Dating Indonesian Girls

Apr 4th, 2006, in Society, by

Dating Indonesian women may not be for everyone.

Indonesian women, particularly on the island of Java, are exceptionally beautiful. They tend towards the very feminine side, with lovely skin, are not too tall, and have knock-out smiles. There's plenty of plus on that side of things.

If wer'e to be honest we have to recognise that many men are interested in a woman who will take care of him, do the housework without complaint, and take care of other matters similarly without much bother. Your average Indonesian girl often fits the bill in this respect, certainly more than your average western woman, the less said about them the better.

On the other hand going out with Indonesian women in a romantic way can have many mysterious pitfalls.

Some women here are clearly only interested in money. Some men are unbothered by this. Others of the female variety, can, once we get to know them very well, come across as practically insane, hysterically emotional, scheming, over-possessive, inclined to, usually fake, attempts at self-harm in order to get their way. As I said, not for the faint-hearted.

There are a few Indonesia dating websites although the area is not nearly as developed as that in nearby Phillipines or Thailand. To begin your online journey on the Indonesian dating scene our very own "Meet" section has many a lady eager for company.

4,898 Comments on “Dating Indonesian Girls”

  1. avatar Thor says:

    Mr thinks that expats are first sent in Indo by their business/company and then, being there, grow an interest into the local girls rather than the other way round. Thus, it makes sense for them to learn the language. I sort of noticed that in dating sites, Indo girls were rather looking for someone within their age range, in average. The 20 something ones for instance are not looking for middle age bules. (the same goes for the Chinese)

  2. avatar Mohamed Hakkim says:

    i really love Indonesian people, i got may friends from Indonesia working at their embassy in my country – i am seriously thinking of getting married in Indonesia –

  3. avatar Cici says:

    Wow, i just read this forum.

    Well, I’m an Indonesian girl. I’m an undergraduate student from one of the most famous university in Indonesia. I study hard in order to get the best job for better life. Umm, be honest, i like “bule” because since i was six, i have had a friend from Spain and i found he is friendly, nice, and has good manner. If you think that indonesian girls just look for “bule” for better life, you make a wrong inference. I like “bule” but i want to work also if i could get married with “bule”.

    Wanna get the right person? Don’t go to night club. That’s my advice.

  4. avatar Red angel says:

    i’m indonesian women and from this site i tried to find someone who can truly love me an except me for the way i am.i’m a divorce women and am just alone..i just want someone who can be serious and have fear to Jesus

  5. did i miss something? oh i don’t wanna argue anymore…just wanna sit and see you guyz arguing abt indo’s girls. but can’t deny…can’t resist…i miss you, franco…that’s why i am here…(flirting time, lol…) gonna say ‘amen” for bad opinions abt us (eyes rolling) and “thanx a whole lot” for the nice comments. Lmao…miss you all guyz…keep arguing….i’ll be just watching while enjoying every drops of my wine. Lol…cheerrrrrrrrr….

  6. and i wish there were “like or dislike”button just like on facebook…and also poke, puch and kick buttons. does anyone think abt this? well admin…hope you’ll think abt this. cuz i really want to punch or kick someone when i dont like their comment. lol…JK…

  7. avatar Cici says:

    Wuaahhh, you are a great woman sister dinche…. i agree with you.. give us all action buttons. lol

    Sister.. help me to find a good bule. hahaha.. the most important thing is just God fearing 🙂

  8. avatar BrotherMouzone says:

    @ Red Angel

    “i just want someone who can be serious and have fear to Jesus”

    Why? Is he dangerous?

  9. avatar Patrick says:

    I think Cici above used the expression “God Fearing” but yet you chose to single out Red Angel for ridicule because she expressed what amounted to as “Jesus Fearing”. So you think it is permissible to attack obvious Christians while at the same time purposely ignoring someone who may be a Muslim? What a cowardice act from someone who spent years trying to disprove God here on the “Atheist Threat” thread. This malicious attack on yours also exposes a more fundamental problem affecting Indonesia as its become almost ok to attack minority religions in what amounts to “hate crimes”.

  10. avatar Nay says:

    i’m indonesian women and from this site i tried to find someone who can truly love me an except me for the way i am.

