Dating Indonesian Girls

Apr 4th, 2006, in Girls, IM Posts, Opinion, by

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4,875 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”

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  1. avatar Nay says:
    February 17th, 2012 at 8:28 am

    What are their answers?
    Cause mine would be… *singing while -trying- to play a guitar*

    If you can do that in the nude and have a encore act, it just might pique my interest ;)

  2. avatar deta says:
    February 17th, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Chris,

    However, the title turned them off it and they refused to read it.

    Hmm.. that’s weird. Usually the intriguing title of a book – the more offensive or controversial the better –lures me in to read it (Jangan main-main dengan kelaminmu is one of them). Besides, if they don’t like what they read, whatever the book told them to do, they can do the opposite. It’s double fun :)

  3. avatar Chris says:
    February 17th, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Still, judging from the responses of your friends, it sounds like they may have cocked up with this one…

    It does say under the title: “Buku panduan bagi perempuan yang berkencan dengan pria orang asing” (Guide book for women who date foreign men).

    I wonder how many copies they sold. I’ve always wondered what kind of numbers Indonesian-language books shift…

    Great minds think alike! That was another question I wanted to ask:

    How many copies has “How to Catch Mr Bule” sold? And in Indonesia – a country not known for its culture of reading – what is considered successful?

    I did casually ask Mr Bule how sales were going in the past, and he said he didn’t know. Bookshops apparently weren’t keen to pass on accurate sales figures; he suggested that this was intentional because bookshops often used delaying tactics to avoid/postpone passing on the author’s commission.

  4. avatar ET says:
    February 17th, 2012 at 11:59 am

    If, as deta said, the more offensive and controversial the title, the more succes it will have, the subtitle should have been “Buku panduan bagi perempuan yang sudah bosan main-main dengan kelaminnya”.

  5. avatar deta says:
    February 17th, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Haha… I think I’ll be the first who buy it. For my pembantu, of course.

  6. avatar bonni says:
    February 17th, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Nay,

    If you can do that in the nude and have a encore act, it just might pique my interest

    I can see where you have problems now… Have you heard that some things are better left unsaid?

  7. avatar Nay says:
    February 17th, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    I can see where you have problems now… Have you heard that some things are better left unsaid?

    Not sure what problems you are referring to. I can usually find someone who has a sense of adventure. Maybe they are fewer and further between and it’s disappointing meeting ones who don’t make the grade, but then truly awesome people are hard to find, aren’t they?

  8. avatar bonni says:
    February 19th, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    Nay,

    The thing is when you still asked this kind of question: “If you want me to love you and only you in marriage, what are you going to give me to make me stop seeing all these other girlfriends of mine?” … It just means you didn’t really love her, and being married to her is not really what you wanted.

    I asked the same thing to myself (thank god I didn’t ask my boyfriend back in the day, cause then the shame would be on me), when I was about to have this current relationship with my boyfriend. I already liked him so much and he was special, but I thought I would have to give up a lot by being – only – with him. But then, a friend of mine was like, what would you have to give up? Yeah… I have lots of friends, I have a wide network, I meet lots of people everyday, lots of sexy classy sassy guys… Life was an amazing adventure… Dating was amazing… Keeping it casual was great… But then I thought, what do I want? I mean I was all up for some fling but what’s next? Now, life is even more interesting (I hope so, god please be with me :P). Now, life is a ‘monogamy’ kind of amazing adventure… LOL At least it’s nice to have someone to worry about who’s going to drive you home…

    But I don’t know about marriage. One thing for sure is that being married is a choice.

    Here is something funny but true! :)

    It says:
    Men are like bluetooth, he is connected to you when you are nearby, but searches for other devices when you are away…
    Women are like wi-fi, she sees all available devices but connects to the strongest one…

  9. avatar Nay says:
    February 20th, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    It just means you didn’t really love her, and being married to her is not really what you wanted.

    Not quite true.

    I can continue to love her, but being married to her is not really going to change that. The fact that most women can’t really answer my question adequately only serves to prove my point.

    A man has a lot to lose in marriage (financially, emotionally), and for women to suggest that a man’s lack to desire to make any financial and legal commitment with her equate to “not loving her” – just proves that she doesn’t really care about what the man wants or needs are emotionally anyway.

    To me that just sounds completely one-sided.

  10. avatar bonni says:
    February 20th, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Nay,

    A man has a lot to lose in marriage (financially, emotionally), and for women to suggest that a man’s lack to desire to make any financial and legal commitment with her equate to “not loving her” – just proves that she doesn’t really care about what the man wants or needs are emotionally anyway.

