Single Indonesian Women

May 19th, 2008, in Opinion, by Guest Writer

View the original article here.

107 Comments on “Single Indonesian Women”

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Nia Says:
August 15th, 2008 at 1:22 am
Hi All
I really enjoy all this banter. I feel this is the right forum to spill my beans, so here goes.

I’m an Indonesian girl, and I am not single. Sorry if this is the wrong thread. However, my situation is related to perceptions of an Indonesian woman and the expat man.

I’m working in the US, and was offered a great job in Indonesia starting next month. My husband is not Indonesian, but is willing to give up his job to come with me. He knows this is my dream. So guess what, girls? I will be supporting my sweet dear bule husband, who doesn’t mind being the house hubby for a while. I’m really happy with that. He’s also excited about living in Indonesia, away from our uninteresting life in the US.

Unfortunately, I have this vision I can’t shake off. Strangers thinking I’m the gold digger, lavishing in his wealth, when in fact it’s rather the opposite at that point. I know, I shouldn’t mind. But I HATE seeing my fellow Indonesians put me down when I’m walking with a bule, especially while I’m being the bread winner in the family. I’d feel pretty pissed if people treat me like that, but I DON’T want to emasculate my husband or act snobby just so people don’t put me in second class.

If any of you have felt this before, please give me concrete instructions on how to get over it. Is there something my husband should do? And please don’t give me vague advice like ‘be confident in yourself’, because …umm…that probably means you never went through it before.

Oh, and if you know anyone from Eastern Europe living in Jakarta/Bogor, let me know! He’s from Eastern Europe.
Mets Says:
August 15th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Nia,

It was good to read your thoughts and I share the same anxieties that you do as I am due to move back to Jakarta next year with my partner from England (he is a London boy), having been away for 15yrs

I found this website hoping to get some insight on how things are in Jakarta with regards to inter-racial relationships but some of threads I have read have left me bemused!!!

Do let me know how it goes, as you will be heading back before me & hopefully you can give me a few pointers lol!!
Matt F Says:
August 23rd, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Coming from a western country (Australia) that is so close geographically to Indonesia its amazing that there is such a vast difference in cultures. When it comes to comparing the singles and dating scene between the two countries there are huge differences in what is and is not acceptable. Religion plays a big part. To think that two countries living directly side by side have so many different rules is an interesting pont of discussion.
Purba Negoro Says:
August 24th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
Excellent point Matt- you must be an Indophile.

I let you in on a secret- Indonesian ladies have complete mastery of their “feminine” muscles. Some can blow you kisses
bagofcontradictions Says:
August 27th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Whoaaaaa……….
very interesting debate going on here. Am not usually into commenting and rather enjoy to be watching from the ringside, but let me just give you my two cents:
Everything actually hinges on yourself. I spent most of my younger days abroad, had a difficult time reajusting to Indonesian as a young adult, but when I look back I can see that what you get is what you actually give out.
Look at people the way you would want people to look at you, and although I cannot vouch for a 100 percent success rate, it has been really helpful for me.
Once you start into stereotyping, don’t complain if others do that too.
Easylaaaahhhh.
Rob Says:
August 27th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
People’s perceptions on inter-racial relationships are what they are! You will never convince everybody of your sincerity or love or anything else. The beauty of IM is that you get to see the extremes of the stereotypes that exist. Those with an axe to grind and those that naively try and explain from their own personal circumstances why the stereotypes are wrong.

Ultimately, it comes down to you! Who you are? How you value your relationship (married or otherwise)?

In general, my take is that anyone involved in an inter-racial relationship will do just fine here and have few if any problems. That said there are idiots in any country who feel the need to comment on something that they have no personal experience with or no way of understanding — take that sort of stuff with a grain of salt!

Life is too short to be worried about what others think of your choice in life partner!
Neal Says:
February 1st, 2009 at 6:36 pm
I love how you hate being generalized for being an ‘overseas graduate’ but you do the exact same thing to male ‘overseas graduates’… plus expats arn’t all old, sunburnt and here looking for the typical indonesian girl, i’m a 23 year old expat whos been living here for 1 year and am single.
eden Says:
February 3rd, 2009 at 6:58 am
@Therry, thanks for the interesting article.

I’m an Indonesian female who have been living overseas for 9 years, went to university and got a degree in education, along with a graduate diploma in secondary teaching from an overseas university. (Not daddy’s money – I had 4 part time jobs when I was at university, and of course with help from the student loan scheme)

When I graduated in 2007, I decided to go back to Jakarta and work there for a while. It was very easy for me to get a job back then, maybe partly because of the booming of international and national plus schools in Jakarta, and having a relevant overseas degree certainly helped too. Getting a job wasn’t the hard part.

However I found living in Jakarta had pretty much lost its novelty to me – without meaning to sound whitewashed, I was used to crossing the road when the pedestrian lights are green, or on zebra crossings; during my first two weeks in Jakarta I couldn’t even cross the road because I was so scared of crazy motorists who see zebra crossings as nothing more than some kind of road decoration. I was used to safe public transports, buses that have schedules, eating places that display food hygiene certificates on their walls, waiting in queues, motorists who had to actually sit some tests and went through 3 stages of driver licencing before they are able to obtain their full drivers licence, etc.

