Dating Indonesian Girls

Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by

Dating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.

Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There's plenty of plus on that side of things.

If wer'e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.

On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.

Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.

There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own "Meet" section has many a lady eager for company.

4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”

  1. avatar olivier says:

    Just to answer PARVITA and some other stories here. I am european bule, got married with Indonesian girls, yes of course very beautifull. But in the end, after few years I realize that whenever she was coming back to Indonesia for “Holliday” because she was telling me that she was missing her country and friend so much, she was having lot of affair with other bule she was meeting at Dragon Fly or red square or CJ’s.

    Saya juga bisa bicara bahasa Indonesia karena sudah lama berbisnis dengan negara Indonesia. Mayoritas wanita Indonesia hanya anggap bule sumber duit. Mereka tidak bisa mencintai tulus orang bule dan ketika mereka ada kesempatan untuk selingkuh mereka tidak ragu sedetikpun.

    sorry If I offense some people here but this is what I lived…

  2. avatar antie says:

    Dear All bule’s guy

    Anyone who feel hurt cause of Indonesian girls or think that all Indonesian are bad is just because u still dont find the right girl or right person. Not just Indonesian like that , everywhere in this world there are good and bad things. U should do good things also in order to get good or best things. I am indonesian who has expat boyfriend also. I have been in relationship with him for almost 4 years. We love each other and my boyfriend says that I am the only one who can fix his bad thinking about expat lady ” You teach me how love is and because of you I understood what is love ” my boyfriend says. He gave me many surprises and he is so romantic compare to Indonesian men.
    I am from small city who fully live for long in life beside my parents and implement all ethiquet of respect others.

    We should find people with the good background and good civilization also educated. Hence this kind of person know who to deal with the people and know how to treat others as human being. U should know people by they way the speaks and the eye contact.

    Gud luck , hope this help

  3. avatar antie says:

    sorry additional

    because for me i have been hurt many times by Indonesian Man. and since i found my expat guy which is mediterranian. My life feel so different and lovely. I love him so much. He is very romantic and very respect to me . Not all expat are bad. I think they more faith for love rather tan indonesian men…

    Thank u

  4. avatar Keith says:

    Indonesian women are indeed extremely beautiful and accommodating to men they would like to have a future with. Unfortunately, they are brought up to be slaves of their families, so beware. Single Indonesian women in their mid twenties are generally obedient and submissive to their parents wills as if they were still 13 years old, unlike in the west where we bring our children up to be independent decision makers. Also beware if you are thinking of marrying one, because you will not only be marrying her but her family, and be expected to support them financially evermore. Most Indonesians are extremely poor, even the educated ones have little prospect of success, and the country is so politically corrupt that there is little chance of having a successful career unless you are well connected. A country where the government is prepared to murder hundreds of thousands of it’s own citizens, which has happened in recent history is unlikely to develop economically as it is a well known fact that you do not get economic growth where there is a politically corrupt system.. It no surprise therefore that Indonesia lags far behind the rest of South East Asia in economic development. So when you are thinking as Bule that you might have a future with an Indonesian woman bear in mind that most of them are just seeking to escape for the reasons stated above.

  5. avatar Tommy says:

    Indonesians are very superficial people. They claim to care deeply about family, but really they only care about family because they have to: it is a by-product of them not caring about people more generally, evident by the disgusting nature of their cities and towns, which are totally lacking in infrastructure, filthy and smelly, and full of suffering men women and children, who the vain, outwardly beautiful this article refers to drive past without a though on their way to a mall or a shallow Hollywood film. It is to some extent forgivable that some Westerners live in a fantasy land. Their countries can give the impression that the world is a good and equal place. Indonesians have no excuse. Worse than that, I have witnessed that there is no greater pleasure taken for some Indonesian women than in swinging their fake European handbags as they clip clip into a cab as the cab driver slavelishly opens the door for them – see how she glaces about!

    Indonesians also love to emphasise their religiosity, as if it makes them a more moral society, when all it does is outline their hypocracy, their double-minds, their misunderstanding of what it means to live a moral life.