    When I hear a woman say “I want to be accepted for the way I am”, I hear in my head
    “I want to accept anything I do, good or bad, and for you to put up with it without criticism”

    Don’t except to be accepted for who you are. Expect people to criticize you from time to time. (like now)

    i’m a divorce women

    OK, what did you do to the poor guy?

    i just want someone who can be serious and have fear to Jesus

    “And what, after all, is the dear Lord but yet another man who will arrange things for her?”
    ~Esther Villar

  11. cici: thank you for the compliment, dear. all women are great. they conquered men. that’s why this thread was made. many men tried to conquer women. for those who succeed, there is happiness itself in their hearts, but for those who don’t….sometimes they even pay her in bad way. they actually disfigure the women as you can read in previous comments. for me that’s just the evidence that women are great, especially asian women. Lmao….
    oh dear….local men also good, but if God says that my match is an expat..i won’t refuse. don’t look…let them find you. okay, honey? (kisses and hugs)

  12. avatar lomboksurfer says:

    @Dinche – Looking for a decent Indonesian woman on the bloody Internet is a total waste of time. But why travel there as well since that’s like buying a lottery ticket so the odds are stacked against you from the bloody start? Believe me there are plenty of great Sheilas at bloody home to choose from that will be a joy to both date and marry then an overly super-sensitive bleedin Indonesian gal. I would suggest to you dear Dinche is, if you want a BULE husband, than start by CARING about him a bit and stop being so bleedin selfish! What do you expect the bloody poor BULE to do? Hack his bloody way through the jungle till he finds you… No Dinche, good marriages might be made in Heaven but good brides shouldn’t be so difficult to find. Just my bloody 2 cents of advice to a woman determined to bloody well mislead people by her self serving advice. As the saying goes “Happy Wife, Happy Life and the odds are she’s not an Indonesian gal 😉

  13. avatar Oigal says:

    So you think it is permissible to attack obvious Christians while at the same time purposely ignoring someone who may be a Muslim?

    Wow Patrick, I think you might be letting your paranoia get the better of you in this case.

    If it helps…God Fearing and Jesus Fearing are very apt terms and yes they are both potentially and often very very dangerous.

  14. oh my bloody lombok surfer, don’t you have a little bloody love for us- bloody indo gal? if you have, i would probably with all i got i’ll show you how bleeding nice we are, lol :p. sensitive and selfish…well i guess you should take out your finger out of my face and turn it to you. hmmm…you make me think thousand times to marry a bule men. well….they’re not the only God creation in this world that we can called them as “bloody men”. well let me remind you something maybe you knew but you forgot perhaps because your head hit that bloody rocks. “you want a good wife, just give her heaven but you don’t have to take her to heaven” why do i have to be nice to someone who don’t treat me nicely? just because you are bule so you think you are special? oh i’m bleeding now… to be a bule’s wife doesn’t mean my life would be perfect…is this mislead? well…let me know….i’ll change my direction for you, my bloody lombok surfer.

  15. avatar lomboksurfer says:

    @Dinche – your a bloody evil and a very scary woman but yet intriguing at the same time. As a confessed bloody adrenalin junkie, I think you and I will be anything but boring. So what bloody direction did you have in mind dear Dinche?

  16. avatar BrotherMouzone says:


    I can’t help but feel that you are carrying some serious baggage, mate. Sweeping generalizations about any race or gender are simply nonsensical. If you have had bad experiences, then I’m sorry to hear that. But from my experience, those expats who have repeatedly negative experiences with Indonesian women are those expats who are repeatedly making the same mistakes with the wrong girls…


    I was poking a little fun at the wording of the sentence – not making a statement. Wrong thread for all that malarkey; I’ll meet you in “Athiest Threat” for some message-board fisticuffs if you’re man enough.

  17. avatar Oigal says:

    Actually I thought the advice for a new husband was

    “You can be happy or you can be right but you cannot be both” I have found it a very powerful piece of advice. 12 years in, 3 kids and still my best friend (besides Patrick..but that is a repressed, religious gay icon thing I think).

  18. avatar Nay says:

    But from my experience, those expats who have repeatedly negative experiences with Indonesian women are those expats who are repeatedly making the same mistakes with the wrong girls…

    The thing about real losers, is that they are too scared to fail as much as they have to in order to learn how to win.

  19. avatar Patrick says:

    @Bro M – So you found Red Angel’s wording to be dangerous? lol!

    @Oigal – are you serious? You seem anything but happy by the way you mindlessly rant and rave here on IM like a mad housewife on steroids.

  20. avatar lomboksurfer says:

    Bloody hell Nay – Didn’t I just offer Dinche the bleedin opportunity of a lifetime? Besides do you really bloody well think I dislike Indonesian woman? Hell no I don’t! Love them as they are the best in the bloody world. I didn’t waste all these bloody years just to make sport of them. But now that I have your undivided bleedin attention how about you and I catch some fresh tasty waves in Bali?

