Single Mothers in Yogya

Nov 5th, 2008, in IM Posts, Opinion, by Guest Writer

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98 Comments on “Single Mothers in Yogya”

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kinch Says:
November 12th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
@fmf: i wonder who issued that fatwa?

Which makes me think. Someone should google ‘ask the imam’ and see if they can get a fatwa issued on the permissibility of durians. Right thinking people need to know.
fullmoonflower Says:
November 12th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
perhaps it won’t be “haram”, but “makruh”, as jengkol and petai were
Farah Says:
November 12th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
@fullmoonflower
Well… you can’t really see man in lust way (more than 3 times?) and kissing? must be haram according to the moslem law (sorry i don’t know for sure, just my thought).

@ Kinch
hey i did book my ticket for next month to jakarta !

Durian still on here, loads of it, followed with mangoes (lots of it !), rambutan and duku. Never seen so much fruits in same times ! you could find it next to street almost every where..
kinch Says:
November 12th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
@Farah – You should post more warnings so that everybody in Jakarta can lock their doors

I have to go back to Australia to visit parents, nieces, etc. for Christmas, but will see if I can’t find some way to travel back via lovely (no doubt flooded) Jakarta.
fullmoonflower Says:
November 12th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
yes, Farah..

I know it’s haram in muslim rule…. but it is more haram (big sin) if we did zina ….

So, which one better? :

1. See a (good looking) man more than 3 times but didn’t do anything with him…

or

2. Shouting everyone that seeing a man and kissing are haram, but then did zina in silent….

hahahaha
fullmoonflower Says:
November 12th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
hmmmm…. I couldn’t find any durian here in Jakarta since last week, even in “Total” Toko Buah….
whereas I would cook “Ketan Kinca Durian” last week, and then I planned on last saturday because I couldn’t find durian in every single supermarket and hypermarket….

I would look for it at Jalan Kalibata, but rain everyday…

hope I’ll find it this saturday, so I can cook “Ketan Kinca Durian” then…
ET Says:
November 13th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
@fullmoonflower

A girl, who was very hard talking about my jilbab, was caught did something immoral in the darkness of Lapangan Lembah UGM with her boyfriend, and they used her jilbab as mattress…!!!

Did she wash the jilbab or did she throw it away? Is it halal to wear a jilbab that bears the marks of zina?
fullmoonflower Says:
November 13th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
hihihi… I don’t know

you are funny ET…

hmmm… if she didn’t have many wide jilbabs, maybe she would wash it… but if she had many, maybe she will throw it away…. I don’t know….

oh my God… what a funny life…
ET Says:
November 14th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
No, no, no… This is not funny. This is dead serious.

Contrary to what the infidels may pretend it is proof that the jilbab has many useful functions and every muslimah should be aware that this religious obligation is extremely beneficial, lahir as wel as batin.

When she wears it on the head she will be protected from the lustful gaze of horny men. When she wears it on the bottom it will protect her from nasty ants trying to get a piece of the action. And when the proceedings have come to an end it can even be used as a cleaning towel.

Fullmoonflower, I hope you will repent and never leave home without it.
fullmoonflower Says:
November 14th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
ok ET…

thank you for your suggestion…
I will bring a wide scarf or jilbab in my backpack together with my laptop everywhere then…
Farah Says:
November 15th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
@ Kinch
yeah.. right… i should lock my door if you’re in jakarta perhaps…

I already prepare my self for some swimming action in jakarta…. raining season will be bad as usual. But have to stay positive, its just rain and flood… i might will just stay at my hotel, and curl up, watch tv, but hey.. when i open my window, its a different jungle.. i am in jakarta.. hehehe.. ill find something tho.

..you don’t see your crazy gf/fiancee/wifefor x-mast? hehehe you didn’t mention that ! hehehe

@fmf
Sin is a sin. Thats the moslem law.
I wish i could say something like this one is better than that one.. well its all wrong according to the religion.
For me personally, i would dislike number 2. You could tell people whats right and wrong, but you can’t judge them if they right or wrong in my opinion. So when someone do a mistake i think its bad if someone point at that person and say “you are a sinner and God will punish you !” because i believe religion is the most personal relationship that human had with their God. He is the only judge at the end. I wont care what they say.
There’s alot of durian in sumatra, like A-LOT of it. Also mangoes.. if jakarta floded by rain, were floded by fresh fruits… (made juices every day..yummmsssss). They even made martabak bangka with durian filling, also at my base camp, they made durian ice cream from fresh durian.. well.. not all the time since theres less expatriate in here like durian.