    Really I could go on indefinetly. Because for some time I did try to find a suitable woman in that country, but found that even the most educated women knew little to nothing about their country’s history or literature, believed jealously was an expression of faith, and had irresolvable whore/native complexes.

    It was always so funny to me how their corrupt environment destroying rapist fathers would chide them on the way to the mosque about getting married! Well, funny in retrospect. Says so much about the culture and the moral fibre of the people. Just watch the prayer scene from the Act of Killing. I have come to believe that Indonesians generally lack the intellectual development to attain real ans lasting moral development, and the state of the country’s education system won’t change that any time soon.

    Now when a single Indonesian woman tries to engage me in conversation I just laugh. I fooled myself for some years but now I realise the truth. Indonesia is an immoral, cultural hell hole full of confused, often twisted, degenerates. The women are mad and I wouldn’t have a bar of one even for sex, even if the hottest cinetron star walked into my bedroom and spread her asscheeks in my face like a ripe durian.

  6. avatar diah says:

    daniel.. i think Indonesian culture how we can respect and share each other. maybe because of your girl from rich family so she usually get whatever she want so it makes her lazy. you know that there are many indonesian women work abroad as maid, they do it for their family, especially to help her husband although they should far away from their family. I’m married with australian, before we got married i know well that he is not rich, i get married when he was fired from his job, i don’t care he is jobless the most important we love each other, sometimes we got problem about money, but it doesn’t matter. we’re long distance now because he should work hard to bring me to australia. he seldom send me money but i don’t care.
    harry@dont worry about girl,, if you want i have many nice friends.. i think it will be easy for you because you can speak indonesia,, but my opinion, when you try to get girl, dont tell first about your job,, just said that your job is not good salary, if she still want you, it means that she is not money oriented.

  7. avatar Susanti says:

    right, some Indonesian girl marry old bule coz their money or coz ur handsome face, not love, especially if you find them at bar or night club, and some marry coz of love. I like bule physically but I can’t marry bule…

  8. avatar Susanti says:

    its all depend on her personality, you must know the character and type of Indonesian women generally

  9. avatar lomboksurfer says:

    Hi Susanti, when you say that you are physically attracted to a bloody bule but you can’t marry them you never bleedin said why not? Is it your bloody choice or your families choice? Do you plan to marry for bloody love or do you let your parents locate the wealthiest Indonesian friend’s son they can find to be a suitable choice? Bloody hell this is getting interesting again 😀

  10. avatar gea says:

    Not all Indonesian girls go for looks, or money.
    There’re girls looking for men who is smart, knowledgeable, educated that wanna talk about anything like education, news, business, politic, economy, investment n technology, not only about love, sex life, party..

    Im one of them..Im smart enough, knowledgeable, educated, hardworker, n independent..never think that after married i’ll leave my job/career, never think to depend on my future husband if they were rich..i want him as a partner too..except my future husband wants me to leave my job, it depends on my future husband..nvr think to choose a man, whether western or not who loves to go to party, nightclub, hve fun..that kind of guy are close from negative things, not good as my future husband..But i nvr nvr think all western men are bad guy too..i’ve good western men as friends here..good or bad, it depends on their personality, attitude/behaviour, life style..

    Mostly religion is important here..Not only here, but also in another countries hve important things in their cultures..Every religion has its rules ok..remember, if u marry him/her, u marry him/her family, in Indonesia, it’s matter, important..specially for girls, their parents, if u wanna dating an Indonesian girl, usually u need her parents’s trust 1st, come to her house, meet her my family, religion is so important, so, no matter how rich u’re, u cant date with me unless u’ve same religion or mean it to convert..

    But again it depends on u, u’ve ur own opinion, u’ve ur own type/taste..yeah, this is my opinion..remember ppl hve their own soul/personality/attitude/culture that dffrent from each other..u need to know them..generally n personally..