I got in touch with old friends from high school, arranged a meeting, and all of them agreed to meet at… the mall. And when we did meet up at said mall, I found that the conversations were utterly boring, consisted mostly of gossips (did you know that so-and-so’s boyfriend got her pregnant and then f*cked off?), mindless consumerist crap (omg there’s a new j-co in town, it’s at this mall! omg there’s a sale in zara, 50% off!) and random crap (you’ve been overseas, you must know a lot of bule men no? please please please introduce us and tell them to join friendster and add us as friends!!). I stopped going to such “reunions”.
Being a smoker, I also got many disapproving looks and comments from fellow Indonesians (omg she smokes cigarettes, she must be a slut!)

Now on to work. During my brief stay in Jakarta, I worked at a national plus school as a high school English teacher, and received a generous salary (for Indonesian standard) of 4 million rupiah a month, plus free accommodation. Which sounded great at first, until I found out what the other English teachers at that school were getting. It was something like this:
Me: Indonesian, fluent in spoken and written English, have a degree and a graduate diploma in teaching from overseas university, Rp. 4 million a month.
Teacher A: British, has a TESOL certificate that she did over the internet for 6 months, used to be a nanny back in England, Rp. 13 million a month.
Teacher B: Dutch, has a TESOL certificate (it was a 6 months course he said), used to be a makeup artist back in the Netherlands, Rp. 10 million a month.
Teacher C: British, has an internet TESOL certificate, used to be a bartender at a pub in England, Rp. 10 million a month.
I wasn’t impressed.

Regarding men, I met an Indonesian man over the internet, who then suggested we meet at.. the mall!!! What is it with Indonesians and malls??? When I eventually met up with him, he obviously wasn’t impressed by my cigarette smoking and occassional swearing, and above all, the fact that I’m an atheist.

I was only back in Jakarta for about 4 months, and those were really, really shitty months. These days I’m teaching English at a local intermediate (junior high) school, still enjoying my packs of Holiday Menthol and the occassional joints, still a millitant atheist, and happily seeing a bule who enjoys mary jane, great premarital sex and video gaming as much as I do.
Doug Stoltz Says:
February 8th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Hey Eden,
If you’re not making double or triple that salary, and if you’re willing to move a short distance from Jakarta, I’ld like to talk to you.
Doug
Mbak Sri Says:
February 8th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
hey eden,
hahaha post was amusing to say the least, most indo males would quickly label u tainted and extremely westernized and sigh astagfirullah and quickly suggest comunity prayers to ask god’s mercy on you. You should be so lucky
But all that aside, you seem like a swell swell gal, smoker and all. Oh, by the way, Mall is Jakartan’s (not Indo) holy shrine, its where we go to get inspired. Branded labels are our God. We are indeed a special bunch

Oh hey, occasional joint got my attention, care to share some doobies while talkin abt god? should be interestin.
schmerly Says:
February 8th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
@ eden.. great post good on yer gal! I love militant atheists.
Aluang Anak Bayang Says:
February 8th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Only 9 years overseas and lost touch with your base. My younger siblings each spent at least a decade in the States and Europe, 2 are now in China; and they are as Javanese as ever. Guess it has alot to do with how a person was brought up.
schmerly Says:
February 9th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
@AAB.. “Guess it has alot to do with how a person was brought up” and how were you brought up, or was it dragged up in your sisters clothes?
schmerly Says:
February 9th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
@PN.. “Indonesian ladies have complete mastery of their “feminine” muscles. Some can blow you kisses” How crude you are to post that remark, there are women that read IM.
eden Says:
February 12th, 2009 at 6:21 am
@Doug: Many thanks for the offer, but I’m no longer in Indonesia.

@Mbak Sri: Yes they probably would do that, sigh astagfirullah and all. and the christian ones would probably drag me to church and then pour holy oil on me so i can be saved =D
I would love to have a sesh and talk about god with you, unfortunately i’m not in jakarta anymore.

@Schmerly: Thanks. Yeah militant atheists in general are awesome and ballsy bunch of people.

@Aluang Anak Bayang: Yes, fortunately I was brought up by my non-statist and non-ethnocentrist parents, who taught me that just because I happen to be born in Indonesia, doesn’t make Indonesia the best country in the world (and its culture and values the most superior one).
Ronggo Sani Says:
August 8th, 2009 at 3:16 am
Hi to all,

Well this is Ronggo Sani. I’m mixed race Asian. Means Half Indonesian and Half Pakistani……….. And right now m running my own Canadian Based Telcom Organization in Pakistan, UAE and Canada and planning to open in Indonesia soon.

I’m Single guy…. and willing to do marry with an Indonesian Girl……………. if there is any volunteer then do contact me…………. So rest of informations will be provided later after correspondences!!!!

So till now, tc and regards

Ronggo Sani
Farah Says:
August 8th, 2009 at 11:18 am
@ ronggo sani

if there is any volunteer then do contact me………….

errrhh you do sound little bit desperate there…