ( 100% they are like to find prostitute) after divorce from the first nice decent wife.
    what is the reason? ofcourse is sex and free life.

  8. avatar Aries_Pal says:

    This thread is quite interesting..

    I was wondering how it’s like between white men and Indonesian girls and it brought me here.. On the other hand, let’s take a look at another side of the topic…

    I am an average-looking, dark skin Indonesian guy and it was quite HARD for me to attract girls in Indonesia. Now I am studying abroad in a University in the USA and wow! Like a dream come true, I have NO TROUBLE at all to get white girls! My community here is predominantly white and white girls seem to just come to me and I don’t even have to try! Every time I went to parties, all I needed to do was just stand there and some girls would start talking to me and tried to flirt. Right now I am in a relationship with a white-latino, beautiful, smart girl and I am loving her truly.

    In addition, I have some other Indonesian guy friends here and they seem to have trouble dating white women, but later I found out that they also had trouble dating in Indonesia because of their particular personalities.

    So I would like to say here that Indonesian girls need to think less about white skin of Indonesian women would attract the world’s eyes.being superior to dark skin. Stop using those whitening lotions and stop avoiding the sun because it makes you darker! Our soft, exotic, dark skin is one of our best features and therefore we just have to be ourselves and the beauty

  9. avatar timdog says:

    @ oki

    100% they are like to find prostitute

    Are they? Not this one…

    And although I’ll snigger at the fat 50-year old bule married to the 20-year old Fillipina as much as any one, all the talk about “low class girls” is nothing but unpleasant arrogance…

  10. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Halo Oki,

    So what do you think of Bule after all that ? Should we regulate him ? I think maybe imigrasi should patrol him to make sure when he gets basi we kick him out to keep our beautiful country clean.

  11. avatar Aluang Anak Bayang says:

    Mbak Oki,

    Maybe you are confusing ‘Bules’ disdain attitude’ with ‘high class’. Or maybe it is a combination of ‘Stockholm syndrome’ which you unshamefully displayed. I am sure you are not speaking for all Indonesians, well at least not Javanese ladies.

    Speaking of ‘All Bules are high class’. How about this one I observed when I was inside the Australian Embassy compound. A chinless buck-toothed Old fart with greying hair braided in pony tail in sleeveless tee, beach short and tongs waiting in line to get a visa for his mid-aged Balinese soon-to-be spouse. Not that I had an issue with chin-less or bucktooth, but from a distance corner, the silhouette of this pot-bellied, unkempt bloke was anything but class. This ‘gentleman’ is the prototype of high class Ozzie with dubious sophistication coming to our shore.

    Mbak Oki, if they are genuine visitors, we welcome them with open arms, not open legs. By the way are you Indon Chinese? (I hope not).

  12. avatar timdog says:

    Mas AAB – what a beautiful image you conjure up… how could such an example of love knowing no barriers, of cross-cultural romantic engagement fail to warm the cockles of the heart of even the most joyless cynic?
    What were you doing in the Australian Embassy anyway?

  13. avatar oki says:

    Hi Timdog, i am sorry if i offended you. i got that info not just from i heard but also i see. not because low or high. but i just compare about meet Bule in Indonesia and other country. in Indonesia between high and low class is very big to see. and about the prostitute it’s just a job, not means they are bad person. many reason for them. and a lot of Bule marriage with a pro, thats very rare for Indonesian men to do that .

    Hello Achmad, i have no an idea for that. other side Bule is good. many big company to build asia because of them, and so many poor lady also can have a good life with them. i am sure if still many Indonesian people still don’t know much about them. they are just think that Bule have big salary. but i still wondering why so many girls like them. and also many women with a good job and educated find Bule for married i saw on any website. and on my list is very hard to find a young Bule under 35yo manage himself for married soon. they are like to have long relationship first with stay together or at least can sleep together while got relationship before married.

    Mas Aluang, i am sure i not confused. i am trully Indonesian girl with tan brown skin and i have big eyes. i am not from the high class but i think everyone can be it if have a chance. as i said one of my definition of high class is “look good or good looking”. it not mean’s handsome, pretty and wear the good brands. if we see two person from the different level and wear same clothes, we will see how different they are. somebody still look good with sliper and bad short pants. but somebody else not look good even wear very nice tie.