    P.s., I just read my previous bloody post and I throw myself at the mercy of all Indonesian tasty brown sugar babies as I was rather incapacitated from a bleedin early morning session at Stadium Club. Hung over big time and ranting and raving Mad coz some bleedin Indonesian women I took home were still in my flat and bloody well taking advantage of my kindness and refused to leave for alomost a bloody week. I bloody well ask you what’s a surfer to do when her straight hair is black and her skin is brown? 😀

  21. avatar Oigal says:

    Now now Patrick, be nice or we will cancel your Easter Egg hunt in that wonderful pagan ritual celebrating fertility and free sex for all. 🙂

  22. avatar frankygth says:

    Long time ago!
    Nice to see the thread is still going on……
    After the last time I was here in this thread, I made many trips to Asia and spend quite some time in lovely Indonesia too. Although were I am coming from I have many good friends (and we don’t call our women Sheila’s as they keep their individual names) I am not interested anymore in romantic activities back home. Don’t ask me why, maybe it’s the weather…….hehehhehehe
    Or maybe it’s cozz the competition form the east 🙂

    Anyway enough about me…..good to see you all.
    Dinche!!! I missed you? How are you? Still having that lovely tan and smile of yours. Be happy and one day I will see you in yr remote but exiting island.

    Mhhh Lombok Smurf what happened? I wish I had the time to try to understand all you say so I just scanned your 2 cents, but are you serious? Do you really mean what you said that you think back home you would be able to consider having longlasting relationship with one of your country famous Sheila’s? I must say I defenitely like the quality of your countries main product……sheep. But I prefer to have it roasted and then also as lamb. I never understood people having sex with sheeps while calling them Sheila. And also all sheep look like cheap blond bimbo’s, and never had the chance myself to have a decent conversation with them. And lastly and call me a freak, I like to kiss with the one I love. And sheep, everybody knows this, suck at that.

    But Smurf, it is good you found what you were looking for. I am happy for you. And I bet your mother is more relax now. You are off the street and if she is looking for you it is easy to find you……in the shed.
    Don’t get me wrong Smurfy, I amy be joking about it but I mean it well. I wish you a happy easter and sorry but I already bought myself a juice chunk of Lamb. Come to think of it…… now I have an extra reason to prefer lamb over sheep……..Don’t want eat meet that is shagged by you or one of your mates.

    Now back to the topic of this thread…….Indonesian girls.
    I was already more positive about them then the average complainin Bule posting in here. I found them Beautyfull, smart, developed and above all females. Off course there are some of them over obsessed with position in society and money et c etc. But……there are also many sincere and open minded girls that just want to be happy and want to create this state of happyness themselfes. Sorry if I cannot express myself well enough. I try to say that I found friends that are able to create their own happyness by achieving goals themselfes. ANd they do not rely on external means of living by leaching on Bule or other men. That is what I admire in people as this is the evolution of human need. Self development. Now I read this back it does not make sense what I write….hahhahaha But what the heck……..Happy easter everybode and mind my advice abt Lamb/sheep meat.

    LomlokSmurf gonna go for surf vacation to Mozambique next week, wanna join?

  23. oh dear franco….been so long…where have you been? missed you so much. i’m fine here and still having that lovely tan and beautiful smile..hehehe…first i just wanna wish you a happy easter to everyne here. hope you have a blessful day. anyway, let’s get back to the topic. franco, this time i’m nt standing with you. why are you so mean to smurfer? he was just looking for his long lost identity… oh sorry I mean his lost soul mate. so please, do not carry your emotions, control your emotions please. I think you really know how to deal with teenage pubertyboy, you have the two growing up sons who are looking for identity. so please keep your words on the line and be nice to surfer..OK, franco? . and abt sheila … who is she? is she your girfriend, smurfer? hmmm …. i hope she’s not because i must admit the more you try to put us down the more i wanted to show you how we truly are … by all means i must admit that i am a bit atrracted on you even you are mean to me…abt the direction … all i meant before was if you think what i said was” misleading ‘well I’m gonna try to change my direction to get a bule and leave that local men. Lol. i believe that by your bad experience you could learn to treat your girl nicely so she will not take her ass off out of your laps….hey…sorry bout your bad past. we can make a good future if you want to. just give me a chance. tell your momma i said hi. i can help her to you make pan cake
    or maybe i can help you squeeze the sheep’s milk at the farm. what do you think abt that? aint it worth enough for you? hmmmm….

