How to Get a Bule Man

Apr 14th, 2008, in Girls, IM Posts, by

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410 Comments on “How to Get a Bule Man”

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  1. avatar Cukurungan says:
    May 16th, 2008 at 4:15 pm

    Patrick,

    Indeed you should give some examples of the perception differences you experienced. As Achmad said it could be quite useful.

    We should not corner someone who do not want to make confession but likely it is syndrome “EDI TANSIL” …Ejakulasi Dini Tanpa Hasil

  2. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:
    May 16th, 2008 at 5:07 pm

    Janma,

    That’d be great. Your input much appreciated.

    I think alot of bule men suffer from alienation from their cultural context. In non-babblespeak, it means they’re cut off from their roots, and feel like they’re aliens, though they’ve grown up being “normal” parts of their surrounding community.

    Hope all’s ticking along for you…

  3. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:
    May 16th, 2008 at 5:17 pm

    P.S. — problem is, also, I think, for a lot of “bule” men, that feedback from their female peers is very judgemental, so sensible feedback, from someone like yourself, would be appreciated. Women, on the whole, are a more intelligent species than men, so you’d be putting one in for the team.

  4. avatar timdog says:
    May 16th, 2008 at 5:18 pm

    Hey Achmad, this particular bule ain’t cut off from no roots… I’m Kernowek/Irish and pound of it – an authentic “pribumi” of the British Isles (which is why I hate the bastard Anglo-Saxon immigrants)…

    @Cuk, dammit! You’ll have scared him off now; he won’t come back! I wanted to hear his story!

  5. avatar dewaratugedeanom says:
    May 16th, 2008 at 7:26 pm

    @Ibu Erlinawati

    Maybe ‘Confessions of a Kuta Cowboy’ would be more saleable.

    I agree, but in my case the term ‘Confessions’ is a bit embarrassing. You see, Bu Erlinawati, when confronted I’m always in denial. To avoid broken homes or worse, paying support.

  6. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:
    May 16th, 2008 at 8:43 pm

    I’m Kernowek/Irish and pound of it – an authentic “pribumi” of the British Isles (which is why I hate the bastard Anglo-Saxon immigrants)…

    Hey, c’mon, no need to go hating…or to hate any immigrants…if you check your mitochondrial DNA, we’re all immigrants…

  7. avatar timdog says:
    May 16th, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    No Achmad no! My mitochondrial DNA is pure one hundred percent Celtic – how dare you suggest that filthy Anglo-saxon blood might run in my veins!

    I hate them! I hate them! They come over here! They import their foreign religion! They bring their flaxan-haired hussies with their judgemental opinions about our virile druidic manhood!

    Kernow bys vykken!
    rydhsys rag Kernow lemmyn!
    ;-)

  8. avatar Farah says:
    May 16th, 2008 at 9:18 pm

    hmmmm.. i am back.. this is interesting..
    Especially comments from Mr Patrick there. I thought almost all man describe his ex-wife or wife as evil creature if they’re not in love anymore.
    But you do made sound, us, indonesian woman, generally sound like an evil creature. Maybe you could minimize the scale into “my indonesian wife” or put her initial or what so ever you called her only not indonesian woman in general.
    Also, not all bule married to indonesian become miserable. Marriage had success and unsuccessful one… yours not going so well.. others.. well.. they okay.

    I never ask my ex-bule bf to pay my bills, or drive me here and there, or open door for me, get a chair for me, replacing my broken bulbs, etc. Being emancipatedis an individual choice not culture from some country. I see some indonesian woman do the “i am emancipated yet sophisticated” attitude also see bule or expats woman did that too (ask the guy to pay simply almost everything for them, frown if guys didn’t gave them a seat on bus, called a guy not a gentlemen because they didn’t open the car door for the, etc).
    Yes… its just blurry attitude if they do so (say they do emancipated, but not act like one)

  9. avatar Patrick says:
    May 17th, 2008 at 10:46 am

    Farah – I respect your opinion as I do realize in a country of more than 200 million people that there are bound to be many good Indonesian women that will enter a marriage with the RIGHT intentions and will always do their best to keep a happy relationship with their spouse. Now after admitting this, you must also realize the concern that your own government has had with Indonesians women marrying bules? On the surface to many it may appear that a government fee (proposed 50 million RP) to marry an Indonesian woman is unfair and it is just politicians looking to line their own pockets. However, upon further examination its an attempt to address the very serious problem of divorce being extremely high between Indonesians and bules. This problem is further exasperated if their are children involved and they come back to live in Indonesia. This will be very expensive for a young mother and her children as they will have to attend private schools etc. I was once very much against this fee but now I understand its true purpose and that is to make couples really think about their cultural and sometimes religious differences and to weigh carefully before saying yes to marriage and life in a foreign country.