  14. avatar Aluang Anak Bayang says:

    Mbak Oki,

    High Class = Bules with money and good looks.

    Low Class = All Asians.

    High Class = Asian gals that go out with Bules.

    Low Class = Mbak Oki who didn’t score a Bule.

    Mas Aluang,
    i think all people will think same with me about the high class people. they are must be looking good, dress well, shopiscated and always be stay arround the good place or elite.

    Mbak Oki, I think this is your personal infatuation with Bules rather than Asian ladies in general. The Chinese ladies think White men resemble kambing, hence Yang Gui. The Indon ladies think White men has skin disease, hence Bule.

    High class my arse. I had an Ozzie sweetheart many years back (let’s just call her Melanie). She was an aspiring model, dressed well for the occassions and yes, we did had great sex. However her antic was despicable. Whereever hotels we stayed or restaurants we dined, she would cause a stir and demanded freebies. She had a habit of making up undesirable comments in regard to poor services and poor quality, and would take the time to write up complaint so she could freeload next time she visited. She might look cute on the outside but her manners stank. Freeloading is an Ozzie tradition and this is what I called low class. I can go on with more examples of Ozzie low class examples but I am leaving for Beijing tommorrow. Will be back in 3 weeks. Mbak, before I go, I can tell you Bules with class and styles are usually those olive skinned Italian and Greeks. Even our Madurese buskers and becak men have more class than the average Anglo Ozzie.

  15. avatar Odinius says:

    A lot of the bules in Indonesia are what I would classify as “bottom feeders.” Guys who are failures at home, so go to places like Indonesia, Thailand, the Philippines, Mexico, Russia, etc. where they think they can play “Raja” or “Pimp Daddy.” It’s pretty pathetic, and makes my skin crawl every time I see one strutting around as if he owns a tea plantation.

    But then there are lots of bules who don’t fit that profile. Some are in Indonesia because they are interested in the culture, others because they are there for work and others still because they met someone who was Indonesian but living abroad. These people are open-minded and, frankly, embarrassed by the slimey bules I described above.

    The idea that “the bules” all do this or that is patently absurd. They do all kinds of things all kinds of ways. Some bules married to Indonesians are married to “low class” girls, and others to “high” or “middle class” ladies. Just like there are Indonesians married to all kinds of bules, or other Indonesians.

  16. avatar Lairedion says:

    Mas AAB said:

    Mbak, before I go, I can tell you Bules with class and styles are usually those olive skinned Italian and Greeks.

    Some true words. I’ve said it many times. Bule perception of Indonesians is almost synonymous with ugly, red burnt Anglo-Saxon, Celtic and Germanic Bules.

  17. avatar 2Anonymous says:

    I agree emphatically with Odinius, being one of the less “slimey” bules in Indonesia at this moment. I see a lot of very unsavory types in the bars here (Jogja), and I would say that class is one thing they definitely lack.

    The women who frequent these bars are really easy to stereotype but actually a lot different than you would think. Some seem to be prostitutes/professional girlfriends, but when you get to know them, they just enjoy hanging out/having sex with bule men, and don’t in any way see themselves as prostitutes. Others go into sex work to pay for family obligations to children/aging parents, and some girls are looking for marriage. In general I think a bar is a poor place to look for a girl of very much substance, though. That being said, I’ve also met a few pretty cool girls at bars here.

    The tourist scene has a way of perpetuating its own ills by tempting those who normally wouldn’t consider buying a prostitute. Seeing the blatant availability (and affordability) of sex with non-hideous women wears at one’s resolve over time. The becak drivers constantly suggesting the idea by asking if you’re “cari cewek-cewek” – in hopes of getting a commission by bringing you – don’t help much either. The thought of buying a prostitute never crossed my mind before I came to Indonesia. In many ways there is more temptation here than in the States. Not to excuse their crass behavior, but I’m sure many of those “slimey” bules didn’t start out that way when they got to RI.

    At the same time, the tourist demand for sex surely influences many Indonesian womens decision to go into commercial sex work or the like.