@ ET
I think thats the first reason why i am not wearing a jilbab yet (i made it as an excuse) even if thats a must thing to do for a moslem woman. My father told me jilbab is one of true moslem identity, if you can’t act like one, then dont use one, because you will only embarrassed islam and made islam image bad.
If i still think of having a boyfriend, walk with a guy that not my brother/my family, swimming, laugh hard like guys, spent more time with my friends outside home rather than with my family, then i shouldn’t use one.
Someone faith with God/Allah can not determined with only thin sheet on someone head, or how long some other guys beard or how short their pants (or how dark their forehead is??)
fullmoonflower Says:
November 15th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
There’s alot of durian in sumatra, like A-LOT of it.

hehehe… if I’m living in Samarinda or Balikpapan or Lampung or Medan or Purworejo or Pontianak or anywhere which “Lempok” or “Lempuk” or “Dodol Durian” are their specialties… no wonder if I can get durian easily there…
but unfortunately, I’m in Jakarta…
and if I’m back home to Yogyakarta, I will find durian only during November to February…

anyway, yes, you are correct…

Someone faith with God/Allah can not determined with only thin sheet on someone head, or how long some other guys beard or how short their pants
fullmoonflower Says:
November 15th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
but as ET’s suggestion, I’ll bring a wide scarf in my backpack (not wear it), as this stuff has multifunction, better than a handkerchief

well, whenever I went to Tembagapura-Papua, I always needed this scarf to cover my hair and neck during my trip from Timika, avoid to dust (I am allergy)…
so I always brought at least 2 wide scarfs in my backpack…
kinch Says:
November 15th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
@Farah:

You should lock your door and hide under the bed and turn off your ponsel. Then you might be safe from me. Better check all picture frames and make sure they’re not level

Nope, just going to do family get together things in Australia. I’m not man enough to keep a big scary double wide wife or fiancee there. Strictly Asian females for me…

Bali might be very peaceful for holiday escape from your oily jungle next year, given recession – it’s amazing how empty of tourists Bangkok seems already – this time of year is usually high season. Apparently similar in the cheaper parts of Phuket, too.

Re your jilbab philosophy, I think Augustine of Hippo said it best: “Lord make me chaste – but not yet!”
Farah Says:
November 15th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
@ FMF
I think pashamina is the best. I always brought that when ever i am traveling. You could use it as shawl or head cover, its fashionable, you could use it as towel too (incase emergency and u dont want to use hotel towels) and you could sit on it at beach… you could use it also as blanket during flight, or bus trip… still you will look stylist.

@ Kinch
…you sound like jack the ripper..
heheh… i thought you would like more life thrilling adventure with two wives.
I wnet to bali once, its beautiful… but if i had to choose between bali or phuket ? ill choose phuket.
Sorry its not because i am not being national. I went there, and they care more for tourist rather than light brown skin girl traveling backpack (talking about some balinese). Also Kuta and some places just a little bit dirty (the beach). I walk in the morning wish to have some fresh air, and ended stepping on used condom (its kuta beach). Something that never happened to me while i am in Phuket.
Also believe it or not, its cheaper for me to travel to Phuket rather than to Bali (flights).
So..bali..maybe some other time.. next year in April ill go to Thailand again… hehehehehe
fullmoonflower Says:
November 15th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
@ Farah…
Thank you…

I already have 8 pashminas in my wardrobe… yeah, it’s fashionable for travelling or just nongkrong di mall, but it’s really uncomfortable to wear pashmina in mining area, or in our warehouse, in cool storage, in port-site… hehehe…
Indonesian teenager say it : “ribet banget sih”

I also already have dozens of silk scarfs, and few of “bergo” (mini jilbab), square wide scarf, and also jilbabs… but wear them occasionally…

I ever bring 3 pashminas to Timika, but those were useless there… since Timika is not Singapore, or Kuala Lumpur, or Bangkok, or Melbourne, or Sydney… hahaha…
It’s useless to be stylist in front of men with koteka … hahaha

but thank you anyway….
Farah Says:
November 16th, 2008 at 10:41 am
@ FMF

…wait..wait… are you working at field too ?? hehehe same.. working in oil and gas refinery here in sumatra jungle..

