96 Comments on “Single Indonesian Women”
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Why single women remain bachelorettes? « Unspun Says:
May 20th, 2008 at 6:37 pm[...] clipped from http://www.indonesiamatters.com [...]
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Marisa Says:
May 20th, 2008 at 7:42 pmNot sure if I’ve fulfilled the criteria to comment on this post.
I’m not an overseas graduate, and my family is more of a universitas negeri-standardized one. We are the proud owners of jaket ITB, UI, USU, at least until my own Atmajaya and Interstudi paraphernalia hanging in the wardrobe. Not exactly what you call the ideal Westernized family, eventhough it has influenced much of the discipline applied in my home. Presently, I am still working my way to having the chance (of being formally re-educated overseas) though, and a scholarship would be the only choice in my case.On the subject. In my humble non-academic opinion, perhaps the most urgent issue in our society is how we make use of the education. How education has been a key factor in having a purposeful life, an innovative and visionary thinking, and most importantly, making a positive contribution in the community. Yadda yadda.
Intellectuality, a life calling, Western-influenced or not, is an independent state of being. You don’t have it, you die. It is not a certificate, a priced property, an accessory, an attribution, or anything that can be associated by a BMW, a LuVaze haircut, or even a conversation over a candle-lit dinner. At least it’s not supposed to be. To be frank and honest, I’ve also seen local grads–and undergrads, brilliant ones, that haven’t been receiving the equal chance in developing their capabilities and intellectuality, only for the reason that they haven’t been educated in top universities and/or overseas ones. And unlike the Western culture as we know it, Indonesia is hardly a place where ideas are thoroughly appreciated for its brilliance, it’s more appreciated for the “interests” it could serve. As to Indonesians who have finally achieved beyond their own academic limitations, their determination and lifetime dedication are simply amazing. Those are the people that, in my opinion, truly own the true value of education.
Lastly, there are hundreds, even thousands, of those that are less fortunate than we are. It is encouraged that every commenter and author here supports the free education for all, in their own unique ways, wherever they’ve earned their education.
Good post nonetheless therry! Obviously you’ve reflected the thoughts of many.
You should definitely check out High/Scope Indonesia, perhaps you’d be interested in their philosophy and methods in teaching.All the best.
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Achmad Sudarsono Says:
May 20th, 2008 at 8:27 pmFriend,
Please remember that Achmad is one of the sexiest Indonesian men and he can teach you how to be sexy too !
Va Va Voom !
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MbakAditya Says:
May 20th, 2008 at 9:37 pmAchmad, I’m sorry to be confrontational, but even by Khymer standards you aren’t good looking.
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PrimaryDrive Says:
May 20th, 2008 at 11:12 pmHey, there are still overseas veterans who are simply hard working!! And guess what, we are tolerant to various oddities. We dont mind submisive solo wives, if they can cook well, or more bossy types, as long as they’re not bossy just for the pleasure of it. But sadly we don’t have BMW… and I must say that when it comes to choosing between the beauty of our inner veteran wisdom and a flashy BMW, most educated indonesian women tend to choose the latter
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Rob Says:
May 21st, 2008 at 12:34 amI would have thought there would be plenty of men who would be happy to become involved with and eventually marry a well-educated, successful, career-oriented, and high-earning (eventually) woman…
Let’s face it life could be good lazying about in cafes and playing golf 3 or 4 times a week and relaxing at home for the rest of the time. Perhaps we could do a little bit of daddy day care looking after the kids while the successful wife was at work…
So, I guess you just need to be a little bit more patient for a little bit longer…the old cliche will kick in sooner or later; all good things come to those who wait!
Indonesians are no different from anyone else in the sense that they might judge you based on your education or what car you drive or whatever; I think that is human nature…and in many ways we cannot help ourselves. I teach an advocacy class and one of the sessions deals with our prejudices and biases, specifically in recognizing them. Many exist on a subconscious level and until you point them out on the conscious level most people would claim to be unequivocally not biased or prejudiced.
This is not something that is unique to Indonesia or to men or women, it is universal…the point here is that this is life and ultimately you reach the “Rima point” where you just say bugger it and let fly with all your achievements and some almost achievements and then get on with doing what needs to be done!
I enjoyed reading your post (this does not mean that I agree with “all” your points thoush)!
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May 21st, 2008 at 8:00 amRob,
Do you also teach people how to be sexy ?
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Lex dePraxis Says:
May 21st, 2008 at 12:24 pmBut to our despair we have come to a realisation that we know - yes, we know - that it is a tough battle to find the man who could really come anywhere near our expectations - even though we don’t expect that much. Well, so long as he’s presentable, not like someone that even your dog would recoil from, and comes with a decent form of transportation and doesn’t scab money from us - won’t it be alright?
Presentable, decent transport, doesn’t scab money. The later two are okay, but the first one are pretty much tricky and subjective, eh?
