Dating Indonesian Girls

Apr 4th, 2006, in Girls, IM Posts, Opinion, by

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4,875 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”

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  1. avatar Farah says:
    March 8th, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    sunny Says:
    March 8th, 2008 at 1:28 pm

    Hi Farah, I am happy that someone read my message. Thanks a lot. I asked the same question to her mother. She said that I will have to convert into Islam first if I want to marry her. Is this the only way to marry a moslem girl in Indonesia or there is other way also? I really want to marry her and I love her a lot. Last night when I called her, she was crying a lot, she want to marry me and she said if our marriage will not take place, she will die. We are in deep love.

    I don’t think there’s any other way. This is about believe. It’s moslem rules. I think you should read comments before this page. I think several people here already give clues about what happened if you had relationship with moslem woman. If that what her family and she want, what would you do ??.. and, I could almost guarantee you 100% she won’t kill her self if the marriage wont happened, unless you two already did something in “advance” :) .

  2. avatar sunny says:
    March 8th, 2008 at 3:50 pm

    Ok, but if I tell her mother that I am ready to become moslem, what will be the procedure and how much time it will take after I reach there? What will I have to do for that??

  3. avatar Farah says:
    March 8th, 2008 at 4:58 pm

    sunny Says:
    March 8th, 2008 at 3:50 pm

    Ok, but if I tell her mother that I am ready to become moslem, what will be the procedure and how much time it will take after I reach there? What will I have to do for that??

    I think you should come to see her family and ask for their help then…. told them your intention to be a moslem, and you want to marry their daughter. I am really sure her family will help you with that.

  4. avatar dimitri says:
    March 10th, 2008 at 12:45 am

    @ Stig Johnny Naustdal

    this is indeed the saddest story I have read so far. But when you’re in love, you’re in love huh !

    Keeping this in mind (and other stories of course) I am having a hard time trusting this sweet indo girl I met a few months ago. Now I am back home and we contact eachother via sms and telephone alot. I have sent her some small money already but who says she will not be going with some other bloke while i am here working my butt of ?

    Problem, as usual, is that I do really like her (hard not to like such a sweet and pretty woman – most of us healthy young man would !) and cannot wait to get back within a few months. I am even considering moving to asia to get closer to her.

    It is a typical matter of the heart saying “YES” but my mind keeps on spinning thinking; where does the money come from the last x years ? hardly any work experience those years. Going to popular expat places. friends doing more or less the same.

    So far I am very careful with this sweet girl as it is so easy to say she is a no good girl. She just might be a good girl.

    up till now I have tested her so far myself by remembering all answers given and asking the same questions later on, her body language did not reveal any inconsistensies either. So far so good but now I am figuring out more ways to test her as I do not want to end up paying for someone who is lying.

    Anyone suggestions ?

  5. avatar sunny says:
    March 10th, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    Yes Farah, sure……..I really want to marry this Indonesian moslem girl. I will surely come to Indonesia and I will ask her hand from her parents. I will tell them that I want to marry her and if they want I can convert into Islam. I have no problem with that, because I believe that God is one and you can call him by whatever name you want. I really love her. If you live in Indonesia, I will invite you also in my marriage. Okay. Take care and thank you to give me your suggestions. Bye.

  6. avatar Farah says:
    March 10th, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    sunny Says:
    March 10th, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    Yes Farah, sure”¦”¦..I really want to marry this Indonesian moslem girl. I will surely come to Indonesia and I will ask her hand from her parents. I will tell them that I want to marry her and if they want I can convert into Islam. I have no problem with that, because I believe that God is one and you can call him by whatever name you want. I really love her. If you live in Indonesia, I will invite you also in my marriage. Okay. Take care and thank you to give me your suggestions. Bye.

    Good luck for you Sunny, wish you all marriage happiness ! in fact, yes i live in Indonesia, but probably far from anywhere, i work in short of remote area :) but thanks i really appreciate it !

