How to Get a Bule Man

Apr 14th, 2008, in Girls, IM Posts, by

Ugly as sin white manA new book giving advice to Indonesian women on how to find an expat man, How to Catch Mr Bule.

Published by Gramedia Pustaka Utama and written by one Erlinawati How to Catch Mr Bule provides tips and advice for Indonesian women on how to snare a foreign man for romance and likely marriage, and how to manage the relationship.

How to Catch Mr Bule.

The book discusses important questions such as:

  • Are foreign men more caring and loving than Indonesian men?
  • Is it true foreign men know best how to keep a woman happy?
  • Or are bules just looking for a bit of fun, or as blogger Indcoup once put it in the four "F"'s - "find, feel, f..., forget"?
  • Do foreign men like Asian women because they think of them as demure, while western women are too forthright and independent?
  • What special problems face local women dating a foreign man?

The weird habits of bule men are pointed out as a warning to Indonesian women, such as

  • they like dogs
  • they sleep with the lights off
  • they like to cook for themselves

These small matters could later blow up into big problems and ruin the relationship, it is said. However the main advice seems to be to avoid stereotypes and keep your eyes open.

Available at the bargain price of 25,000 rupiah.

410 Comments on “How to Get a Bule Man”

  1. avatar mickey says:

    Oh my, Oh my,…

    This website has become an outing for some frustated chats!

    Maybe time to go back to the basic propostion of this site.

    Sorry …..(Rob – anyone) what was it again….?

    I dont understand your comments anymore. Sorry I have limited IQ….! I am Bule.

    Serious folks, …
    I thought this site it is about listening, studying and understanding (or at least trying to understand) different cultures and ways of expressing each others emotions about it.
    There is no right or wrong. It is about fnding out.
    Not shouting or trying to press your opinon.
    I might be wrong, from the sixties, too long on my Angel….
    But I want to touch my ideas on other ideas to see if I can become more …
    I shout too but try not to…

    I followed advice from one of our honoured colleagues on one one of the subjects and checked in on one of those “love-matching” sites and for heavens sake….
    …. it is a revalation about cultures, culture clashes, religion, family, emotions, expectations, disappointements, betray, cheating, lying, laying, but all the time about having faith in a better future…
    I became very humble and am only just started to process this information.

    Go on …. get out of you cocoons, pay $30 for a month to find out and lets meet again here.

    But promise me never to shout again here or in any places….

    Respect each other and have fun!

  2. avatar Purba Negoro says:

    That’s precisely my point Mickey- and I suspect you were being very tongue in cheek with your previous post (no pun intended).

    Actually in person I’m probably reasonably tolerable.

    But- what’s the point of not offending people’s frail sensitivities.
    Rude opinions jolt the brain from its’ modern-day hibernation.

    Life has taught me that bigotry, intolerance and elitism are in fact medals of distinction bestowed upon those with the wit to see reality for what it is.

    And sadly, I lack the cowardice to remove them.

  3. avatar Rob says:


    You are kidding yourself that I am offended because I see truth in Dewaratugedeanom’s arguments or those of Purba Negoro! Perhaps if there was truth for me in those statements maybe it would hurt, but it doesn’t!

    Perhaps what is most significant here is that you evidence your lack of understanding of the problems through the oversimplification and over-generalization of your arguments. The problems in Europe do not relate solely to immigration nor do the relate solely to poor little white apologists unable to cope with a colonial past!

    But the beauty of IM is that commentators can espouse any old crap they want, dress it up as fact based on anectdotal evidence (such as PN’s rant against women and bules), and criticize all and sundry without ever offering up a solution or an alternative!

    Lairedion, you do not even have the testicular fortitude to use your real name (preference for an Elfin interpretation generated from a LoR site)! You criticize others for being apologists but you do not have the courage of your convictions to identify yourself! I wonder is that because you really do not believe what you say here on IM or is there some other reason keeping you from revealing your true identity like Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, or Peter Parker?

    Dewaratugedeanom’s point is valid how in any other way but as a weak generalization? Perhaps if you read all of the posts on this particular thread you would have seen that I responded to PN’s arguments on point. I believe he has a right to his opinion and that he has a right to vent it here. I also disagree with him, I think his comments evidence a degree of simplicity and hate towards certain groups of people, particularly women and white men, and I think the bloke is a numb nuts. I feel that numb nuts is a fair assessment based on the stupidity of his arguments as I see them.