  24. avatar Jazz says:

    i’ve been reading most of this thread,& think the moderator got it right on the 1st page.
    As sweet & feminine as Indonesian women are they are not for the faint hearted.
    They have what is known as emotional intelligence– like many black & asian’s have.
    They are in touch with their heart in other words, for eg. american black-‘soul music/singers, & many/most westerners feel & understand this on the 1st date.
    Many westerners have lost their way with the heart & when find/see it in a Indonesian woman fall in love/ are smitten quickly.
    Indonesians are said to be the gentlest people of other Asians, this too is very attractive & endearing.
    The one big drawback is the crap breadline economy,which leads many poor people there to see the ‘bule’ as a meal ticket who can provide an escape from that.
    Thailand is the same, but more full on, if you get involved it is likely to cost you a house.
    No different to western countries & relationship responsibilitys/ needs.
    If someone has been through the western ‘mill’ /, relationship & doesn’t want it again, the Indonesian option is ve ry attractive.But having said all that, unless living there, most agree long distance relationships fail.
    This is my 2 cents worth of observation & experience. Yours maybe the exact opposite, wish you only the positive experience.
    By the way where’s sweet Bonny?

  25. avatar frankygth says:

    Hey Dinche ….yea long time not hearing from you.
    Eastern was ok. Hah I was in Holland with my family and my boys and wow it was great!
    Now still stuck in the office but will be on the road again soon. Unfortunately first I have to be in Italy but after that back to Asia again…heheheh Cant wait to be in warmer area’s…..and I am not only talking abt the weather…:)

    Other then work in Asia, I also planned vacation trip in Asia so in July August planning a backpacktrip by bus, boat and train around the islands. Heheheheh I look forward to that and the adventures I will have for sure…..

    Woww you are so right, I was mean to Smurfer. Even I wrote what I wrote but shortly after doing that I felt sorry and unfortunately there is no way to pull your story back. I realized that I forgot one important thing that we in Holland generaly are proud of. And that is freedom. We are supposed to be a small but liberal country with open mind to all kind of religions and sexual preferences. ALthough for sex with animals there is now a law in Holland that makes it forbidden if there is suspected physical or mental dammage to the animal. But that is a matter of size I suppose. In anyway I would like to sincerely appologize if I hurt anyones feeling with my post. It was unintentially and not in line with my fellow countrymen. One remark is still valid and that is that I prefer lamb for the reasons I mentioned. So smurfer please let my post not restrict you in anyway. This is and hopefully always be a free world.

    And Dinche, you surprice me you…..hehhehehe I am kinda proud of you…reading back the comments back and forward between you and smurf it is easy to see….but that is always afterwards. Heheheheh I wish everybody his portion of good love and attraction and as you are special for me I am happy for you. I am sure that Smurfy in reality is not the macho kind of guy he pretends on this side…..and that in reality he knows what a real woman wants and able to make you unlimited happy. But also you, woman are so sharp and naturally able to see through all the bulshit and macho talk. Smurfy must be crazy if he let’s this chance you offer him slip though his hands.

    I am proud of being part of your love story and hope that you consider me for the inviations of your wedding. Did I already mention I will be on a long vacation in Indonesia July and August?

    Smurfy and Dinche I wish you both all the happyness in the world…..keep us all informed please…..

  26. avatar Chika says:

    Guys, no matter where you come from, no matter what you believe, if you are a bad person, you just bad. If you are a good person then you just good. You can lie to everyone about who you are. But you can not lie to your own heart. And your heart will describe who you really are. Stop blaming countries where you come from, or religion what you believe.


  27. avatar indoveg says:

    Bizarre misalliance – bule-worship or something else?

    I witnessed a bizarre relationship between an Indonesian woman and a not
    quite Western man which leaved me speechless. I was at complete loss how
    to explain behavior of the woman, Perhaps members of this forum have some

    The woman is 26, from Solo, she is very cultured and intellectual. Her
    father is a well-known writer in Indonesia. She has a Master degree in
    communications, already in college published a fiction book, not a big
    success, but still an achievement. Writes scholarly articles, may be not
    of top quality, but still talks about Plato, Postman, post-modernism.
    Presents talks at conferences. Fluent and very expressive English, rich
    vocabulary. Her appearance is quite attractive. Slim, in good shape,
    fresh-looking, good taste, elegant dresses. High forehead, shining big
    eyes, lively behavior.

    For several years she was looking for a bule to marry. She wanted him to
    be mature and intellectual. “Penseurs welcome, age and appearance does not
    matter” was written on her profile an a known dating site.