  7. avatar Farah says:
    March 10th, 2008 at 2:19 pm

    @Dimitri,
    What easy come mostly easy go too.. the easier you got the girl the easiest she will slip from your hand.
    What make it more bad, you gave them money. And you give her regularly. Shes not even your wive yet… :p :p
    Its not a bad thing to try to made your girl happy.. but if she does love you she’ll stick to you whether you give her money or not. This would be different if you get engaged and really set the date to marry. You could send her money for the wedding plans, papers/documents or for visa etc. Present is always sweet, every girls love that (suppose to be), especially more attention like phone calls, mails, post cards. Thats what love is all about i think.

    But giving money regularly…..like you hired her ????

    When she find another “good vacant job” that pay her more, she will take the other job !!!
    This girls might sweet, seemed harmless… but they also have the brain work with the looks :) careful with your heart (and your pocket)

  8. avatar dewaratugedeanom says:
    March 10th, 2008 at 4:38 pm

    Assalamualaikum Sunny

    Ok, but if I tell her mother that I am ready to become moslem, what will be the procedure and how much time it will take after I reach there? What will I have to do for that??

    You can start already to practice with the pronunciation of the following confession of faith:
    asyhadu an la ila ha illallah waasyhadu anna Muhammadar rasulullah.

    I warn you, it’s a real tongue twister.

    But if later you want to get rid of her it’s much easier, you only have to say 3 times: talak.

    Alhamdulillah, we soon will have another Submitter to join our ranks.

    Wassalam

  9. avatar sunny says:
    March 10th, 2008 at 7:21 pm

    Hi dewaratugedeanom,

    Selamat malam. Terima kasih. You know I already started learning some words of Bahasa Indonesian language. My girlfriend whom I want to marry is helping me to learn that. Hahahaha. I am a slow learner but still Im learning. Thanks for your help. I will try my best to remember this sentence “asyhadu an la ila ha illallah waasyhadu anna Muhammadar rasulullah”. You know, I am pretty much determined to marry her and she is very eagerly waiting for me to marry her and take her to India with me. I have already started collecting money to fly to Jakarta and marry her. Thanks to you also Farah. I appreciate the way you give me moral support.

  10. avatar Farah says:
    March 11th, 2008 at 6:28 am

    @ Sunny
    You’re very welcome… i just love happy ending story :)

  11. avatar sunny says:
    March 11th, 2008 at 5:41 pm

    Ya Farah,

    I hope my love story will end happily and I can live with my wife happily ever after. We love each other so much and cant live without each other. I will marry her and take her with me to India. I WILL DO IT, WHATEVER IT TAKES. Amin.

  12. avatar sunny says:
    March 12th, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    Can anybody give me some names of some budget hotels in Jelambar area, in West Jakarta Barat? My budget is between 15 to 20 dollars per night. I want to stay for at least 6-7 days in Jakarta. I heard that if somebody stays in the same hotel for more than 2-3 days, they offer good discounts plus some other benefits. I want to come there to marry my Indonesian girlfriend, she is waiting for me.

  13. avatar dimitri says:
    March 12th, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    @ Farah

    Thank you for your point of view. One thing i have to explain and that is I gave only one time small money due to special circumstances. On the Other hand back home I end up paying also for everything so it does not really matter. But as a starting point i agree that money is to be reckoned as the dirt of the earth.

    While on holiday in IR I gave her presents and all that but got the feeling she was already spoiled (and that at young age !) because she acted it was normal bule paying everything for her. I did not mind because of the holiday but back home you can look from a distance and think about it again. We contact eachother via SMS but there are no signs of real intrest in my person while i like to get her know her better. Maybe this is something Indonesian women attitude, I don’t know but up till now I’ll be giving her the benefit of the doubt (i hate to be in love !!)

  14. avatar sunny says:
    March 12th, 2008 at 5:29 pm

    @ Dimitri,

    I can feel for you. I can understand your condition and your situation. I know it is very hard if you love someone and he/she does not really give it back to you in same way which you give. I will pray for you. One day God will surely open your girl’s eyes. Trust God. I know its not easy, but try to believe in God. He will make that happen one day.