    I do not consider the colour of a persons skin to be indicative of their intellect. Therefore, I do not see the need to comment on whether or not Purba Negoro is a brown man. The reality is that it is a pseudonym and for all intents and purposes PN could in fact be a poorly educated white fella posting from an Internet cafe! Simply, this is not about the race of the poster!

    Does the truth hurt? Nah, I am comfortable in my own skin! I am comfortable with the opinions that I hold and the arguments that I make! I am prepared to defend these to the point that I am happy to identify myself for who I am! I am happy to use my real name! I am happy to use an avatar which is a real picture of me!

    So, once again, does the truth hurt me? No, not nearly as much as it seems to hurt you!

    But, enjoy your weekend anyway!

  4. avatar Lairedion says:


    Thanks for your appreciation. You have a nice weekend too!

    Greetings from a brown-skinned half-bred ilk 🙂

  5. avatar dewaratugedeanom says:

    Rob said

    Or at least be creative like some of our other brethern like the ukulele playing poet and dangdut singer, Achmad! At least he has gone to the trouble of positing a real looking avatar.

    There is no comparison between Achmad Sudarsono and me. Unlike Achmad, who is a pencak silat instructor, poet, ukuele player and sexy dangdut singer from Purbolinggo – or is it Purbalingga – I am a dreadlocked, bodybuilding, sweet-talking and ever-ready Kuta-cowboy from Petulugunung, who in between servicing the ladies and venting his frustrations in IM about politically correct bules, spends his free time roaming the internet for pornographic material involving kangaroo’s, dingo’s and overweight sheila’s.

  6. avatar GJ says:

    Sweet!!!………………………….My long lost twin bro!!

    Cheers Mate.

  7. avatar rima says:

    dewaratugedeanom, you had me at “ever-ready”.. lol

  8. avatar janma says:

    I am a dreadlocked, bodybuilding, sweet-talking and ever-ready Kuta-cowboy

    I bet i know you…..

    janma (smirking)

  9. avatar Rob says:


    So, why don’t you use an avatar that more obviously reflects your attributes and charms?

  10. avatar ecky says:

    Ok all these comments made me wanted to read the book badly….

  11. avatar Tony says:

    So, who will write the book on how to get a “Rich Indonesian Woman” or “How To Get A Beautiful Indonesian Woman”?

  12. avatar dewaratugedeanom says:

    Rob said


    So, why don’t you use an avatar that more obviously reflects your attributes and charms?

    Faces wither and fade from memory, whereas YinYang is for eternity.

  13. avatar Erlinawati says:

    Thanks to all who’ve contributed constructively to this thread, particularly those who’ve actually bought and read the book.
    The book’s blurb is correct. I’m a Minahasa woman (Kalalo-Manus) recently retired from a career in banking to start a business. We are now splitting our time between New Zealand and Malang.
    The book was written for Indonesian women who might like to have a relationship with a bule but don’t want to demean themselves by trawling bars and wearing provocative clothing – and thereby risk finding the sort of guy with only one thing on his mind.
    I wanted to write a fun guide for the many decent women who kept asking me how and where they could meet responsible and respectable foreigners with honourable intentions. I took my ideas to Gramedia and they saw the need for a book of hints and ideas.
    Inter-cultural relationships provoke strong feelings and it’s interesting how people reveal their characters and hang-ups about this issue. I’m not saying bule are good and Indonesian men bad – that’s too simplistic. Everyone comes with baggage and hang-ups. Many are culturally based, including the way society sees women and expects them to be treated.
    There are plenty of ratbag bule men, but in general bule come from cultures where women have equal rights reinforced by community attitudes and the law; this tends to lead to respect. That’s not the situation in Indonesia.
    Relationships are also extremely personal. The laws of attraction are complex. Stereotyping is always flawed because there are as many exceptions as there are individuals, but in a small book generalisations can’t be avoided.
    In the end we are all human beings; but culture, upbringing, education, values and expectations are, in my experience, radically different for Westerners and Indonesians.
    Exploring, working through and reconciling those differences can make for an extraordinary rich and challenging life – provided you find the right Mr Bule!

  14. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:


    I am sad to note that after reading your post and seeing comments on the book, I can only see one reason why you would write it: the lack of education in Pancasila.

    I also recommend you listen to some uplifting dangdut songs, such as “1001 macam” by Rhoma Irama, which tells of halal ways to earn a living and the choice between good and bad in worldly endeavours.

    If a bule wants to take an Indonesian wife, I suppose I should allow it, but he must take the P-4. (pancasila education).

    Other potential problems:

    * Does he have a peci and sarung for jumatan ?