  11. avatar nova says:

    very interesting topic

    im nova ,I want to ask if it was true Caucasians are more like dark skinned Indonesian woman and not pretty??


    thank you

  12. avatar yam says:

    I am a married guy from Gulf Region with 3 kids who loves Indo girls to death. yes I am a big disloyal to my marriage but it is all about having very stressful & unhappy marriage but need to stay married for the sake of my children. Anyhow I have been a loyal VIP guest for all 5 stars hotels in Jakarta for more than a decade now. I used to date 20s Indo girls every time using online dating sites . I am turning 40 now holding the highest western qualification in academia and thinking of moving to work in a prestigious university here in Jakarta just to settle down with my prospective wife and invest the good $ that i have now.
    I am planing to divorce my current wife and bring my kids when I am well prepared.
    What do you think guys ?

  13. avatar aster says:

    I met a girl online a few months back, we’ve been dating nearly four months, with one breakup lasting about a week and a half. We haven’t met in person, we’ve only Skyped and texted, so I have to just trust in the fact that she cares about me enough to not cheat on me with any expats. I say this because her previous boyfriend was a 32-year old expat who she went out with when she was 19. I’ve asked way too many questions about their relationship and have to deal with the fact that their relationship was largely based on the physical aspect, and what she called ‘being in love with him’ may have been nothing more than the enjoyment of how he satisfied her. The worst part is that she was in love with someone who clearly did not hold her in very high regard, and in fact she may have been his girl on the side. I’m a firm believer in no sex before marriage, and knowing this information is definitely crushing. As much as it hurts, though, I really want to put all that information aside and just love the girl, but I’ve yet to find a permanent approach. Any ideas?

  14. avatar frankygth says:

    Hello all!!!
    Nice to see discussion is going on…..
    Nowadays i live in Asia and spend abt one week per month in JKT.
    Sooo, I have been bussy but still follow this thread. Good to see smurf is still alive and kicking……ciao all

  15. avatar Theodore says:

    uh well, everyone!
    i’m Theodore, an Indonesian girl. I’m well educated, noooow i’m studying in one of well-known university in Indonesia, but into a standard living. i’m not rich, i’m not poor too.
    you all could call me kinda religious person perhaps, i go to church every week, prays, but you know guys? i’m dating an Ukrainian men, not very tall, not more than 180. he is drunkard, even smoke marijuana, and also nihilism. He’s even older than me, we have 7 years difference in ages.
    but what makes me love him and do a very long term relationship is, he treats me like a queen, no matter how far the distance. me looking for inside, how he cares me, calms me, supports me, and honest. he opens up his personality, his life, and many things i could learn from him.
    is a matter of pride of us Indonesians ever date “bules”, NO MATTER IF IT’S MEN OR WOMEN, well yes, to be honest, we want to improve our life to be better of course. we’re kinda selective, maybe. but, my men doesn’t work, he’s not tall (yeah, even he had Greek and Turkish blood too that you all perhaps think that he’s handsome), but i’m not into physical. you could find many girls like me here (well, i suggest you, do your own search at Jogjakarta, Solo, Semarang, Sulawesi, Sumatra, you’ll find it hard in a metropolitan city such as Jakarta, Bandung, and Surabaya, even i’m a Jakartans)
    it’s so stereotypical of you who thought we are materialistic and TOO selective. maybe you dated girls from bars, or discotheques. but i think, it will be the same if you dated another girls from the same places, even from other countries.
    we may not be perfect in physical, but you know, even in a materialistic women, you can find kindness of her if you “sink” into her deeper and deeper. you’ll get to know her weaknesses and what makes her loves you. Cheers 😉

  16. avatar princessyahrini says:

    Interesting discussion here, always fond of stereotypes, generalizations, and such.

    Haven’t read all the posts here, but I could already draw a conclusion that you really need time to get to know your partner before deciding to be exclusive or such.

    Not only in Indonesia, I would say that most girls in so called third world countries are having an attitude that their men are obliged to provide them things they need in return, since they’re also obliged to take care of the household and your kids.
    Simple example. If you walked down any streets or big shopping malls just pay attention to Indonesian couples with little kids, you will find barely none men who carry their kids or push the stroller.