  15. avatar Farah says:
    March 12th, 2008 at 7:02 pm

    Maybe this is something Indonesian women attitude, I don’t know but up till now I’ll be giving her the benefit of the doubt (i hate to be in love !!)

    Dimitri,
    Oh.. come on.. not all Indonesia after money. I am quite offended with this statement.
    I’ll give you my story as exchange thought with you.
    I had ex-boyfriend from Texas, USA. We’re met while he’s studying here as exchange students, and then we just mail and send post cards for like 4 years. Cause we both students we have short of money and i do ask him not to ask money from his parent, he did, and i did. I work part time, he work too to pay phone bills etc. I’ve been faithfull since he sent me an engagement ring and propose me (from phone call) on my birthday (he sent me something and ask not to open until he call on my birthday).
    Its ended with a phonecall 3 days after he sent me extra huge valentines card, 3 days before valentine days at 2004 at exactly same month and say this “i am so sorry.. my friend is pregnant and i think its mine”. And ask me what do i really want ? what do you expect ? that girl had his baby and he ask me what to do ??!! i Cried for 3 days, got headache, and i feel terribly ashame to my family that already know him and never could understand why we broke up, cause i can’t told my parent he is expecting baby from another girl. Yeah..yeah.. that guy is a*s *o*e.
    Love is stupid, it is.. only stupid girl wasting 4 years waiting promise to get married until he was graduated… so much for a guy promise these days.
    But, today, i never generalized guys, expats, local. Jerk is a jerk, nice guy is most of the time are nice. It happened anywhere. Any nationality.
    Just my bad luck, just like your bad luck there.
    But thing is, i never afraid to fall in love again and again. Cause if i die, i die happy to know what love feels like. Its bitter and sweet !

  16. avatar sunny says:
    March 12th, 2008 at 7:46 pm

    Oh Farah and Dimitri,

    I can feel the pain both of you have had in your lives. May God give both of you nice and comfortable and happy life in the days to come. Both stories are really very touching. Oh my God, its terrible really. Ufffff…….I dont have words to explain how I feel for both of you. I can only say…….God bless you both.

  17. avatar Dimitri says:
    March 12th, 2008 at 8:26 pm

    To Farah

    Oh, sorry, it is not of my intention to offend you. I only wanted to say that indonesian women show a different kind of attitude if they are interested in men, something which is different than western women and which I can not “read” yet or maybe I am not bright enough to understand. This has nothing to do with money and I do still believe that there are indonesian women whose intention are like mine…..true and real !!

    We still contact eachother but I have been around the block long enough to read the signals and although I am walking on clouds I cannot ignore the facts and warnings of friends !!

    After reading your story I feel very sorry for what happened to you but as you say yourself: “true love ain’t love untill you give your heart away”

    @ Sunny

    Thank you for saying a prayer. Vaya con dios

  18. avatar Farah says:
    March 13th, 2008 at 7:49 am

    @ Sunny
    Thank you very much for your pray :)

    @Dimitri,
    Its past, its his lost. I am feel blessed to know that he is not perfect for me, before we got married. It would be worse to know how your love one could be a jerk after promise to live for better for worse together. I just try to see the positive side now, its over, and i am healing, ready for another story :)
    And for you, if you think she’s not the one, stop wasting your time. There’s someone much better out there for you.

    Good luck !

  19. avatar sunny says:
    March 13th, 2008 at 10:02 am

    @ Dimitri,

    I think Farah is right. Just dont waste your time. If you already started realizing that she is not good for you and if you think she is not the one God has made for you, then just move ahead in your life……..Just like Farah, as she is healing already and is making herself ready for another story to start in her life. Just put yourself in God’s arms and surrender yourself before him. No need to repent. It can happen with anybody. There are bad girls and bad guys everywhere in this earth. This is human nature I think. Nothing is particular about any country or any society. This thing is there everywhere and I think western culture is the main reason behind it and hollywood movies especially. But there are good people, guys and girls, still exist and you will find one for you one day I still believe……….just dont lose your heart and pray to God.