    Well, a woman has a lot to lose in marriage too. Both emotionally and physically… LOL In some cases also financially. I mean, really, you should never count on what you would lose when you love someone… As long as she’s not a gold digger or something…

  11. avatar ET says:
    February 20th, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    O dear, o dear. All this fuss about emotional, financial etc. guarantees. Hard as it may sound, the basic reason for marriage is procreation and care for offspring. All the rest is – however pleasant and possibly satisfying – only secondary. If partners would keep these priorities in mind, a lot less headaches will occur.

  12. avatar peter says:
    February 21st, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Life is a game and short, just go for it. Don’t make a drama out of it, you win and loose a few and have great fun in the meantime. You do need a bit of luck sometimes.
    If you find a nice girl and you like her get married, its usually the only option in Indo.
    If it does not work out its not the end of the world :)

  13. avatar Philip says:
    February 21st, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Indonesian girls are stupid. All they know is money money money…. F*ckin parasite!!

  14. avatar qrazee says:
    February 21st, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    Funny how some Indonesian girls think that dating bule is gaul…cool. Umm, they’re obviously not a goddess or some shit. So what’s cool about it? Their super high salary, their super big house, expensive cars….? Geez, ladies..have a SELF-RESPECT a bit…duh!

  15. avatar peter says:
    February 21st, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    Philip, I guess you mingled with thew wrong ones :) And by the sound of it you got taken for a ride or the cleaners. Funny how you can generalize them all at the same time, you must have been around for a few years.
    You can catch the wrong ones in the US, GB and any other country for that matter, just hurts a little if you haven’t seen it coming, get over it and try a Thai or Russian for a change :) might be fun, don’t forget the six pack (I like that phrase from Bali poet)

  16. avatar bonni says:
    February 21st, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    Thanks ET and hi Peter :)

    Qrazee, what is wrong darling? Bad experience with bule? Or envying the indonesian girls who date bule?

  17. avatar Andro Valendaz says:
    February 21st, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    Parvita Says:
    September 21st, 2006 at 1:40 pm
    “Most of them that comes over here, especially the westerners, are those who cannot “compete” in their country.”

    With all my respect, Parvita, I’m not here because I cannot compete in my country. I’m here because they ask me to.

    Anyway, I’m Alejandro Valendaz, from Spain. I have a very beautiful Indonesian gf, not from a rich family. She knows what my job is, how much money I make but that doesn’t make her thirsty of money, such a sweetheart! We made a deal, (this is her idea) that whatever stuff I wanna buy her…that shouldn’t cost more than Rp200K. It’s like only $20 :O Only on special event like birthday :/

    I remember took her to Luna Negra. She needed about 20 minutes to order somethin before she told me this , “You know how many kids suffering from hunger out there? And you’re taking me here, wasting ur money for something that we actually can get somewhere else cheaper than this.” That’s the moment when I found out I have a very good girl :]

    So those who say that Indonesian girls are only interested in money….well, no matter where you go…you will always find a bunch of girls that are so materialistic. Not all Indonesian girls like that. There are still many good Indonesian girls if you know where to find them.

    I’m not saying all girls goin to the nightclubs are bad, but here in Indonesia… the very good Indonesian girls don’t go to nightclubs…

  18. avatar qrazee says:
    February 22nd, 2012 at 12:03 am

    “envying the indonesian girls who date bule?” – Don’t make me laugh….

    David:
    “I like to date ayam for one night only, cost is cheap, only .3 Juta, they are the best.”

    So, sorry to say that to them….Indonesian girls are just a bunch of sluts. Sure, they don’t mind givin away 3milion rupias..since the value of rupiah is low compared to other currencies around the globe. Sad fact..westerners got no respect for others. They don’t speak love. The really cute guys but with the small dumb minds…..ugghhh gtfo… Their parents never teach them how to treat a lady? I see… Do they even know what ‘Respect’ is?

    So…envy? Why should I? Like it’s something you can be proud of…or you really proud of it? Dating bule…LMFAO!! Get a life… xD

  19. avatar androvalendaz says:
    February 22nd, 2012 at 12:19 am

    hey qrazee, chill :) i agree with some points, but not all of us like that :)) I do respect women. I’ve lived in this country since 5 years ago..love this country, the beauty…always learn new things everyday..

    Your first comment,

    “Funny how some Indonesian girls think that dating bule is gaul…cool. Umm, they’re obviously not a goddess or some shit. So what’s cool about it? Their super high salary, their super big house, expensive cars….? Geez, ladies..have a SELF-RESPECT a bit…”

    Have a self-respect.. i like that :) Most girls i know..dont even have it at all..
    Keep bein yourself.

