Proper Etiquette for Ramadan

September 9th, 2008, in Opinion, by Guest Writer

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36 Comments on “Proper Etiquette for Ramadan”

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Andy Says:
September 9th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Interesting and somewhat amusing Purba…..

One thing you would think before telling non muslims (especially bules who may not have experienced Ramadan already) is that those who practice would actually set an example for others to follow.

Last year during the last 2 weeks of Ramadan I had my wallet stolen for the only time I lived in Indonesia. It is however the only time I have ever been robbed in any country in the world. The ironic thing is that this not only occured during the holiest of months but also late morning on a Friday. That to me is a double whammy. A muslim on his way to the mosque during the fasting month pickpockets from an unsuspecting bule.
This I found out is not a surprise. Muslims told me the crime rate soars during the fasting month simply because people steal money to buy food and gifts for their families. I can understand this as an atheist as I know myself that people are animals and cannot be controlled as they all have urges. In Indonesia with money in short supply for most and the need to ’save face’ and look attractive to their peers means they need to steal. The thing that gets me is that while muslims are sinning we are forced to follow the customs that they should be following but often are not.

Also living in Australia, my country along with other western nations has pretty well bent over to accomodate the cultural sensitivities of the muslim minority. Santa Claus is now banned in schools to avoid offending muslims. How about we put a little balance back in the world for a change. Frankly I am tired of being told to respect muslims both in muslim countries but especially in my own land.
sputjam Says:
September 9th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
I fast from 9pm to 12 noon. That way I am not sleep deprived and can work as required. I cannot undertsand the muslim fasting month as ramadan was suppose to mean the hottest month, hence it should be during the summer, say july for northern hemishere. But in equatorial countries, the temperature remains constant.

Fasting is impossible for those who live above the arctic circle, like the eskimos, where the sun never sets in summer and never rise in winter.
Oigal Says:
September 9th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Maybe no-one ever told expats how to appropriately behave during this period - but now at least some know

etc etc yawn yawn

Couldn’t help yaself could ya ya silly pommy bastard
perseus Says:
September 9th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Interesting article. Thanks for writing it Purba.
Mets Says:
September 9th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
@ Andy - crime rate in Britain goes up bulding up and over the Xmas period - for the same points you pointed out when your wallet got stolen… can you get off your high horse please…….
Purba Negoro Says:
September 9th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Andy:
Wes are not to blame for how your cowardly politicians act or for inviting Arab extremist peasant and moron into your nations.
They are your elected officials- not ours.

You will find Asian Muslims- whether Indonesian, Malaysian, Philippines or even sometimes Chinese- are very private about their religion.
We have all lived in a multicultural and easily offended social setting.

But you have a point about sending gifts etc- this is very unfortunate commercialisation of Holy time.

I understand the Easter and Christmas is often lamented too for its’ loss of meaning.

Oigal- what is a pommy?
PS- my original title was: “Ramadan Etiquette for non-Muslims”

I do not ever use the term “unbelievers”- it is very divisive and misleading.
Even the atheist believes in something- he believes in the non existence of God- thus a belief too.

And yes- around Christmas time- I will do article about Etiquette for Muslim during Christmas.
Geordie Says:
September 9th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Nice article PN, thoughtful and some good advice though I think your tips on, well, tipping’s a bit conservative. When in Indonesia Mrs G and I always tip at 10%, more in Ramadhan, of the bill, in cash, to waiters and taxi drivers etc and around 20% if it’s a small amount, say, IDR 25k or less.

The reason we tip in cash is because this then is ‘under the table’ so to speak and can be kept away from the, sometimes, rapacious owners who I’m told habitually deduct a ‘handling fee’ from any tips received. This is especially nasty given that so many places now have service fee included in the bill. Now a lot of my friends in Indonesia don’t tip at all where the service charge is included but to my mind, that’s hurting the very people who need that little extra the most and particularly in Ramadhan and at Eid.

How about we put a little balance back in the world for a change. Frankly I am tired of being told to respect muslims both in muslim countries but especially in my own land.

Andy I think it’s axiomatic that respect is rarely received before it’s given and someone, therefore, must make the first move.