  20. avatar sunny says:
    March 13th, 2008 at 10:21 am

    @ Dimitri,

    I heard Vaya con dios…….!!!!!! I think this is Spanish language…..and if im not wrong it means “Go with God”. Am I right??? I have a hobby to learn international languages……..thats why Im learning now a days…….Indonesian language (maybe because Im in love with an Indonesian girl) …..I can also sing “Indonesia Raya” very well………..Indonesia, tanah airku, tanah tumpah darahku, disanalah aku berdiri, jadi pandu ibuku………….

    It means………..Indonesia, my native land, my place of birth, where I stand guard, over my motherland…………..

    You know this is such an emotional and beautiful song……..and the people who sing this kind of a song……..they cant be all bad u know……..maybe exceptions are always there.

    Hahahahaha……..I think you also know it……..Im sure……God bless you.

  21. avatar sunny says:
    March 17th, 2008 at 9:37 am

    What happened???? Farah and dimitri??????? you are not replying??? I think both of you are busy in your lives ha?……….its ok……… best of luck to both of you……….take care………bye………God bless you…….

  22. avatar Farah says:
    March 17th, 2008 at 6:49 pm

    @Sunny,
    Still here monitoring this thread. Sorry, yes, just follow the rutinity. :)

  23. avatar dimitri says:
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:58 am

    @Sunny

    Still here ! you know your languages very well, I would like to write down inshallah but did not know if this is spelled correctly.

    I am glad you found an indonesian girl which you truly love
    take good care of her !

  24. avatar Michael says:
    March 18th, 2008 at 8:21 am

    This is to sunny, dimitri and to all that are thinking or contemplating going or marring outside their culture….

    To tell you my story and I was married to her for 7yrs been and now separated from my indonesian muslim x wife. I meet her on the web we got on very well and 4 months later i was in Jakarta and I meet her. We got married in a mosque within 3 days but we did have a sexual relationship straight away but of course she wanted the mosque wedding so she can stay with me at the hotel. What I’m trying to say is that I thought that this woman will be my soul mate for life! But it didn’t happen that way because when she came to my country she changed even though I told her that she won’t have the easy life that she had there in Jakarta! U know with servants and not working like she did when I meet her and living with her sister and doing nothing! In conclusion please to both of u!!! Do your research and scrutinise your women thoroughly! Look at their background who they were involved with and what their past relationships were irrespective of what background or level of society they come from!

    Because if you don’t you will end up like me heartbroken with a beautiful child and tens of thousands of dollars poorer! So think about that because the statistics are not good for inter actual marriages! Be careful and do your research otherwise you will be sorry and please remember this: “love is not all about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. it’s not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end”.

  25. avatar Farah says:
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:15 pm

    In conclusion please to both of u!!! Do your research and scrutinise your women thoroughly! Look at their background who they were involved with and what their past relationships were irrespective of what background or level of society they come from!

    I do agree with this.
    Kampung girls might the one that have the culture shock and miss home. I am not saying city girls wont feel the same. But i think big city girls could accept the culture shock much better than girls from small village (kampung).
    But about the child, omg.. wish i had one :p thats the most sad part i guess. Even when i know the statistic is bad about interculture marriage, still, i would still want to marry with honest western guy. I’ll take the consequencees. Cause most indonesian guys that i know (from my experience) feel intimidate (insecure) with independent woman like me, and i feel western guys could accept me much better.