    Sadly, my marriage looks like a forex trading chart with isteri aku having so many wild mood swings along with a hair trigger temper that it becomes scary. Anyone know a good Indonesian exorcist or American divorce lawyer? Thankfully, we do not have children!

  10. avatar Rob says:
    May 17th, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    I think it was 500 million and not 50 million as the proposed fee.

    I am sorry, but no matter how you spin the fee it always will look like the government engaging in human trafficking and selling Indonesian women to any foreigner willing to pay the fee! Besides what happens to the 500 million if you do not get divorced?

    It is plain and simple stupid! Marriges sometimes do not work out and end in divorce as Forrest Gump once said in that very Zen Buddhist way, “sh*t happens!” And when it does 500 million is not going to get your kid through school, especially private school or even national plus schools! In any event since the change in the Citizenship Law and that kids of mixed marriages are afforded Indonesian citizenship then conceivably they can attend regular State schools. There will obviously be quality of education issues, but hey parents all over the world have to make similar choices every single day!

    So, perhaps Patrick you still need to do a little further examination on the pros and cons of marriage fees and how this relates to you and your marriage. I simply do not see the connection between the 500 million and the marital problems you are currently experiencing. I just don’t get how the 500 million would have made you think more seriously about cross-cultural and interfaith issues before getting married? Didn’t you and your prospective spouse think about those things before you were married any way?

    Not only do Indonesian women need to think about where they might live post-marriage and whether or not they are prepared for such an eventuality, but so do the men that they marry! You will find many Indonesian women blogging about their personal experiences of being married to foreigners and the challenges that they face in foreign locales and you will find many of them are happy too.

    The human condition is that we are not always happy all of the time and the issue is simply how we deal with this in those moments!

    But you should always remember that it takes two to tango!

  11. avatar Farah says:
    May 17th, 2008 at 7:14 pm

    Not only do Indonesian women need to think about where they might live post-marriage and whether or not they are prepared for such an eventuality, but so do the men that they marry! You will find many Indonesian women blogging about their personal experiences of being married to foreigners and the challenges that they face in foreign locales and you will find many of them are happy too.

    The human condition is that we are not always happy all of the time and the issue is simply how we deal with this in those moments!

    But you should always remember that it takes two to tango!

    Agree…
    I do browsing the same way too.. its quite funny and sad to read what they write.
    You could divorce and have pathetic live too with western wife, and a horrible divorce and bankruptcy with western wife too…. so .. its not about the nationality i think.
    I know few expat/bule from my working place that divorce and bankrupt because their western wife (divorce them) and ask for the house, the car and the dog, etc. and then until today married happily to an Indonesian woman.
    Could happened in any marriage as the percentage is getting bigger for the divorce.

  12. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:
    May 17th, 2008 at 7:48 pm

    Timdog,

    A bit off the topic… but a big chunk of your mitochondrial DNA is African, mofo. ; p We’re all spearchuckers deep down. I love, love, reminding Koreans, Japanese, Vietnamese, Thais and anyone else from a place where belief in pure race is widespread, about our African roots.

  13. avatar Rob says:
    May 17th, 2008 at 8:03 pm

    Achmad…

    This may be the case that deep down we are all spear chuckers! However, this part of my genetic material has faded and now pales into insignificance compared to my other genetic elements. I can say this because if somewhere deep down there in my genetic material there ever was a spear chucker he has long since disappeared. Despite six straight years of trying to win the javelin competition (spear chucking for the 20th and 21st Centuries), I never could.

    Thanks! My excuse now is that my genetic spear throwing material came from a piss poor spear chucker and based on genetics I was never going to win the javelin throwing competition! Now, I no longer have to be bitter and twisted about this experience :D

  14. avatar Patrick says:
    May 17th, 2008 at 8:30 pm

    Rob – After reading your reply, I can tell that the point I was making sailed right over your head but oddly enough Farah understood it well and I must assume English is not her 1st language? With that said, I was really very impressed that you were able to quote Forrest Gump as it reveals your true potential to make an intelligent argument.

