Dating Indonesian Girls

Apr 4th, 2006, in Girls, IM Posts, Opinion, by

Dating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.

Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There's plenty of plus on that side of things.

If wer'e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.

On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.

Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.

There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own "Meet" section has many a lady eager for company.

4,886 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”

  1. avatar bonni says:


    Actually not two but three 😉 😉 😉

  2. avatar Bad to the Bone says:

    ”Thanks! Enjoy your weekend too, daddy!
    I’ve been a good girl, please don’t spank me! LOL”

    Maf putri, but no chance-you’ve been cynical with me, so you deserve a bright red buttock spanking session–but it’s only cause i love you that you get the spanking–ok

  3. avatar Bad to the Bone says:

    But i’ll make it up to you later :- ).
    ( by the way i have no kids )

  4. avatar Bad to the Bone says:

    lol. it’s getting a bit steamy in here–we better watch it, or dave will want ban me

  5. avatar agan says:

    Actually not two but three

    Lol…get a kamar you 3some you :)

  6. avatar bonni says:

    Bad to the Bone,

    Waaay too far, grampa… Way too far 😛


    Thank you for reminding grampa Bad to the Bone to get a room…

  7. avatar Bad to the Bone says:

    bonni-‘Waaay too far, grampa… Way too far ‘
    yeah i agree bonni, time to tone it down, just having fun.
    can;t be a a granpa tho, cos like i said i have no kids.
    if you are in your early twenties i could be yor dad at mid 40’s 7 not too old to date a mid 20,s – – agree?
    Next i want to talk about the situation & my experience of/with Indonesian girls & it’s all pro/positive of their situation.
    later – time for the footy. enjoy yor weekend bonni lass

  8. avatar bonni says:

    Bad to the Bone,

    Yeah, should be fine grampa… :)
    Tell us your experience dating Indonesian girl…

  9. avatar Bad to the Bone says:

    , I first went to Bali 2 yrs or so ago, I fell in love with bali & a young Java girl there-maybe 22yrs old. She was a lot of fun & a lovely person in many way’s, but as she had something to hide I only got endless lies from her. We were good but I was older than her & she had a boyfriend, who was part of Bali’s taxi mafia. He would coach& coax her how to get money out of me. Being streetwise & tight with money, she got F A out of me. She/they thought I might be loaded. This went on for a couple of months, I got sick of the B.S. & so dumped her, quite nastily. Phoned her up a few months later to check her out & she still couldn’t tell the truth only saying she cried all the time thinking us . What got me was I could actually her the warmth & if you like the love in voice whenever I phoned. This bugged me as did dumping her harshly. Anyway I moved onto another one who was playing the same game, & I dumped her in the same way. This bugged me also as I & maybe she also had the time of our/my life.
    I had been married for close to 20yrs to a wonderful woman, & obviously something was missing, as the love I had for her was lost & forgotten in bali in the first week there, & we both knew there was no wish to turn back.
    Most people I knew at work thought I’d been sucked in, but it was only life & shit happens, everyone was telling me to go to Thailand, 100 times better than bali they’d say. But I wasn’t into the sex tourist thing, even tho that must have been the appearance.
    After the 2nd girl I met another who I am with now still. She was different & cried her eye’s out when I had to go back to aussy the 1st time, since then I’ve been back 20 time’s in 2 yr’s. She begged me to stay but I had to go back to work. We talk every night on the phone & ask each other all the questions to get to know someone intimately. We talk in bahasa Indonesian which she taught me. From this I got the understanding I was looking for about Indonesian people & most things indonesian.
    It hasn’t been a smooth or easy time, & maybe a harder time than the first put together,but I love being with her every second & told myself I wouldn’t as I had with the 1st 2 girls. I plan to live there long term as soon as my internet business takes off, which should before Xmas.
    Next I want to talk about some of the things I have come to understand about many Indonesian women & the negative idea most or many bules have about them.

  10. avatar bonni says:

    Bad to the Bone,

    Wow… Can’t say anything about the Indonesian girls who played their foolish games with you… I mean, pfffttt… Just not worth it. Good you have found the nice one… :)

    Go ahead with your story, grampa :)

  11. avatar Bad to the Bone says:

    Well here goes cucu, you really are quite cheeky aren’t u ? & I think a good spanking wouldn’t go astray with you. lol
    As this bit is about my experience & understanding of Indonesian girls, I’ll give the background of my present cintaku. As there are many like her with similar experiences in Indonesian life.
    Her family is not rich, there are many of them & she is the youngest, her mother died shortly after she was born, & ‘N’ has no recollection of her. Her father was an angry geyser that was seldom or never kind to her. She was brought by her older sister who also was quite/ or very mean to her, never having the freedom in childhood to enjoy friends or go out like the older sisters other 2 kids. & always busy with the housework.
    Her father died 3 or 4 years ago, & the loss of her mother always makes her emotional. She is a good moslem as is the rest of the family. She met a guy in a secret courtship as the sister never allowed her this freedom. She eventually married & had 2 daughters. She lived in the family house of the husband with his mother, brother & 2 sisters. “N’ tried to run a phone shop with a friend & it went bust, she owed money from this to hubby’s sister, the hubby is very tight with money-‘pelit’ & she had to ask the mother for any if the daughters needed something. Having this debt she had to go to Bali for work & to get a wage.
    She met a married guy there from Jakarta & fell in love, he wanted to marry her, but the wife & he had 2 daughters & he chose to stay for the daughter’s sake. ‘N’ met another Java guy & lived with him to pay the rent & other costs; he was younger & didn’t understand her situation-(daughter’s etc.). She was with him about a year & on the off chance she met me. We were both looking for someone serious & we hit it off big time.
    She never finished with this guy as she didn’t know if I was only B. S. ing her & would forget her after I left.
    This went on for about a year, I wanted many times to end it & nearly did numerous times, but didn’t want a repeat of the 1st 2 experiences. it was a shit situation, but I felt if I could stick it out I might have something special with her. She wasn’t greedy for my money & even careful that I always felt that wasn’t the key to what she wanted from me.
    So slowly & from time to time I changed my attitude to her situation with the boyfriend & hubby in Java. I always feel the love in her heart & know she isn’t like the 2 previous ‘mafia’ influenced girl’s.
    Anyway for an update on the boyfriend & hubby- the boyfriend has moved from Bali to java & got married there. The hubby has a new lady friend, & will marry when ‘N’ has security & somewhere to live in Java – which we will get quickly from my internet business. Money isn’t the issue here, but without it we cannot be together & she cannot get a divorce because she won’t get access to her daughters who are the most important thing to her.
    So this is not so much about our being together but the backgrounds of many who go to bali because of similar situations. For example she has a young friend who just had a kid & the hubby married again (2 wives’) & told her to work to pay for the kid. If she didn’t he said she wouldn’t see the kid again, & implied he might kill her. Another friend with an old bule lover, (tho he was past it & couldn’t have sex) had 4 kids in Java, (the husband had died or taken off-not sure), but she couldn’t be with them because of this bule . Her 15 year old daughter went missing 2 weeks ago & not been heard of since. He (pensioner-76) was on a pension & always claimed he had little money –true or not I don’t know. They were together 4 years until recently when she dumped him. I think he had money as he was a self-employed painter & must have had superannuation. If she hadn’t been with him her daughter might be still alive or saved from whatever nasty fate that came her way.
    Most of these girls who ’come to Bali for an affair’ as someone posted here earlier have no security & have to leave their kids for a few bucks working shitty jobs & often with shitty people. Most are lovely women & have backgrounds of being a great wife & mother.
    If they meet a bule/foreigner they hope for the best & sometimes get a result but more often than not they just get f—ked over again.
    I’m not saying one way or the other about them all, some; maybe many deserve to get a shitty deal, as this is a crappy world we live in, in many ways.
    nobody owes anyone a meal ticket, but to have a heart is alway’s a good thing. i think so anyway.

  12. avatar stevo says:

    Thanks for sharing that, Bad to the Bone. You make my romantic life sound so orderly and boring ! I had to keep going back over the story, to check that I had read it correctly.


  13. avatar bonni says:

    Bad to the Bone,

    Why did you get involved with such women?

  14. avatar Bad to the Bone says:

    lol- boring can be good.
    When i went to bali the 1st time, i met some cabby drivers who i liked & got on really well with. One of their mates was the 1st girls boyfriend, which none of them obviously wanted or would tell me,as i was a meal ticket for getting pissed together every night etc, or so they thought & after i finished with her they introduced me to the 2nd one. after i finished with her i had nothing more to do with them, & when i see them now i ignore them & i think they hate my gut’s which gives me great pleasure.
    Because the wife & i had decided to finish i was used to female company & so kept getting into relationships. so i was in cycle of not wanting to deal with the emotions of my wife & i splitting up. If ‘N’ & i finished i would be free of the cycle of this bs. i can wait & if it goes south again, i don’t lose, i win & am free to explore again.

  15. avatar Bad to the Bone says:

    Also at the time, idecided & saw no point in finishing with ‘N’ & would wait until everything was in place, that would allow me to live long term in Bali. Which was like a paradise island to me. If you knew my life before this tou would know this shit is like an enjoyable walk in the park for me.