  26. avatar Michael says:
    March 18th, 2008 at 2:32 pm

    biko my mate and as u can tell im an aussie!!….hhheee…ive been there done that mate!!! and ive been and am a good guy…i don’t drink, smoke and im a computer engineer with a great job!!! But yes biko i fully agree with u!!! when ur there and she’s within her environment i lived with my mrs in Jakarta for 12 month too!!! But u wait till u get her back to wherever u come from and she can take and do whatever she wants??? Thati sand be careful!!! Cause i worked a good job and she only used me cause she wanted to bludge after we had the baby and neva wanted to work!!! This is all im saying as the Indonesian woman are very spoiled biko and what u see there is definatelly what u don’t get in the long run!!! Take my warning and please scrutinise and find out about her past and talk to her family and friends!!! This is the best advise that i can give u biko!!! And please don’t come back in what eva years and say that i told u sooo!!! hehehee

  27. avatar Farah says:
    March 19th, 2008 at 8:22 am

    all im saying as the Indonesian woman are very spoiled biko and what u see there is definatelly what u don’t get in the long run!!! Take my warning and please scrutinise and find out about her past and talk to her family and friends!!! This is the best advise that i can give u biko!!! And please don’t come back in what eva years and say that i told u sooo!!! hehehee

    No all indonesian woman are spoiled.
    Its just several people does went weird. I believe that these expats wife are mostly not mind working. Before they met you, they probably hand wash their own clothes. And mope the floor with their bare hands.
    Its just personal issues, not all indonesian woman, i repeat again, are spoiled, and sounds very lazy, don’t want to work.
    Woman in my family, all 3 generation are workers. My grandmother work as civil servant until she was retired, my mom is a mid wife and will retired next two year and i work to pay my bills too.

    Even i have more American friends, woman, are house wife, more than my indonesian friends here (girls). Its depend on the where you found the girl of your dream i guess. If you find that wife to be at a local bar, and meet here there she probably jobless and, oh.. she might a “working” girl also. But none girl with reall good job (kind of job that using part of brain) will stay at bar almost every night. Just do the background check, what you see is what you got. If you want easy girl, its easy come easy go. Want something last forever you have to earn it with sacrifices, good girl or good man is hard to find. And its everywhere not only in Indonesia, worldwide.
    Sorry what i say is kind of rude. But i am short of offended with the stereotyping from expats, all indonesia girls lazy, easy to get, gold diggers, etc. You pay them means you hired them. You pay and you could get what ever you want and she will willing to give anything include her self. If she could give her self to you that easy, why she can’t do it with someone else ???
    But if she didn’t ask for your money, this girl might means something. Thats the rule i guess.. but not always the main rules. Just trust your heart. If shes no good then shes no good, don’t step futher, go back and run like hell ! but if your feeling is very strong and say shes the one… fight for her, and do what ever it takes. Its the same every where, here, usa, australia.. where ever, if you think you find the right one !

  28. avatar michael says:
    March 19th, 2008 at 10:58 am

    Its just personal issues, not all indonesian woman, i repeat again, are spoiled, and sounds very lazy, don’t want to work.
    Woman in my family, all 3 generation are workers. My grandmother work as civil servant until she was retired, my mom is a mid wife and will retired next two year and i work to pay my bills too.

    Farah sorry i should rephrase that and i didn’t meant it like that! but there is a certain middle class to upper class in Jakarta and Indonesia that bring their kids up in a very spoiled way u know with servants…babysitters, cleaning maid, washing maid, cooking maid etc…and this is the sort of am environments that my x wife came from! I should have known better its my fault! And Farah please don’t be offended as i didn’t mean in that way!

  29. avatar michael says:
    March 19th, 2008 at 11:09 am

    But about the child, omg.. wish i had one :p thats the most sad part i guess. Even when i know the statistic is bad about interculture marriage, still, i would still want to marry with honest western guy. I’ll take the consequencees. Cause most indonesian guys that i know (from my experience) feel intimidate (insecure) with independent woman like me, and i feel western guys could accept me much better.

    Farah maybe we should get together and get to know each other because u seem to be and know where im coming from and u seem like a good and intelligent woman that understands and can compromise with our western culture…hehehe…and im serious with u Farah!!!

  30. avatar dewaratugedeanom says:
    March 19th, 2008 at 4:26 pm

    And they never learned their lesson but lived happily ever after. :-)

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