    I don’t recall making any excuses about my personal circumstances but I do understand your point about it takes 2 to Tango. Cha cha anyone? :>]

  15. avatar Rob says:
    May 17th, 2008 at 8:38 pm

    Maybe that’s because I am an intellectual minnow and you, Patrick, are an intellectual giant!

  16. avatar timdog says:
    May 17th, 2008 at 8:52 pm

    @ Achmad – right, I’m going to sit in the garden and try to channel any African DNA I might have so as the better to throw spears at the filthy Anglo-Saxons…
    Rydhsys rag Kernow lemmyn!

    P.S. I am just ever so slightly concerned that you might have taken me seriously when you weren’t supposed to…

    @ Patrick – given that your initial contribution here was that a foreigner contemplating marriage to an Indonesian should “run bule, run!” I don’t think rob missed any marks… and that you then find the need to patronise Farah for her comand of English (Isn’t she doing well? Isn’t she clever? – for a native!) perhaps suggests that your problem is an inability to conceive of people – perhaps including Mrs Patrick? – as individuals rather than as generic constituent members of a big brown think-alike blob entitled “Indonesian women”…

  17. avatar Rob says:
    May 17th, 2008 at 8:52 pm

    Patrick…

    Having re-read your posts perhaps you are not the intellectual giant that I have given you credit to be!

    “RUN BULE RUN” seems remarkably similar to a line from Forrest Gump “Run Forrest Run”! So, hopefully this does not reflect poorly on your ability to make an intelligent argument!

    My very simple point is that not all marriages work out. This is the case even for marriages where both parties enter the marriage with the RIGHT intentions. But, alas, it seems you were hoping that your little subservient Indonesian woman would enter into the marriage with the RIGHT intentions and the accept her fate and be perfectly happy with how things turn out. Naive at best!

    Perhaps the point of Erlinawati’s book is to help Indonesian women understand the pros and cons of inter-racial, inter-faith relationships. The book indeed relies on some generalizations but in many ways a generalization or stereotype becomes just that because so many people fall into that category! So, perhaps the book has some use for Indonesian women in how to avoid “bule” men who are here for a year or two, promise you the world when they take you back to “their” country and then fail to deliver on the promises!

    Are you suggesting that Indonesians do not see marriage in the right way? or is it that they just do not see it your way?

    For the life of me if you are so desperately unhappy in your marriage and your wife is so desperately unhappy in the the marriage why don’t you just call it quits? Call in the divorce lawyers divvy up the assets and then you both go your separate ways and find happiness anew elsewhere?

    Cha cha anyone?

  18. avatar Patrick says:
    May 17th, 2008 at 10:23 pm

    Rob as you succinctly put it an earlier comment it takes 2 to Tango and I am just not interested in Tangoing (or cha-chaing) with you about this any further. Perhaps your buddy Timdog will be happy to oblige?

    Selamat tidur dan mimpi indah!

  19. avatar Marisa says:
    May 17th, 2008 at 11:07 pm

    Cha cha anyone?

    Hola. Someone call my name?
    Como estas, senor? Estas acompanado?

    (Crap. I’m so into the Spanish lingua trend right now.)

  20. avatar Rob says:
    May 18th, 2008 at 12:16 am

    Oh schucks Patrick…and here I was thinking I had found a tango or cha cha partner…I was even prepared to enter into the to and fro with the RIGHT intentions…

    It seems Patrick that you are in fact quite happy blaming any one and every one but yourself for your current situation, your posts illustrate that well! You call me out on my intellect and ability to understand your arguments and then patronize Farrah for her ability to understand your arguments…the patronizing was like a back-handed compliment that suggests most Indonesian women would not understand because they just don’t get it when it comes to bules…but I am sure that Farrah can reply, if she thinks it worthy, on her own behalf! Truth be told, I just don’t think the majority of bules get it when it comes to Indonesia! The place, Indonesia, is not perfect but then neither are any of the countries from which we come!

    What is funny is that I reply and call you out and you decide to cut and run!

    Perhaps your problem is that all you’re about is dishing the piss but not taking any yourself in return…so, I guess my point holds true maybe some re-evaluation of your positions are what’s in order!

  21. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:
    May 18th, 2008 at 10:07 am

    Can’t we all just get along :-)

    Hola ! Marisa !