  20. avatar ET says:
    February 22nd, 2012 at 8:08 am

    grazee

    Sure, they don’t mind givin away 3milion rupias..since the value of rupiah is low compared to other currencies around the globe.

    In your opinion how much should the value of the rupiah be to make it respectable?

  21. avatar berlian biru says:
    February 22nd, 2012 at 8:17 am

    Three million? Er, no, I think grazee missed the decimal point, it’s more like three hundred thousand my dear.

    Anyway grazee, good luck with your life choice, if you feel bule men are not for you then you go girl, but please don’t disparage your sisters who choose otherwise.

  22. avatar peter says:
    February 22nd, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Live and let live my mamma used to say :0)
    For me Indo and its people has been very generous so far.
    Nothing to complain about, lovely smart wife and great kids, something I’m proud of and glad to go home to. Luckily everyone is not the same otherwise it would be boring world.
    For those of you that are not happy in Indonesia move on I would say.
    I agree with Berlian Biru, no one is forced to hang out with bule but I have to admit I come across some low life sometimes :)

  23. avatar Justdontgetit says:
    February 23rd, 2012 at 10:21 am

    I have a friend who at the first time she came in this mining area told me that she’s not interested in having relationship with bule. Sometime she makes comment like QRAZEE here when we talked about the girls who hang out everynight just to hook up with one of the bule. It was like “Oh c’mon what so special with them, Oh my mom gonna get crazy if I do that”. I told her not all the girls date bule for money or for social status, and even if they do that we have no right to judge.
    And now all the people in my office are bitching about her, she was apparently hooking an old bule who still in “de facto” status with other woman back in his country. Then now she gets another sugar daddy, a man with wife and 2 kids who just very new in town, and still managing to keep the first old man who now being fired for fighting at work. So funny. Anyway, maybe she really loves those two bules at the same time :D

  24. avatar berlian biru says:
    February 23rd, 2012 at 11:50 am

    For me Indo and its people has been very generous so far.

    Something that is perhaps not said enough by we expats; just how much we appreciate and owe this country.

    Indonesia has been fantastic to me, I arrived here a decade ago on holiday knowing next to nothing about the place. I quickly fell in love with the country and took a crazy decision to come and live here, at a time when my home country was booming and Indonesia was in the doldrums.

    I now have a lovely home, a great wife, beautiful kids and a job I love in a country that, for all its many faults, I have come to love and regard as home. No I’m not one of those desperate bules who was a failure at home and had to come here to find a job and life. I left a very well-paying job and a sweet girlfriend who was looking to get married to come here.

    Maybe I was looking to get away from a dull future that I thought was closing in on me, I don’t know and frankly by now I don’t care but what I do know is that the people of Indonesia welcomed me and although a complete stranger to their land left me alone to get on with my life and make a great success of things here.

    It doesn’t do any harm for expats (I don’t regard myself as such incidentally, I live here now, this is my permanent home, I’m an immigrant) to acknowledge how grateful we are for all that Indonesia and the Indonesian people have given us.

  25. avatar Fool says:
    February 23rd, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Ive been in Indonesia for a few years,I guess resisting the urge to get laid has been difficult or even to be involved with an Indo girl, but then I met a girl here who just didn’t seem to belong in the bar I frequent. I had seen her before but not often and I never saw her go with “customers”.

    I guess out of loneliness, weakness and stupidity (I work here on my own and only seeing my family every few months.. Poor excuse), I started to connect with this girl over a few weeks of just talking, I didn’t intend for it to happen, it just did. Up until then I had mostly just had my beers, avoided eye contact and just kept to myself. I weakened and would take a girl around twice a month purely business.

    Over time I was told by my girl not like working in the bar but she must as her mother lives away from Jakarta and needs money. We started seeing each other more often and the inevitable happened when after month or so we had sex and we decided that if we were going to be mutually together, then it would be knowing that I was married and this could never be long term…I tried to be Honest from the start (my first mistake).

    In all this I said to my girl that I’d like to give her 3 juta a month for spending/whatever not forgetting she lives with me and I buy all food, pay bills etc.
    All goes along well for a while, we do some trips together, visit her friends and some relatives.

    Things continue to deteriorate with my marriage at my home country as you would expect and I was so attached by this time to my girl here that I couldn’t handle the thought that I would lose her as well.

    So we talk further and my girl says that she has started to love me as well and would like to be together and see how things go. In the meantime my girl got a day job in a cafe that pays 2 Juta month and we continued living together with my girl living here, me paying bills, food etc, me doing cooking most nights. watch TV etc.. Go out dinner couple nights a week.