    Met on internet a man living in Ireland who is a complete opposite of
    what she was looking for. He is not a real bule either, his family were
    asylum seekers from a little-known part of the world, something like
    Albania who settled in Ireland not long ago. He has no higher education,
    works as a cook. His father is a laborer. Of course, a man can have
    a humble origin, work as a cook, and still be an intellectually
    interesting person. Nothing of this kind here. Vocabulary of a 10-year
    old. He tries to express himself on internet, but all he can write is
    “Very very good post” or “Very very good song.” In contrast, she does a
    lot of elaborate, sophisticated, literate, lively writing. Nuances.

    His tastes. He likes to send to his contacts jokes like this:
    I am astonished when guests ask:
    – Do you have toilet?
    – Oh, God, no! We shit out of a window.
    Vulgar, low, plebeian is what comes to my mind when seeing such a joke.
    His idea of courting a woman includes buying her “sexi” Victoria Secrets

    He impressed her by telling that he is a good Muslim, that Muslims are
    not allowed to look at improperly dressed women. Some time after this
    declaration asked her (before they ever met) to send him a photo in
    panties and bra and even sent her a sample of what he wants, taken from
    a masturbation website. Even a liberated Western woman would consider
    such a request offensive and would break relations. The Javanese girl
    decided that this was simply a part of Western ways.

    He has no interests I know of, except listening to low class MTV-style
    pop-music. On his page on a social network he was listed as a member of
    several Hentai groups. Hentai is most Japanese animated porno designed
    for most immature jerks. So much for being a good Muslim.

    She herself told me that she has nothing to talk to him except about
    preparation for marriage. His appearance is nothing special too. She is
    165 and he is hardly taller than her. Not rich either, lives on a small
    cook’s salary.

    Now, his family came with him for wedding to Indonesia. Bride and groom
    family meeting looks like something out of a comedy about pretenders who
    got into a high society and are worried to be found out and thrown away
    together with their son the cook. Next to her father, a writer, and her
    uncle, a professor, both distinguished-looking men, his father and uncle
    look grotesquely out of place with their low class looks and mannerisms.
    It is impossible that such a perceptive man as her father would not
    notice this grotesque contrast. Nevertheless, he approved of the

    How to explain this misalliance? Does bule-worship in Indonesia assume
    such a grotesque proportions that even a low class bule cook is
    accepted as a member of educated social circles here? Or is some other
    aspect of Javanese mentality in play here?

  28. avatar yusuflee says:

    I’m in love with a wonderful Muslimah from Indonesia. As for the whole dating part, and what money can get you? Wow, shallow is all I can say. Guys, have confidence about yourself. Women have more respect and find it more attractive that a man has confidence. That transcends all races and cultures. As for the whole money issue. If a woman only wants you for money or comes off as a gold digger, and you want a serious relationship, let her fine some other schmuck. If you are lookin for a booty call, then all means go for it. YOLO. Just don’t whine that you can’t get a woman, because you can.

  29. avatar Nay says:

    How to explain this misalliance? Does bule-worship in Indonesia assume
    such a grotesque proportions that even a low class bule cook is
    accepted as a member of educated social circles here? Or is some other
    aspect of Javanese mentality in play here?

    The girl is 26 and wants to get married to a bule. Two of the criteria met.
    I guess as long as you are bule, it doesn’t matter?

    Additionally Mr potty mouth could well be turning her on for all we know with his detailed and overt descriptions of sexual activity. Believe it or not, when such a description is tailored to a woman’s innate fantasies – whatever they are – this is what will get a woman turned on somewhat predictably. If this were not the case, romance novels and opera sabun would not be as popular as they are the world over.

    Often times a feeling of attraction is enough to overcome what a woman says she wants, and oftentimes women simply say what society has told them to look for in a man, even when it doesn’t attract her sexually.

    Furthermore, an Indonesian woman looking to get married is fairly well certain that she is going to get the man to be under her thumb…. which is the entire point of it. Otherwise if she was independently wealthy, she wouldn’t bother getting married at all… or at least would have standards that are too high for most men, and then her requirements in a relationship would scare away those few men away to the point where she stayed single. (I know this for a fact, because I was once such a target, and that’s how it turned out!)

    It seems like a running trend in Indonesia, that the more educated she is, the less likely she is to marry. Perhaps her only shot at married life is to marry DOWN? I think the pressure from her parents to marry ANYBODY would be immense.

  30. avatar Desy says:

    I become sugar baby and I met rich Indonesian business man from and why I have choose poor bule who come to Indonesia for teaching english. many girl did not understand that many bule was living struggle in his own country and looking for asian girl friend for free relationship.

Comment on “Dating Indonesian Girls”.

RSS feed

Copyright Indonesia Matters 2006-18
Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Contact