Ignoring, if I may, the issues you feel are facing Australia, I have found that in the Muslim countries where I have worked and especially in Indonesia (though I accept it is not an Islamic Republic in the true sense) a little cultural sensitivity, respect and most of all plain and simple good manners go an awful long way.

The life I had in Indonesia didn’t seem nearly as fraught and frustrating as experienced by some of my peers. Moreover, in my experience, and having done Ramadhan in both KSA and Qatar, the scrictures (if one can name them as such) and expectations of Indonesian Muslims on non-Muslims are insignificant and if observed, many times more appreciated than by their Gulf counterparts.
Achmad Sudarsono Says:
September 9th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Concur. Nice piece.
timdog Says:
September 9th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Nice piece indeed, though as it is from dear Purba Negoro I cannot help but scan it for some multiple layers of meaning… surely it must actually be a damning attack on China and “the West”, rather than the straight public service announcement it appears to be… surely?

Andy - yeah, someone - who may, or indeed may not, have been Muslim - stole your wallet on a friday during Ramadan, ergo the whole of Ramadan is a sham and all Muslims are in no way deserving of your respect and sensibility while you are in their country… you’re absolutely right and therefore the best course of action for all non-Muslims in Indonesia at the moment is to stand naked in the middle of the street every day at midday, drinking neat whiskey, smoking a havana cigar, eating a bacon sandwich and masturbating like a demon… absolutely right…
perseus Says:
September 9th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Pommy is an Australian slang term for an Englishman. Oigal appears to be suggesting that Purba is English. This is not the worst insult in the Australian vernacular - calling someone a Kiwi is far worse
Purba Negoro Says:
September 9th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Thanks all.

Geordie- yes a bit conservative- I point out I am writing in the expectation perhaps some are suffering some financial strains.
Yes- some owners can have very greedy paws.
Large establishment usually ok- like Starbuck or Krispy Kreme- perhaps Suharto’s friends own all those- they do not care about the money touched by us mortals.

Please tip extra if you can- Very good point.

Maybe I write another time a peice on appopriate tips for various employees- and all can discuss.

Timdog- I finally have the name to the face. I saw you doing that when I went to my grand-niece party in KFC in Kemang- May 2007- a nude crazy man was running around- making many 10 yr old girl laugh and very scared- mothers rushing to cover eyes.
Some police and bystander try to help him- but he is very dirty- no clothing at all- and he started to pee on the cars in the traffic jam.

Yes- you were in very good form that day Timdog. Or is it Tim-dong? The cold weather did not effect you- must be your cobra oil supply.
No- sorry no Ulysses today.

Matur Nuwen Pak Achmad. Sami-sami.

Perseus- I thought so- I forget- I heard a lot watching Aussie TV like Football show- with Fatty? That rugby show was very funny and stupid. Obviously these sportsmen do not make such a good rocket scientist.
Very “ketoprak humor” gaya Aussie.
Rob Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 3:02 am
PN…

Buka puasa money? Really? what is the money you give to people outside of Ramdan called? There might be Suras in the Qur’an that refer to charity but for a non-believer can you point out the one that refers specifically to providing puasa money.

I always thought that the point of fasting was not to patronize poor people by pretending to be them for about a month, but it was a time of reflection and a time to purge and clean yourself of your sins committed throughout the rest of the year by abstaining from the simple pleasures of life from sunrise to sunset.

This leads to the next point. Why can’t Muslims have sex once the sun goes down. You do not have to abstain from food 24 hours a day for a whole month, so why do you have to abstain from sex once the sun goes down and the lights come on?

Not getting mad is a good one. We should therefore expect that there will be no insults from you for a whole month directed at over commentators. I would imagine calling someone a bed-wetting, frilly-knicker wearing onanist would be bad form and impolite to boot

You hit the nail on the head with the idea that this is an obligation for Muslims and not for others, the non-believers as you call them. The puasa month is also very much a personal struggle, a jihad if you prefer, against the temptations around you. Where is the challenge if you close down restaurants, temples of sin, and prohibit non-believers from eating and drinking within eyesight of you?

Ramadan is indeed not Christmas but Christmas is just one day and it is not a fasting day but a day of celebration somewhat akin to Eid, don’t you think? You know, the two days at the end of the fast where you gather with your family and celebrate successfully completing the fasting month.