Wearing pashamina at work place.. i think its okay.. i use that as shawl sometimes.. its useful especially if you had a Canadian boss (i called them “weather proof guys”) that LOVE to set the air conditioner temp to 18 degrees which is too cold for me ! our air cond is central… so, sometimes i become a frozen secretary !
My working hrs is 12 hrs indoor (sometimes more) from 6 am to 6 pm ! so with that cold temp i need thick clothes or a pashamina help !
euuuhhh.. give those men some pashamina then to cover up a bit more! hehehehe !
kinch Says:
November 16th, 2008 at 11:16 am
@Farah:

Multiple wives would be asking for trouble! Multiple girlfriends is fun for a while, but it generally seems to end in trouble. I’m reluctantly beginning to accept that acquiring some morals might be a good move. Very depressing thought!

Valid point about Bali being an unpleasant environment for any Indonesian girl traveling alone. Actually even unpleasant if you are with a Bule bf/husband as they will say nasty things as you walk past. Seems the only way to avoid this is to rent a half/half child and carry it around pretending to be the mother .

I’d never consider actually staying in Kuta – one of the armpits of the universe – infested by the worst kind of Australians and the worst kinds of Indonesians.

Regarding walking on the beach in Thailand: It’s best to be a bit careful. The beach may appear clean and safe, but it is certainly *not* safe all the time and everywhere. Where there are beaches there are Thai fishermen. In this part of the world, ‘fisherman’ means catches fish most days, is a pirate/rapist/murderer when the opportunity arises. Plenty of cases of Bule girls went for a walk on the beach in the night and never came back alive. Koh Samui is probably more dangerous in this respect than Phuket, but would advise caution in either place.

Remember that in Bali you mostly know what they are saying about you and you mostly understand the local body language and can pick up on atmosphere no problem. This is definitely not the case in Thailand (whether you know it or not… and we often don’t know what we don’t know… funny that ).

Actually some ethnologists have studied how many different kinds of smile there are in Thai culture. I forget the result, but certainly more than 20 or 30… and only one of them means ‘I am happy to see you’.
kinch Says:
November 16th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Oh… just remembered something about ‘beautiful beach’ in Bali:

A few years ago I was doing the Nusa Dua & Ubud thing with a Japanese girlfriend. Like most Japanese, she was slave to guide book and of course had a big list of things she wanted to see and do in Bali.

One of these things on the list was ‘collect some black volcanic sand from a black sand beach’. I think she wanted to take it home for sand sculpture or something. Japanese always have strange hobbies. Of course I was not interested in collecting black sand with Japanese girl. This is not what Japanese girl was put on this earth for. But anyway eventually could not avoid anymore and so we got a driver and said ‘black sand please’. This genius says ‘no problem, can find not far from Sanur’. So off we went.

Eventually we got to a beach. Black sand everywhere. Very good. So she starts walking and steps onto the beach. Sand seems bit wet. Then we notice smell. Worse than durian. Then we look around more closely. Black sand beach is kind of toilet/sewage outlet. That’s when i quickly took photo, because her facial expression was priceless. I said ‘no problem, you can take home to Japan and sterilise in the microwave’ – she didn’t think I was being very helpful. After that, no more talk about black sand from her.
Farah Says:
November 16th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
@ Kinch
Thanks for the advise.
When i went there (thailand) i am traveling with one of my best friend from office and both girls and we never been to thailand before. Most of the time thailand guys will think that we’re from thailand (thai girls) so they speak with us with thai language, and quite nice.
Only had problem with Bangkok tuk tuk.
About going to bali, i think i know what you’re mean here. I met a friend there, and we decide to do a bit shopping, and the shop owner always said that he is my “guest” i am tired saying no or explain it, so what so ever, i don’t care… i just want to have fun staying there. Some of them think im not indonesian, and speak english with me.. and they okay. But some that see my black hair and light tanned skin will treat me like a whore. Also the key is, if you’re with a bule friend, never ask him to pay…well hehe if he just a friend… some balinese like that view hehehehe… (indonesian woman paying for western guy food? hehe rare !!).
But still good idea to bring a child hehehehehe….. (but i can’t flirt ! ouch !!!)
ill go back again to bali.. but not soon.. just focus on thai now and save some money hehe.. just book my return ticket this morning.. from Phuket to Singapore only cost me about Rp 600,000 its cheap. Flight ticket from my city to jakarta is 400,000-600,000 (could you imagine that?)… thats why i rather go to malaysia or singapore or thailand rather to bali !!
Peter Says:
November 17th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Wow I’m late reading this but enjoyed the post, Clare. All the best for your granddaughter.