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May 21st, 2008 at 12:38 pmAchmad…
As much as I would like to think that I can, I know that I cannot! Check out my ugly mug and you will see why
You on the other hand being the master of many skills, I am sure you could teach many about how to be sexy! So, I will leave the teaching to you on this one
Cheers
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GJ Says:
May 21st, 2008 at 1:07 pmIt would be no good asking me, I couldn’t teach a dead dog to lie down!!!!!!!!!!
Up to you alone Achmad!!!!!
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May 21st, 2008 at 2:51 pmFriends,
Soon I will share with you the secrets on how to be sexy.
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May 21st, 2008 at 3:23 pmOOT.
@ Achmad Sutrisno
Also, Friend, what about Facebook ?
You have a Facebook, Achmad?
Hey how about a game of scramble? Add it here.
Anita McKay, if you read this, I’m playing on your board: #623! Haha, wonderful way to procrastinate my future.Yuk mari..
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May 21st, 2008 at 3:23 pmMbak Aditya,
Sexy is all about the Mojo. Yeah !
Va Va Voom ! Merdeka !
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May 21st, 2008 at 3:26 pmP.S. Marisa — yes, Facebook — everyone — I invite you all to add me — Achmad Sudarsono on Facebook !
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Finally Woken Says:
May 21st, 2008 at 5:35 pmHaven’t been to IM for a while and found this. Patung certainly knows how to stir *wink.
As my comment in Therry’s blog, what she faces is not what I faced upon my return and worked back in Jakarta. Studying overseas is not a badge that people in my previous offices to brag, simply because most of them are overseas graduates. Such company like Boston Consulting Group Jakarta, for example, employs lots of overseas graduates, half or more of them got their degrees through scholarships rather than daddy’s money.
Those snobbish attitudes from rich young spoiled brats are their characters, whether they are overseas graduates or not. They behave like that when they’re studying abroad, and they’d do the same thing when they’re back in Indonesia. Usually they are the ones who hardly study and spend more time partying.
Beside, studying overseas doesn’t guarantee people to be more successful than the local graduates. Half of my bosses are from local (Indonesian) universities and they’re extremely talented, sharp, and have no problem writing and presenting in English.
In this world where boundaries are so blur, lots of my colleagues have even worked overseas and can speak more than just English, and no one actually has time to brag about it, simply because we have more important things to do! But again, those who have studied or worked overseas are no different from those who don’t. I have worked with those both types and it’s back to their character, experience and their own brains. Graduate certificate is a piece of paper and wouldn’t mean anything if they’re lack of IQ and EQ.
Westernized or not, it’s back to each individual. When I studied overseas, lots of my friends lived in a very tight community. Speaking in Indonesian on a daily basis, eating Indonesian food all the time, hang out with Indonesians, and didn’t give a damn with what happened on their outside world. Westernized? Definitely not. Well, maybe in some way when they realize when they had to make an appointment with the doctor and turned up 30 minutes late and got a hard time from a receptionist…
Therry’s expectations about men is not because she’s overseas graduate, but because she’s a damn smart woman who knows what she wants!! Lots of Indonesian ladies who don’t study abroad share the same feeling.
Maybe that’s why there are lots of single women now, especially in Jakarta?
PS: FYI - Therry is NOT single
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May 21st, 2008 at 5:39 pmMarisa, let’s play Scramble then!!
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May 21st, 2008 at 6:23 pmAchmad Sudarsono Says:
May 21st, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Friends,Soon I will share with you the secrets on how to be sexy.
If only they knew - a face like two warts on a carbuncle.
You should never have dumped me like that.
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May 21st, 2008 at 6:27 pmMbakAditya…
I just haveta know where you learned put downs like the one above?
I wanna go and learn and improve my skills!
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May 21st, 2008 at 6:43 pmRob, the man is a monster, about 2′6″ tall, but with a very overinflated opinion of himself. Horrible little man.
If only you knew the truth, how he cheated and he schemed, and how he left me just because I complained about the tofu chunks in his Chili.
I had began to like him again until he started showing off, my opinion of him had risen to almost zero, but now?
I’m going to rip the lapel’s off of his cheap shirts and stand on his hushpuppies.
Achmad, move on.
Get over it.
‘Dit.
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May 21st, 2008 at 6:43 pmSorry, Aditya, Sayang, you should have learned how to share. Many, many women need Achmad’s lovin’…
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May 21st, 2008 at 6:53 pmAchmad Sudarsono Says:
May 21st, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Sorry, Aditya, Sayang, you should have learned how to share. Many, many women need Achmad’s lovin’…Don’t you sayang me, you little tai lalat. I’ve had enough of the way to treat women.
These people don’t know you like I do, they don’t know your filthy little habits, the things you do when you think no one else is watching, they don’t know what you and General Wiranto used to get up to - don’t make me post the photographic evidence.
I may be just a little Javanese girl to you, but I’ll stamp on your dakon if you carry on joking with me.