    That’s because Indonesian patriarchal culture, in which Indonesian women tend to see that guys as the ‘head’ of the family and become the highest hierarchy in a family. Society also puts a pressure that women are supposedly below men in any social structure. As an example: in most raping case or domestic violence, women are reluctant to report their case because of the society pressure or judgment. Most of them are afraid that society will see them as the ones who couldn’t ‘pleased’ their men or they are the one who must dress well.

    That’s why most of Indo girls try to find westerners, because they see westerners have more respect on them, tend to be more direct, and will treat them equally. However, lotsa westerners are apparently using them only for sex because indo girls’ submissive behaviour. On the other hand, even though indo girls want to be treated equally, they somehow can not leave their traits that they also have to be independent and not dependent to their men.

    Me myself is Javanese and dating a German guy. Luckily I have chance of studying in Germany, therefore I already have a good understanding about german culture, and my boyfriend is used to travelling a lot so that he also gets used of living and experiencing other cultures. So when I told him about Indonesian slash Javanese culture, he can respect that, even though there are points that still make no sense for him – in which I can understand since however we’ve been raised in totally different culture. He also understands me when I, for example, are sometimes still surprised when he’s being blatantly honest and straight to the point, so that now he’s using more softest approach.

    But we both are trying to be open and honest to each other, so that there will be no misunderstanding. Language is sometimes become our barrier, for example when we have our argumentation and it’ll be more relieve for both of us to release it on our mother tongue – and it really takes patient to minimize the misunderstanding level.

    However, living abroad for some years has also shaped my point of view about cross cultural relationship, leaving and taking what’s good and bad in each culture.

  17. avatar lunareclipse says:

    I am so happy to know that some people have wonderfull love story with us, an Indonesian woman.. and Nice to see u all. I am a muslim girl 23th from Indonesian. Actually my personal perception about western or eastern man, is they are just same as the other man. at the first time I thought they sometimes too open to talk about sex things, and as a muslim its just too much for me, but at one day I got to know a man from UK who really respect and talk politely since he know about me and my religion. So what’s the main point is, one can’t make general about someone traits based on where he comes from, because the fact is we are all same in God eyes.. even if I do have a will to marry with a western guy the reason IS NOT because he is so tall, white, handsome, rich and so on, But its because he respect me and making me as a better person.

  18. avatar nursiah says:

    Well im 15yo but i have a lot of goals.Not in the bad way i have thing with white guys my reason is because theyre open-minded,hard worker,etc. Im not the type that looking guy by the physical. And im not pretty but i smile a lot oh u can call me crazy with this. I just want to know all foreigners that lives in jkt maybe we could meet and share any opinions thats it thx

  19. avatar Wolf says:

    Hello people..this is a bloke from UK calling

    mmhh..Iam thinking of visiting Indonesia. My main interest is village life, markets, beaches..just digging deep and exploring the real Indonesia.. How people really live.

    Iam single (50 ish), very fit and have travelled all over the world. I can see whats going to happen….I’am going meet beautiful feminine Indos and be really tempted by romance. Thats all good but I have all sorts of reservations and wonder if you guys would be kind enough to guide me a little ?

    I see the west as having lost its way and am very much attracted to a culture a LITTLE more focussed on community, family values, honesty etc. But Iam what you may call in the west a “Bohemian” or “new age” kind of guy…that is to say that I’am interested in spirituality without a GOD….a life based on love and simply “do onto others as you would have them do unto you”. So is that me bolloxed from the start ? Particularly as I would probably be more interested in a “village” girl than an uptown party girl.

    My other concern is that since Iam not interested in young girls I would rather (if at all) spend my time with a women over 40. Presumably thats going to mean she already has kids. does that mean that if her children date a Bule…the Bule will have to look after me too ?Just joking ! Seriously..can anyone kindly tell me about women in this age range (40+). Do they exist or are they mostly married etc etc

    Lastly I dont believe in marriage..only love. Seems like thats a problem eh ?

  20. avatar adams says:

    a half of them (indonesian girls) have a negatif act. but the most they are a good girl. much of them assume that bules is somebody of cool ! sorry if my english isn’t good. but that’s true, in the fact they love a bule. althought they (bule) are not tall, or you are not handsome but if you hv a white skin indonesian girl love it. they (indonesia girl) more appreciate your respect & love your respect actually.