  22. avatar Rob says:
    May 18th, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    Achmad…

    I can get along with everyone and anyone…

    I was merely pointing out that I had been called out, I responded, then the other party cut and run…

    Nothing in my comments that I think is unfair!

    Enjoy the rest of your Sunday…

  23. avatar dewaratugedeanom says:
    May 18th, 2008 at 2:57 pm

    Patrick said

    Now after admitting this, you must also realize the concern that your own government has had with Indonesians women marrying bules? On the surface to many it may appear that a government fee (proposed 50 million RP) to marry an Indonesian woman is unfair and it is just politicians looking to line their own pockets.

    I propose that bule women also pay a fee to marry an Indonesian man, as a guarantee for his personal welfare and a compensation for feminist abuse and mental cruelty.
    And I agree with Rob. It should be 500 million instead of 50 million.

  24. avatar Patrick says:
    May 18th, 2008 at 8:20 pm

    Hi Dewaratugedeanom – Ha ha that would be an excellent idea for the Indonesian man as we are all well aware of his physical short-comings that well may lead to future feminist abuse and mental cruelty.

  25. avatar Patrick says:
    May 19th, 2008 at 3:23 am

    Rob I decided that I will respond to your George Bush style charge that I am “cutting and running from you”. You must be a Republican? First let’s recap my statements from the beginning prior to your 1st remark.
    1. I 1st wrote that I was interested in buying books with suggested titles and I included a warning to Run Bule Run. These were meant to be faceitious comments and Run Bule Run is not from Forrest Gump but from our 1st grade books where we learned to read. Run spot run! Remember Rob?
    2. Farah seemed a little hurt that I wrote remarks that could suggest the possibility that “all Indonesian women are evil”.
    3. I wrote back to reassure her that was not the case and I also elaborated about the super-high divorce rate between mixed (bule) marriages between bule men and Indonesian women. Lastly, I very briefly described one aspect of my marriage to an Indonesian.
    At this point you decide to post your 1st comments by saying that I was spinning (R U a Bill O’Reilly fan?) about the Indonesian legislative branch’s idea to have bule’ deposit money for the benefit of the bride in the event of a future divorce. You said the legislature’s proposal was “STUPID” and you proceeded to back your argument by using a half truth about duel citizenship. My understanding from speaking to Indonesian people is that Indonesian citizenship is only granted now to mixed children actually born in Indonesia and it does not apply to children born on foreign soil. Please correct me if I am wrong? If its true your whole argument concerning this point is baseless. Even if you are right, do you not think that 500 milllion RP goes a long way in helping a divorced wife re-establish herself in Indonesia? Remember, that a divorced-woman in Indonesia bears a social stigma among her people that we outsiders cannot fully comprehend or appreciate. Women in Indonesia are just not as free as they are in the West despite making some advancements. The next comment concerned me personally as you said that my fiance’ and I should have considered all the issues prior to getting married. We did and in fact because of some differences I told my fiance’ we probably should not marry. She convinced me we should after we both made concessions and promises. The difference Rob, I kept all mine but she did not thinking that she could change my mind after we were married. This attempt at deception is the basis of our troubles and not as you stated so harshly and without any prior evidence to the contrary.
    4. I replied that you missed my point and in your next reply you seemed to concede.
    5. Your buddy Timdog chimed in with his agreement with all your statements and even accused me of patronizing Farah and that I have an inability to see people as individuals and only as a collected whole? mmmmmm….sound like the BORG..ha ha (Trekkie types are you?). These remarks by Timdog re-invigorated your crude attempt to raise serious argument with me and you unleashed at 8:52 PM (coincidetally at the exact same time as Timdog’s response) a barrage of off-base attacks that lacked any merit or imagination. Seems like collaboration to me gentlemen? Anyway, did either of you stop to think that even among the English speaking nations of the world that we don’t always understand each other even if we speak a common language? I was not patronizing Farah but merely making a comparison to Rob that he did not fully get it. Can Rob and Timdog accept that a little “brown lady” can sometimes comprehend their written language better than they could? Me thinks not :>) Can Rob and Timdog accept that maybe the Legislature of Indonesia can ever act intelligently and benevolently? They referred to their act as stupid and so again ” Me thinks not :>)
    6. I told you Rob that I was not interested in pursuing this any further.
    You could neither accept or respect my wishes and you continued your unwarranted personal attacks and when others suggested that you tone it down you responded the very way same way that you accused me of behaving and that it was some-how someone else’s fault for your belligerent behavior as if you had no-choice in how you behaved? “They started it” mentality of childhood. Right Rob?
    7. My last point to Rob is do you really think that only you get Indonesia? I admit that I don’t understand it all as my knowledge of the language and the culture is limited but I do try most every day to read an Indonesian newspaper despite living far away. There is no way I will ever fully understand Indonesians but I will always continue to try. There is no disgrace in being humble but there is disgrace in being overly arrogant!
    P.s., I do agree with you that no country is perfect and by the way I really liked my time in Indonesia and had lots of good adventures and I met many wonderful people. I also paid my own way as as I was not there on any sponsorship with a corporation or NGO. I started my own business and won 2 government tenders and that was something my embassy said was near impossible to do and I did it without bribing anyone. Take care Bob and maybe the next time we can discuss an issue(s) in a more polite way.