As for the reasons for the community’s response, I agree it seems more a cultural issue than a religious one. I’d imagine out of wedlock births are equally scandalous in Christian communities throughout Java. Perhaps another cultural thing: not wearing condoms. The common rationale I’ve heard (from women) is that wearing them is “tidak enak”. I’d suppose birthing a child is a bit “tidak enak” itself…
fullmoonflower Says:
November 17th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
@ Farah…
maybe I’ll join you to fly to Bangkok someday..

My grandmother’s brother’s family is living there.
I have 10 aunts & uncles there. There are 3 aunts & 6 uncles who are still living in Thailand (Bangkok and Chiang Mai) till now, and 1 of them is living in California..

And that’s mean ====> no need to look for a hotel …. hahahaha
same as when I went to Singapore, I just called my cousin, and then I get a room in her house, beside my lovely niece’s room in second floor… hehehe

*dasar, carinya yang murah, kalau perlu gratisan… hahaha
kinch Says:
November 17th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
@ Farah: then maybe best beach for you is batu ferringhi @ penang. quick and easy to get there!
fullmoonflower Says:
November 18th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
@ Farah

…wait..wait… are you working at field too ?? hehehe same.. working in oil and gas refinery here in sumatra jungle..

Well, not really at field… I’m a Tax Manager, so I’m working in an office in Jakarta. But in this case, I always face Tax Investigation in every year, Customs Investigation once in 2 years, and also Tax Court when we applied.
In every investigation, the tax or customs investigators always needed to visit our warehouse in every branch to did stock opname (my company has 11 branches all over Indonesia, and 4 branches in overseas), and check all documents there. That’s why I always have to company them, avoid they will find something from documents and warehouse activities.
That’s my expertize, and I never lose in every cases, even in Tax Court
hehehe…
kinch Says:
November 18th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
@fmf: What you are really saying is that you got family background/contacts and this multinational hired you to help bribe all the trouble makers to go away. Just thought I’d put it in plain english for visitors to this website who don’t know how to read between the lines
fullmoonflower Says:
November 18th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
@ kinch

Bribe? Bribed who? I never bribed anyone. I did them clean by using Tax & Customs Rules. Using LOOPHOLES.

Only the expert one can read loopholes in those rules, and win the case fairly
fullmoonflower Says:
November 18th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
Hmmm, according to my last posting…
Maybe that’s why my coleagues in Tax and Customs Company, even my coleagues in Customs Intelligent mentioned me as a “Queen of Grey Area”… as I always found “grey areas” of Tax and Customs rules by learning a lots for weeks or months, during the investigation, and then break their findings at the last day in closing conference and it’s legal, without bribery….

Wow!! You can imagine how satisfied I was when I went out from the meeting room.
It is more great than an orgasm… hahaha

And ofcourse, winning the case = big bonus for me is waiting

But fortunately, tax and customs people never hate me, they even like me, and they learned a lot from me to how handle the other tax payers who will do the same as me… breaking their findings by loopholes…… hahaha
kinch Says:
November 18th, 2008 at 8:51 pm
@fmf:

1) tell us another one.

2) you obviously need a new man and/or should read cosmo more carefully. unfortunately i’ve already given my heart to farah
fullmoonflower Says:
November 18th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
thanks kinch…
but I already have a boyfriend, so I don’t need any man to be close to me but him for now
kinch Says:
November 18th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
@fmf:

I’m sure your bf will be pleased to know that busting the tax man’s ass is more orgasm-inducing than his personal mini-me