  21. avatar Lomboksurfer says:

    @Adams – so what your saying is that a bule has about a 50-50 chance of marrying a good or bad wife if he should choose an Indonesian woman. Thanks for the tip and next time I meet an Indonesian woman I will be sure to flip a coin 🙂

  22. avatar Lomboksurfer says:

    So this is really goodbye Dian or Melia or Melly or whatever name your calling yourself now days. Almost hard to fathom but I have known you since 2008 and I am still not sure what your real name is? What I have learned over the years about you is that you wanted everything from me but gave back so little it’s almost nothing. I did fulfill my promise and came for a visit but you acted like you could care less and went largely missing leaving me to be alone for the vast majority of the 9 days I spent in Asia. Anyway, I learned from the old saying “fool me 1x and shame on you but fool me 2x than shame on me”.

    This is the part I am supposed to say nice things about what a wonderful human being you are and how lucky the next guy will be to date such a beautiful intelligent woman blah, blah, blah but I am not even going there at ali. Instead I will say good riddance to your selfish behavior, your jumbo ego, your manipulations, your schizophrenic behavior. One final word is I really do love you and it’s too bad you just let the best man you ever had walk out of your plastic world.

  23. avatar lomboksurfer says:

    Cloudy skies hiding your blushed eyes
    A warm breeze from the East colliding with Northern storms
    Rain mixing with discolored tears dropping to the ground
    Don’t despair so get on your rain gear and turn that frown upside down
    A chestnut brown horse ridden by a drunken night out on the town
    its the best circus ever in town so let go order another round
    Irish whiskey smooth like butter going down again and again

  24. avatar Jade says:

    I have dated girls from many nationalities until I got married with an Indonesian woman. I now already live more than 3 years in Jakarta. With 1.85m I’m the tallest in her family, but for European standards average. I’m a bit overweight with 98.5 kg and an average looking white guy with dyed hair. I met my wife on a dating site and her grandmother had the same nationality. We married in a catholic church when I was 49 and she was 37.

    Occasionally I do get attention from women usually when my wife is not nearby (I always wear my wedding ring outside except when going to the gym). Before I was married I stayed at a guest house with a swimming pool and there were always single female quests staying there for several months. If I wasn’t married and I did a bit more effort I probably could get dates easily.

    But it really depends on what you radiate. If you are looking for sex there plenty of bars or massage clubs to visit. If you’re looking for friendship you can get much further. Yes, there are still some women that seek to marry a rich white bule. I cut that off right away that don’t have a high income. I don’t even have a car (anymore).

    It’s not limited to Indonesian women seeking a white guy, but where I come from getting a tan is preferred while here they use whitening products. And on TV most celebrities are mixed.

  25. avatar Sailor says:

    Woooooohh…. got plenty information about my indo females.. i was checking as my girlfriend is also Indonesian. she is 35 divorced and having a son from her ex husband and iam 28 and still single LOL.. we work on ship but unfortunately my ship is changed and we cant meet each other anymore. Iam observing some changes in her as she is talking and sending msgs but not like the same way she used to send. But i realized one thing that they (indo females) really go for looks, and it is very easy to get indo females. before meeting me she had plenty boyfriends i think nearly 12 in her past life which she already disclosed after meeting me. she wants to marry me but i cant coz she is already loosing trust from my side as she is telling me sometimes that people are inviting her to their room to have sex, and some European guy also kissed her in some party. No girlfriend who truly loves you, will never ever allow others to kiss her. And moreover she is not even saying anything to those who are kissing her in parties. it means she just want to enjoy and have fun. I dont know how much dollars i have spent on her but i can make the total that she has spent only 20 dollars on me till now in our 3 months relation (i know it very small duration, but then also….) Iam done with my Indo girlfriend. better to find somebody from my own country. Big big thanks to you all guys who opened my eyes….