  26. avatar Janma says:
    May 19th, 2008 at 2:05 pm

    I propose that bule women also pay a fee to marry an Indonesian man, as a guarantee for his personal welfare and a compensation for feminist abuse and mental cruelty.
    And I agree with Rob. It should be 500 million instead of 50 million.

    yeah… well most women who marry indonesian men are further out of pocket than 500 mil by the time it’s over. I don’t understand that fee anyway…. so when you marry, you pay the government this money? and then if you divorce they give it back to the indonesian partner??? with interest or what? Sounds like a rip off to me!

    Can Rob and Timdog accept that maybe the Legislature of Indonesia can ever act intelligently and benevolently? ”

    dunno about Rob and Timdog, but I can’t imagine the legislature of Indonesia acting intelligent and benevolently…..

  27. avatar timdog says:
    May 19th, 2008 at 5:37 pm

    Dear Patrick,
    Collaboration? Good grief! Perhaps the strain of your marriage has induced paranoia… This is a fairly busy site and it seems that Rob and I were typing at the same time, curiously enough, voicing similar thoughts; nothing unusual or sinister about that… I generally find Rob to be one of the more reasoned voices aroud here – but he ain’t my buddy…

    Can Rob and Timdog accept that a little “brown lady” can sometimes comprehend their written language better than they could?

    You were the one who stopped to consider the fact that farah might not be a first-language English speaker and decided to give her a little pat on the head for trying so hard, not me…

    Do I belive that the Legislature of Indonesia can ever act intelligently and benevolently? Well, one would like to hope so..
    But as far as a proposed 500 million “fee” for a foreigner marrying an Indonesian – it’s f*ckin outrageous. Speaking for myself, if I were to want to marry an Indonesian now, or any time in at least the next few years and such a fee applied I simply would not be able to - not that I would be reluctant, or annoyed, or put out – I would have absolutely no way of raising that kind of money. THAT makes me angry…
    The only motivation for this legislation, like so much in the government of Indonesia’s approach to individual – note, induvidual – foreigners, would be finacial exploitation. It would have nothing to do with helping out the woman, and could, without being hysterical, certainly be interpretted as the government prostituting the women of Indonesia – inevitably, given the size of the fee, to oily ex-pats and filthy fat bastard retirees from Australia, while f*cking over people like me…

  28. avatar MbakAditya says:
    May 19th, 2008 at 6:23 pm

    I would have absolutely no way of raising that kind of money. THAT makes me angry…
    The only motivation for this legislation, like so much in the government of Indonesia’s approach to individual – note, induvidual – foreigners, would be finacial exploitation. It would have nothing to do with helping out the woman, and could, without being hysterical, certainly be interpretted as the government prostituting the women of Indonesia – inevitably, given the size of the fee, to oily ex-pats and filthy fat bastard retirees from Australia, while f*cking over people like me…

    Oh dear, seems we have hit a nerve with this –

    Firstly don’t be jealous of those who can pay their own way, if you can’t raise $60K then you should really look at your own finances rather than be bitter towards those who fdo have a proper job.

    Secondly, it’s not prostitution at all, it’s just our governemnt protecting us from impecunious bules who live in shacks and trick girls into marrying them.

  29. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:
    May 19th, 2008 at 6:30 pm

    Mbak Aditya,

    Good to hear someone fighting for Pancasila ! I’m sure our Pejabat won’t rip off any of the money, including our judges and DPR members !

  30. avatar rima says:
    May 19th, 2008 at 7:02 pm

    it’s actually 50 mil, not 500 mil.

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