    A personal note:

    I met a really sweet girl through personal local connections, and we’ve had a sort of romantic friendship here. Like a hubungan tanpa status. She is studying in university (as am I, in the US) and is what I would consider very high class. And I don’t define “class” in material terms. I’m her first romantic intrigue, but I don’t want things to get too serious since I’m not here for long. One really difficult thing is the language barrier. Though I can speak basic bahasa Indonesia with ease, I still can’t fully express myself verbally, especially in abstract terms (e.g. feelings). And although she can speak English better than I can speak bahasa Indonesia, I still usually have to repeat everything I say in English one or two times before she fully hears it. That is tough, man. It can really discourage me from even trying to speak sometimes. Imagine having to repeat every casual comment or joke two times. Waduh…

    Many of the posts here seem to either demonize bule-bule or Indonesian women as a whole, and aren’t very insightful or well thought-out. You can’t argue about “bule-bule are like this” or “Indonesian girls are like that” because those categories are way too vague to have any real meaning.

  18. avatar timdog says:

    2Anonymous – that’s a nice, honest, well thought out, well-stated reply there… won’t go down oo well here πŸ˜‰

  19. avatar 2Anonymous says:

    haha oops! I meant to say that bules in Indonesia are pathetic sun-baked melanin-deficient slobs and Indonesian girls are gold digging parasites. Don’t know how all that other stuff got in there. Maybe too much arak…

  20. avatar Farah says:

    I am back from my break…. wishing someone would miss me here..hehehehe

    Long discussion about indonesian woman and bule or westerners.

    Just want to add comments from indonesian guys that went to USA or australia or out of indonesia to western countries;
    Bars or pubs, i think when people said they want to go to bar or pubs they want to relax and chill out with friends. Drink free soft drinks, or couple of beers, just relax. Maybe know one two new friends. Thats what happened outside indonesia.
    I think when people in some places in indonesia say pubs or bars, they will relate that to so many negative things, drunk, drugs, prostitutes, name it, you got it.

    I know its very simple thought of mine, but somehow from my expats friends i could see the differences.

    So i think i wont say the pubs or bars in indonesia and in usa or australia or other countries would be the same.

    Working girls in indonesia went there for a living, from drunk guys who had money and need fun. Mixed up with those girls that went there, really for relax, or hanging out with friends.
    And bule went to pubs with assumption that its the same bar or club/pubs like they had in their country.

    Indonesian guy that went to western country and meet good girls in bar or pubs ? yeah… i wont be surprise…

    Its just different cultures.. different crowds also… πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ you can’t compare both

  21. avatar B.F says:

    I hope sombody can give me some advice here, I am an bule and been with a Indonesian girl for about a year and half. She much younger than me, 19 years old, and very beautiful. She have been with me in my home country and we have been most of the time togheter travelling a lot. She is realy a wonderful person and everybody like her. But there is a problem, when I met her I was with another girl which I had been with for more than 7 years. So I had two girlfriends for about 7 months but I had to choose because its not a pleasent situation for anybody so I choosed this Indonesian girl, but during that time they contacted each other and a lot of not so good thing happened. Both of this girl is very nice but I belive many things was said and done which is difficouldt to forget.

    The problem now as she many times remember these bad thing and get angry and blameing me for this. Offcause I know this was not correct, but can not undo whats already happening. If she only get angry I can handle, but she get very depressed and even talking about ending her life. These kind of talk is not very pleasent to hear, she is not playing me, thats for sure. She is not after money, I am quite rich and already give her family a house and offfer what ever she want from money.

    So my question is there anybody know where to get professional help in Jakarta for depression or other psycriatic problem.

  22. avatar oki says:

    Mas Alung,
    yeah we have different way to look up the high class. i dont say all Bule are high class. if we come to visit their country ofcourse we will see them from all kind of level everytime and everyway.
    but in Indonesia we only see Bule in a few place. we can see sometime across the street by finger. and ofcourse for their safety then they have to stayed in a good place.
    and why the girls there have to be high class? (even no money in their wallet.) its just simple why they have to… because of the place.
    and if i can say about Asian high class men, they are more choosy than Bule. they wants girlfriend same with their level. not only the look like but also the background of the family. they more look down on other girl who dont have class. for example; “she is just waitress or just pramuniaga is not level. for one night stand only ok lah… but for serious gf ohh no…” πŸ™‚
    but for Bule is their good for money and can make live more better but no good and can not trust for love.