  26. avatar aan komalasari says:

    i would like to say..
    no one perfec in the world nonne, no indonesian or other girls from another country…
    all are same there are good and bad about them, my be if you are living and only seeing indonesian girls in big city like jakarta the girl pnly seeing for tall or handsome bule,that all because they life in big city wich they can get eceryting,
    but when u seeing a girl from village or small city its will difrence..
    everyone who tell not good about indonesian its just you still not get your luck, trust love is not looking for what you have or how your tall..
    love is come fron heart not from eyes, if you still dont meet good girls now just be little patient u will be meet soon…
    but if i can give advice try to seeing a girl from another city who was live not with glamore stayle but seeing for honest girl its noo hard if uvtrus your self you will found them

  27. avatar Gadis says:

    in big city like jakarta me and my friends a bit skeptics about romance. so, we’re busy to study, hangout and establish our career. enjoying our jomblo or single status by self-development ’till we find the right one.
    for me as a person, relationship is not a game to play. i don’t wanna to expect more from someone. here are my reasons:
    – religion
    i don’t wanna to ask or beg to convert his faith. it’s a big no. even i have no problem with athiest. you don’t need to have religion to have moral. but i don’t wanna to take a risk of interfaith marriage dillema.
    – culture
    to get a narrow gap, back to the person. how far level of your tolerance each other. understanding, respect, learning, believe in each other.
    – money
    girls, believe me, it’s cooler if we can buy our own house, car, dress, bag, make up and holiday with our own money. to refuse luxury things that you can’t buy but you want it so bad is a wise.
    – last, i don’t think race or religion have a role of how superior or inferior people as human being. but one thing is very important to me.. parents’ blessing.
    married is not a duty, but a right. to become a parents is not a destiny but a choice. but in indonesia those are seem to be a duty as human being.

    p.s. for everyone, i know this’s cliché but just follow your heart. ask yourself what you really want and what you have to do.


    indonesian girl

  28. avatar Wyd says:

    Money is important but not the most important thing in a relationship. Having a weird past with a local man made me think millions to have another similar one. This was a case but being attracted to a white man was another case. When I finally said yes for a proposal coming from a white man after a quite long friendship, I even didnt see his skin or wallet, but chemistry between us. In fact he’s a very good looking-nice-faithful man with much cash, it’s a bonus.
    As it’s said, every country has bad and good men, every coin has two faces.

  29. avatar LeliSad says:

    Indonesia is a wonderful country because of it natural resources. but nowadays it destruct more… i like that archipelago land. But I don’t like that much for Indonesian. especially girls.
    I meet nearly four Indonesian girls all are muslims, but they’re not follow their faith. Most of them not wear proper hijab. and most of them have a boyfriends…. some of them had a sexual relationship too.
    First i meet a Indonesian girl from the region of sungaipenuh, i really love her, she’s also wants to marry me… i spend my money for her… but after few days later she joined with another guy, then she’s not speak to me… even she’s not reply to my message also…
    i think, She’s forget me .. because she’snot chat with me the period of 26 months. after the 26 months, she messaging me… at that time i really fell curious and cried that moment … my heart ready to forgive all those sin she do, but she’s still not change their character.
    Still i can’t get back from that experience. its like permanent wound in my heart… still i follow her through social networks, i can’t able to forgot her…
    But in Indonesia Aceh Province girls are much better compare to other regions….

  30. avatar Harry says:

    Been in Indonesia now (mostly Jakarta) for 20 years and have never been married with an Indonesian girl. I have had a few dates with Indonesian girls in the 20 years i been here but not much ever came out of it.

    so i have been pretty much without love and relationships in my time in Jakarta and lonelyness has always been my companion. I faced depressions anxiety but also good times.

    I now know i am not the type of guy most Indonesian girls are attracted to and now (already 35 years old) i am also too old to try anymore.

    So i will just spend my final years alone in this big smelly Durian of a city and try to be as happy as possible.

    Greetings and thanks to all the Indonesian girls i have met and desired over the years, you never loved or liked me back and have never made an efford to try to know me but i don’t hold a grudge against all of you, hope you are happy in your current marriage or whatever status you are in at the moment

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