    Then.. It starts…

    I give her 3 Juta month money for whatever + now she works the Cafe so 5 juta all up. I’m now being told that I’m not fair to her and must give more money? I already pay the rent, bills, car motorcycle, phones,food..

    If I take into account all the small money (the 50 thousand here, then 100 thousand there), some months my girl is clearing 6-7 Juta from me, + the 2 Juta from Cafe per month. What could she be spending it on?

    My girl does not seem to understand that being on a local salary myself, I cannot afford much more and that really its irrelevant anyway as long as we are together right?

    It appears I’ve gone from mutual business transaction to caring for my girl over time, but my girl is stuck in business transaction mode and not moved on to start caring for me.

    Yeah yeah yeah I’m a fool and it was doomed from the start. I deserve what I get.
    But to say all Indo girls are the same is crap.

    But it takes a while to find if your Indo Girl is stringing you along out and by then your hooked and it’s a heart breaking experience to end it.

    that’s my experience anyway and a good reason not to meet a girl in a bar and expect anything to come out of it.

    thats my rant

  26. avatar ET says:
    February 23rd, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Like they say: “You can take the girl out of the bar but you cannot take the bar out of the girl”.

  27. avatar ET says:
    February 23rd, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    To those who despite the obvious risks insist on having a relation with a bargirl.
    Forget the urban mith that under the sluttish outside a golden heart may be hiding and that they only do this kind of ‘work’ to help sick relatives and blablabla. A bargirl is a hooker and hookers don’t love or respect men who pay for their services. They only respect their pimps. Therefore never set up a bargirl with cash allowances. If you have feelings for her, want to help her and get on with the relationship invest some money in a small warung or toko and let her pay you a rent or fee for your investment. this way she will become independent and at the same time you will earn her respect. I have seen a few of these ‘arrangementsr and they all seem to work out fine.

  28. avatar bonni says:
    February 23rd, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    Ola alejandro, como esta? :)

    Qrazee,

    So…envy? Why should I? Like it’s something you can be proud of…or you really proud of it? Dating bule…LMFAO!! Get a life… xD

    I never said I’m proud that I’m dating a foreign guy. Maybe you and some indonesian girls think “us” – indonesian girls who are dating foreign guys – are proud of it. I treat my foreign boyfriend not any different than an indonesian guy I dated before. And so far, he’s the one who is proud of having me as his girlfriend ;) And please don’t talk about money, dear, that’s not what “we” are looking for.

    Fool,

    What about indonesian girls you meet at work? Or maybe in some upper class dinner receptions? Good luck!

    Watch out, ET sedang beraksi!

  29. avatar peter says:
    February 24th, 2012 at 12:50 am

    It appears I’ve gone from mutual business transaction to caring for my girl over time, but my girl is stuck in business transaction mode and not moved on to start caring for me.

    Not nice to do it but dump her ASAP, she will milk you dry :)
    Get on with a normal life, plenty out there.

  30. avatar berlian biru says:
    February 24th, 2012 at 8:50 am

    This is going to be a little bit sexist, perhaps using stereotypes that some people might find annoying. I hope it doesn’t offend but I proffer it as advice for those blokes who pick up girls in bars, pay them for sex and then wonder why they can’t form a lasting relationship with one of the girls.

    I know a guy, a frequenter of Blok M bars and a bit of a player but who has a very nice, demure wife at home, a nice lady, I’ve met her a couple of times and she seems like a decent woman who runs a good home. I was therefore surprised when he told me that his first encounter with his missus was shall we say, commercial.

    I have seen so many of the sob stories recounted above, and I knew he was no fool, so I asked him how he managed to find a genuine “housewife” among all the “hookers” (forgive the language). He said it was really rather simple if you knew what to look for.

    First of all he said look for a couple of obvious signs, does she have a tattoo? Does she smoke? Does she drink heavily? None of these things of course each and of themselves means the girl is a professional sex worker but they are signs that she’s not just a poor wee lassie temporarily down on her luck trying to get a better life.

    Next, when you meet her during the day, how is she dressed? Does she wear the standard day time attire that ordinary Indonesian women wear or does she teeter round the malls in hot pants and high heels?

    At night when you’re going out, what does she want to do? Go for a quiet meal somewhere, a movie? Or does she want to go back to the club where you picked her up so that she can show you off to her mates?

    This leads on to another obvious indicator, who are her friends? Are they fellow sex workers or do her friends have ordinary jobs and would they be shocked if they knew how the two of you met?

    As I say, please forgive the obvious stereotyping and generalisations but if it helps people like Fool above and all the other blokes who seem incapable of differentiating between “dating Indonesian girls” and “picking up prostitutes in a bar” it might go some way to ending these eternal sob stories.

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