Once again, any enlightenment for this non-believer would be appreciated.
Andy Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 4:24 am
timdog-you’re absolutely right and therefore the best course of action for all non-Muslims in Indonesia at the moment is to stand naked in the middle of the street every day at midday, drinking neat whiskey, smoking a havana cigar, eating a bacon sandwich and masturbating like a demon… absolutely right…

mmmmm sounds like heaven…whatever this relgion is I wanna join!

Rob-Not getting mad is a good one. We should therefore expect that there will be no insults from you for a whole month directed at over commentators. I would imagine calling someone a bed-wetting, frilly-knicker wearing onanist would be bad form and impolite to boot

Yes I can’t wait to meet Mets, Purba, AAB and co at the gates of hell. Maybe we can all enjoy a neat whisky together.
Berlian Biru Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 9:28 am
“One of the hardest things of Ramadan is no sex. Can you imagine the frustration? ”

Really? Are you sure? That will certainly come as a huge surprise to my wife who assures me the no-sex rule applies only to the fasting hours and that once the sun goes down it’s humpty humpty as usual.
Purba Negoro Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 11:23 am
Very good Rob.
Almost had me.
Suras? Who understands these really? Most imam and Ulama are moron not even adequately fluent in their own native language- how then can be expert on archaic prose Arabic or fully argue complex scripture.

It is said that Islam as per Q’uran, like Christianity and its Alkitab (Holy BooK) are perfect.
But Muslims, like Christians- being human are very imperfect- the interpretation is perpetually flawed, our life is to be spent attaining some measure of the perfection of our religions as a facet of God.

See this is the odd thing about Westerner. First they criticise us for being Muslim. Then they criticise us for not being Muslim/orthodox enough.

What do you guys want?

Yes obviously fasting is about purification of the soul- would you like a thesis on this point too M Rob or a short article?

The insults thing is harder than without sex- I am only human and not such a good one perhaps.
It is recommended yes you absatin fromsex during Ramadan- but I am certain I read somewhere that statistics highlight 9 months after Ramadan to have higher than average childbirths.
Can you imagine how affectionate Idnoensian lady get
Therefore- it is a case of, as in any religion, this is Islam ala Indonesia: do as I say, not as I do.
What we call religion for KTP only.

For non-Indonesians KTP- is Indonesian compulsory ID card- (in the West you have drievrs’ license, Social Security, NHS etc- these are not appropriate to the income levels of most Indonesians).
Being an Indonesian citizen means having a religion is required as a matter of law - and is also displayed on this ID card.
Many Indonesian are only as religious as the letters on their KTP- superficially or for keeping up appearances purposes (atheism is banned as it is considered synonymous with illegal Communism).
Berlian Biru Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Another thing I think worth pointing out that the Ramadhan fast is hardly the extreme ordeal that it is painted (people feeling crappy, lightheaded and lacking in concentration etc).

If, as most Indonesians do, you have a full meal and lots of drinks at [i]Sahur[/i] then really all the fast amounts to is skipping lunch. I accept that for anyone doing manual labour out in the hot sun then indeed it is quite a sacrifice but most Indonesians who come into contact with non-Muslim expats will be working in air conditioned offices and malls so using the fast as an excuse for poor behaviour is I think trying it on a bit.

Just for the record I frequently “fast” at Ramadhan, not out of any great religious beliefs but merely out of respect for my Indonesian family and members of staff, at first the toughest bit was missing out on my morning coffee but as the years have gone on I have found it isn’t really a big deal.

It merely means a good hearty appetite for a good feed of beef randang and some delicious iced fruit juices come 6pm, nothing much more than that,
Purba Negoro Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Berlian Biru- congratulations on your condescension.

Extra points for belittling these practicing religious people.

But- you are right. Sales attendant are very poor quality these days- it is a function of salary.
You get what you pay for.
Rob Says:
September 11th, 2008 at 12:51 am
PN…

No thesis or short article required
Lairedion Says:
September 11th, 2008 at 6:12 am
Berlian Biru is right. Ramadan in Indonesia is not hard at all. A couple of minutes after 18.00 one can break fasting and start eating, drinking and having sex all the way to 4.30 the next morning. It has been like that for ages.

When I lived in Bandung many people searched for non-Muslim angkot and bus drivers during Ramadan. Much more safer.