  16. avatar stevo says:

    A refreshingly honest account BttB. I have been in that cycle myself, though not as complex and interwoven as your story. I guess I am a bit dull ! 😉

  17. avatar bonni says:

    Bad to the Bone,

    I was a lil bit confused reading the story but I think I get it 😛
    I’ve been wondering why you guys still want to get involved in this kind of things? As stevo also have been in the same cycle…

  18. avatar stevo says:

    Well my story is bit less complex and colourful bonni :)

    I have had a few interesting experiences, but try and keep things simple. I have mostly found Indo girls to be a bit moody and complex, but never boring. Much the same as women anywhere really.

  19. avatar Bad to the Bone says:

    i think on the 1st page (is it dave?) sums it up pretty well. most of that summary of indo girls is stereotypically correct & dating them romantically is not for the faint hearted as he say’s.
    my thoughts on these girls who i dumped is that they would be a good catch for any guy if they hadn’t been influenced by their local boyfriends.
    ‘N’ is extremely sweet & smart ( she wanted me to learn indo bahasa) & i did.
    I read many sites & articles/posts about southeast asia women & if they don’t want you to know any of the language-watch out for them.
    She is also very fiery at times & will dump me at the drop of a hat when pissed off. when we don’t fight ( which is seldom) she is very loving & very kind.All her friends seem less fiery & similar nature, they love babies & kids & are always gaga when a new one is around.
    It’s refreshing to see so much genuine emotion, the husbands of her friends are mainly all good decent happy/friendly guys.

  20. avatar Bad to the Bone says:

    Stevo, you’re not dull if you’re in Indo, it’s the place to be. i lived in London for 18 years & that was ‘dullsville ” to me. Like the land of the living dead.

  21. avatar bonni says:


    Keep it simple, not too much drama I hope :)

    Bad to the Bone,

    my thoughts on these girls who i dumped is that they would be a good catch for any guy if they hadn’t been influenced by their local boyfriends.

    Those guys are loosers. Thing to wonder also is that they are still attached to them meat popsicle after all the cr*p they have been through… I know some good Indonesian guys though…

  22. avatar Bad to the Bone says:

    Bonni we don’t choose to get involved in these cycle’s, it’s just life happening & you learn as you go along. How it turns out is anybody’s guess. do people in love know they are going to get divorced & maybe hate each other later down the track, 20/20 hindsight is a great thing as they say.

  23. avatar bonni says:

    Bad to the Bone,

    do people in love know they are going to get divorced & maybe hate each other later down the track, 20/20 hindsight is a great thing as they say.

    So the answer is because you were in love with them?

  24. avatar Bad to the Bone says:

    i fell in love with Bali &the attitude of the people & I think the difference between western & south east asia countrys- that 1st trip to there was a very heady experience. my heart opened & before i could close it, i was ‘on’ with the next girl.
    what i wrote before was a cross section of my experience with indo people/girls, to show in my experience they are generally fine people.
    Many in Bali will burn you in a heart beat, but if so, it’s your own fault if you don’t learn & change quickly.
    sorry bout all the typo’s

  25. avatar bonni says:

    Bad to the Bone,

    So you’ve been falling in and out of love with Indonesian girls… I appreciate how people keep fighting for love… I just didn’t get it why you guys (stevo and you) got involved with them… If I were you guys, I would just see a ‘normal and mentally stable’ girls and tried to avoid ‘troubles’…

    Then I decided to watch more romantic – greatest love affair kind of movies…

    Good luck with your java snake :)

  26. avatar lomboksurfer says:

    Thanks for the bloody advice Bonni, and on that note shouldn’t big Dave make some kind of holier than thou speach then announce this thread is finished? You have to love a guy whose all time favorite bloody movie was “Love means never having to say your sorry”.

  27. avatar bonni says:

    Hi lomboksurfer,

    Please excuse my logical/practical way of thinking…

    You have to love a guy whose all time favorite bloody movie was “Love means never having to say your sorry”.

  28. avatar Bad to the Bone says:

    As this thread is about ROMANTICALLY dating indo girls & not the cheap one night stands that is the only reason i commented & added what i have.
    I won’t go into that side of my experiences there, as that is what most ‘head up their arse, negative’ tourists only can/want to relate to.
    Not saying i’m any better than that, many enjoy their shit life’s & outlooks on it.
    Gobloksurfer obviously thinks the girls are are only thereto be taken advantage of by the predators, I didn’t say i gave too much of a f–k tho, as i recall— each to their own.

  29. avatar stevo says:

    I would just see a ‘normal and mentally stable’ girls and tried to avoid ‘troubles’…

    Well that is exactly what I do. I have not had many bad experiences. I have been through a number of relationships (not so much with Indo ladies) in a short space of time. It is common for this to happen after a marriage break up and generally things settle down after a time.

    Like you said bonni, you just dont get it :)

  30. avatar bonni says:


    Yes I just don’t get it… I never knew love like that before 😛

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