  23. avatar oki says:

    Halo B F,

    better you give your girlfriend for continue her study until get any degree. not just gave house and money only, its nothing. money can finish but education can make her alive more longer even you are not beside her anymore.

    you know if Indonesian people are the most shy people in the world, especially are girls. if you not married her ofcourse she will be shy with her family and people near by her living. thats why she got depressed.

    i was met a young Indonesian girl going to study at university in malaysia because of her expat boyfriend. the boyfriend paid for everything. they are not stay together because the boyfriend is married man, the lucky is wife lived in UK. but the originaly the boyfriend is from india. somebody introduce her to me and told me about her story.

    its good to hear. he is not just make her for sex. and in the next future the people will see her good in person. if people ask why she can buy house and have a good life… ?
    ofcourse because she have degree and find a good job with good salary.

  24. avatar deSz says:

    Harry, my german hubby only 172 cm tall, it means too short as “bule”.. but he look so perfect in my eyes, thats why he is now already become my husband. to be honest, i never expecting has “bule” husband in my life, he was just my partner in working, but then the story begun. its not because the physically things, but its the matter of how you attract them. and money not always can help for this things, well it works sometimes for easy girls, but for serious one its so seldom.

  25. avatar Farah says:

    @ BF much differences..
    you will face different cultures, background and age gap…

    Thing is… i ever met this type of person that would say”i will kill my self if you leave me” very scary indeed, and i am a woman.
    But when he said that, right from that very moment i know that i don’t want to spent rest of my life with this guy. He said it when we have problems in our relationship, and i said we better off our ways, just look for our own happiness. I know that ahead as young couple we WILL had so many rock and pebbles along our ways. If he can’t live with small problems, how could i depend on him on bigger things ?????
    In relationship we need and depend on each other when we face problems. Solve it together, side by side. Thats how you keep things strong.

    Well.. thats how i think.. if you think you could handle with those issues… go ahead help this girl. But if you don’t think shes the one, don’t give her too many hopes and dreams.

  26. avatar kinch says:

    @Farah Re ‘Missing You’ – Now I’m playing ‘hard to get’, so sorry not missing you πŸ™‚

  27. avatar Farah says:

    @ Kinch
    Well… i don’t expect you miss me that much ! wow ! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  28. avatar MK says:

    I recently met a woman in jakarta and we really like each other so far. I am planning on visiting her in a couple of months. If we get along well we will continue to correspond. If perhaps we both wish to be a couple I’ve heard it is really hard for Indonesian woman to come to the US to be married. And hard for US man to marry Indo. woman in Indo. Ive read several things that say Indo women have the highest divorce rate in all of Asia. One reason being that in event of divorce,the woman can be considered and expert on β€œwaiting to remarry for ahwile” Thus entitling her to be on welfare that the ex husband must pay for. Does anyone know of a marriage between and american and and indonesian that is successful? I relly like the woman I met,,but it seems like everything online depicts these types of relationships as future failures. Any advice or knowledge?? Thanks…………..

  29. avatar Farah says:

    @ MK
    Just trust your heart and HEAD, not your 2nd brain down there (sorry if its sound sarcastic).
    Maybe you heard about this and that about indonesian woman. But if you think she would be different somehow.. why not

  30. avatar theimp98 says:

    never pick your mate based on there skin color.
    there is so much more, that goes with it.

    how did i meet my wife, lol Well, bored one day at work.
    I thought i would try to chat with someone from some place that i had never been before. I found someone in Indo. We talked on the internet for 5 years before, i finally went to meet her. We had no plans for a relationship. I know i was not looking one.

    Stayed in indo until my visa ran out(lost my job in the process), she then came to visit me, (yes she got her visa with no help from me). she stayed for 6 months( she can work from home just needs the internet to do her job). i went back to indo again, until the visa ran out. i would stay total we spent about 5 years just chating on the net, and another in person before we married.

    We had some issues after the marraige. like everyone does. some fights where about the difference in cultural, and still are.

    if you add up the time we spent chating, and married. its now been 16 years.

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