Muslims living in Northern and Southern hemisphere are having a tough time. During the summer the days can be very long and hot and during the winter the days are short but cold and rainy.

PN, many KTP Muslims can be found behind the curtains in restaurants during Ramadan.
Berlian Biru Says:
September 11th, 2008 at 9:02 am
In what way am I condescending or belittling anyone PN? I made it quite clear that far from being condescending I have great respect for the fast and join in out of courtesy.

It is not condescension to state simple facts, facts that any Indonesian will agree with, no one here believes that fasting for twelve hours after and immediately before a big feast is a great hardship, it is symbolic and deserves respect as most sincerely religious practices deserve respect but there is no need to pretend it is a huge hardship.

The relevance of your shop assistant comments escape me.
Enigmatic Says:
September 11th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
The subtitle of this article speaks volumes about some people doesn’t it?

Ramadan etiquette for unbelievers, by Purba Negoro

I wonder who added the part in bold, but it shows much about religious tolerance in him/her for sure.
Purba Negoro Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 12:59 am
Well honestly, it wasn’t me- go chase Patung.

He probably altered it either as I completely messed up the wiki style formatting (I am no good at it) or tweaked it to attract more readership.
I cannot even get blockquotes correct.

Patung is a very sly character for a wooden statue.

Berlian I am being facetious. Sorry if you took it seriously.
Enigmatic Says:
September 12th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
Purba Negoro Says:

September 12th, 2008 at 12:59 am
Well honestly, it wasn’t me- go chase Patung.

He probably altered it either as I completely messed up the wiki style formatting (I am no good at it) or tweaked it to attract more readership.
I cannot even get blockquotes correct.

Patung is a very sly character for a wooden statue.

Berlian I am being facetious. Sorry if you took it seriously.

Oh that’s cool. Really.

On a side note I do hope you’re ok with non-Muslims
purba negoro Says:
September 13th, 2008 at 2:26 am
Of course. I am Javanese Muslim- not crazy foaming at mouth Arab crazy man.
As you may read above- as I wrote it- I worte non-Muslims- as even the agnostic or atheist belives in th non existence of God- which itself is a belief and has attached dogma.

IMHO non-believer is a terrible term as it is simply a non-existent state of mind.

My wife’s sister is Catholic married to Catholic.
I was educated in a Jesuit school in Central Java- 80% muslim students. My father attend the same school.
My daughter now attends Tarakanita Catholic girls’ school in Jakarta- a very good school.

So- for us Javanese- religion is not problematic. We have practicing Hindu, Buddhist, Catholic and Protestant all living near one another in Central Java.
Muslims guard and repair Catholic churches. Catholics help very much the poor Muslims.
What unites us Javanese all is Kejawen belief system.

Only loud and ignorant troublemaker cause the problems.
janma Says:
September 13th, 2008 at 10:57 am
My daughter now attends Tarakanita Catholic girls’ school in Jakarta- a very good school.

my husband went to that school.
Rob Says:
September 13th, 2008 at 11:27 am
PN…

Only loud and ignorant troublemaker cause the problems.

Presumably these people are not Javanese in light of the following:

So- for us Javanese- religion is not problematic. We have practicing Hindu, Buddhist, Catholic and Protestant all living near one another in Central Java.
Muslims guard and repair Catholic churches. Catholics help very much the poor Muslims.
What unites us Javanese all is Kejawen belief system.

So, who are the loud and ignorant troublemakers?
Purba Negoro Says:
September 13th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Oh Rob- it never stops does, it?
Amusing and very cunning attempt at a wind up- you are learning.

Is pedantry the new hobby or are we still happy with devil’s advocate or will we revert to flagellant armchair activist again?

Janma- It’s a good school- very good discipline.
Although there are several Tarakanita’s- including a school for sekretaris- I assume hubby was not there
When I went to Catholic school- the cain was very much spoiled- not the child
What year?
Achmad Sudarsono Says:
September 13th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Halo All My Seksi Friends !
Achmad Sudarsono Says:
September 13th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
PN…

Can u introduce me to the sekretaris.

A, B, C, D, -cup

All good !
Rob Says:
September 13th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
PN…

A cunning stunt indeed! But you did not answer the question

Achmad…

A man of your talents would not need an introduction, would he?