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May 21st, 2008 at 7:28 pm‘Dit,
Wiranto came to me for advice on “how to be sexy” — Achmad turns away no man who comes seeking help. Seksiness can only be good for Indonesia’s nascent democracy.
Oh, yes, go ahead, call me tai lalat now, just as you used to do…back then — but I have the scratchmarks on my back to prove that you loved it !
Sorry, sweetness, everything comes to an end….
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May 21st, 2008 at 7:43 pmI wonder what your current wife would think of you? I bet she doesn’t know does she? The french wife, the spanish wife, the khymer wife, and then me, the javanese wife.
Too much Gengsi, Achmad.
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May 21st, 2008 at 7:46 pm@ Anita
Yak, siyap!
Actually that’s what confused me when I first read this article, knowing therry’s not single in her real life, on contrary she’s already engaged. Tapi ngga enak ngomongnya, afraid that there’s a personal issue going on behind the scene gitu. Better avoid the men subject just to be safe. Huhu..@ therry! Dimane lo?
@ Achmad
Sorry to interrupt your argument with MbakAditya.
But there’s this person who could use a little lovin’ from you, just approve the Friendster friend request here, kay? Thanks, Achmad. -
May 21st, 2008 at 8:05 pmJust approved it, Marisa.
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Bagus Prakoso Says:
May 21st, 2008 at 8:50 pmWesternized or not, it’s back to each individual. When I studied overseas, lots of my friends lived in a very tight community. Speaking in Indonesian on a daily basis, eating Indonesian food all the time, hang out with Indonesians, and didn’t give a damn with what happened on their outside world. Westernized? Definitely not. Well, maybe in some way when they realize when they had to make an appointment with the doctor and turned up 30 minutes late and got a hard time from a receptionist…
I agree with this one, I found it a lot here in the UK. I guess I can’t blame them, it’s like the saying ‘Birds of the the feather flock together’. This actually not just happens to Indonesian, it happens to ‘any’ foreign people that study and live in this country.
They think ‘wong cuman bakal sekolah 3-4 tahun, ngapain susah-susah ngenal sama orang lain, bentar lagi juga pulang’. They just don’t care, and in all honesty, the don’t really need to.
Maybe I was lucky to study in a town where there were only two Indonesians around including me, where all my housemates are ‘bule’
Maybe if I had been studying in a bigger city, I would had become this ’spoiled brat’ as well. Thanks God for that.In short, you don’t get Westernised only because you happen to study or stay overseas, you’ve get to ‘live’ it in full, change your attitude and perceptions on things, like this ‘jam karet’ for example.
One funny story when I came back home for holiday after a few years living here and so accustomed with ‘Ngantri mentality’. I went to renew my ‘KTP’ in my local ‘Kelurahan’ office, and as I normally do when I go anywhere here, I ‘foolishly’ queued in front of a counter ! And of course as you can imagine it was a rather ‘futile’ attempt, as people kept jumping in front of me with no problem
I had to change attitude immediately to match them Sorry, kebanyakan nulis nih kayaknya.
Btwy, if anybody has Twitter account, you can follow me at http://twitter.com/mahadewa. We have a nice Indonesians community here, it’s quite cool actually.
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timdog Says:
May 21st, 2008 at 9:16 pmHah! Achmad, I almost added you on facebook - mainly because I like your profile pic, but then I thought better of it, suspecting you of nefarious purposes… mother always told me not to talk to strangers with ukuleles…
So if Therry isn’t really single, what sort of criteria does Mr Therry-to-be meet? Is he a suitable match for an “SOB”?
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billitone Says:
May 22nd, 2008 at 12:02 amI used to think that God was unfair when I met such a woman.
She’s overseas educated, smart, pretty, rich. Single Overseas bachelorettes (SOB) , you call it.
There I was, barely managed to get into the university, not smart at all, far from typical soup opera actor, wished I was rich. A real SOB.I’d say there are also many Indonesian guys, who doesn’t think that females are only good for cooking, cleaning, bearing children, acting feminine, and being plain submissive.
The key is stereotyping, prejudice and over-generalisation. By women(SOB) and the men (SOB).
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May 22nd, 2008 at 5:57 amI feel you, billitone.
No matter how diplomatic people may react to such situation, some would still have to strive harder in reality.Hope you’ve found your reason to do so in life, as I have in mine.
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melly Says:
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:43 amTotally agree with billitone’s last sentence. I really don’t mind at all of being SOB. I know the types you mentioned do exist, but i’m quite grateful to have people who just seem don’t care from where a person graduate, how much many do they make and whether they’re single or not.
I met a jerk who drolling even with my ability to be able to install a software (!), but met men who adore that same ability (and some other unimportant abilities). I still buy 5,000 rupiahs jewelery but also like pampering myself with nice-a-bit-pricey shoes. What can I say, everybody has its own weakness.
Nevertheless, intrigued post but hopefully it’s not to make things over-generalized.
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