    * Will he accept jengkol and pete (stinky bean) flavors ?

    * What about Durian ?

    I thank you friend. As always…

    Merdeka !

  15. avatar dewaratugedeanom says:

    Ibu Erlinawati yth,

    I am a Kuta-cowboy with an international and cosmopolitan clientele and consequently also heavily involved in the twistings of intercultural relationships. Many of the women who use my services are of bule stock and the fact that they pretend to have equal rights can sometimes lead to unexpected and tricky situations, especially when financial transactions are involved. The problem, Bu Erlinawati, is that many bule women, liberated and emancipated as they may be, when it comes to rewarding my services suddenly seem to forget all of their womenslib convictions and even expect me to pay for shared meals in fancy restaurants and for entertaining them in the confinement of luxury villas or apartments. Astaga, some go as far to insist that I open the door and let them pass in front of me.
    In this respect I wholeheartedly agree with you that culture, upbringing, education, values and expectations are radically different for Westerners and Indonesians. This is also the reason why I currently am on sabbatical from my professional duties and am writing a book called ‘Memoirs of a Kuta-cowboy’ for the benefit of future generations of the ‘working man’.
    Your advice in finding a suitable publisher will be highly appreciated. Do you think Gramedia might be interested? Given the success and general acclaim for the movie ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’, should I also call on the help of a professional screenwriter?

    Thank you.

  16. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:


    What language are you writing in ?

    I’m glad to see the tips I offered on picking up chicks in malls have helped your career.

    There’s a great Australian ladies man called “Les Patterson” whose own cowboyish career could offer some useful pointers on, “dipping the wick” with Sheilas from Down Under.

    Va Va Voom !

  17. avatar dewaratugedeanom says:

    What language are you writing in ?

    My apologies. Sometimes I get carried away, especially when I want to impress the ladies.

  18. avatar David says:

    Sometimes I get carried away, especially when I want to impress the ladies.

    It’s wasted on Erlinawati, she’s already taken, but Brenda Robertson from Hawaii may be more receptive to your charm.

  19. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    But Dewa — I meant is the book in Indonesian or English ??

  20. avatar Erlinawati says:

    Maybe ‘Confessions of a Kuta Cowboy’ would be more saleable. Good luck, should be a good read, especially if in Indonesian and English. Gramedia has the edge on other publishers because it has credibility and a huge distribution network. The downside is author support and bookstore promotion has, in my experience, been zero. It also took 16 months to publish after the contract had been signed and typescript delivered.

  21. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:

    Ibu Erlinawati Yth,

    I think the delay was due to a lack of attention given to the Pancasila philosophy and education — which is critical for purifying the Bules.

  22. avatar dewaratugedeanom says:

    But Dewa — I meant is the book in Indonesian or English ??

    It will be in Australian where the majority of my clientele resides. But no doubt translations will be soon available.

  23. avatar dewaratugedeanom says:

    Patung, something always goes wrong with my quotes. Am I doing something wrong?

  24. avatar David says:

    Dewa, should be like this:

    Then what you want to say goes after the blockquote tag.

  25. avatar dewaratugedeanom says:


    Thanks for the tip re Miss Brenda Robertson from Hawaii, but cats and dogs, especially the Balinese variety, are not my cup of tea.
    In her post she said she wants to get them fixed but I don’t know what she means by that. Could it be that she wants me to…? Oh no, astaga!

    Sorry for the trouble above. Too much dugem probably leaves its marks.

  26. avatar Patrick says:

    Hi I am a bule’ who lived for one year in Indonesia and I would definitely be interested in purchasing a similar book about “How to avoid half wit Indonesian women desperate for a Bule to marry”. Another idea for a title might be “When in Indonesia date local women for a great experience but marry at your own peril” or maybe “A Guide to Marrying an Indonesian Girl and making yourself miserable”.

    By now, you guessed it, I married an Indonesian woman and its horrible as our two cultures see marriage totally different. My advice to any bule’ contemplating marriage to an Indonesian woman is RUN BULE’ RUN !!!!!!!

  27. avatar Achmad Sudarsono says:


    Care to elaborate ? This definitely fits in to the “news you can use” category. Please explain.

    Why you miserable, Meesterr ?


  28. avatar Janma says:

    Or maybe I should write one on “how to get rid of a bule man”……
    I think I could fill a few pages…

  29. avatar Lairedion says:


    Indeed you should give some examples of the perception differences you experienced. As Achmad said it could be quite useful.

  30. avatar Rambutan says:

    As Achmad said it could be quite useful.

    …and entertaining…

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